topic How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations in Anxiety

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Helpfulness — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 11:59:09 GMT

Hello everyone!

I'm desperately searching for ways to decrease my heart rate and shakiness during confrontations with people.

I don't feel like the size of a person matters in these situations, as someone that is half my age and size will still cause me to get an elevated heart rate and shakiness, even in times where mentally I don't feel worried or scared at all.

This even happens when getting into confrontations online. An example would be my ex partners new boyfriend, who randomly messaged me out of the blue purposely trying to get a reaction out of me. This being said, I haven't spoken to them in 4 months and the only thing I've ever done since they've been together was politely ask for a few of my things to be returned. Why does my heart rate and shakiness occur even in situations like that? I'm not worried about him and don't feel threatened or scared in any way shape or form. So why do I get it?

Any information on why this occurs even when not threatened would be helpful. Also any tips on how they can be prevented or more controlled in these situations.

Thanks everyone!

-Helpfulness

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Fairywings — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 13:26:09 GMT

Hi there sweet firstly welcome and thanks for joining us u r in good hands here. We r all here to support you till the very end. Anxiety is well known to creep up on u when u least want it to. Im sorry u r going through this discomfort confrontations with people r never easy. I still get a little uneasy and sweaty palms when i confront someone so ur definitely not alone in how uvr feeling about the whole thing. What i have found helps is to focus and concentrate on your breathing. Breathe in for 5sec and breathe out for 5 sec repeat this with positive self talk and you will find yourself being able to manage these anxieties much better. I hope this has helped to some degree please keep in touch xx 😊 venessa

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Helpfulness — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 22:22:46 GMT

Thank you for your reply!

I'll definitely try and concentrate on my breathing in the future. Although, I'm worried that people might see my anxiety as being scared of them and only cause them to have more reason to make fun or be abusive toward me. Thankfully confrontations between my Ex's boyfriend haven't happened anywhere apart from online, but we're in a relatively small town and I'm bound to see them at the shops at some point.

But with every other situation I'll take on your advice and try to control my breathing and we'll see how I do!

Thanks again!

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

romantic_thi3f — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 00:41:41 GMT

Hi Helpfulness,

Couple of suggestions!

- Just because you're not aware of any worrying/anxious thoughts doesn't mean they aren't there. You might not be 'afraid' of him as such but it's possible that there's something making you react this way that you aren't quite aware of. Our minds can be very sneaky like that!

- Totally agree with the breathing techniques. Another thing that can help is sensory grounding which is very subtle! Basically you try to focus your attention on your breathing, or things that you can see, or things that you can hear, or things that you can feel. It might be trying to find 5 things that aren't obvious, like the car roaring in the distance, or the paint tearing off the wall. Being able to bring your attention to notice things can help with anxiety and this is a practice that can be used anywhere.

Also this site has a few suggestions; reducing your anxiety and feeling confident at home and elsewhere can help when you are out in public - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/docs/default-source/senseability/relaxation-techniques.pdf?sfvrsn=2

Oh, and finally - anxiety can be very intimidating with all the symptoms like the elevated heart rate, but often other people aren't even aware that you're struggling with it! I kind of liken anxiety to a pimple (gross, but bear with me) - in that often we think our pimples are so big and everyone notices, but really we're the only ones so aware of it.

Hope this helps!

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

pipsy — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 00:57:30 GMT

Hi there. It almost sounds like panic attacks. Online it's fear of not being able to see them. Face to face, I think it's fear of saying/doing the wrong thing, without meaning to. Sometimes we 'babble' to cover up feeling foolish when we're talking, even to someone we know well. I know if I was to meet the Royal's for instance, I would either not say a thing, or say something really stupid. Like you, my heart would pound, my hands get sweaty. Unfortunately, there is no, one answer, what works for one might not necessarily work for someone else. The more you're aware of it, the worse it seems to get. One way I have of combating it (works for me), if I see someone I know and I start sweating etc, I take a deep breath, put a smile on my face and 'take the bull by the horns'. I stroll over, say hi, smile, then say, can't stop to talk, I am busy, but I'll catch up later. That way, you're not being rude or disrespectful. You've acknowledged them, you can then walk away, no harm done either way. As far as ex's bf, I think if I saw an ex, I would probably run for cover too. The last thing you want to do is bump into someone connected with a previous relationship. That's an awkward situation, both for you and them. New bf in this case probably felt a bit uncomfortable too. The breathing/relaxation techniques really work too.

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Helpfulness — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 04:38:23 GMT

Really appreciate all the feedback and advice from everyone!

I'll definitely be taking everyone's advice and applying them to the next time I'm in one of these situations.

