topic EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH in Anxiety

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Thu, 19 May 2016 13:29:19 GMT

Hi there,,

im very distressed and anxious about my health 😞 basically having intrusive thoughts and ending in full blown panic attacks! Which ended me up in bed for weeks and crying like no tomorrow.. This is hard Journey for me, as the thoughts I've never really experienced like this, harming my children or thinking I'm a pedophile or something stupid like that, it freaked me out. So I started to fight these thoughts out of my head which didn't work, and it snow balled. I felt like I was going crazy!!

Anyway, since then I've been feeling guilty about these thoughts and can't quite shake it off, I'm seeing someone and it's helping but today in particular in finding myself like every other day googling my symptoms, to the point where I'm so anxious I'll keep going until I'm satisfied 😞 I hate it it sucks!! It's like an addiction constantly googling shit to "find" or "self diagnose" I've also been suffering some sadness, but j avoid those feelings and just "keep going" with life you know? I've adjusted to my partner doing FIFO 2/1 and it pretty much happened a week after that, which didn't help at all really... It triggered me off. Do I take meds if I'm feeling really miserable,? I have constant brain fog as If a black cloud is in my head, no clarity or anything 😞 it's debilitating 😞

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

blondguy — Fri, 20 May 2016 01:21:36 GMT

Hi Shivers88

Welcome to the Beyond Blue community

I have had severe anxiety and then depression for many years shivers. I do understand where you are coming from.It can be a mongrel of a place to be in. Google is a gold mine of information but with anxiety/depression I would'nt go near it as it can make your symptoms worse as the information is so very conflicting. Even with regular visits to a doc/therapist I wont go near it.

If you scroll to the bottom of this page you will find different topics that can be a huge help. Have a look under 'The Facts' and have a look at the Anxiety & Depression Checklist This checklist will save you much pain and provide you with a better understanding of your symptoms.

Meds can and do help if your doc suggests you go on them. They are not a 'total fix' .....They provide us with a platform on which we can heal and use the therapy/coping mechanisms to do so. They do take away the severe lows though. I have been on AD's since 1997 for my depression and have never looked back.

It is debilitating Shiver..I would get back to even your GP today and like you have done on the forums 'reach out' and say that you are stuck. You mentioned that you are seeing someone which is so great. Beyond Blue also have qualified counselors 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 if you need them .

The brain fog with dissipate..and your clarity will come back. Please stay away from the Google machine at the moment..Way too much conflicting info that may not even apply to you Shiver

You have great strength to post. You are more than welcome to write back as many times as you wish too!

There are many wonderful people on the forums that are sufferers just yourself..I hope you can let us know how you go

Kind Thoughts

Paul

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Fox_tail — Fri, 20 May 2016 01:48:10 GMT

Hey Shivers88

I am pretty much like you, I believe many of the anxiety sufferers are like that too - we self diagnose to the point we think we are a doctor, walking in and out of the chemist where it becomes part of our groceries

I have been to many GPs to check my "illness" not believing many doctors until I found my psychologist.

My psychologist said it's the worse thing to do on googling illnesses and especially when you look at medication side effects (which is unlikely to happen) could be bad enough to freak yourself out. Find a trusted GP/psychologist and talk to them they will give you solid advise or as Paul said check out the Beyond blue website and ring them for advises.

You are not the only one here 🙂

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Fri, 20 May 2016 12:40:13 GMT

Yeah in googling all sorts of craonits making me go crazy! And become very very distressed!

I think I had a full blown mental break down about 8 weeks ago. And I could feel my body was just running on nervousness/intense stress and anxiety, I knew i wasn't feeling great, to the point where I knew something was gonna happen, but I kept going, I literally pushed myself! And I've never experienced this sort of thing this bad, with the obsessions /intrusive thoughts, which were horrible. And they're now making me feel guilty for even thinking them!

Whats worse is today, I was constantly overwhelmed by how I was feeling I would cry evrery time, now feeling of guilt and blame have kicked in, and I'm being so hard on myself. I'm so exhausted I'm really tired of feeling this way.. 😞 I need clarity I need to be a fit mother my kids need me. I hardly have support only my mum.. Mans even still she nags and triggers me off ALOT! My partner who now works away is hardly here, I feel I'm becoming a broken record always going on and on about it.. But I want to get help and get better in dwelling in the things of the passed and also have chronic/ sever anxiety which is crippling too 😞

today a u I was tempted to take the medication prescribed to me, however haven't done so yet. I'm stuck. I feel as though in going to be addicted to them. So thinking of this makes my anxiety and exhaustion go through the ROOF! Someone please shed some light

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Fri, 20 May 2016 12:48:22 GMT

Thanks dear.

