topic When does it get better! in Anxiety

When does it get better!

Bluey_moon — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 20:37:29 GMT

I'm so impatient for things just to be "fixed".

For those that have ready post previously would know part of my anxiety and obbsessive thinking was thinking I had scizophrenia. I have been assessed multiple times and told I don't have it. and I do believe them.

But I have a hard time believing anxiety could cause what it does, for me thinking I hear things because I became so on alert about "hearing voices". And while I beleive that anxiety causes all this, it's hard some days not to fall into the old thinking habits.

When does it get better!

Bluey_moon — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 21:04:01 GMT

Gosh everyone, I'm really sorry to winge. I know there is people on here going through a whole lot more than me!

To help with my anxiety lately I've thrown myself into being the bestest mum, wife and friend I can. Because to me that's the important stuff.

When does it get better!

Dwwmills — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 23:00:53 GMT

Hi Skye.

As you know I suffered from GAD for at least 40 years before I was convinced to tackle it as anxiety. Before that it was just a series of things that I worried about that didn’t seem connected. I would spend my time tackling these individual things but not necessarily realising it was the underlying anxiety that was the problem. I may be just a bit slow but it did take me a long time to work it out even though I was told this by my psychologist. I just thought this was normal everyday life stuff. Looking back though anxiety is just an amazing condition to deal with. I always felt uneasy and hyper- alert. Even when there was nothing much to worry about I would still feel uneasy and be looking for the next thing I’d have to deal with. I thought this was how everybody dealt with life. If you were not alert then something would happen that you would have to deal with or would happen because you didn’t foresee it coming and control it.

It wasn’t until my family basically held an intervention at the psychologists and told me how my anxiety was affecting them that I had to admit that anxiety was the problem. Even then I was sceptical but committed to tackling the anxiety anyway. Looking back now they were right. Hindsight is a great thing. It was very hard to admit to myself that the way I was thinking and dealing with the world was flawed. It’s a little bit like having the foundations you’re standing on pulled out from under you and trusting that whatever you land on next will support you.

The other thing was I bucked up enough courage to trust that no matter how long it took I was going to find a solution and I was not going to have anxiety as a major part of my life from there on. This was the belief I hung onto that got me through the first unsettling couple of months of change. Tackling my problems from there on as anxiety based and not being side-tracked by the particular problem also helped. It allowed me to keep tackling anxiety which inevitably solved the particular worry or problem I had at the time anyway.

CBT worked for me and I still use it now. I had to use CBT very intensely to start with the assistance of some medication. Now CBT alone and works but I don’t use it as intensely as before. Life is much easier now and I don’t get tripped up as often by anxiety.

I hope this helps.

Dean

When does it get better!

Dwwmills — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 23:12:13 GMT

Hi Skye.

I just had a quick reread of your post and had another
thought.

I don’t know that things are ever “fixed” but they do get
much much better.

Recognising triggers and symptoms of your anxiety can also
help. Maybe when you think you’re hearing voices you could look at this as indicator
that your anxiety is high at that particular point. You could then do whatever
you find helps your anxiety instead of focusing on the voices.

Cheers

Dean

When does it get better!

Legion — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 23:33:07 GMT

Things never really "get better" They just become "managed better"

When does it get better!

Bluey_moon — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 00:32:15 GMT

Thank you Dean and Legion for your answers.

Dean what you have said makes perfect sense. Some days I am able to tackle my anxiety, today I feel like I cant. Everytime I feel I'm getting on top of it, it seems my anxiety throws up something to make me feel otherwise.

At the moment I feel like I can't do it at all.

When does it get better!

Moonstruck — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:35:12 GMT

.....Dwwmill....I've never seen it put that way before...that resonates so closely to what I feel....."hyper-alert, uneasy, looking for the next thing"...that's ME......it's good to see someone else can express it whereas I couldn't quite put my finger on it!...

...Not so much sitting worrying about everything all the time, but sort of "looking over my shoulder"....whatever I am doing , I get anxious I should be doing something else, who wants something from me next?.....what time should I go to the city, bank, post office etc? If I go at such and such a time...perhaps that will be too late for the next thing.....or maybe I should go tomorrow.??

Should I do this task now...or later? Maybe someone would prefer me to do it a different way....maybe, maybe,...what if I make the wrong decision, what if my neighbours are disturbed by it, what if someone is trying to phone me, what if, what if, what if????

How do I stop all this Dean? It's awful....it only seems to stop after night falls, it's late, and no one is going to be affected by any wrong thing I do or say...I can breathe out and relax then...I am safe! Whew! What a way to live!

When does it get better!

Guest_1055 — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 01:40:34 GMT

Dear Skye....

