topic ANXIETY- how people view you in Anxiety

ANXIETY- how people view you

white knight — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 04:08:43 GMT

With anxiety we are so wrapped up in our misplaced energy we find difficulty in walking in another persons shoes, to view us warts and all.

I've stumbled on such a topic. You can read the full site if you google "11 Things People Don't Realize You Are Doing Because Of Your Anxiety"

Here is my summary of this great write up, most of it is paraphrased due to word limits but you'll get the picture. We as sufferers should try to visualize what others see with the effects of our illness. We might be suffering but so are others in that they are trying to work us out or walk away due to the effort needed.

1. Declining invites but you might want to go

The debilitating feeling of the date approaching, so overwhelming you cancel it

2. Obsessing over trivial things

An unintended word or a glance can upset your mood. Others would be confused that you are noticing such minute distractions

3. Go to bed late, wake up early

There is a cycle. Wake up early tired, over thinking things and mental exhaustion sends you back to bed.

4. In every situation, the worse scenario is you biggest thought

This is really the negative thought side of you. Everything is bad, your health, job etc the problems are magnified

5. Rewinding conversations in your head, over and over

You tend to say the wrong thing as you are anxious, so you rewind to examine if you said something wrong. Often you haven't said anything wrong but your mind haunts you of the possibility

6. When someone shows concern for you, you become more concerned about ...you

Means if you are not well and it becomes noticeable then you must be worse than what even you thought.

7. That you are to blame for not replying straight away

If someone doesn't reply immediately you cringe because you are anxious. Their attention could be diverted or are bad communicators.

8. Freaking out when the future is talked about

You hide from the future as the present is difficult enough to deal with whereas others are excited about it

9. Comparing others success at the same age

You see others as successful. You aren't envious just worried why you have reached such sstandard

10. You punish yourself over common mistakes that humans make

All the while others allow it to slide as they accept its natural

11. Too exhausted mentally and physically to get out of bed

Anxiety burns energy to the point where you stay in bed unable to find the strength to rise.

Thanks. Tony WK

ANXIETY- how people view you

CMF — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 06:05:43 GMT

Another great one Tony,

Number 4 hit home for me. It's funny I was thinking about this today...how do others view me. I do know someone who had anxiety for a couple of years and felt that everyone avoided him and stopped contacting him because he was saying no to invitations and was withdrawn . He said people avoided him because he 'looked sick'. I knew he was not well but i didn't think he 'looked' sick.

I'm a little different. i think people nowadays are busy with their own things. I do think people drop off because we are non responsive but i think everyone is wrapped up in their own lives. I don't believe they are overthinking us. I go to the same coffee shop every day and see the same locals. I have only started to open up to some of them about my anxiety and they have been surprised to hear of how i have been feeling. When i see someone i put on a smile and have a chat. The brave face comes out, not only because I'm forcing it but because i am genuinely interested in talking. These people have no idea of the torment i feel. Maybe i'm good at hiding it?

baby Steps

ANXIETY- how people view you

white knight — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 14:24:09 GMT

Hi baby steps

There are talkers that cant stop talking about their illness and there are private sufferers that wont ever mention it...and everyone else in between. I dont think negatively of any of them. We are all different.

Same with " showing" our pain. A smile can hide heaps of tears.

You are doing well to hide yours until you are ready to reveal. Such comfort zones you can lower when trust comes.

Your advance is remarkable. You might not think so though.

Tony WK

ANXIETY- how people view you

MyProfile — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 14:51:23 GMT

Hi Tony,

Thanks for the post. I often wonder and worry how others perceive me once they know of my anxiety. I wish it was the sort I could hide, or that I could somehow take it back along with the side effects it's had on my life. I guess I don't feel I can trust anyone.

ANXIETY- how people view you

blondguy — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 15:51:48 GMT

Hi TonyWK

A great post and a chance for many people to do a 'self check' too

I like all of the points....they are all spot on!

I am 'trying' to help two people (not on Beyond Blue) that have most of your points.....especially #6 and #7

Your post is an excellent means of obtaining some clarity with this awful disorder

Thanks Tony. Nice1

Paul

ANXIETY- how people view you

white knight — Sun, 12 Mar 2017 04:30:27 GMT

Yes Paul its interesting these authors that break things down so we understand easier.

MP. I understand fully your trust issue. Google this one

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

And

Topic: want to be a hermit?- beyondblue

Regards

Tony WK

ANXIETY- how people view you

Muddlee — Sat, 18 Mar 2017 03:08:34 GMT

Hi white knight,

Awesome post as always. Can relate to almost all of these, but for me 3, 5 and 9 the most. [3] Used to have the worst sleep routine for about 2-3 years. Early stages couldn't get to sleep for hours, then later on would stay up till 2-3am until I finally felt wound down and woke up at 1pm. Finally, starting to build a good sleep and wake up routine and starting to acknowledge the importance of a good nights sleep as well. [5] Probably the worst culprit. Used to be almost paranoid about saying the 'right thing' to strangers, friends, family even my therapist. Only now am I starting to realise how these 'perfectionist' beliefs just made me rigid, apprehensive and frustrated. MAKE MISTAKES - best way to socialise. [9] Probably a recent one for me. I look at all these other people at uni who have got 'better' jobs, internships, results etc etc. Starting to realise that that's their 'versions' of success and that worry about them only makes me more worried and distracted from my goals! For me, good mental health, finishing University and travelling the world is on my agenda.

Muddleee

ANXIETY- how people view you

Maggie2 — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 06:20:42 GMT

Yes. This is a very good post. Thanks for sharing Tony WK. It frustrates me the lack of empathy people have for those struggling with anxiety and read your behaviour in a way that best fits their narrative.

