topic Loosing Everything in Anxiety

Loosing Everything

P_ — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 08:22:10 GMT

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post online about my anxiety and feel like i am loosing everything.

I have a loving (but frustrated) wife and two beautiful girls who adore me yet my anxiety and depression are pushing me over the edge.

It all started about two years ago after we moved into our new house on a bit of land which had no neighbors except for an old pensioner who loved his gardening. It was great but we soon had a new house built beside us and the noise (which really was minimal) from the new neighbor sent me into a spiral of panic and anxiety around being able to hear them at night. I went to a Councillor but found it fairly unhelpful and the only thing that seemed to help was headphones on the PC or not being home at all on weekend.

Things changed and the neighbors separated leaving the house empty most of the time and things returned to normal while the house is on the market.

Our neighbor (old guy) was then murdered by some people who were staying with him (friends of the family) and the house was then empty up until about 2 weeks ago.

The new people who have moved in are "social" (3 parties in two weeks until all hours) which has sent me into a very bad spiral. I am not eating, spending either all my time away from home or with my headphones on avoiding the world........ I feel like leaving my house and my family is my only option....... and the scary thing is that i know they will hate me (i will hate me) but i am ok with that.

Decided to meet them to try and bring back in the crazy which helped as they said they are quiet people and wont notice them......... Two days later another party.

I have made an appointment to see my doctor but as i am away for work for two weeks it isn't until the 14th of March.......... I am thinking that if i am not better when i get back i will leave.

I just want it to be over and i am fine when at work etc.

My wife has been really understanding but is getting close to the end of her patience and is now telling me that i need to harden up.

Please help

Loosing Everything

JessF — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 21:59:36 GMT

Hello P, it sounds like you certainly have some issues with anxiety, and the murder happening next door has really elevated things. Anxiety is our body's way of telling us that we are unsafe and need to act: fight or flight. Anxiety the mental health condition is like having continual false alarms. Would it be fair to say that a lot of your anxious feelings are around feeling unsafe, and not secure in your home?

Good that you've got the doctor's appointment booked. I wouldn't make any rash decisions at the moment about having to leave in two weeks. It is unlikely that your neighbour problem will be solved in two weeks, and it is actually a completely separate issue to your anxiety. Noisy and inconsiderate neighbours can be found everywhere, and they need to be dealt with, but they are merely a trigger for your anxiety, not the cause of it. If you start by separating the two issues, you can start to work out a coping plan for moving forward.

Loosing Everything

blondguy — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 22:27:20 GMT

Hi P and a warm welcome to you...

JessF is right 'clinically'..so to speak...due to your anxiety being spiked by these events

If I may ask you...did you have the anxiety/depression prior to moving in 2 years ago??

If I may say however....your situation with the partying and bless him (your neighbor) That is awful! I think many people would be a nervous wreck with your experience...

About you leaving..Please dont concern yourself with two weeks time. Haste makes Waste, all you can do now is one day at a time.You are an intelligent and sensitive guy that has very little sleep. The vicious circle here being a quality sleep is necessary as the building blocks for recovery and healing. How does your wife sleep?

I couldnt sleep either with your situation...but for everything there is a solution...

Please let us know how you are going P.

Here for you

Paul

Loosing Everything

P_ — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 08:19:06 GMT

Thanks you Paul and Jess for your replies.

Yeah i definitely think that that it is something to do with being afraid. I used to be someone who was confident all the time and now it is so much the opposite.

Trip is only a few days away and i am trying to just get through this weekend.

I am finding that i am calmer from Sunday night through to Thursday night as i know it is unlikely to be a party compared to sat and sun.

I am really hoping to have a break through with my doc and find a psychologist that is good, i feel like i am reading a lot about how important it is to find someone who is good rather than just present.

My true sincere thanks.

Loosing Everything

Graceeeeee — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 10:39:09 GMT

Hey P!

A very big welcome to you for joining the forum! Here you will find lots of people who will love, support and understand you 🙂 I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment, sound like what happened next door really elevated things. My suggestion for you is to find a really good local GP, then her or him will introduce you to a really good psychologist that can cater to your needs, that would then really help.

At the mean time, if there is anything at all, that you would like to talk about, we are here for you, there's no judgement here, it's just 100% love, you will see soon, and I hope these replies have helped you! 🙂 Hope your night is going smooth!! 😛

With Love, ❤️

Grace xx

Loosing Everything

blondguy — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 20:54:23 GMT

Hi P

Nice of you to reply..Thankyou. You will have your confidence back...Its actually still there...you just have matters now that have temporarily clouded it.

Please keep in mind we are here for you P 🙂 It would be great to hear from you

Kind Thoughts

Paul

Loosing Everything

P_ — Sun, 21 Feb 2016 08:36:51 GMT

Well just had a horrible weekend with the neighbor. Friday night was ok, they had a few drinks out the back but couldn't hear them so managed to ignore it.

Saturday started out ok with a few jobs around the yard and one of my daughters friends birthday party in town.

Got home around 9ish after having to work to find them in full swing with music i could hear through our entire house. I didn't get anxious this time but just angry and went next door to ask the neighbors to turn it down. They did accommodate and turn the music down but the yelling etc lasted until 2:30am.

This is the third weekend in a row (they have only been here 3 weeks) where we have been kept awake until 2am atleast and i am at my witts end.

My wife is upset over it and i am trying to keep it together.

