topic Trying to be brave in Anxiety

Trying to be brave

Girlbond_007 — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 03:16:31 GMT

Hi everyone I am new to the forums here and want to share my story.

I started suffering bouts of anxiety and panic attacks when I was pre teen, now 20 years later it is getting to the point of ruining my quality of life and I am now experiencing my first real bout of depression. My mind constantly races and focuses on the things I dread happening in the future and now I have a toddler to add to the mix. I worry to excess about most things and cannot deal with change at all. Fairly certain I have some form of OCD with illnesses as well as having control of my life and situations.

I am finding mornings the worst, waking early and having anxious/ depressive thoughts which don't seem to some what wear off as the day progresses. I work from home which I think is a god send at the moment as I think I would go nuts not having something else to occupy my brain.

I am seeking help from a new GP and soon a new Psychologist. However I am very disappointed that no GP in the Ost has bothered to look into my anxiety further and just prescribed me the usual Ssri or snri drugs which I don't believe are helping much. My new gp has suggested mood enhancing drugs possibly with an antipsychotic which kind of freaks me out and I am wondering if anyone else is on a plan something like this.

i just want it all to go away and stop.

thanks for listening.

Trying to be brave

Paul — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 03:29:35 GMT

Hey Girlbond, welcome and thanks for sharing your story!

It's bloody frightening when things start to intensify and interfere more with life, especially when we just want it to go away and leave us alone. Depression and anxiety sucks, it's tiring, scary and lonely 😞

I'm really glad to read that you're going to see a psychologist and that at least you've seen a GP or several. I'm not 100% on the medications that the latest Dr proposes, but there is some info on this site about medicines that might help answer the questions you have. At the top of the page "The facts" then "Treatment options" I think is where the info is.

Being brave is awesome, being kind to yourself is awesome too.

I hope you feel better soon. I know it's horrible feeling wanting it to just stop and go away.

Stay in touch.

Paul

Trying to be brave

Missmia — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 04:15:02 GMT

Hi Giirlbond,

i am so sorry you are suffering such awful symptoms that impact so much on the quality of your life.

i thought I should tell you about the medication experiences of two people I know very well. One is a close friend and the other is a close relative.

My close friend was initially diagnosed as having depression by a GP and referred to a psychologist. No medication was prescribed and my friend began to self-medicate with alcohol. Things continued to go downhill until my friend was referred to a psychiatrist. At fist I was shocked by my friend's reports of the many and various drugs that were prescribed.

However, over a period of time, and as a result of the experimentation, a combination of certain drugs has been identified as the optimum for my friend. These include an antidepressant, an antispasmodic and drug which is used only when needed to correct my friend's sleep cycle.

I can only say that the changes in my friend have been wonderful to see. Observing all this has completely changed my attitude to medication. (Although not all treating doctors are so skilful or so committed.)

My daughter started out in a similar way, being referred by a GP to a psychologist. Ultimately she crashed, and I suggested she ask for a referral to my frien's psychiatrist. Again she was given trials of various drugs until the psych was satisfied that she had the right mix. Her current regime is an antidepressant, a medication for ADHD (previously undiagnosed), and a tranquilliser for occasion short term use.

My daughter's life is much more comfortable now and she is improving all the time. I believe this improvement would not have occurred without the drugs, and the psychiatrist's commitment to finding the right type and combination for the particular patient.

So those are my observations.

It is a shame that doctors often just hand out the same antidepressant to everyone. It isn't a case of one size fits all, as they seem to assume.

I hope you find the best possible treatment, starting with a specific diagnosis. Ask for treatment of your OCD as well as anxiety and depression. If you are not sleeping well, ask for that to be treated. If occasional use of a tranquilliser would help get you through the worst patches, ask about that.

It must be so hard, especially with a toddler to care for.

I really hope things improve for you very soon. There is every chance they will, with new treatment by new medicos.

My very best wishes.