Well. I've been run down for a while and find in probably in a mentor breakdown state. Where now, functioning is impossible I can't work ATM, due to it. So it must be pretty bad.

I have good day, I have not so good day, so it comes in waves, is this normal??

Can an youbtell me your experience on medication?? And what your worse was and your best was whilst starting out on them? I was prescribed a SSRI are these good for depression and anxiety...?

As said, from the start, obsessive thought were entering in my head when I broke down and had a massive panic attack, thinking I was going crazy and beginning to think I was a psychopath.. And for a week after felt so irritable as if I was going to act on these thoughts, it truly scared the hell out of me, uncontrollable crying and just anxiety all over I was a mess! Then I started seeing a psychologist and gave me tips which have been helpful... However it comes and goes, if it's not the thoughts, it's the past, it's feelings of guilt and blame, and constant anxiety over loosing my mind or being Bi Polar or Schitz - and for this hoodie doesn't help. Mum exhausted. I really am. I want to laugh again. I don't want these thought I want to function again.

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

blondguy — Fri, 20 May 2016 12:52:39 GMT

Hey Shiver

Anxiety/depression is a serious illness just like diabetes or a severe infection....I am not a doctor but have had severe anxiety/depression since 1983 when I was 23.

I am trying to help you Shivers...are the meds AD's or sedatives?

Please do post back...I can only help

Paul

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Fri, 20 May 2016 13:07:35 GMT

No I'm not. They prescribed me a message I haven't got yet.. But it's just I am anxious in taking t as I fear the side effects and addiction.

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Lost_Girl — Fri, 20 May 2016 13:21:18 GMT

Hi Shivers,

I have been on a few different antidepressants (ADs) and off them again easily without becoming addicted. Just make sure that you take them exactly as your GP prescribes and when you are ready to stop work with your GP on how to stop them safely.

Different people react in different ways to medication. If you were to have any side effects you would just chat to your GP and they will work through it with you.

What I can say is that for ADs going on them definitely helps in being able to manage your illness better. As Paul mentioned, it gives you a platform to work from.

I recommend trusting your GP and taking what they have prescribed. I used to consult dr google too but Paul here helped me stop that too. In my experience the meds allowed me to function and there was no problem stopping later on.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

blondguy — Fri, 20 May 2016 13:34:16 GMT

No worries Shivers....I was just trying to help...I know the anxiety is a mongrel...I used to fear the side effects and addiction too...I hear you...Your health is a gift....The meds arent always addictive....The benefits outweigh the negatives ....sorry...just my opinion....

Thankyou Carol.....xx

Here for you Shivers

Paul

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Fri, 20 May 2016 21:20:55 GMT

Thanks Paul.

i suppose so, I just get things from my mother saying "DONT EVER GO ON MEDICATION" because it spaces you out. So I don't know what on earth to do basically.. Just taking naturapathic anitidepressants and magnesium to calm my panic and mind down. It helped but I stopped for two weeks cause of no funds and then went back on it.. I felt the crash. Can anyone recommend it tell me what their thought were on different medication?

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Fri, 20 May 2016 21:22:00 GMT

Hi carol,

can you recommend any? And what was it you have? Depression or anxiety?

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Jessme — Sat, 21 May 2016 09:22:48 GMT

Hi shivers,

I have the same problems you do. I have had OCD and health anxiety for about 2 decades now and I'm 28. I was in the brain fog situation about 3 months ago. It started after I googled myself into a panic attack and couldnt undo the information I had read. My advice ( seemed to have worked in the past) and was given to me by a psychologist. Don't ever fight the obsessive thought and also don't entertain it. Just let it exist. If you fight it or entertain it, it will take you on a carousel ride. This is easier said than done. Medication is only a foundation for me. I have to really work on meditating to try and break the rut. I believe Google Doesnt work to relieve worries ( information isn't objective when you have obsessions) and you'll see the worst possible outcome. There are some good clips on YouTube about remapping neural pathways explaining how negative thinking breeds more negative thoughts etc.

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Sat, 21 May 2016 11:25:20 GMT

Hi,

i understand. But I get the addiction that I have to know all the time!! Allll the time! If I don't I'm constantly worried and if I do I find out things I don't want too and then I worry more. I'm always stress driven. It's insane 😞 help!!!

