topic We all need love and compassion in Anxiety

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Sat, 05 Dec 2015 20:31:18 GMT

This post is appropriate to the depression forum too.

From reading posts on here, from one or two friends and from my own experiences, I am staggered at the horrendous suffering we experience with mental illness. I could cry for us all. And in a way I should because we have to be the compassion for each other. What we live with is unseen by others and so unaccepted. Despite caring family and friends I do not feel a true part of society. Take care, all of us xx

We all need love and compassion

Guest_1055 — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 21:28:54 GMT

Hey Helen

Yeah I think it is easier for us sometimes to give compassion to other people, because we know what it feels like. I too just burst into tears...... I hope you are getting along OK today.

xXxX Shelley

We all need love and compassion

Neil_1 — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 23:47:20 GMT

Dear Helen

It’s always lovely to see your posts and I enjoy writing to you here.

With this short but very well written post, I’m sensing that you’re doing it rather tough at the moment – if not for perhaps sometime. If this is the case, then it’s awesome that you’ve been able to come here and post.

I read with a smile that you do have caring family and caring friends, that is great to know and can and should be of a great comfort to you. But before I go on, I will say that though we do have this (and while it’s absolutely awesome to know and to have), quite often our depressive state will over-ride whatever positives that this can have for us. The power of the depression can be so dominant and while we can have good mechanisms set in place, the depressive state that surrounds us can make our daily living like – like it’s just bloody hard. Words kind of escaped me then.

Now Helen, sit with me here and listen – are you sitting? Good. Now, what’s this baloney about (hey, have you ever noticed how similar the word baloney and balcony are? – and two words very diverse in their meaning – whoops, slight digression) you not feeling a true part of society?

I would like to lay down some money and THEN raise you some to say that you are a part of society. You live, you breathe and therefore, you are. And if you are, then you are a part of society. Your own society. The one that you know, the one that you share your world with; the friends, the family, neighbours, the local shop-keeper, the person who rode a bike the other day and you waved at them, the person who opened a door for you recently, or you did for them. It is all part of society.

Now I could really hook in big time here and write masses more, but I’m suspecting that I should shut up for the time being and send this off. But I will really enjoy receiving a response back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 15:48:50 GMT

Dear Neil, thank you for your lovely post. I felt very moved. Yes you're right, we are part of society. When my mood is down I find it hard to feel as though I belong. But then as you say depression overrides all the good stuff. Tbh when I'm well I feel really positive about myself. A bit like you sound in your post - upbeat, keen to help and happy to laugh at myself. You really like people, it's clear, and so do I. If the people in my life knew I felt that I wasn't part of society they, d be shocked

. I was doing fairly well but in July a good friend took his life. This has affected me badly. I was improving but last month I had a minor health worry. For me, minor means big.

But I shall be positive for a moment. It's the least I can do after your lovely post. This evening (it's 4pm in Scotland) I am going to the pictures with my son. I was going to say no but I know it will do me good.

So thank you for your post and hopefully soon I will be in a better place. Helen

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 15:56:37 GMT

Shelley Anne, thank you for your post. Life's a bit tough just now. It's nice to meet people on here who are so supportive. How are things with you? I haven't seen your posts (sorry).

Take care, Helen

We all need love and compassion

geoff — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 02:24:57 GMT

dear HelenM, the title of this post is something we all long for 'love and compassion' our absolute desire we hope that could be reciprocated, but sometimes love only goes one way and we wonder why, and when it doesn't happen the disappointment is enormous, actually it's grief on how we feel, and rejection is a word that destroys our own confidence and self esteem, because all we want is love and companionship, that's not much to ask for is it, and why should we have to beg for it, because when we do this, it's not true love, is it.

The same applies to when someone we know or love so dearly can't reached out to us for help when they are faced with a difficult decision, or when they are in mourning about a person who is either struggling or who has decided to take their final option, because this is where the love and compassion should kick in, to help their dear friend or family member.

So is their a difference when we are in a situation where we need help, absolutely no, but we are too scared to tell someone, someone who we have helped for their own problems for such a very long time, so this is the time when we really need help.

We can't reached out with an invisible hand to get help from someone, they need to actually see our hand, because there are people, friends or family that dearly want to help you, because the word 'love' can be said, but it has to have meaning to it, and there are people who mean what they say. Geoff, x

We all need love and compassion

Neil_1 — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 02:58:58 GMT

Dear Helen

Hey, what movie did you go to see? Oh, and how old be your son?