Trying to be brave

ci — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 04:42:09 GMT

Girlbond 007 hi I'm new to all this but seem to have felt the need to post a few times.

You sound so much like me and I had to post and say your so brave to ask for help and to try new meds. I have had anxiety for long time as well but about 2 years ago I started to develop fullon ocd issues I hide them instead of face them along with the depression I'm know at breaking point and I can't function which is very hard I also work from home I think this helped keep my brain active but at the point I'm at now it has isolated me.

It can be so hard to be a parent with this issue I also have kids so I understand how hard that can be.

I can't give advice on meds I'm just starting down that track I just wanted to post and say please don't get give up if takes a while to get med right this won't go away on its own believe me I tried and hoped it would and I've made a mess of myself

Trying to be brave

Dwwmills — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 05:39:35 GMT

Hello Bondgirl.

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s definitely not much
fun living with anxiety.

I too think it’s great that you’re seeing a psychologist and
I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist as well as they are very skilled in
dealing with medications.

I can speak from experience that medication linked with a
good psychologist can have very good results. I had anxiety on and off the last
40 years. I resisted medications up until about 2 years ago. I decided that I’d
had enough of anxiety and I was going to beat it the matter what it took. I was
on medication for almost 18 months whilst I did intensive cognitive based
therapy. I no longer see the psychiatrist or the psychologist but I still
practice CBT by myself.

My daughter had severe OCD about 10 years ago when she was
8. We decided to see a psychiatrist as a psychology alone was very slow. The
psychiatrist prescribed a couple of medications for my daughter and overnight,
it was like flicking a switch. The OCD symptoms reduced significantly which
allowed us to use a cognitive based therapy more effectively. At the end of the
year we tapered off the medications altogether and now 10 years later she has
no signs of OCD whatsoever.

We are both doing well now but find at times we still have
to go back to basics and look at our thinking if we feel anxious for some
reason.

I too work from home and I find it is a double-edged sword.
It’s nice being home but I do find it isolating at times. I’m lucky that I have
people that do the same type of work as I do that offered me space in their
workshops from time to time. This has been a game changer for me as I come away
after a few days feeling completely invigorated and ready to tackle work again.

I hope things feel better for you soon.

Trying to be brave

Bluey_moon — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 08:13:13 GMT

Hi bond girl,

You are brave sharing your story and I'm sure you will receive great support here.

Im not sure about medications. For me an SSRI is working wonders for me (I have anxiety with some OCD tendencies). I have just started on them for the second time, I've been on them a little over three weeks.

i did see a psychiatrist, and I am now seeing my psycologist and gp who are both wonderful!

I think trusting the doctors is important and if you can't try to change Drs.

Not sure if will help you but I also find the book the happiness trap helpful and acceptance therapy.

I hope that you find the right balance and hangin there with the right treatment there is light!

Trying to be brave

Girlbond_007 — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 08:16:16 GMT

Thank you so much everyone, it is such a hard time in my life but just knowing I'm not alone and that a light at the end of the tunnel will eventually come. I agree working from home is isolating but I do get to spend time with my daughter and also get to go into the office once every with her to do filing. Thank you all for your support.

Trying to be brave

Girlbond_007 — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 23:16:49 GMT

Thank you for your reply Paul, I am finding it hard most days at the moment to be able to just be there for my little one especially when she wants to talk to me or play. I have no energy and am just so down. It's hard explaining to a 3 year old that mummy is sad again today. On top of that I have to find the motivation to eat which I just don't want to do right now and turn on my computer to do a bit of work. My mood seems to get better in the afternoon as I look forward to my husband coming home from work. I just wish I could switch this all off.

Trying to be brave

Girlbond_007 — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 23:21:49 GMT

Hi Ci, it is so hard when you have children to look after especially when you can't seem to look after yourself. I have no energy right now to want to play or interact with her sometimes and it makes me feel so sad and guilty. I can't eat properly and find it difficult to prepare meals for my family sometimes as I can't bare the sight of food sometimes. Thank you for sharing I hope your road becomes easier. The hardest part is asking for help.

