topic New Guy.... My Storey in Anxiety

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 09:43:28 GMT

You guys can call me CK after reading this forum its made me understand that theres so many ppl struggling today in society, just like me.

Ive got what id call A tuff Social Phobia

It all started in yr 7 at primary school, yeah i was rather quiet always had a timid side,but ive never had trouble making friends. In yr seven i got a new Maths teacher and Maths wasnt my best subject, once in class i couldnt figure out a question so the teacher brought me in front of the class and would make fun of me and the kids would laugh. The next time he did it i got up to write on the board and my right hand shook so bad i couldnt stop it and i couldnt write straight. Everyone thought that wasnt the funniest thing they ever saw. Ever since then ive never been able to fill in paperwork in front of people, its something i wont even contemplate.

Now as the years have passed im 40 yrs old now, and the funny thing is, ive done alright for my self, as ive got older ive managed little ways to hide it. I have a good high paying job, own a house too, but there is still a demon that i believe will be with me forever. For example i still avoid certain situations like the plaque. Relationships.. yeah ive had a few but whenever they get close i usually git ride of them, as i think if they ever see me shake, they will think less of me and leave me, so i do it before they do...im sick of being lonely, i had dreams of being a father and having a good healthy relationship...

Its not all doom and gloom though, like i said i lead a good life, i believe ive done well for myself. I have found that training helps me alot, so i do Crossfit 6 times a week and that really helps me too.

My life saver..... thats what i think....Ive seen dr, ive tried all the meds , all they did was zone me out. Then one day i had a differant dr then i usually ses (Just a GP) and she was a freething dr from Sweden. I told her about my shaking issues , and she said have you ever heard of Beta Blockers? we had a long discussion , she said thats what Actors and Musicians use to help them with stage fright. Any way they have changed my life, if i have a meeting or have to go somewhere, i take on 30 mins before and im good to go. Theres a catch though, they take 30 to 40 mins to work, so if i get sprung without notice, i get the shakes..

By the way.. the teacher who made fun of me, at the end of yr tried telling me it was for my own good, didnt he understand he ruined my life....

Peace CK

New Guy.... My Storey

Celestia_M — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 09:54:34 GMT

Hello CK It's nice to meet you.
For starters I want to thank you for opening up and sharing your problems with us, you're very brave to do so.
I'm sorry to hear that about your high school teacher and quite surprised at their reaction.. I imagine it must've hit you hard since you were so young. But shakiness is quite normal it's simply the body's way of reacting to nervousness or fear so it's not too much to worry about 🙂

I'm also very glad you aren't focusing on simply the negatives, staying in shape can really improve your state of mind and mood so that's very good you are staying healthy.

I can't say this with complete certainty but I wouldn't encourage hiding your concerns.. OF course I understand when someone says "It's okay, open up" It is very easier said than done but keeping them contained will slow down your recovery.

Please stay healthy and take good care of yourself 🙂

-Celestia

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 10:09:32 GMT

Hi Celestia... thank you for your kind words, as you say that shaking is just a natural way of reacting to fear, but its hard for someone like me to understand that, because when someone see me get nervous, i think that they think im a loser, when im not.

New Guy.... My Storey

CMF — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 10:29:37 GMT

Hi CK and welcome,

Thanks for sharing your story, it was inspiring and positive. What an awful teacher, I'm sorry you had to endure that and suffer with the repercussions. It's great that you found the right dr, she was brought to you for a reason, to help you through.

You say you've done well in life, I'm so happy to hear that and well done. You pushed through and you made it. As far as meeting someone, I think when you meet the right one she won't judge you because you shake when you write. The right one will hear your story, understand what you went through and be there to support you. I think also you will know when it's the right one and you will feel comfortable sharing your story.

I wish you all the best. I sense you are a gentle soul. Someone will be very lucky to meet you one day.

Baby Steps

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 10:53:20 GMT

Thanks Baby steps for your kind words...

Ive learned over the years to build up a good defense for my issues, for instance by having nice things in my life makes me feel better about myself, which has a roll on effect as i know i need to work. And i know it sounds really vain, but by trainging and seeing my progress in the mirror helps me alot too.. It gives me a reason to never give up..

New Guy.... My Storey

CMF — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 11:15:44 GMT

Hi CK,

Doesn't sound vain at all. We are allowed to be proud of ourselves and our achievements. We need to love who we are first so we can love others. We all feel better and if we have nice things in our lives and the way you go about it, you so deserve it. I like your attitude 🙂

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Thu, 02 Mar 2017 05:55:36 GMT

Thanks Baby Steps....... i feel alot better even though ive only been here a day, i knw that there are people out there that have problems as i do.