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Lost_Girl — Sat, 21 May 2016 15:53:38 GMT

Hi Shivers,

I was being treated for depression and anxiety when on the meds. We are not allowed to talk about specific brands but I have tried SSRI, SNRI and a trycyclic ADs.

I never lost my "ability to feel" on any of them, nor did they make me feel spaced out. I had been worried about that side effect too. What I did notice was that the extremes of emotion I had felt before eased. So I was no longer distraught and crying all day and my feelings of despair and uselessness went away. It enabled me to get myself together to start getting better.

I did have some side effects but just spoke to the GP and worked through them. The GP was easily able to help change things to look after me.

That stressed feeling may ease too. I was massively worried about not doing housework (I have chronic pain) and the meds made me stop worrying about it - that was a really nice bonus. I am no longer taking any ADs.

I hope this helps.

Cheers,

Carol

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

katiebkn — Wed, 01 Jun 2016 10:29:05 GMT

Omg shivers 88..

I feel like I just read my own story.

So what I'm doing right now is trying to find clarity.. trying to look up to see if anyone else is like me. I have been on the verge of a breakdown all day. I am ready to ball my eyes out.

My intrusive thoughts happened a few years back... like you exactly like you about my kids..

I don't know how but after 6 months or more of being really sick with panic and anxiety I ended up getting through.

But a few months back out of the blue they came back.. I never thought I'd ever be like that again and bang I'm here.

I am on medication however I don't think it's helping as its different to what I was on a few years ago.

I'm finding being a stay at home mum is probably making it worse... I had another baby 1 yr and 6 months ago... my partner has been away and ive lived with her and my other kids alone. No probs....

Till now.... I've basically moved back to my parents because I am afraid to be alone.

I love my kids but it's so hard being around the one thing that triggers these thoughts..

Now I've fallen into a depressive Hole and can't get out.

I feel like I'm absent because I'm so stuck in my head it's like you I have to Google these intrusive thoughts to try get some answers to make myself feel better. It's like it just takes over and it won't let me just be normal. I hate it I am exhausted to hun. Really tired I just don't want to live if this is what it's going to be like.

I never thought I wld have these thoughts about my 1 year old as she really has been my strength.. it's like my anxiety wants to push away the important thing to me.

I constantly question is it ocd... I don't have rituals like checking or washing hands but it's like the thought pattern is obsessive and I Google or go on here for relief???

My counsellor says it's just anxiety.. I don't feel he is helping me at all.

I hope we can find help and answers. Much love to you xx

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Sat, 04 Jun 2016 00:27:06 GMT

OMG! KATIEBKN!

You are me all over!

Intrusive thoughts are are definietly an anxiety disorder, for me I think some of it is OCD driven but I don't have rituals mine are definietly obsessive thought, that sometimes I have that come and just go easily then others are like WOW! When I had my thoughts, it was like I was experiencing an out-of-body experience (depersonalisation) didn't feel like I was in my body then those thoughts came and bam I had a break down! I was already very distressed form partner moving to FIFO role, and making storie up in my head that he would find someone else (anxiety) and then it took its toll! I was in bed for 2 weeks, being around my kids would trigger the thoughts off, and I'd sit and cry in bed and feeling sorry for them and I'll feel guilty as those thoughts were never true but I couldn't make them go away. I was lucky mum was here, because it was almost like a feeling of compulsion where you don't know what the thoughts would lead too yeah? I would almost have to stop myself and shut myself away cause the feeling of them thoughts were so strong an unbearable. I have since then had therapy and natural anti depressants, which have helped me with anxiety and getting out and actually being with my kids. I'm much better now, that's not to say I'll have another attack soon, as this was only 2 months ago. I've also had alt of things that's happened in the passed. And even my own partner can set my triggers off. Which leads me to be a worry mess, angry, irritable and impatient. So I'm doing prolonged psychotherapy Hun, and it's helping. Have you tried meditating? I can give you tips of guided meditation and apps that'll help you maybe?

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

katiebkn — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 10:20:25 GMT

Hey hun thankyou so much for getting back to me.. sounds like we have experienced the same thing..

I haven't been on here for a few weeks because even though it was always in the back of my head it wasn't taking over. .. until today..

I was driving to see my partner and it's a long drive..

Bang I had a thought like what you were saying about a compulsion.. but because I cldnt lock myself away I started to feel like I was going to have a panic attack and then I'd calm myself down then it would come back... so on and so forth.. felt like I was only half there when I saw my partner..

Drive home was ok coz I knew I was going to my mum.

But I felt like when I got back to mums I was really grumpy and depressed and I couldn't enjoy being with my mum and little girl but I do feel safer being with mum. How shit is that.