And I hope you enjoyed it … and was able to zone out for the period that the movie was on. I also enjoy going to the movies with my fam – but as long as it’s something good.

Yes, I thought I recalled that you were posting earlier a couple of months ago about that awful tragedy. Minor health worries – for me that would be a sprained ankle, so anything more than a sprained ankle should be major, or big. I hope things have settled down a little for you, but I guess you’d be well aware that the times ahead will be a bit like a rollercoaster with regard to your friend. Times you’ll be improving and then there’ll be something that’ll bring you plummeting down. As long as you know this, that can help a little – that’s what grief is and does, I guess.

And hey, if you’re not in a better place in the near future, just remember that you’ve got heaps of friends and supporters here. I would also guess that you’ve got your own support people and mechanisms in place in your lovely place in the world. Hey one thing, I bet you’re getting a hell of lot more rain than what we do over in this part of the world.

And now that I think about it, you’d be moving towards your winter, would you not? What temperatures do you get down too?

Isn’t weather a great levelling topic – it happens every day and can quite often be talked about without too much stress and anxiety; well, just in my opinion.

Neil

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 18:41:15 GMT

Hi Geoff On here compassion abounds and I think we can trust people to not judge us. In the real world it's easy to mistrust people even when they're genuine. I always feel I'm an equal on here. Sad to say but with the exception of people I'm close to I don't feel that way anywhere else. I

think iit's great you've been on here for so long. I hope you keep well most of the time. Helen x

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 19:40:57 GMT

Hi Neil

I love your posts. It's like a big dog bounding up to you from the river, shaking itself and giving that look that says, life's great isn't it. This is a compliment believe me. Your posts always make me smile.

My son is 35. We went to see Sunset Song. It's a beautiful story set in the East of Scotland during the first world war. It was very moving and my son had to listen to his mother snivelling.

I'm very up and down as you say. I've got a really good husband and a few supportive friends. My son is very pragmatic so he'll loan me his car or suggest going to the pictures or meeting up for coffee. My daughter comes each week with her three year old twin boys who I love but wouldn't want to be a full time carer like some grans.

Weather! Now there's a subject. We get various types : rain, torrential rain, showers, light rain, intermittent rain, apologetic rain, driving rain. When it's not raining it will be a bit dry. In the summer if it's not raining it might be quite warm. The wind is usually at brolly breaking strength but not tree breaking. We don't get a lot of snow these days owing to global warming. Any thunder and lightning storms are just not up to the task. But there are areas of Scotland I've seen that take my breath away because the mist or rain or whatever make them wild and remote and although I've been to a lot of countries I've seen the greatest beauty here. That's enough talk of weather. I could go on all day. At the moment it's winter. It gets light at 8am and is dark by 4pm. I've known it to go as cold as - 20 but that's very unusual. Just now it's about 1. Sad person that I am I've really enjoyed talking about the weather, maybe because it affects our lives so much. Bye for now, Helen x

We all need love and compassion

Neil_1 — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 23:25:23 GMT

Dear Helen

I LOVED your weather portrayal, it was awesome. I really got the picture of every type of scenario that you presented (oh ok, except for the apologetic rain). We’re in our daylight saving mode at the moment, so the evenings are longer with it not getting dark till around 8pm-ish. Temps are getting to around 30 degrees at present – I do like the warmer weather, so at least that’s something for not to be too unhappy about.

So for me, you can wax on lyrically about the weather as much & as often as you would like. I did even shiver at some of your images of places where it’s so wild & remote & with strong winds blowing & rain beating down – that’s my kind of weather – to view through the lens of a camera via TV documentary.

Ahh, the old ‘moving & emotion charged’ movies – yes, it’s amazing when they can bring forth our emotions. Here’s a big recollection from years gone by. I went to the movies (drive-in movies) with my bro way way back – to see a Jon Voigt movie “The Champ”. I must have been in my early teens, so it was long long ago, but I won’t put a spoiler alert in, just in case you haven’t seen it. All I will say is that near the end of the movie, I had to turn away & look out the passenger window, so my bro wouldn’t see my tears falling. Oh wow, another lovely recollection of my bro & me together – if you’ve read other posts of mine, you’ll know he’s no longer with us, “Thank you Helen” for letting me share that little snippet. But as you can imagine, it wouldn’t have been very mucho at the time for him to see me with tears streaming down my face.