I think you are right about trying to be the best wife, mumma and friend. I sometimes wonder when we focus on being this, than our eyes turn off ourselves. Somehow ??. And our hearts and eyes are focused on others. I am talking to myself here now, as well as you.

Anyway I am not even sure about all this as yet.

And Skye, I have read a post you had written to me, maybe it was a couple of days ago that you wrote it. But you really did seem so much more calmer within yourself. It came through in your words. So please feel encouraged you must be doing something right.

Take care now, precious Skye

Many hugs

Shell xx

When does it get better!

Bluey_moon — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 04:32:10 GMT

Thank you everyone for your support!

Moon (is it ok if I call you that?), Dean is very wise and generous with his advice.

Dean, I just wrote a letter to my psych at the base hospital, I really trust her. I wrote down how I was feeling and used my CBT to challenge my beliefs and ideas, and incorporated what she and my psycologist had explained to me about my anxiety.

I emailed it off to her, but I feel much calmer now, having used the CBT so thank you. Thank you for believing in me and the fact it is only the anxiety I have.

Shell I have no words, you my sweet friend are amazing!

When does it get better!

Dwwmills — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 04:35:13 GMT

Hi Skye.

Some days tackling anxiety is just more than you can deal with. Don’t beat yourself up. It just happens especially if you’re tired. Generally though I found I got something out of my really bad days. I used to try and think back about what triggered it, what thoughts were going through my head and if anything at all made it better during the day. Even if I couldn’t make use of any disinformation on the day it would give me insight into what I might be able to do to tackle things. I try to tell myself to my bad days with the days I made the most progress from.

Be kind to yourself no one is up to tackling it every day.

Cheers

Dean

When does it get better!

Dwwmills — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 04:39:05 GMT

Hi Moonstruck.

You describe what anxiety feels like very well. Especially GAD as it doesn’t necessarily focus on any one thing.

What worked for me was CBT and medication. The medication just took the edge off and allowed me to use CBT more effectively. It also allowed me at times to feel what a day without anxiety was like. CBT by far was the most effective long-term treatment. I no longer use medication but I practice CBT almost daily. CBT just helps you look at what you are thinking and replacing irrational thoughts with more helpful ones. E.g. one of my irrational thoughts revolved around my work. I have been doing the same job for 40 years and am quite skilled at it. I run my own business where I manufacture items for other businesses. When I pick up work from the businesses I would never ask how they would tackle this particular manufacturing job as I thought this would make me look incompetent. At times I would get quite anxious about how to tackle a particular job. My irrational beliefs were that “I had to know everything”, “If I had to ask questions I was incompetent” and “If other people know more than I do that would make me incompetent.” I have to tell you that this was a pretty tough set of beliefs to live with. Basically “If I did not know everything and do everything perfectly I was a failure.” I use CBT to on earth these irrational beliefs as I was not conscious of what I was telling myself. Once I’ve worked out what was happening I challenge these beliefs by actually asking people how they would tackle particular makes. I found out that no one thought I was incompetent because I asked. I also learnt quite a lot because I ask questions. It also turned out that I did know a lot because I exchanged my knowledge with other people. The end result was that both parties were better off for the discussion and my fears of being “found out” as a fraud were not realised.

I used CBT like this to find and tackle a lot of my irrational beliefs. Bit by bit it got better and my confidence grew because of it. It was and is a very rewarding process. Eventually you stop looking over your shoulder for the next thing that is going to go wrong because you now believe you can tackle it no matter what it is.

I hope this helps.

Dean

When does it get better!

Mares73 — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 08:33:41 GMT

Hi there sorry to intrude & you are all to be admired for your strength & courage. What struck me was Dean's description of living daily with anxiety. I too have never read such a true description. It describes my life everyday. Dean how did you start initially to overcome the battle? Can you suggest ideas for how to start dealing with the exhaustion of living on nerves, waiting & creating crisis in my head. I have great respect for how you've managed the battle.

mares x

When does it get better!

Bluey_moon — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 21:27:38 GMT

I think I give up. Maybe it's just ment to be this way. Sorry I'm winging this isn't me. I just can't make it better. I'm exhausted today after a long night with my baby boy! Then I'm thinking I hear things again, no tv on, I'm sleepy, people outside. Maybe their wrong, maybe something is wrong with me 😭 I'm so sorry

When does it get better!

Dwwmills — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 23:41:18 GMT

Hi Skye.

You did well yesterday taking some action and feeling better for it. I always think if you can turn things around on a bad day it is an absolute bonus and you should be proud of that.

