topic I'm so scared in Anxiety

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 04:15:06 GMT

The week before last the world was pretty great. I was loving my job, walking every day when I got home and planning fun things to do.

Then something hit me like a massive wave. It completely knocked me off my feet and I've fallen into fear.

I've never before felt so bad that I wanted to call a help line, but this time I did. I talk to my partner, but I just felt like I wanted to talk to anyone and just cry and I think in the back of my mind I was hoping someone would have a magic answer. But of course there is no magic answer.

I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of waking up, of going to work, of talking to people, of coming home. I'm scared to eat food, I'm scared that I have some sort of terrible disease or illness. I need to go to the dentist, but I'm scared he's going to tell me all my teeth are falling out or that I have some sort of disease in my mouth. I'm scared of medication too which makes all of this even harder. I'm scared of losing people, I'm scared of dying and I'm scared that the world is becoming a horrible horrible place.

I'm also so incredibly scared that this is it. This is my life now and I will never get rid of these thoughts.

Because they aren't just fears when I'm faced with them. These are the things I think about constantly. I'm imagining the things I have to do in the future and I'm terrified to do them.

I just want to be normal.

I want to wake up in the morning and worry about which shoes to wear. I want to feel hungry at lunch time and really enjoy a good meal. I want to come home and go for a walk and listen to music because I enjoy it and not have in the back of my mind that I am doing this for my mental health. I want to look forward to things and most of all I want to be happy.

I'm so scared

Mummybee — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 05:06:24 GMT

Hi CW

i know the feeling...

do you look at other people and what they are worried about and think "God I wish that was my biggest concern". I do all the time. I remember when my big though was "what are we going to do for dinner/is it offspring night tonight/did I remember to pack my sons library book?"

Then something flicks and your thoughts change to "is that tingle in my foot MS, is the pain in my eye a sign of it to? How is my family going to survive without me"

it sucks. Big time. Then comes the worry that our lives will always be like this, that we will never think about things the same again, never again will my thoughts ponder the NZ Sav Blanc prices vs the Tasmanian ones...

Maybe we will get better CW, if we keep trying the things we know are suppose to help and give ourselves some time. Because at the end of it all, time is all we really have and it all we really need

mummybee

I'm so scared

Zeal — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 05:29:11 GMT

Hi Chicken Wings,

This change in your thinking and your mental health sounds really sudden. It seems likely though that something has caused this, or maybe internal mental stressors have been building up for some time, without your full awareness. When I first started reading your post, I had the feeling that what you're experiencing is depression, but then you mentioned symptoms of anxiety. You may have both depression and anxiety, but I'm hoping for your sake that you don't. Thankfully, many options are available now to help with these two mental health conditions.

It's very important that you see your GP about this. They can guide you, offer advise, and even diagnose you. If they think you need further help, they can refer you to a psychologist.

Keep talking to your partner, and keep using this forum if it helps you 🙂

Best wishes,

I'm so scared

ci — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 05:31:06 GMT

Hi chickenwings

Your story sounds so familiar to me this is my daily life too it makes life feel impossible!!!

I have just jumped on here to post to get some stuff off my chest when I read your post. I'm so scared this will be me forever as well.

I have recently been diagnosed with ocd I am scared of everything cooking is so hard and eating out can be just as hard. I find it hard to bring new things into the house and starting to find it hard when people come over.

Are you seeing doc? Feeling like this can make life so hard get as much support as you can and look after yourself. I can offer you any magic solution I'm still looking but please don't feel like you alone so many of us out there.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 05:48:38 GMT

Hi SM & Ci,

I'm medicated for depression and anxiety. It's been with me for years.

I can normally pin point the exact thing that brings on a relapse, but this time it could be one of a few things, this last few of months have been hard and stressful. If I'm honest with myself I think I knew this was coming at some point, I was just trying my best to keep it at bay.

Also my birthday is coming up and new year and it adds to that feeling that life is passing me by and I'm still not where I feel like I should be in my life.

I'm so scared

Guest_1055 — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 06:37:41 GMT

Hello chicken wings

I just read your thread here, and I am so so sorry that you experience your life in this way. My fear problems are so so little , insignificant and few, compared to yours. I have been so blind, all I have seen is my own fears. I honestly did not realise people had such deep fears.

Your fears seem so overwhelming and constant. To be in this state is crippling. Now wonder you feel the way you do.

My heart goes out to you, I can't stand the thought of you experiencing this. I just want to free you from it.

Shelley anne xxx

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 08:35:02 GMT

Shelley please don't feel like your experience is insignificant.

This is not always my life. When I am well my life is pretty good and in the grand scheme of things there are people in the world who have it so much worse off than me.
But this does not mean that you do not have the right to feel scared also. Oh course I don't want you to though.

Thank you for your kind thoughts

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 08:40:23 GMT

Yes Mummybee,

Oh to care that I need to dye my hair or be annoyed by someone in the office.
I wish I was oblivious to all of this. I wish I was ignorant to what this feels like and could walk around in a bubble protected from ever feeling this way.