New Guy.... My Storey

CMF — Thu, 02 Mar 2017 11:27:12 GMT

Hi CK,

i'm glad to hear you're feeling better and I see you've been helping out on other threads 🙂

Yes, there are many here with things to deal with, it is a beautiful community. Have you seen the BB cafe n the social zone? Many of us 'drop in' and post there just to have a chat about anything and everything. We had a 'party' there nye as a few of us had not much on, it was great. You're very welcome to join the thread with us. Of course you can still post here whenever you feel you need to.

its great to have you around.

New Guy.... My Storey

Pink___White — Thu, 02 Mar 2017 14:13:58 GMT

Hi CK,

For around 8 years I had a similar problem, my hands would shake almost 24/7 but I was able to cover it so I felt that it wasn't totally noticeable for others around. However, similar to you, when in situations where I had to sign things or write in front of anyone, I almost couldn't hold the pen from shaking so much and my writing would almost be unreadable. In school when doing public speaking I would struggle to read out my speech because my hands would be shaking so much I couldn't read my speech properly. In some cases people made fun of me, and in other cases people were more concerned about me and were quite understanding. It definitely does not help when people make fun of you, and is scarring for future experiences. So its awful that you had a teacher treat you like that and be so unaware of the adverse effect it had on you. I've had a semi-breakthrough since slowly working on my anxiety and being prescribed medication which has reduced my hands shaking as badly as they used. Which helps me feel more in control.

There is no doubt that you will be able to settle down and have a family, I'm sure if you found someone you truly felt comfortable with they wouldn't make fun of you for something you cannot control without medication so far. I know how self conscious it makes you, but over the 8 years I learned to become accepting of it and not over think about it. I know it may not seem like helpful advice, and if anyone said that to me before I probably wouldn't have thought too much about it and thought that it wouldn't make a difference. But when it occurs and you accept that its happening and don't focus on it too much, which often draws more attention, I find people tend not to focus on it too much. They may ask if you're okay and ask something like "you're hands are shaking pretty bad, are you okay" and I would say "yes, I'm fine thank you. This happens a lot, its not something that I can totally control yet". And they're usually very understanding and it makes the situation easier.

Of course, for different people there are different causes to what makes their hands shake like they do, some have underlying health conditions which cause it, but for me I have realised its my anxiety and unnecessary adrenaline which is the main cause. So along with daily exercise, I find relaxation techniques to have also helped. Which you can adapt to those situations where you're caught off-guard.

Hope some of this helps x

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Fri, 03 Mar 2017 07:02:45 GMT

Thanks for your kind words Pink + White

Its amazing to hear that someone has the same issues as i do, wow i know that sounds really bad, as i wouldnt wish this Phobia on anyone. Ive just never met anyone yet with the same thing. My hands have never shook full time, its only when i have to do something in front of someone, apart from that you would never think i had an issue. You are absolutely spot on when you say ppl tend to not always notice as well.

What i should also mention too, is that alot of my work involves doing paperwork. Its hard to explain , but if im not aware of something about to happen, and an Admin girl comes along and goes can you sign this, my hands will be as steady as a rock, why.. Well because ive not had time to think about it and let it manifest, if that makes any sense. On the other had if a boss goes, can you tomorrow go here go here and when you get there you will have to do an Induction before you go in, i will be an absolute mess that day. A total mess, but like i said thats when ill take a Beta Blocker and that calms me right down. Its funny when you take one, you still get ya scary thoughts they dont go away, but it slows ya heart beat down and i find when that happens i dont shake.

Anyway im going of on a whole other tangent here, but its great to here from you and thanks for the advice...

New Guy.... My Storey

Pink___White — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 05:24:49 GMT

Hi CK,

Its always a sense of relief when you meet people who have similar issues as you. I haven't met anyone whose hands shake as bad as mine from anxiety, but even hearing from people who have their hands uncontrollably shake when in those particular situations you experience it helps make me feel less abnormal.

I too know all too well about overthinking things and how awful it is. But when you're overthinking, everything seems realistic and rational. From what I remember from your first post, you're overthinking seems to be heavily related that you will experience where you will embarrass yourself in front of people and that you feel they'll make fun of you and that causes you to get anxiety when put in those situations. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist? I don't know if you have been suggested this before, but I feel that you would really benefit from seeing a professional who you can discuss your past experiences with that awful teacher with and they will be able to work through it with you and give you techniques to help practice.

I cannot stress enough to you that your hands shaking is not something to be embarrassed about at all, and that you shouldn't let it get in the way of your relationship with someone. Everyone is different and I'm sure the people you have been in past relationships with wouldn't have though any less of you if they saw your hands shake - instead would be concerned and make sure to support you. I think you'd find it would be a rare occurrence for the person you're in a relationship with to make fun of you or think less of you for something like this.

Before situations where your medication has not set in or situations where you cannot take any medication, maybe try the technique of tensing your muscles and then relaxing them - particularly your hands. And even practice it several times a day. The results probably won't be immediate, but the best results are achieved over time! Also try challenging your negative/scary thoughts - its not always easy and takes time, but it also really helps with overthinking and your anxiety.

