topic Extreme morning anxiety - Carer diagnosed with Cancer in Anxiety

Extreme morning anxiety - Carer diagnosed with Cancer

gnomadicmind — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 22:46:59 GMT

Hello

It's been a while since I posted but I do regularly read through the forums. I like to be able to relate to others experiences.

I have severe depression and anxiety, possibly bipolar type 2. I am on medication and I have a particular (PRN) medication that helps with my severe anxiety but I don't want to become reliant on it. It may be that I need to take it regularly, but that's something I will discuss further with my psychiatrist. My appointment is more than a month away though! I'm on a cancellation list but it's unlikely I'll get in before then anyway.

My partner who is my carer has been diagnosed with cancer and I will now need to be his carer. I want to do this for him that's non negotiable, as radiation, chemotherapy and enteral feeding along with side effects is going to be very difficult, along with other medical procedures. I feel like it's the end of the world, everything has been flipped on it's head and my constant tears, churning stomach, feeling sick, no appetite, racing and disordered thoughts, heart pounding, shakes and trembling are impossible for me to control at the moment. I'm also feeling exhausted but feeling extremely guilty about needing to have a nap or any 'time out' for myself at the moment. I know that people will understand that I will need time out when treatment starts, and I do have fantastic support but at the moment I feel like I should be organising and racing all over the place to make my partner feel supported. It also doesn't help that my partner feels like he needs to protect me. I want him to talk to me about everything he is going through, and his wants and needs, but he's not forthcoming.

Does anyone have any advice at all regarding my thoughts on meds - being afraid of becoming reliant? (I know we don't discuss names and doses of meds). Has anyone been in my situation before ie. becoming a carer after being cared for? Tips on morning anxiety and the symptoms I'm having? And does anyone have any experience or tips with trying to talk to someone with a serious illness when they're not forthcoming on their emotions and asking for help? And anything else that might help myself and my partner through this horrendous time?

If you've read this far - thank you enormously!

Extreme morning anxiety - Carer diagnosed with Cancer

white knight — Thu, 17 Mar 2016 15:36:58 GMT

Hi G, welcome back

Google- "Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue"

What that thread depicts is that the carer, due to their workload caring for "us" is enormous and taxing. Especially if they work. In effect, the "patient" should in good times, care a little for them. We can as people with illness take the easy road and just sit or hop back into bed but if one is well enough to answer the phone, attend the bathroom and prepare themselves a meal, they (we) can also welcome our carers when they enter the door from a hard days work. For being unwell doesn't mean all our responsibilities are relinquished.

As it turns out for you, bad luck has struck your family unit and this will be testing. Can I suggest that you take one step at a time always. Anticipating things will cause you more angst. You only have one speed and that slower than what you run at!.

I also have bipolar 2, depression and dysthymia (low mood depression). Accept your ups and down for meds will help but likely have residue of symptoms left over. I have a number of techniques I use. When in a bad mood I toddle off to a local café for a coffee. By the time I've returned I've been diverted mentally so often with traffic, animals on the road and waving at locals my mood has changed.

Communication- a must in your situation. Conveying to your partner your low mood. Him visa versa. Together you can work wonders. I keep telling my dear wife "apart we are nothing, together we can do anything". She also has depression so we swap roles of caring for each other depending on the day. If we both fall in a muddle we communicate well, tell each other that and ignore the complaints and the triggering comments. We tolerate.

Anxiety, you might have read where I first had panic attacks in 1987- workplace incident. Meds were commenced, therapy for 12 months which included teaching of muscle tensioning exercises. Sceptical at first that exercise is still practiced by me, nightly prior to sleep. It takes around 20 minutes. Tensioning up muscles for 10-15 seconds starting at the feet upwards. At the end tension up all of your muscles for 30 seconds. You'll sleep well. In 2012 I suddenly realised all my anxiety was- gone!

Meds, I don't mess with them. Addiction?- too bad if I do become addicted because, we need them, our mental health is too important to have various feelings and fears over this stuff. I was on anxiety meds for 12 years. No addiction.

All the best

Tony WK

Extreme morning anxiety - Carer diagnosed with Cancer

gnomadicmind — Sat, 19 Mar 2016 06:14:12 GMT

Hello Tony.

Thanks so much for your response. It addressed just about everything I was asking help for. I do appreciate it!

I'm sorry to hear about your workplace troubles. I too had difficulties with bullying from where I worked (because of my diagnosis) and I was deemed TPI at 30. I'm now 36. I still have residual anxiety issues from this and obviously can't work. In some ways this is a positive for me at the moment, as I most definitely could not work and care for my partner at the same time with what he is now facing.

I didn't mean to sound selfish in my original post. I very definitely look after my partner when I can, and I am very mindful of how my diagnosis affects him and his emotions. Problem is he doesn't like talking about 'feelings'. He doesn't understand my depression and anxiety as he has never experienced it. He certainly cares about me and can empathise of course, but this is limited too as he doesn't like to talk about emotions and related issues. He has no idea what I talk to my psychs about, and has very dim views about them, although he sees that it helps me and is supportive of that. He just doesn't talk, and as a result I can't talk to him. This may change though as he sees how treatment affects him, his family, friends and me. I can hope that a positive along these lines may come out of this. It will make me/us stronger. I hope that doesn't sound selfish? A Dr I saw this week said to look at this as a journey that may be 'the making of me'. Ie draw on my strengths and make me see myself as a stronger person than I feel like at the moment.

With meds I think I'll take what I have been prescribed conservatively until I can get into my psychiatrist again - a month away and see what they say. If I'm an emotional mess I'm no help to anyone - let alone myself so that may be a crutch that I need. Good to know that you used meds without addiction affecting you! I think that as long as you know what these meds do and how they work (everyone is different, hence not mentioning names of meds and doses) it's okay to use them when I feel that I 'need' them.

I have done a bit of googling on Muscle Tensioning Exercises but can you recommend anything specifically? I think it's wonderful that this technique has helped you, and so effectively! Thanks for sharing that it has helped you!

Thanks again Tony. Your reply means the world to me in a time that I'm waking every morning an absolute mess!

Best wishes to you!

Extreme morning anxiety - Carer diagnosed with Cancer

gnomadicmind — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 06:57:02 GMT

Update.

My partner has now said that he'd be better off in hospital having someone care for him. He won't talk to me and refuses to see a counsellor. So, I'll let him make all the decisions now. I've done everything I can, and I can't let his attitude (as much as I love him) break me, and end up in hospital myself. I guess I have to make peace with his low opinion of me and accept that hospital is the best place for his treatment.

Extreme morning anxiety - Carer diagnosed with Cancer

Ellie05 — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 10:08:30 GMT

Hi gnomadicmind,

I'm sorry to hear of the troubles you and your partner are facing. I would not take his decision to heart. He is likely just concerned about putting extra pressure on and/or worried that seeing you in a stressed out state will make things difficult for him. You will still play a vital part in his recovery if he is receiving treatment in hospital as he'll be needing your support and companionship.

I hope things turn around for the both as you as soon as possible.