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Fairywings — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 08:50:17 GMT

Hi beautiful don't worry about what people in this life think of you. You and you alone know who u r and the feelings ur dealing with and what u r going thru is ur story and your story only. Its none of anyone's business but urs. Not caring what people think i believe is what gives u the inner strength to go on with ur life. Wheneva you feel like people r making fun of you or being abusive towards u break the connection with them and never look back this is what i do in life i don't give any second chances to anybody in my life this includes family and this is my number one reason for being the strong woman I am today. This is your journey in life others will not understand it and that's ok walk away from these people and you will find yourself feeling so much better. As for the ex thing don't even think twice about it if u see them at some point just turn a blind eye and keep going your own way doing your own thing. Thanks for ur reply take care of your self 😊 xx

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Juliet_84 — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 12:14:46 GMT

Hi,

i have this same problem sometimes and can feel my hands shaking and my voice trembling. What's helped me has been trying to stir up my anger in my head when this happens, while they are talking I frown, and I ask in my head "who does this person think they are speaking to me like this" and then before I know it I can have sufficient anger to be without fear and have enough clarity to articulate my side. I mean what is different between us and these types of people, they often are not physically superior they just give themselves permission to act the way they do, so why can't we?

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

blondguy — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 12:32:54 GMT

Hi Helpfulness

I am sorry about the 'shakes' and like the post above it may be anxiety. I have a handful of clients that shake a lot when they are trying to hold a cuppa or even use a pen. I have had anxiety for 25 years and now recovered however the shaking has been known to be called 'Necessary Tremor'. A silly name that means some people just shake when the are trying to concentrate or focus on something.

It may have a very basic anxiety 'tag' in there somewhere but just my very humble opinion leans more to a minor physical problem...eg..adrenaline overflow etc. I did read that one of our biggest golfers had to take beta blockers that helped his shaky hands...

I do hope that this is of some help to you

Kind Thoughts

Paul

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Saltbush_boy — Sun, 20 Mar 2016 20:11:24 GMT

Hey there mmmm; confrontations are difficult I find myself in that situation daily I tried the technique but found myself on the other side of the spectrum I'm a small man with the syndrome and went through a stage of get in first but found I was angry too much and started fights with everybody! Not good makes you feel so alone treat everyone as if they were you be kind to unkind people and show them you can be in control soon it just comes naturally hope this helps

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

blondguy — Sun, 20 Mar 2016 20:19:24 GMT

Hi Helpfulness

Just a correction to my above post....

Its 'Essential Tremor' not necessary tremor

I hope you have traveling okay

Kind Thoughts

Paul

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Doestrep — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 21:39:24 GMT

I definitely know what your talking about. Happens to me all the time the strange thing is it only happens while at work in confrontations with people online while playing online games like first person shooters or something but not when let’s say almost in a car crash or something that can actually end me, I feel calm and kind of relaxed and able to think.

I know what he means by he not afraid of these people or worried about what they’re thinking or what Iwe might say.

for me the anxiety is reversed in those kind of situation the other odd thing is I like it when it does happen. I don’t know it’s just strange to me.

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

PamelaR — Mon, 30 Jul 2018 02:01:28 GMT

Hi Doestrep and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Thank you for sharing here. The differences between when confronted with people and when in a possible car crash are interesting Doestrep.

Helpless's thread is about 3 years old and people won't pick up on your posts unless they're specifically interested in the post title.

So if you want to talk more here on the forums and have other listen, then think about starting your own thread.

It sounds like your self esteem and self worth could do with a boost. We're hear to listen, to care and to support you through.

Kind regards

PamelaR

How to deal with elevated heart rate and shaking during confrontations

Rickey — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 15:40:03 GMT

Hi,

Im a life time suffer from anxiety & frankly t embarrassment of t symptoms (I wish on no one) have been worst than any REAL fear. Its manifested in many ways over t years. It's something I may deal with to a degree my whole life. T latest manifestation: my legs shaking badly & noticeably. I spent 20 yrs in competitive kickboxing & a 25-year-old woman five feet can cause this symptom. Knowing what to do & doing it I found two different things. Today, as terrible as this experience is I deal with it better than at 22 which is when it started with much different symptoms. I would like to make a list of things I am going 2 do & get back to. Another point, I am a mental health therapist, so it makes it more embarrassing & went through countless years of formal help by psychologist.

What worked for me:

Aerobic Exercise calmed me down (at times) before the situation.

Strength training & martial arts (that I can practice alone) 100% does help me. I feel more confident inside & this whole issue has 2do w/ what is going onme. I suspect releasing endorphins helps stop the shaking also.

Cognitve- I image the person: Nude, 3 feet & a squeaky voice. This has worked due I imagine it is hard to get nervous when I imagine t person this way!

Behavior: Most breath through the Chest. This is normal, but not helpful. T proper way 2 breathe is with t abdominals. I went through formal training for this. Suspect u can find on You Tube. During t confrontation, if u place ur hands on ur belly, u should feel & see ur belly moving up & down as u breathe in through the nose & releasing from t nose.

I went 2 a support group & stated what I was experiencing. It was so scary at first but amazingly helpful! Just saying: "I am Robert & ABC is happening 2 me!" I was literally letting t secret out 2 others. T more I did this, the less power the anxiety had t less power t symptoms had.

I found eating fewer carbs, more protein, healthy fat along with a few high-quality supplements helped. I took @least 50 mg of B complex, high-end multi, complete amino acids (not the protein powder due to efficey) were 3 that helped me. My MD prescribed a med. (not suggesting 4 anyone 2 C a MD)!!!

He said, Robert, if u had a kidney disease would u b embarrassed? I said: NO. He said, "You didn't ask for this, it is not your fault & a point A might be stop trying 2 hide this from everyone." This was huge.

Thank You

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