Sounds like you are really tired today. Being tired makes it hard to do ordinary everyday things never loan tackling anxiety. Maybe if you can catch a short nap sometime during the day it may help. Sometimes when I’m really tired I just have to accept that the day is going to be difficult and not to fight too much. You may hear voices but you know it is just your anxiety. To expect that you won’t have any bad days is quite unrealistic. It doesn’t mean that you are sliding backwards or failing it just means that you are tired. Try to get a good night’s sleep tonight if you can and things will be better tomorrow. If you are having trouble sleeping due in general you can try guided relaxation or see your GP about it. My GP prescribed sleeping tablets for me that I used if I was having a prolonged period of poor sleep. As much as I dislike taking them I found that by taking one just got me kick-started and gave me a good night’s sleep so I could tackle the next day.

Cut yourself some slack no one can be on top of things all the time. Hope you have a better afternoon.

Cheers

Dean

When does it get better!

Dwwmills — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 23:55:02 GMT

Hi Mares.

I’m flat out at work today and it’s my daughter’s 18th birthday so I’m short on time.

In short I just realised that everything I’ve been worried about was just a smokescreen and it was really the underlying anxiety that I had to tackle. I started by learning as much as I could about CBT and using it myself every day. My psychologist had been using CBT with me before so I had some grounding to work from. I found a good app for my phone to help with this. I basically took charge of the whole situation I didn’t rely on my psychologist or psychiatrist to do it for me. I use both of them to help me but basically it was up to me to drive everything. It was very empowering and it worked surprisingly quickly. The irrational beliefs I had about the world was what was contributing to my anxiety. The CBT help me uncover these irrational thoughts and challenge them. I’ll expand on this more tomorrow.

Cheers
Dean

When does it get better!

Simona — Wed, 23 Mar 2016 00:42:20 GMT

Oh you must be so wrung out... I know when I don't sleep enough everything is amplified and my reality is distorted. When my 10 year old was a teething baby I woke up through the night to what I thought was a bee stuck in my ear. It buzzed just like a bee and would not let me sleep so I became distressed but I was told there was nothing there.When I do hear a voice or an unidentifiable noise I HEAR it. I don't think "Did I hear that?" The voices/slamming sounds are very loud. But I don't dwell on them. I don't obsess. I guess I'm used to hearing strange things. I tell them to shut up or to please just get it over with and leave. Because that's when I'm really tired and getting very agitated . Yeah I talk to mine sometimes : )

Thinking of you : )

When does it get better!

blondguy — Wed, 23 Mar 2016 01:30:17 GMT

Hey Skye

You never winge and have nothing to apologise for. You are a wonderful and kind hearted person, I would like to quote something Dean mentioned;

"everything I’ve been worried about was just a smokescreen and it was really the underlying anxiety"

Bullseye Dean! Skye...When we have a 'tired' mind it does tend to 'race' and 'overthink' which results in intrusive/negative thoughts/worrying. A huge contributor towards having a 'tired' mind is poor quality sleep.

I have had GAD for 25 years and even now if I have a poor sleep, I will always have difficulty the next day with unwanted thoughts/increased anxiety. Dean has done well not to be on meds. I still use them as a platform on which I can recover effectively including many years of CBT that has helped me not to 'beat myself up' by having these bad feelings/thoughts.

Calm and True Acceptance that the bad thoughts are harmless do take practise and time but does work

Mares....Thankyou for your very kind words of support on another recent thread x

Please be Gentle to Yourself Skye (HUG) 🙂

Paul

When does it get better!

Bluey_moon — Wed, 23 Mar 2016 04:40:03 GMT

Thank you Dean for all your advice and your caring, thank you Paul too. I saw my psycologist today who is still convinced that it's anxiety, I'm still well I still worry it isn't.

Simona my love I'm glad you are ok! I was worried when I hadn't heard from you. I'm sorry my tired brain won't understand what you were saying. I think you were reassuring me that I wouldn't just think I did hear something, that I would and it wouldn't be like background, people outside ect it would be loud. But I don't know?! Is that what you ment? Sorry to ask, don't if you don't want to answer.

I'm just confused and scared!

Skye

When does it get better!

Simona — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 11:52:12 GMT

Oh Skye : ) sorry for the confusion. Yes i was trying to make it better - reassure you. Yes. Aha. I know you are worried about S word sometimes. I don't have the S word but someone mistakenly wrote it in my file. I don't know who this person is. The advocate read it out last week and i said huh? I do hope it was followed by a question mark. What i think* though (and I'm no expert on mental health) ; is that i think* those undiagnosed who Do suffer with the S word are not actually obsessed/fixated about the possibility of having the S word. They are busy with other things. Like me with wire. Now and then. Except i don't have the S word.

I hope i have explained myself better. if not, just read my first sentence again ending in 'Aha" and ignore the rest. I do hope you are feeling better : )