That I can't be on my own.

I don't know how or where to get help.. I don't know who is good to go to with ocd..

I know I have anxiety but from what I'm going through and it sounds very similar to you.. it sounds like ocd.. well I hope it is ocd..I know that sounds funny but it's better than being what I fear I am. 😞

Another thing I can't watch much news.. If I here anything on sexual abusers or murderers I start to feel panic like what if that's me.. what if what I'm feeling and these thoughts is going to end me up like one of these psychos.. it really fkn scares me. Now I feel even more horrible admitting that.

Please if anyone can give me some contacts for counsellors that I cld benefit from that wld really help.

It was really nice talking to you hun and I wish you the world of happiness.. I'm always here if you wanna vent.

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Lost_Girl — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 10:55:17 GMT

Hi Katiebkn,

It must be hard going through this.

Why don't you give the BB helpline a call on 1300224636 or start a chat or email (scroll down to see link at the bottom of the page). They should be able to point you in the right direction.

Alternatively you can pop into a GP and have a chat and they should be able to give you a referral.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Shivers88 — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 13:52:24 GMT

Hi KATIEBKN,

hun you're not alone! What you just wrote then, is me all over. I get that way when I drive alone or even when I'm driving alone with kids, or kid.

I hate hate wathcing the news I get prone to panic attacks and anxiety as I think that some of these nurderers and Pheodephiles, that are on the news I constantly think OMG what if I become one of those, and kill someone, or what if I hurt my own kids etc it ruins me!!!! I absolutely hate it. You know when I started gettig these thoughts id search the internet high and low to see what it was related too, I frickin thought my life was over I though I was a psychopath literally.

I freaked out in panic once again. No could be around kids even when my mum isn't around I get slightly frightened to b Alone with kids etc. not so much now but earlier it was soooo bad girl!

im more relaxed now and I do mindfulness meditation which help me create space for these thoughts.

Anyway a u I found a blog with a lady who had the same thing as U.S., I couldn't even rea sit , I was that scared!!! I thought I'd she something like, schitzophrenia, psychopath, sociopath, or bi polar.. I didn't tn is what to think. I started reading up OCD and it started making more sense. I still sometimes get these thoughts and obsessions and still think at times what if' what if that. It turns out I've had OCD for ages. Obsessive thoughts, mental undoing, mental resetting, along with Gad! It's very distressing babe! And it is just anxiety! Ring BB and ask for a referral! The more therapy the better of you! I chose natural meds too! Good luck.

ps: how you feeling today?

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Cornstarch — Fri, 01 Jul 2016 09:52:19 GMT

I may be reading too much between the lines and may be wrong. But your posts scream trauma to me. Not depression. Not anxiety. Not OCD. Not all the other DSM lingo bingo jingo we all like to Google and self-diagnose to find answers, but trauma. Possibly you have both, that is very common and should never be made light of by anyone. If you do have both, a biological/genetic thing as well as trauma, that requires help from a qualified professional who has seen it all.

Intrusive thoughts are very common with depression. Something that I've always observed is women who have post natal depression can never ever ever forgive themselves for the thoughts they had whilst unwell, of harming their baby. They never recover from that thought. But as it is a common feature, there has to be some sort of biology going on. Why would they all be the same? Who would sign up for that willingly if it wasn't based in something physical?

But trauma is not depression. For arguments sake lets take the classic childhood trauma of sexual molestation/assault just as a descriptive device. We could use any form of childhood trauma to illustrate this. Intrusive thoughts can be nothing more than residual traumatic thoughts that were entirely appropriate when you were being assaulted by a pig. Yes, we are highly evolved beings but we have mammal rage inside of us for a reason! To defend ourself! And if you couldn't defend yourself at the time, the pathetic hope of wanting to, can spring up from deep inside as a shameful thought of harming someone. These thoughts can lay buried inside for decades. The same way a memory can pop out all of a sudden years down the track after the trauma, so can the thought. The same way that your muscles can tighten in the precise way you tightened to attempt to save yourself, so too can the thought that you had that day to fight back. Just because you are having a thought today, does not mean that it is current. Thoughts have threads behind them. And sometimes threads follow you causing confusion such as this because trauma warps time. As more and more fragments come through you become more and more convinced that you are evil.

I have my own theory. My theory is that the mind likes to choose the least awful assumption. It is more palatable for your mind to hate you than it is to see the situation in full light. It is too intense. So to grab the hand break the self turns in on it self. Then it doesn't have to examine the abusers. Engage professionals.