I’ve gotta say Helen that I really loved your image that you portrayed of me. It almost reduced me to tears that you should say something so wonderful like that – I really took it as you suggested it, but the tears came close because for me in the real person, that seems so far removed from how I really am or feel. I think cause I’m fighting with my own hell hound a lot & it leaves me feeling empty, sad & just downright low.

I guess that’s a good reason why I come here – so I can punch that mongrel black dog in the nose for a short while & while he’s backed off for a bit, I can launch myself to reach out to others & to provide help & ‘be in their world’ for an ever so short time.

So I shall simply gallop up beside you & give you the biggest shake of my body possible & grin stupidly at you & say, “I dun good, didn’t I”. 🙂

Neil

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Sat, 12 Dec 2015 19:04:06 GMT

Hi Neil A quick post as my head 's in a bad place and I can't cope with computers. I'm sorry you have to live with depression. I thought that perhaps a lot of the time you kept well and your illness had receded. You always come across as upbeat. I hope you're doing okay just now. Actually in the charity shop where I help, customers think I'm so happy. It's a face. Helen x

We all need love and compassion

Neil_1 — Mon, 14 Dec 2015 00:10:48 GMT

Dear Helen

Head being in a bad place is never good. I know all about that – and of late, it’s been very tough.

I actually have severe depression, anxiety and ptsd. So with the combo of those three things, it makes life not so much fun.

Being on here helps me in a way – as I’ve suffered for so long and for so many years, and I feel as though I’ve had my share (and am still experiencing my every day difficulties), that I might be able to contribute here to try and advise or assist others … if I can. Failing that, if I type how my brain thinks, then I can often quite often go off on different tangents and that may have the effect of amusement for the reader. I know that when I read back sometimes stuff that I’ve written, I do wonder what things I’m taking or smoking; but alas, I’m only on my gp prescribed meds and no other weird and wacky concoctions.

Yes, I know all about the ‘happy face’ or the ‘depression mask’ that we wear – pop it on at various times of the day to hide away how we really are.

I hope that you’re feeling a little better today – and also that your computer is playing more friendly as well. And if so, please write back, as it’s always great to hear from you.

Neil

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Tue, 15 Dec 2015 21:24:31 GMT

Hi Neil, It's evening here, Wednesday evening. Dark, cold, rainy.

I was going to post this morning but my head usually works better in the evening and as for the computer, it works, I just don't like them. I'm not a fast thinker but even I find them slow. Plus I'm always doing things wrong.

Is the dog in the picture yours. Bonny, wee thing. We have a middle size dog. She looks a bit like a dingo. We got her from a dog home and she's thoroughly spoilt.

I'm sorry you've still got your problems with the black dog and friends. I think the black dog comes in different sizes. Some people have a poodle to manage. I've got a rottweiler! That'd be an interesting question. What's the breed of your black dog?

Let me know how your weather is so I can be jealous.

Helen

We all need love and compassion

Neil_1 — Wed, 16 Dec 2015 02:40:12 GMT

Dear Helen

It’s early arve Wednesday here; pretty warm outside, but also a giant storm is building up in the West – it grumbling quite loudly, so if it does come over, we’ll have some very heavy rain in a very short space of time.

Temps here of late have been hitting just the low 30 degrees, but by this weekend the forecast is for 36 degrees both days.

A bonny wee thing … I LOVE that; 🙂 Yes, well she was my Mum’s dog, so we’ve now had her for over a year now and she means the world to our family; she’s 16yo and is so very cute with the most amazing and cute personality.

We also have our own 11yo, Jack Russell/Kelpie cross; so if you can imagine a kelpie sized black and white dog and that’s Jack.

What breed of dog is my black dog? He’s a Hell Hound – large and scary.

You wrote something about you do things wrong, or I guess make mistakes. Wasn’t it Billy Joel who wrote and sung about how “You’re only human, you’re supposed to make mistakes”. Everyone makes them, or at least does things wrong. It’s the aftermath with that can always be a key thing for moving forward. The process of learning from what we’ve done wrong. So on that subject, I’m always learning.

Dark, cold and rainy in your area – sounds like a great time to ramp up the fire inside or simply slide under the doona and hopefully listen to the rain (if you’ve got a tin roof) – not many better sounds in the world than that.

Kind regards

Neil

We all need love and compassion

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 16 Dec 2015 02:50:17 GMT

Hi Helen,

I've seen this post a couple of times and I've just not quite known what to say.
You're right, we need love and compassion and when we find it we feel so lucky. I feel like here I can say anything and nobody looks down on me because they *get* what I'm talking about.

