topic Do I Have Purpose? in Anxiety

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 08:19:06 GMT

One of the things I find that I get anxious about is feeling like I have a purpose, like there is a point to my existence.

I see other people living their lives and I feel like they are achieving things and have goals. I then think about my own life and wonder what I'm missing. I feel like I'm getting older and like I've missed a vital step in life. Like there is something I am meant to be doing and I'm not doing it.

Days often feel like I'm just waiting for another day to be over. I don't feel like I'm doing much, I just go to work, come home, watch tv, repeat. And then on weekends try and find something to do to fill the days.

I've been looking up meetup groups and clubs or groups I could try and join, but it all feels kind of weird and pretend.

Has anyone else struggled with feeling like they have no path or no purpose? How did you combat it?

Do I Have Purpose?

Zeal — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 01:19:47 GMT

Hi Chicken Wings,

Having a purpose (or purposes) in life is crucial for happiness. However, it is different for everyone. One person's purpose may be something broad and non-specific (such as to live as kindly as possible), and another's might be to change the face of the mental health industry! Your purpose doesn't need to be lofty, adventurous or impressive 🙂

Try not to compare your life to others. I realise that this is hard, especially with social media. Many people have a tendency to compare, which can unfortunately be really unhelpful. Your daily routine sounds very reasonable to me - many people are like this during the week. Having social activities and hobbies on the weekend is good, and it's great that you've been looking for groups and clubs.

I struggled for years after graduating from high school. My purpose now is to finish the one year left of my psychology degree, finish my behaviour technician training (which I have just started) for my job role next year, and to learn to drive. I'm 22, and avoided getting my L plates until this year! I ideally need to drive for my job, so I now have more motivation (and a bit of pressure too). Anxiety was what held me back for years.

Do you enjoy your job role? If there is something you want to learn or do, is there a way of making it happen? I keep thinking to myself that one day I will learn to play a musical instrument! I cannot even read music, so this would feel like a big accomplishment for me!

If you want to talk more, just post again in this thread 🙂

Best wishes,

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 02:08:43 GMT

Hey SM,

I actually really like my job and I'd say I'm pretty good at it. It's challenging and lets me be creative but is also fun sometimes. My workplace is also a really good environment. Sometimes I whinge about it, but in reality, I think I've hit the job jackpot for now.

I know that social media isn't a realistic reflection of life. I don't think my comparison happens as much on there as it does just knowing and seeing people. When I visit friends homes or chat to them at events. They seem so at ease with how their lives are going. I don't think I necessarily envy their lives as I envy their contentment.

I guess I've always wanted to learn another language. I always say I'm going to learn German or something, but so far I haven't done it.

I guess I question how someone determines what it is that gives them purpose? I have friends who are mothers and they seem to be fulfilled by that. Other friends are more into taking part in politics or trying to create change in the world. Other people are all about work.

For a long time I was all about work, and the other stuff was just stuff that happened, but as I'm getting older I feel like I'm missing out on something. Because at the end of the day I leave work and where some people might go home and continue their passion, I go home and watch tv or walk the dog.

Do I Have Purpose?

Mummybee — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 03:01:42 GMT

Hi CW,

what are your interests other than your job? Which sounds pretty good so I don't think that's the issue.

what did you do as a child that you enjoyed? Any sport or activity? Maybe you need something you can sink your teeth into, something you can enjoy, but that also challenges you and keeps your mind off the negative thoughts? A hobby so to speak?

when I was younger, until my mid teens, I rode horses. It was all I did when I wasn't at school, I loved it, lived for it and it gave me a purpose. When I had to leave my parents property and live in town for uni, it was almost impossible to keep it up. I'm 31 now and haven't been on a horse since I was 16. I often dream about doing it again, but with two small children, a family business and a suburban home and a part time career it just doesn't seem possible. This used to make me anxious so I found other outlets

yoga helps my health anxiety a lot so I'm really starting to get into that. I'm learning about it and practising it so I can be better each time.