Trying to be brave

ci — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 02:04:55 GMT

Hi bondgirl007

Read your last post had to say you are definitely not alone in being to exhausted to interact and play with your daughter it's horrible can totally relate I'm the same I find that a lot of the time I'm not really here my brain switches off and I'm disconnected I feel terrible guilt and sadness that I'm not able to enjoy the time with them that I should.

Food is also hard for me bringing on more guilt not able to look after my family the way I should. Please don't ever feel alone your not!

Do you have support of family and friends?

Trying to be brave

Girlbond_007 — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 03:13:38 GMT

Hi Ci,

I have an extremely supportive husband even though he doesn't quite understand the illness and a super supportive mother. I don't know where I would be without both of them. I have always been super independent And never ask for help if I need it because I guess I see it as a sign of weakness. I feel I may have pushed away some other family in doing this. I'm back to the go today to write up a mental health plan to get to the psychologist.

can you try to get to your go for help?

Trying to be brave

ci — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 04:34:27 GMT

Can't believe how much you sound like me. Great that your husband supportive mine to don't know what do without him same though doesn't fully understand but he tries.

Mum not so much. Pushed my friends and other family away same as you see as being weak to ask for help. Don't know about you but I can be frustrating like that hate to ask for help.

been to the gp and working on a treatment plan wish would have gone earlier. Good luck today it's a big step

Trying to be brave

Girlbond_007 — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 08:44:47 GMT

Hi Ci,

i printed off the guide for carers from the resource section of this site for him which he is going to read. Maybe a good idea for you too or at least see if your hubby will read it online.

I really don't have friends, even ones from school years ago, I have one old family friend I have only just started catching up with who has two young children and has also been having a tough time. I have never been social and I out that down to my anxiety however when working in my office am such a bubbly happy person. Amazing how things can change so quickly.

I come from a long line of strong matriarchs so must have inherited the gene and don't ask for help because I like to do it all on my own and have control over every situation. Doesn't work out so well with kids!! I've had to learn to let go a bit which had been incredibly hard.

i too wish I had of seen the GP earlier I feel the last three years of my child's life have been a blur and I have missed out, not planning to have another either. Officially been diagnosed today with GAD with depression. A new medication has been added to the antidepressant I am already taking in order to hopefully boost it and two Psychology appointments have been booked. I am quite relieved. Please keep in contact with me if you would like to. Hope you are on the way to recovery soon xx

Trying to be brave

ci — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 23:23:32 GMT

Girlbond007 hi thanks I will print that guide off for him he happy to read stuff and try and understand what best to do to help me. Printed off about 10 pages of ocd stuff few weeks ago to help him thought he'd just read the first page and put it down but he read more than me trying to understand what's going on with me helped heaps.

Hard to get official diagnosis I got mine couple weeks ago ocd but she saying depression and panic disorder needs to be added to the list last week think she probably right but see what she says next week when have next app. Found it hard to get a label but a relief to know what wrong. Keep saying to my hubby any part of your body acceptable to develop a problem but people find hard to accept your brain can.

It seems to be the way with anxiety issues that friendships can be hard to maintain even though I think it's a huge part of recovery support of friends and family doesn't seem fair.

I only ever had few friends at a time and found impossible to trust and lean on them but they gone now anyway life can get pretty lonely living with this your not the only one feeling that.

Funny I have never been one for going out and being social either but same as you used to be a bubbly happy person miss that feel like an empty shell last few years.

Hope the new meds help you and you can get back to feeling like you wouldn't wish this on anyone but have found it really comforting to hear not the only one muddling my way through all this xx

Trying to be brave

Girlbond_007 — Sun, 15 Nov 2015 00:21:06 GMT

You too xo