I especially like that here, people understand the sadness that comes with realising your anxiety and/or depression is rearing it's head again. When I'm well my black dog is miles from my mind and life is good. But I know when it's coming, I can feel it approaching like a rising storm and its so scary.

Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day I come here and feel a sense of ease because I know I'm ok here. I also find that replying to other people's threads helps, because it reminds me of the steps I need to continue taking too.

I hope you find some of the same sort of solace here.

We all need love and compassion

Guest_5218 — Wed, 16 Dec 2015 03:36:30 GMT

I've also been following this thread for a while, but never contributed to it before.

Neil, I was very taken with your comments regarding the weather. I actually love cold, dark and wet weather - perfect to snuggle up in front of a roaring open fire. I miss that, as it doesnt get cold here even in winter, at least not compared to where I used to live. And yes, I also love the sound of rain on a tin roof. At least we still have one of those here! We just had a big thunderstorm pass by here too. Lots of noise, and heavy rain, but thankfully no hail and no wind. I believe Sydney has copped a tornado earlier today.

Like you Neil, I also suffer from anxiety and ptsd. But I only have mild depression thankfully. Nonetheless it does not make for a very happy combination most of the time. Definitely many ups and downs along the way. If we are lucky enough to find love and compassion, along with understanding, then it definitely makes the 'downs' easier to take.

Thinking of you all with affection.

Sherie xx

We all need love and compassion

Neil_1 — Wed, 16 Dec 2015 22:41:43 GMT

Dear Helen (& Chicken Wings & Sherie)

So awesome to have you join us in this thread – always great to have others chime in. In this site, I think many heads are better than one – and our heads are all so well aligned, that it’s easy and comfortable being here as we know each other is not travelling well and so there’s no need to be worried about how we feel here. Gee, I knew what I wanted to say there, but I hope it came out ‘ok’.

Weather first – yes, we got a couple of decent storms yesterday, rained ok at times and yet other places close by either got lots more rain or barely anything at all. I guess that’s the thing with storms … they can be very hit and miss. But holy smoke, yes I saw that Sydney copped a battering yesterday, very wild winds and big rains, etc.

That was awesome to read from Chicken Wings, I believe who wrote that coming here can be a helpful experience and great to read that by posting to others it is also helping as well. I feel exactly the same way.

Plus we know how rife this awful illness is and so each day we have new people coming here and no doubt being scared about it all, as well as being a bit scared about posting on here for a first time. So that’s always a good feeling to reach out to those people and to try and calm down any fears they may have and to offer some help, if I can think of something ok to say.

It then gets back to what Helen’s thread is about ‘love and compassion’ – and as important as it is to hopefully have that out in our real lives, by coming here we can get a very real feel of that on Beyond Blue as well.

I don’t know where I’m really going with this, so I may just finish up here and wait for the next post.

Kind regards

Neil

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 11:05:09 GMT

Hi Neil, CW and Sherie,

Neil, l love your posts! They are so inclusive which is mega important as most of us feel excluded in the 'real world' even when we're not. In fact that 's where my head often is - feeling I'm not as good as others because I've failed again. Then if I feel well I suddenly feel as good as everyone else.

Sherie and CW, it's so good to see you both. CW, that's exactly what I feel, nobody looks down on me here. What is it about mental illness that makes us so ashamed. Sherie, there's nothing ,only, about mild depression and as you say you have other problems. Also, Neil I love talking about the weather, I'm the Scottish weather woman on the site.

Me doing the weather:

Och, well it's a wee bitty drizzly just now, and by early afternoon we're in for some awfy heavy showers so you'll no be putting your washing out.

Love to everyone, Helen

We all need love and compassion

Guest_1055 — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 12:42:47 GMT

A....... yeah me too, I've been reading this thread as well. It's a bit like a long interesting story. I have sort of met all of you before so hello again. But I have not come across you a lot Helen, and I really wanted to say hello, and give you a warm hug. You seem so,so nice. Do you have a strong accent, because that is how I imagine your voice to be.

Don't know what else to say at the moment though. So I will just say goodnight.

With love to you all

Shelley xxx

We all need love and compassion

HelenM — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 19:00:04 GMT

Hi Shelley

Thank you for saying I'm so nice. I don't know you well either but I know we've bumped into each other on here. I think there's a warmth on this site with everyone. We need each other and recognise each others vulnerabilities. I don't have a strong Scottish accent as I grew up in England. I do use the words though. My son has a strong accent, my daughter less so.

Love to everyone, Helen x