I did an explainer video for my family about my anxiety and how it feels and what they can do to support me. One of the pearler responses was:

"I think this is unfair as you have never spoken with us about your anxiety before. You have left us to try to understand what's happening to you and why you're being unreliable, hostile and downright rude. "

Yup, my anxiety is "rude". Thanks. I'll file this one under "Why I'm too anxious to come to family events".

ANXIETY- how people view you

white knight — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 23:13:35 GMT

Muddlee

Arhh yes, you get it,your personal goals and your perception of what success is not....based on others success.

Maggie

Great response. You reminded me of a thread l wrote (google)

Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

If we craft wit we answer people with less words and show them the contempt their attitude deserves. I make no apology for that. Many people are ignorant towards the mentally ill but some also blame us. Like blaming a paraplegic for not walking. I detest it.

However, if they show effort and regret its an opportunity.

Tony WK

ANXIETY- how people view you

Shannon21 — Tue, 21 Mar 2017 05:24:48 GMT

Hi All,

I am new to the forum and am struggling with the issue of how people will view me when they find out about my anxiety issues. I have hid them from almost everyone in my life, including people that I live with, as I don't want them to think less of me however, I have recently come to a point where my behaviour hasn't been able to be hidden - the feelings have been too intense for me. It's been coming out at work and at home - which I think is a sign that I need to deal with it more effectively. I'm just really afraid of being judged for it. How do you move past this? Any suggestions are appreciated.

ANXIETY- how people view you

Croix — Tue, 21 Mar 2017 08:05:40 GMT

Please excuse me Tony whilst I talk to Shannon21,

Dear Shannon21~

It's great that you thought to reach out here to the Forum. As someone who has had chronic anxiety - along with other matters - for a very long time I think it was brave thing to do. If it was me in your shoes I'd know even before I posted what the effect on me would be - sleeplessness, maybe panic attacks, worry over posting, its effects, how I'd appear - even if I'd get any answers.

Well this should be one hassle less. Welcome. Here are lots of people that have been in the same situation and want to help you.

Anxiety is an illness, the same as any other and needs to be regarded in the same way. It is not a personal weakness or character defect, it is just something that strikes. Mine came from a specific cause. I don't know how or why yours started and kept going. Nobody who understands illness could possibly think less of you because of it - any more than a broken leg.

My wife understood when she was told, in fact it came as a relief to her to know my behavior was the result of illness, and that she had not been either the cause, or making things worse. She was my greatest support.

Do you have people that care about you? Is there anyone in particular you think might be someone you can talk to? - (Lets leave work out of it just for the moment).

You do not mention being treated, though you've had the condition for a very long time. You also say it is now getting worse to the point where it is noticeable.

Would you like to say what some of the symptoms are for you and which ones are getting worse? Also are there particular things that set it off? Which ones do you feel people are now noticing?

If you are not being treated, and are like me, you do need to go to your doctor and ask for help. I've found I needed to set things out on paper at my leisure first and then go though them with the doctor in a long consultation. He may give you a health plan with meds, visits to a psychologist and therapy.

Anxiety is treatable and can respond well.

I'd like to ask you a favor. This is a general thread and I think you would be better off in one of your own - more people see it that way.

Would you like to make your own thread here in the Anxiety section of the Forum and post more about yourself and what's happening?

You will be met with understanding

While you are at it you might like to check out The Facts menu above and also other similar people's threads.

Thanks

Croix

ANXIETY- how people view you

white knight — Tue, 21 Mar 2017 09:48:29 GMT

Hi Shannon

Yes writing your own new thread.

You need to be careful with expectations of those without anxiety. People cant see it, they cant connect your anxiety to your behaviour and they frankly, in their mind, cant spend the necessary time and empathy to help.

This is why we flock together because we are birds of a feather.

On the other hand there will be occasions when you feel its right to expose your issues. Do so without talking too long about it. After all there is not much they can do to help.

If they dont understand thats ok. If they abuse you tgen thats not ok. Google

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses?- beyondblue

Tony WK

ANXIETY- how people view you

blondguy — Tue, 21 Mar 2017 10:07:50 GMT

Hi TonyWK

I can relate to # 1

1. Declining invites but you might want to go
The debilitating feeling of the date approaching, so overwhelming you cancel it

That is another great point. I havent had anxiety attacks for about 20 years.

Anticipatory anxiety (of an upcoming event or date) can be a pain in the rump. Frequent counseling has helped a lot but since anxiety is partially chemically based, I wouldnt be surprised if I had some 'scarring' after working so long to minimize the day to day pain of this awful disorder as well as I have

Great thread TonyWK

Paul

ANXIETY- how people view you

white knight — Tue, 21 Mar 2017 13:17:20 GMT

Hi Paul

That mental scarring was told to me once that it could be ptsd. Who knows, l never pursued it.

Other effects caused by medications and stress is fear of schedules. The need to feel free daily rather than appointments approaching. Although alarms on my mobile have helped.

The goals l had some years ago was 1. Remain functional at all costs. Being admitted to a hospital was not on my agenda. This meant lifestyle changes. Country living for example. 2. Research. Nightly I'd read internet articles, it meant discarding some rubbush but overall I benefitted 3. I would never under estimate my conditions and their ability to return quickly 4. Get my meds stable. And so on.

This is why I promote self help as being as important as any other treatments.

Recovery is a chain. Some links are thin like self help, others thick like psychiatric care and meds. The thin links are as important as thick links as they hold all others together. A full recovery chain can eventually lift ones spirits up from the well of mental illness to the sunshine where we can smile and relax..

Tony WK