topic Build up and release in Anxiety

Build up and release

Indra — Fri, 29 May 2015 06:34:35 GMT

Today has been a particularly sad day for me. The high and low roller coaster begins to feel like the norm. I saw my GP on Wednesday and he is still pushing for meds and I am still reluctant, mainly to do with my children. I have found myself constantly pushing away my fiancée and it is usually with negativity. I constantly feel jealous or the need to check on him - sometimes I feel he gives me cause, other times it's just me. I know part of the reason was my ex husband cheated on me and there is always a fear it will happen again. He is not as interested in me as before - intimately and sometimes just in general. We don't have the easiest of lives to deal with but he knew about most of it when he signed on. I did have a moment though today when I felt enough was enough with me and told him that I won't stress on what he is doing anymore and concentrate on me. I was surprised with the reaction. Small steps forward....

Build up and release

HA1 — Fri, 29 May 2015 06:42:49 GMT

Hi Indra!

I know how you feel, distrust and abandonment is something that is very close to me and my illness.

However, you left me in suspense; what was the reaction??

Build up and release

Indra — Fri, 29 May 2015 09:40:08 GMT

Hi K,

I thought my fiancée would have show complete disinterest when I said this to him but he actually surprised me by sounding a little hesitant and just a little wounded. He isn't an overly emotional person, but it was also a way for me to tell him that I shouldn't be taken for granted either. Thanks for your response - you gave me a smile with the last line! Cheers, Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Fri, 29 May 2015 10:15:30 GMT

Hey Indra (love the user name!)

Well your partners reaction was pretty good; don't you think? Well at least there are some positive signs there.

How are you going with your thoughts on meds? In my opinion, give it a go and f you don't like the effect - cut it out (albeit with your GPs assistance). I am still popping the jelly beans, but on my way to gradually reducing them.

About that last line of your previous post, well it was like a mystery novel, I just had to know!! Lol 🙂

Keep talking, you make me smile!

Build up and release

Indra — Fri, 29 May 2015 22:01:33 GMT

Hi K,

Thank you - having an alter ego for a user name was a challenge to pick and way more interesting than my very boring everyday name lol The end bit - it's a nice change to laugh out loud, I think sometimes you almost forget to smile. My whole life I have been very serious with just cause though. I am hesitant with the jellybeans (love it - would have gone with peanut M&M's only for the chocolate haha) for two reasons. I was put on them a million years ago at 19 and wasn't a pleasant experience back then. The other reason is that I feel I need to be 110% alert as I have two special needs children, with an underlying fear of if I ever had to go back to court for custody issues I would hate for that to implicate me if it arose. Very paranoid but I am heading this way with my 2nd ex. Glad that is off my chest! Talking when I get the opportunity I can for hours lol I think as I don't get to talk to a lot of people physically, it is like a flood gate opening when I do get the chance!! Having a dark, sarcastic sense of humour gets me by too 😜😜

Cheers Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 08:41:17 GMT

Hi Indra - I hope this finds you well.

Yes, I can sense your quirky sense of humour - that is nice, so please let it our here; we need as much of that as we can get.

You do seem to be in a difficult situation with regards to meds and your responsibilities to your children. But ....., I think that if you progress slowly and carefully, you might just find the right type of meds/treatment that wont affect your alertness.

I am glad that you enjoy getting things off your chest, it is a great help. Please continue sharing. Love your posts.

Build up and release

Indra — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 12:09:21 GMT

Hi there K,

Quirk is not the word for it lol I think having a sense of humour and being able to laugh has at times kept from falling to pieces. Thanks for the advice/encouragement about the meds, I have an appointment with my GP in a couple of weeks. It has been great to connect with another cyberfriend here - it is something that keeps me motivated!

Stay awesome ☺

Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 07:38:04 GMT

Hi Indra

Saw on a separate thread that your partner walked out on you and the kids today. I am sorry, but on the other hand, if I may say so, you deserve someone better than a person who can do that, no matter what they are enduring themselves. Sorry, a bit hard, I know.

