topic Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!) in Anxiety

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 14:25:30 GMT

Hi Everybody. This is just one tip that may help save your job and reduce work related anxiety too!

I had many years of GAD (free floating anxiety) and employers just never understood or cared. Unfortunately profit comes first before a junior or senior employee with an anxiety disorder (not always of course...there are 'some' decent employers that understand)

If you are stuck explaining your anxiety to your manager/supervisor let them know that you have 'this occasional claustrophobic condition' that you get 'even in big spaces'. I have used it successfully many times...It may help you stay employed where telling the truth is not an option

This works because there is the stigma associated with 'GAD' or 'Anxiety' or 'Panic Attacks'
This works because managers understand what claustrophobia is....'they get it'
If you have a meeting or a car trip as a passenger and your anxiety is spiking....let them know about your 'Claustrophobia' not your Anxiety
Your job security will be enhanced as 'Claustrophobia' is very understood....Mental Illness unfortunately isnt..........yet...

If you have pro-active managers that are understanding re mental illness then please ignore this post....(and good on you!)

This post is for people that suffer anxiety disorder that may lose their job/career and need a more 'comfortable' way of explaining it 🙂

Your thoughts/opinions/queries on this method of informing non caring employers are Welcome!

Thankyou for taking the time to read my post

my kind thoughts

Paul

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

SubduedBlues — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 07:32:17 GMT

Hi Paul

That advice is golden, thanks for sharing.

SB
(it'd be nice if there were something similar for Tourette's)

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

Guest_9809 — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 08:53:31 GMT

Firstly, I'm not quite sure whether I qualify to post on this thread, as I am no longer a new poster. I've been around now for a couple of weeks. Are you only after the opinion of new posters? Regardless, since I'm here I'll give you my opinion anyway.

I am not in favour of lying about my illness. As far as I'm concerned, I either tell them what ails me, or I tell them nothing. No middle ground. I am not in the habit of being dishonest, and will not deliberately tell my employer a fallacy, even at the cost of my job.

If it is proven that I am not 'up to' performing the duties that I have been employed to do, then it wouldnt matter whether I was suffering from depression and anxiety, or claustrophobia! Ultimately an inability to do the job, no matter the reason, results in the loss of my job!

I am a little surprised that you appear to be encouraging people to lie about their mental health. I thought BB were trying to educate people about mental illness and to reduce the stigma that there is over mental health. Surely being deceptive like you are suggesting is not helping the cause?

Taurus

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

SubduedBlues — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 12:28:08 GMT

Taurus

I really don't think Paul is encouraging people to lie about their illness, rather providing an alternative excuse as to why they all of a sudden feel like the world is closing in on them. Each of us is different and everyone experiences Anxiety differently, but I can definitely see the symptomatic similarities between the two conditions.

Regardless if we are 100% or something less than that, if we are not performing in our duties we could lose our position. My interpretation on Paul's advice is to provide them something that explains the symptoms they are experiencing, as not all employers are as understanding as others.

No one should have to tell their employer about their condition, whether they do tell or don't tell is really up to the individual. With my TS, for years I would explain the tics away by revealing that my grandma's brother had Parkinsons and that it's in the genetics. Where that piece of information is the truth, allowing the boss to draw a conclusion that my body shakes and twitches were somehow caused by that was misleading; and therefore a lie. Tourette's is hardly understood by many doctors, let alone lay people. Why should I have to tell employers that I am handicapped? Particularly if it doesnt effect my work.

Well, that's my two cents
SB

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Sun, 06 Nov 2016 00:20:43 GMT

Hi SB and Taurus 🙂 Thanks for responding.

Taurus, I used to say anxiety disorder to employers and my job usually disappeared within 2 weeks. Claustrophobia actually has identical symptoms as an anxiety attack anyway. Im just trying to help people increase their job security thus their ability to pay their rent, bills, food and to have a reasonable quality of life instead of being on Newstart. (New posters are welcome as well as regular posters too) 🙂

SB, You are right about Tourette's, I wish there was an 'alternative' to explain it, making your job more secure and feeling more accepted. Its unfortunate that we cant be comfortable just saying what we suffer from. Ive been trying to stop the stigma re mental illness for years but we seem to be a long way off where employer empathy is concerned.