I remember feeling like that and I want it back. I want to shake myself of this fear and just live.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 06:12:48 GMT

Does anyone else get that feeling when you're scared you get sort of a tingle, sort of where you feel the adrenaline rushing?

I feel that and it gives me even more fear. It's like the fear makes me fearful.

I'm so scared

Gruffudd — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 09:35:14 GMT

Hi there, yes I get that feeling.

There are some people and places that I get anxious about to the point of feeling fear. It is worst with depression and anxiety because it all gets magnified. The thing is I can't avoid the people or places so spend the days and hours before in the fear. Then what I am afraid of doesn't happen.

What I have started and want to get better at is observing myself, how I am reacting, and then riding out or resolving the fear.

Rob.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 10:00:48 GMT

Hey Rob,

Yea how do you go about being present in your fear?
I know I'm supposed to be aware that I am fearful and then I'm meant to ask myself questions about that fear. Sort of challenging it, but I find it hard to just break through the feeling enough to question why I'm so fearful.

I'm so scared

Gruffudd — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 10:13:53 GMT

Well, that is a hard question that I am working on an answer for...

I think that like most overwhelming emotions it is like a hill, the place where I can think and check in is at the start and at the end. In the middle I just have to wait it out.

At the start there is a tingling feeling, sticky thoughts (where I ask myself, why am I thinking about that/him now), trouble sleeping, wanting to indulge in fat and sugar a little more, grumpy me... at the end I am angry/sad/tired, sticky thoughts (where I ask myself, why am I thinking about that/him now), trouble sleeping, wanting to indulge in fat and sugar a little more, grumpy me..

When things escalate there is no effective thinking, but before and after there can be. That is the time I try reframing the thoughts that are blaming, negative, fatalistic, etc.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 10:38:19 GMT

Thats what I find too, in the middle there is almost no reasoning, just panic.
Thats what I want to try and break, I want to be able to catch myself whilst I'm panicking.

I guess the goal should really be not to let it get that far. To realise before it reaches its peak that I'm heading down a path that I shouldn't be.

Being scared is so tiring. The second the real panic is over I just want to sleep.

I'm so scared

Gruffudd — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 11:01:05 GMT

Sleep sounds like a plan. What helps? I like a warm bath in the dark, Shelly anne got me onto the epsom salts again...

I think the time to turn it around is well before the crisis, I also think we both can learn to do just that at least sometimes.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 12:17:41 GMT

I guess its easy to get so caught up with life that you forget to take to truly relax. Or at least I do.

Epsom salts sounds like a good idea.
I actually really like candles, some smells are just so relaxing. I was using incense but someone told me the smoke is bad for you and I got paranoid about it.

I'm going to try and put some of this into practice and maybe I can be more objective about my own thoughts.

I'm so scared

Gruffudd — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 12:34:33 GMT

Me too, sometimes I find it is 2am and I need to go to sleep but a bath would be good too.

Candles sound rather a nice thing... I am trying to make a habit out of taking the time for me every day, it is my time after all.

At the moment I am watching an old Richard Burton film, it is in Welsh and slips into English and then back again. I like that, it is what happens when I think and sometimes when I am tired and talking. There is something about it that makes me feel both connected to the wider world and separate from all my local worries.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 13:02:32 GMT

I find that night is when I feel most secure. Im in my home, with my animals and my boyfriend and not under any kind of major pressure other than which I put upon myself.

I feel the most brave, I think about all the things that I've been worried about and think "If I could just do that thing now, at night, I'd be ok." It does make it hard to go to bed, because I don't want that feeling to be over, I want to stay like this.

I'm so scared

Gruffudd — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 13:24:39 GMT

One thing I did, and it was big and took bravery, was to change jobs. Leave 7 years behind and start again. For me the relationships in the old job were part of the problem, a bit toxic, and try as I did I couldn't shift them. Doing that has made a huge difference, now I need to risk believing and trusting that there has been change.

I know what you are saying there, it is hard to go to bed when the time is good and tomorrow may not be.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 13:54:24 GMT

The people around you can make you such a difference. There are certain people who just make you feel safe, whilst other people just have a way of darkening your day.

Thats a great success being able to switch jobs, you should feel really proud of that.

I'm so scared

Chicken_Wings — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 08:50:53 GMT

I feel like I've lost my way.

In the past when I've had relapses I've been able to come back from it within a couple of weeks and start feeling like I can be a normal person again. This time I feel like this is just sticking around and it's really scaring me.
Every day I wake up and instantly begin to shake and twitch and my mind immediately switches over to anxious mode.

I feel like life is happening all around me but Im not really a part of it. I sit at work and I do my job and constantly tap my toes and feel the tightness of my chest.
I always thought I was pretty lucky with my anxiety, that it only came for short bursts at great intervals. But this time it's different and I feel trapped. I don't want to be like this forever. I don't want to be scared all the time.
I can't shake my fear; no matter what I do it's just hanging there, waiting in the background.

Even when I'm having a good time, it's there, just lingering in the background. It's like some shadow thats stopping me from having a genuine good experience.

Is there anyone out there who has stopped the fear?