I also, shamelessly admit I play a mmorpg called World of Warcraft, some say not a real hobby, but I have friends on there and when I have time I love to get on for a couple of hours and just run around completing quests and achieving things in the game. Certainly not everyone's cup of tea, I agree, but it sometimes gives me a quick break from real life and let's me feel like I'm achieving things.

i think once you've found what works for you, CW, you will feel better about your life. Try different things until you find what you enjoy. Reading is another easy one: I love books and there is a real sense of accomplishment when I set it on the bookshelf in my "have read" shelf

good luck

mummybee

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 03:26:19 GMT

Hey Mummybee,

You sound quite like me! I used to love riding when I was younger and even when I stopped I would still go with my dad every now and then. I haven't been for years though.

I do paint and people buy them, but I feel like a bit of a fraud. People tell me they are great paintings, but I don't think they are as good as people think. Its been hard to get into it lately has I haven't been feeling the creative inspiration.

I love reading as well. I tend to love non-fiction and so I've been avoiding my books lately because the stories aren't always the nicest. My "things I've read" bookshelf is a weird mixture of crime and psychology!

Don't worry about playing Warcraft! I had a little addiction to Skyrim for a while. I might start playing again when I have nothing to do. I love unlocking new areas of the map and getting things done. I don't think I'm even really finishing the game, I'm just running around doing side challenges!

I've bought myself a yoga mat. I've also bought one for my boyfriend but its a Christmas present so I can't use mine until I give him his or he will know (we've discussed doing yoga).

I love doing stuff in the garden. We tried a veggie garden last year, but our neighbour has rats and what they didn't eat the bugs ate. We're making a plan to try again, so that will provide a nice challenge. I got a bit unmotivated when I saw all my efforts eaten by creatures.

I guess its just a matter of trying things and finding something that sticks.

Do I Have Purpose?

Guest_1055 — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 06:17:00 GMT

Hey chicken wings

I too have questioned my own existence, like why are we here, and like you...... what is are purpose? To tell you the truth, I haven't find the answer yet. And I also wanted to let you know, you are not alone in your thinking here.

I think having a vege garden is a great idea, and I am sorry about all the creatures just helping themselves. That can feel so disappointing. Especially like you said, when you put so much effort into it. I made a raised garden in my backyard, and planted a patch of organic strawberries. I wanted the immature green strawberries to naturally ripen, so I could really taste the sweetness. I checked up on them often, to remove weeds and stuff. They were getting redder and redder almost ready to pick and consume.Then one morning I noticed that the strawberries had holes in them, nibbled away by some selfish hungry slug or snails. I could feel tears of disappointment coming to my eyes and a little bit of anger has well.

Well now that I have said that...... I hope you do plant out your next vegetable garden.

xXxX shelley

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 06:52:20 GMT

We're going to have to come at our next attempt with some gusto and most likely some sort of netting to keep things out.
Our neighbour has a terrible backyard include a shed that has become the home to some rats. They've been stealing passionfruit off our vine and its so frustrating.

I can assure you though, we have some mighty good compost thanks to all the things that didn't make it from our last attempt!

Do I Have Purpose?

Mummybee — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 22:52:33 GMT

I forgot to mention gardening! Another thing I love to do.

we are about to move house and I can't wait to get the garden going in the new house

I think you're doing everything right CW. You just have to push through the negative, you have more purpose than you think. Your life doesn't have to match others to be purposeful. You never know what's going on behind their closed doors.

You know that one person in your life that you look at that seems to have it all together? You are that person in someone else's eyes.

i think I read that on here somewhere

mummybee

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 04:59:14 GMT

Thanks Mummybee,

I had a psychologist appointment today and we talked about purpose.
I think I've been so scared of everything that I've been avoiding doing things. I've been scared of the unknown.

He's given me the job over the next week of really figuring out what I want my life to look like. If I could write a list of things that would mean I was happy with my life, what would be on that list?

I think its actually going to be quite hard. I know I spend a lot of time looking after people and making sure they are ok and I've not actually focused on myself for a while.

Do I Have Purpose?

Mummybee — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 07:43:08 GMT

Well, CW I think focusing on yourself is a great start!

Glad you had a visit with a professional. Sometimes just that in itself can help put things into perspective.

Good luck with it

Mummybee

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 08:29:03 GMT

Thanks Mummybee,

I think the visit threw me a bit. I wasn't expecting to cry cause I've been feeling ok, but he got me, I cried.
Hope you're doing well too.

Do I Have Purpose?