My Best, Paul

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

BballJ — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 12:11:12 GMT

Hi Paul,

Great post, i recently changed jobs (went to another company that my old manager currently works at) and had to do a medical as apart of the hiring process and in the medical they asked about any mental illness's so i disclosed my anxiety and seeing a psychologist. My manager rings me a few days later (My manger is also my mentor, we have a great relationship) and said "i just want to discuss some results of yours" and bought the anxiety and psychologist thing, my anxiety went into overdrive thinking, I wont get the job because of this and what would my boss say and he just simply said, "I just wanted to call and see if you are ok and if you need anything, you can talk me" - That was a breath of fresh air. So yes, having a boss who understands is amazing, but I can also see how having a boss who doesn't is very tough and frustrating so great advice on this post Paul and I hope it helps some people out with their work places. Mental illness sufferers certainly don't need the added stress of not being comfortable in their work place because they can't fully disclose their mental illness.

My best,

Jay

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Tue, 08 Nov 2016 22:24:55 GMT

Hi Jay and thanks for posting 🙂

You are so lucky to have a boss that cares for his people, not just the bottom line. Nice1

Really appreciate your understanding of why I wrote this post.

my best

Paul

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

sagebrush — Thu, 17 Nov 2016 13:45:05 GMT

Hi Paul

Now you tell me... I'll have to use this next time I get a job.

Was fired for my anxiety (well not officially), but once they found out about it, I was gone in 4 weeks. Took them to court and got a payout, but still. Nowhere near having a regular income.

Cheers,

John

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Thu, 17 Nov 2016 22:09:13 GMT

Hi John

Thanks for responding!

Your situation is identical to mine. I do feel for you with your employer 'moving you out' which is very common.

I had difficulty attending huge exhibitions and getting on a 737 for interstate travel just wasnt on so I had to 'get around these events' by saying I had claustrophobia. (which is anxiety anyway)

If you can get the job without discussing anxiety thats a bonus, and then deal with any triggers for anxiety one at a time. It depends on what you do for a living of course.

you are not alone here John. You are more than welcome to post back when convenient for you

my kindest

Paul

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

Moonstruck — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 23:00:42 GMT

Hi again BlondGuy

I just posted a decision I made in High Functioning Anxious People if you want to take a look. But to continue on this thread of thought....there is no way I could tell my boss (casual part time, I work from home) of my extreme anxiety which is getting worse, (because of the job and more responsibility being heaped on me to help him keep his business afloat) I know he relies on me more and more, though he would never admit it (has a huge ego and keeps up a facade, cannot bear the idea of his "retiring" although well past the age to do so).

As I write, I am procrastinating about beginning work for today - I have things to do - and am paralysed. I have no interest in it, have done it for so many years I cannot summon up the energy to even begin. Other traumatic events in my family, personal and physical health areas have taken their toll.

I cannot switch off and get this work done.

I could well get to the end of the day and have accomplished nothing, the work will build up until I am swamped at the last minute. I sit here, wasting precious time. I cannot begin. I don't know what to do - I am needed to complete this work - there is no one else to take my place and fill in for me.

I need tips how to "get on with it" today, right now - the longer I sit here wasting time, the more i beat myself up about my weakness. The type of work I do requires decisions, ideas, and creativity - if it was just copying typing or filing stuff away, more robotic and assembly line.....I could do it. I am in a bad way today, re this work....... sorry Paul.......

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 23:48:19 GMT

Hi,

This is a great post and so important to start the conversation -

For me personally, I never had that conversation because I never felt that I needed to. I was very lucky in that I developed a good relationship with my managers quickly; so it was pretty common for me to go to them just to say hello and kind of build that trust and connection first so they knew how much I did value my job and want to work there.

I think eventually they caught on that I did struggle with mental health issues (just like many of us do) but it was never a conversation we had directly. I think a lot of people forget to that as employees we do have so many rights in the workplace to protect us even when employers or managers aren't supportive.

When things came up that affected my anxiety or depression, I often tried to negotiate around it; so for me working on switchboard (multi-line telephones and direct customer service) intimidated me more than working in a quiet office, so I talked about how I work better in those sorts of situations. This is kind of easy for managers to understand because everyone has different situations or environments that they just work better in.

When I did have to work on switchboard (or do anything that stressed me out or caused high-anxiety), I tried lots of self-care strategies so that I could manage it as best as I could. Sometimes that was uncomfortable - I would start work earlier and leave later so that I could feel caught up on things, or I'd have to leave the office and sit in the rain just so that I could be alone and process things - but at the end of the day it was worth it because I was putting myself first and making strategies so that I could work as best as I could.