Have you had a chance to gather your thoughts about the way ahead?

I am here to continue to talk you through this difficult period - as are others. So keep posting and let me know how you are feeling.

My thoughts are with you,

Build up and release

Indra — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 07:53:11 GMT

Hi K,

Firstly thank you for your support and honesty.

I think the honesty part was lacking with my partner. I am more devastated for my boys. At the moment I am feeling numb and haven't really thought about what is next. It's just another thing thrown my way that I have to work through. I know that I will move on in time and time is something that is here.

Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 07:59:21 GMT

Ok Indra.

Just wanted to make sure you are OK.

Despite everything, you sound like you are staying strong; your children need you.

Did your partner have anything to say at all before he exited?

Build up and release

Indra — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 08:06:14 GMT

I am a bit of a mess but am keeping it together for the kids

No - he didn't say anything. His responses before hand were I don't know or he we leave and go for a walk. He never wanted to discuss anything. The only thing I can think of, that made all of this premeditated was that he had said he had somewhere to stay for a month or so. That made me realise then that he was planning to go all along. I do still think that he has met someone else - it was a matter of connecting the dots and I have been through this before. Think this will be a late night....

Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 08:14:14 GMT

Stay strong Indra !

Yes it does sound a bit premeditated. Just so you know, I have been through a partner walking out without a moments notice. I will not dwell on it, but just saying so you understand.

Anything you want to share or say, I'll be here for the long haul tonight too.

Are the children asleep yet? If they are, maybe you should rest your eyelids for a while to.

Build up and release

Indra — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 13:05:25 GMT

Thank you K and thank you for sharing. My little one has only just gone to sleep (he is not a sleeper!) It's just starting to hit home a little as I guess it's the first night apart in 9 months. I think it maybe a coffee night tonight. Feel anxious and haven't eaten - par for the course at the moment. Tomorrow is a new day ☺

Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 01:32:18 GMT

Good morning Indra!

How was last night for you - did you get any sleep?

Hopefully you are feeling a bit better today.

Build up and release

Indra — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 03:20:57 GMT

Hi K,

Not a lot of sleep last night. Today has been worse, have had to try and explain to my little one - it didn't go well.

Today it is starting to sink in more and he contacted re collecting his stuff. It was very cold - but to be expected.

A day at a time for now

Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 23:09:17 GMT

Hi Indra

How are you you coping? I sense from other posts that you are doing it tough with the boys. How was last night?

Did your partner come and get his stuff?

Take care

Build up and release

Indra — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 23:34:29 GMT

Hi K,

Not to good at the moment. Not eating or sleeping much as well. My little man is constantly asking questions which is hard.

He picks up his belongings on Tuesday, so pins and needles until then. Not looking forward if I have to see him again. Starting to think of the future with mixed feelings and I know with what you said will be better off once he has gone for good.

Thanks for checking on me x

Indra

Build up and release

HA1 — Sun, 07 Jun 2015 23:36:26 GMT

Hi Indra

sorry to hear that you are still feeling so down. I can understand that you are not sleeping well at the moment, too much going through in your head. But you must eat and stay healthy, this is soo important. But you know that already.

I do hope you stay strong for when he returns on Tuesday. I would be inclined to stay cool in front of him.

How are the boys?

take care of yourself,

Build up and release

Indra — Mon, 08 Jun 2015 04:02:31 GMT

Hi K,

My little man is really starting to feel it at the moment - just trying to keep him distracted. My older son comes home tomorrow.

I am not going to be home when he collects his stuff - it's in the carport for him to pick up. It's just better that way - I am feeling to emotional to see him. I am going to be busy rearranging finances, lease and good old Centrelink in the morning so it will be good to be kept busy.

I have made myself eat today and I actually got some sleep - I think my body just gave in.

Thank you for caring about us.

Indra