topic Questioning my anxiety in Anxiety

Questioning my anxiety

Alf1234 — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 10:54:41 GMT

Hi this is my first time posting on a forum about anxiety. I've spent a lot of time reading other stories and relating to them but I guess I can't accept that I have anxiety. Or maybe more so I can't accept how bad my anxiety actually is.

I think that I deny it because once I accept it I have to do something about it and that just creates more feelings of anxiety.

I am posting today because I've had a very bad day that I realise I need to at least do this.

So my anxiety I guess is social anxiety. I also feel I have some paranoia issues and of course leading to depression. My first memory of anxiety was in year 6. I had to do a speech for the school captain and I actually felt that sick I forced my mum to let me stay home to avoid it. From there I avoided high school public speaking by not going to school and ended up leaving in year 9 only because of my fear of public speaking. When I turned 18 I started using drugs to deal with my anxiety before going out and that became a weekly occurrence to the point I couldn't go out without drugs. I met my now wife when I was 19 and she slapped me silly and got me completely off drugs by the time I was 20. From there I slowly stopped hanging out with my friends and slowly stopped going out with her. Now I am 28 and still with her and have a son who is one and both of them are the greatest. Unfortunately I know how lucky I am but I struggle to feel any positive emotions .

This weekend I have an event coming up with her family and I am just imploding. I haven't felt awake for a couple of days and today I just hit the bottom. She was trying to be positive about something And I got angry about it and from there I spent the day in my bedroom thinking about the type of person I am when I am feeling anxious. And none of those thoughts were good.

I don't know what I can do about it. I can't face people I don't know so the thought of going to see someone about this just makes me shut down and refuse to deal with it.

I feel like I am just a waste of good life. I am achieving nothing. Doing nothing. And not being who I feel I'm ment to be. My life is just suppressed and I don't get to feel strong positive feelings only strong negative feelings.

Any ideas on where I can/should start will be appreciated.

thanks

Questioning my anxiety

Wandmaker — Sat, 31 Oct 2015 13:38:11 GMT

I don't know if it will help, but the first time I started to talk to someone about anxiety, I chose someone who did phone appointments, it made it a little easier to chat to them over the phone from my own house so the whole process of having to work up the courage to go see them wasn't there.

Questioning my anxiety

Wandmaker — Sat, 31 Oct 2015 14:17:11 GMT

I should add this was several years ago and I was very anxious about wasting my time mostly around work and not doing the things I wanted, because I let everyone else control what I was doing. I talked to a Life coach, and she really helped me sort things out.

Questioning my anxiety

Bluey_moon — Fri, 13 Nov 2015 14:01:03 GMT

Hi Alf1234,

Have you ever seen a psycologist or the like before?

It is very hard to admit anxiety is a problem, I can relate to you there. I wanted to be the best wife / mother / friend / sister ect and I felt like admitting I was struggling ment I had failed.

But there come a time when I couldn't deny it. And you know what, it was the best thing I did.

It sounds like your wife is very supportive!

Do you feel comfortable going to your Gp, firstly?

This is where I started. Then I got referred to a psycologist ( and went on a mental health plan, so my visits were subsidized by Medicare).

I also saw a psyciatrist who was able to diagnose me with GAD and obsessive thinking. For me I've start back on an SSRI (antidepressant), and slowly I am getting there .

Maybe you could take your wife along, if you felt more comfortable.

For me eating better, working, and I'm going to start exercising! Have you tried a hobby where you could mix with small groups of people for a start?

Keep us posted.

Skye