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Sun, 27 Nov 2016 11:33:48 GMT

Hi Moon & Romantic

Hi Moon: I know you are in bad space and I agree with you, there is no way I would let my employer know as the end result would be to our detriment. I hope that you can find the right doc to help you with your pain Moon xo

Hi Romantic: Thanks for responding too! If its okay if I quote you on something you said " I was very lucky in that I developed a good relationship with my managers quickly" Nice1 Romantic and thankyou for your clarity on this one

Moon....I havent been on for a while with family issues..please excuse the delay....I know you have some very real issues happening with your anxiety which are the same as I used to have so I get it...Can I ask how often you are bugging your counsellor/GP?

(Hugs)

Paul xo

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

Moonstruck — Sun, 27 Nov 2016 22:52:20 GMT

Hi again Paul....I was seeing my psych/counsellor each week, then down to every 2 weeks....have been making good progress so we left it a month to check if I was handling the changes I decided to make (e.g. telling boss I was finishing up in near future etc)...my next appt is tomorrow actually.

I KNOW it sounds stupid..in fact the height of stupidity!!..but I sort of "don't want to disappoint" the psych....by telling her when I slip back so much..we were making progress and I felt much better....I sort of feel I'll be "letting her down" if I don't continue getting better!!

If I tell her how low in spirits I have been. How often the words"despair, help me, pain, disaster, confusion, depression, powerlessness" have appeared lately in my journal I keep, usually daily.

Have you heard of anyone else doing this with a Dr or Counsellor before? Not wanting to "disappoint them" by slipping backwards?

(I did get the work started the other day and coped with it OK as usual (on the outside) anyway)

thanks for your valuable support (as usual)....Moon S x

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Wed, 30 Nov 2016 12:37:38 GMT

Hey Moon, your therapist is there for you which you know anyway 🙂

With all respect you therapist wont know how to 'heal' you if you are giving false indicators about not wanting to disappoint her/him.

They are there to heal (best results over many visits over a long period of time) and not to judge you in any way.

They are there to help you but they wont know you are slipping backwards if you dont let them know. What you are going through is common and yes there are many who dont say how low their spirits are and how hard they are doing it.

The less you tell your doc, the longer the recovery period Moon. Keep doing the appointments and I hope you can say it how it (really) is.

Always great to talk to you Moon xo

Paul

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

Moonstruck — Thu, 01 Dec 2016 03:49:02 GMT

Yeah I know that Paul...and you know that I know....I will do it properly I promise.....my last appt couple of days ago went well, she has been good to see and talk to and I told her that.

I am glad the experience has turned out to be a positive one for me. There was one sentence, sort of a "throw away"line actually...I won't say it here as it wouldn't pertain to anyone else probably...just a general comment that had a profound effect!

It was a simple observation, quite commonplace probably to other people.....that simply had not occurred to me before!! I got home and thought..."Fancy that! I never realised that before! I never considered that possibility before about myself!!" It's proved a very useful sentence for me ever since!

just goes to show the power of our words, even in casual conversations sometimes.

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Thu, 08 Dec 2016 08:40:54 GMT

Hey Moon

Thanks for getting back and apologies for the mega delay in responding to you...Ive been offline for a while

For your visit to turn out be a positive one is a mega bonus and good on you. You have always been smart and know what to say and do. The power of words I often underestimate.

Good news is always a huge bonus Moon, I really hope that you are doing reasonably okay 🙂

Paul xo

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

CheeseSlices — Thu, 08 Dec 2016 08:56:22 GMT

I have lost every job I ever had over anxiety. And it has always been a big fat "told you so" from doctors and all others who know I tried. I usually last 6 months, end up in hospital, and then off for months until I want more to life than being housebound/hospitalised. It never works out. I need to heal first, and that will take years 😞 I never stop long enough to heal, because I can never afford to fund healing with no work.

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

Moonstruck — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 01:25:53 GMT

You make a very good point Cheese Slices. How can we heal if we have to add severe money worries and struggles to simply survive materially - to the list of mental challenges? Can I ask if you have received any understanding or support from Centrelink? You do need time to heal - do they, and employers realise this I wonder?

Having Difficulty Telling the Boss About Your Anxiety? Try this! (New Posters Welcome!)

blondguy — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 10:21:21 GMT

Hi CheeseSlices

Im sorry that your anxiety is that severe. You must be in a dark place with the intensity of the anxiety symptoms

I was broke years ago and had acute anxiety (couldnt leave the house) It was awful. I contacted my local council and they sent out a mental care worker who ended up being a legend of a psychiatric nurse. They wanted to see me weekly for six months which I did.

There was no charge and they got me back to work, but I to stick to their plan of weekly therapy.

These forums are rock solid secure and safe for you. Even if you just wanted a chat, you are are not alone here in any way.

Moon Thankyou for posting about Centrelink and being here 🙂

my kindest

Paul