Nickname_21F313D9-3C03-45 — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 04:03:57 GMT

Hi Chicken Wings,

I can definitely relate and have asked myself the same question recently. With anxiety, it regularly feels like I'm just surviving more than living. I think for me, it is my relationships and connecting with other people which is currently giving me most purpose. You mentioned considering joining meet up groups. I have made really good friends from joining several meet up groups. I'll admit that it was a bit difficult for me in the beginning, however you often find that there are other people in the same boat as you and it gets easier. It's a lot easier if you find a group which is doing something you enjoy or are passionate about. It's one of the things that I am most proud of myself for doing because these friendships are things that get me through my struggling periods.

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 06:15:00 GMT

I'm a bit scared of the groups thing, I'm not great meeting new people. But your note gives me a bit of comfort. I'd not really considered the fact that other people joining might be in the same boat as me.

I've been looking through pages and pages of groups and I'm determined to find one I think I will enjoy.

Do I Have Purpose?

Zoostar84 — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 11:16:03 GMT

I recently had an appointment with my psychologist and one of her tasks for me was to write 10 things down that are worth living for. This is something I suggest for you to do. The next time I saw her I read it out to her and told her It wasn't very difficult for me to come up with the list. We can get so caught up in repeating the same thing everyday and not think about the bigger picture as to what life has to offer. Chickenwings.. you mentioned social media isn't a realistic reflection of life. My psychologist totally agrees with you. Social media creates an illusion that life is all fun and games, whether that be going on holidays, going to parties, graduating, getting married...whatever it may be. I have had my most difficult year dealing with anxiety/depression in
over 10 years. I told my psychologist I find it difficult to get excited about anything anymore. She asked me the last time I remember getting excited..I had to really think about it and it was xmas last year where I
felt adrenaline running through me when opening one of my presents. These situations only occur rarely. Life can be difficult at times. People have to shop, cook, clean, wash, pay bills, repay loans, drive in heavy traffic, look after family members that are sick, deal with stressful situations....and so on.

Trying new experiences such as yoga is one of the things worth living for. I plan to do it shortly.

Hope this has helped

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 13:48:02 GMT

Hey Zoostar,

My psychologist asked me to make a similar list. I'm going to see him tomorrow with it.
It was quite hard to write because I really hadn't thought so much about what I really want from life.
There are so many things that are just expected of you, like getting married, having kids etc but I'd never stopped to think if they were the things I really wanted from life.

I've bought some yoga mats, have to wait till christmas to bring them out though.
I'll see how I go tomorrow. Hopefully I will feel as good as I do this morning.

Do I Have Purpose?

Zoostar84 — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 22:09:35 GMT

Try not to feel pressured to have to get married and have kids. Not everyone has to get married and have a family to be able to live a happy and fulfilling life. I work in health and care for people that come from different cultural backgrounds and I get asked about my personal life alot. I'm in my early 30s and someone recently asked me why I'm not married? My response was "I haven't got to that stage of my life yet". One of my colleagues considers being asked about her personal life to be rude and she gets asked why she doesn't have any children and her response is "I hate kids".

What short term and long term goals do you have? What are your plans for the next 12 months? What do you enjoy or get satisfaction in doing? What do you see others doing that you would like to try, or what have you always like to do but never had the chance? These are the things I thought about.

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 09 Dec 2015 01:43:18 GMT

I work with a woman who thinks its really rude too.
I guess I'm just starting to feel it cause everyone around me suddenly has babies and is married.
There are definitely things I want, like to own a house so I can actually paint the walls the colour I want or hang a picture if I feel like it. Something to make my own.

My list ended up looking a lot more like a list of feelings I want to have than a list of things! We'll see what the psych says about that.

Do I Have Purpose?

Mummybee — Sun, 13 Dec 2015 10:55:53 GMT

You have a list though, that's the main thing!

hope you are working on it

mummybee

Do I Have Purpose?

Guest_1055 — Sun, 13 Dec 2015 16:27:44 GMT

Hey Chicken Wings, just want to say hello. I have written lists also that are mostly feelings and things like " grow closer in the heart to family members."

Hugs

Shelley

Do I Have Purpose?

Chicken_Wings — Mon, 14 Dec 2015 04:40:53 GMT

Thanks Shelley,

I've been doing really well the last few days. I'm still scared about some things, but I'm living.
I'm eating more and making plans. I went through my list with my psychologist and I think he was really pleased.

I'm trying really hard to make active steps to being well.

I hope youre having some success too.