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 07:12:53 GMT

Hi Pink and White.. Hope you had a great weekend..

Where to start, well ive seen 5 Psychologist over ther the years, the first 4 didnt really help at all. All they did was talk ans just felt like i was getting nowhere, but the last one i saw made some big inroads. After about 3 months of sessions , we were talking about how i feel when at my worst and he says to me

Well you didnt die from that did you? A Panic Attack will not kill you he goes, and think about all those times in your life youve been in that position, somehow your still here arnt you? He went on to say that it only bothers me because i care about what ppl think of me, when i shouldnt give a shxt , because ppl should take me for who i am.

Thats when i realised i can only fix this myself, problem ive got is im very Vain and care about what ppl think of me. So over the years ive got better and better to where with med help (Beta Blockers) and alot of help that he gave me im able to do things i could never do 10 years ago. Hell the job i do, wouldnt even dream of it, but i still get the odd relapse here and there.

Meds......... for years off and on ive taken Antidepressant meds, and all they did was make me worse, id come home and cry for no reason, wouldnt leave the house apart from work or to see family or close friends. Just my opinion but id rather live in constant fear then be on that stuff again..

Thanks alot for your perspective.. much appreciated CK

New Guy.... My Storey

Pink___White — Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:36:14 GMT

Hi CK,

I had a fantastic weekend, thank you. I hope you had a great weekend, also.

Its a shame to hear that you saw 4 psychologists that you felt were unable to help you, but it sounds like the advice the last one you saw has stuck with you and you are still trying to adapt to your everyday life. It definitely helps to do research and know about panic attacks, the causes, the physical symptoms and what they are occuring. It helps to challenge negative thoughts and overthinking. I assume the psychologist gave you information on panic attacks to give you a greater understanding? Working on self-confidence is not something that happens easily, but it sounds like you are slowly becoming accepting of what is happening and are aware of areas you need to work on, which is an important step. And its great to hear that you've made improvement since seeing someone. Its good to reflect on how far you've come, hopefully it has helped with your confidence.

I understand your views on medication, since being formally diagnosed with all pretty much every type of anxiety two years ago, I was very worried about being put on medication. But I was lucky to have a GP that understood my concerns with being on medication and did not want to put me on anything unless absolutely necessary. And I've only recently been given temporary medication for moments when I absolutely need it. But I still try not to depend on it.

I hope you continue to make improvements, because you've already make great progress. Also another thing I do is use affirmations when I get anxious, its very much like challenging your thoughts. I'll give you an example of mine that I say to myself in particular situations: "I am in control of my body, and in control of my mind. Medications are a temporary solution, hospitals are there if necessary but they cannot do more for me than I can do for myself. I am physically healthy, as proven by recent tests and scans, this is a false fight/flight alarm. I am in no real danger". You have already stated a few good points to for your own affirmation in you last post.

Anyway now I have gone on a tangent! I hope some of these suggestions help. You seem like a great person and I hope to see you continue to move towards overcoming these problems to a point where they're manageable and aren't having a big impact on your everyday life.

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 05:36:43 GMT

Thanks Pink + White

Another area i let myself down is when i have a victory, because i only get nervous in certain situations im usually ok, but if a boss comes to me with paperwork to fill in and ive not had a chance to think about it 9 times outta 10 ill be steady as a rock. My problem is i dont pat myself on the back and say well done, you beat it today, instead ill say shxt like, next time you wont be so lucky, or, you only did that cos you didnt have time to think about it. I need to celebrate those small victories.

Thanks for you kind words and encouragement, and i hope we can push each other through this.

New Guy.... My Storey

Pink___White — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 12:19:11 GMT

Hi CK,

Yes you definitely need to celebrate the small victories! They all add up to the larger victories, and I find are often more important to focus on and celebrate. But its great that you're acknowledging that its something that you don't do enough and another area to work on, so I now hope that you celebrate the small victories, no matter how little they may seem.

I'm glad that you appreciate my responses, hopefully they help you in some way. And I look forward to hearing about your further progress, because you've already made great progress so far.

New Guy.... My Storey

Diana35 — Tue, 14 Mar 2017 08:18:48 GMT

Hey!

Thanks for sharing your advice sometimes you think you are dealing with it alone but there is so much support and advice out there and its great to come on here and be able to share with others going through the same thing, i do have great family support that i am very thankful for. Mine hit me more so a few months ago it had been a rough two years in my family with nearly loosing my mum and my relationship fell apart. I lost alot of friends in the process as well. I have a plan in action and there is so much support on here.

Will Post More Soon. Always have Hope xoxo

New Guy.... My Storey

Slipstream_SS — Tue, 14 Mar 2017 08:46:32 GMT

Hi Diana35

Thanks for the encouragement Diana, there is so much good advice here that i feel can help everyone. I too have a plan for this year, and part of that is to get out into this big world and start doing things, and being more social.