Really at a loss at what to do, neighbors suck

Loosing Everything

Graceeeeee — Sun, 21 Feb 2016 11:54:13 GMT

Hey dear P!

Sorry to hear that you are still disturbed by your neighbours, that can be really annoying sometimes can't it? Have you tried having ear plugs in to block out the noises at night, or maybe install a sound proof window/wall/screen, or anything like that? It might be a weird idea, but just trying to throw some suggestions around here 😛

Anyways, as always, we are always here to listen to your problems and support you in whatever ways we can, hope this evening is going smooth for you and your family my friend!! You are such a beautiful person ❤️

Take care, and all of my love to you my friend!!

With Love, ❤️

Grace xxx

Loosing Everything

blondguy — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 14:39:15 GMT

Hey P

thanks for letting us know how you are going....and its not good by your response.....'

Are there other neighbors that can hear the music? If there are...dont call the police....drive to them and let them know that they are 'disturbing the peace' ..What time do they turn off the music? If you want to can let us know (again) how your wife is sleeping with this?

Here for you P

Paul

Kind Thoughts

Paul

Loosing Everything

white knight — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 16:38:07 GMT

Hi P_ a warm welcome to.

I am sensitive about many things and noise is one of them. So many years ago I set about building my own home (my own hands) in a country town with one distant neighbour. That worked fine but we moved to another country town close to traffic and despite double glazed windows we could not adapt to the noise. A couple of years later my relationship split and I settled financially with her.

I sought a block of land the size of one acre and planned my future home. I have a golf course at the rear I could overlook with an elevated rotunda, no neighbour on one side as its Govt aviation land and on the other side is the most wonderful neighbours. Our only threat is if these neighbours sold out to rowdy people. The town only has 200 people but is 15 minutes form a major town of 4000 people large enough for a hospital, supermarket etc.

That was my answer to my noise problem and it might not be an answer for you. Moving is a big choice but if it has to be the answer to saving your marriage or your health then it has to be IMO. In my experience as one that once enforced EPA laws onto loud residents it isn't easy to quieten down party types. And even if you do, through a drawn out process of decibel monitoring and court processes they will likely get nasty and the problem will be worse....as wrong as that is.

Some of this is covered in an article I wrote (google) "Topic: When all is lost what can you do- be radical- beyondblue"

Also "Topic: depression and sensitivity- a connection?- Beyondblue"

Tony WK

Loosing Everything

metcom3 — Sat, 26 May 2018 07:05:49 GMT

Hi P_. I am really hoping you might be able to share with me whether you ended up resolving the issue. I am in a similar situation. I am anxious all the time at home about the possibility of there being party noise from my neighbours. I had lived in Richmond in inner Melbourne in a townhouse for 10 years until recently. In recent years, I lived in fear of noise from partying neighbours. I purchased the house next door to mine, thinking that would solve the problem, but then I only had more noisy neighbours from the house behind. If I heard their front door closing, I would worry there might be people visiting and going to have a party that night. I could not take it any longer, so I made a big decision, took out a huge bank loan, and purchased a 1 acre block out of Melbourne with only one neighbour. After moving, I felt so much better.... until that one neighbour had a big party. Loud music, shouting, drunkenness. Even though their house is a considerable distance from mine, I feel threatened once again. Like you, I wear headphones at my computer as they give me peace. I also feel much more relaxed from Sunday through to Thursday, and when it's raining, because there is less chance of parties, and I find myself trying to avoid being home on Saturday evenings because I fear there may be noise. Saturdays are the most difficult day of the week for me (today is Saturday) because I fear there will be a party. It's only party noise such as music and people talking/shouting in a party context on a neighbouring property that bothers me. Traffic noise doesn't bother me, nor does noise at work or in a shopping centre. However, partying neighbours makes me lose my appetite instantly, my body goes into absolute panic and I become extremely tired very quickly. I cease to be able to function - my mind entirely consumed by the issue of the noise. I saw a doctor about it who referred me to a psychologist, who recommended 'mindfulness exercises'. However, I can't make the connection between the mindfulness exercises and the issue. Did you manage to improve your situation? How did you do it? Is there anything I can learn from your experience?

Loosing Everything

Peterman — Sat, 04 Jan 2020 13:42:26 GMT

Hi metcom3. I've just read your post from 2018 in reply to P's post about anxiety caused from neighbour's loud music and partying. I feel exactly how you describe yourself. Anxious much of the time, especially weekend times. My wife and I (plus out two kids) bought a house four years ago in what we thought was a serene part of the hills. We were very quickly made aware of two different neighbours' very loud aggressive dogs which barked a lot! This made me instantly anxious and gave me a sense of hopelessness - we'd just bought a house, a huge commitment, and were stuck with these dogs. I eventually approached both neighbours. One was reasonable, and over time the dog's behaviour improved. The other was initially aggressive and very confrontational, but over time has calmed down. They have also made an effort with their dog. However, in addition to this, we have a third neighbour who is a youngish bloke (prob early 20s) who has inherited his house from his parents, so our nice dog-free neighbours tell us. He has played loud music from time to time, but over the last six months the frequency and volume has increased, including loud band practices complete with much foul language. To make matters worse, his property has "no trespassers" signs up, and he has recently added a loud barking dog to his arsenal, which often barks throughout the band sessions. For these reasons, I haven't approached him in person. Some months ago I wrote him a letter, including my contact details, and put it in his letterbox. No response. Several weeks ago, after a Friday night of much noise, I called the police, who came and put an end to things. The week just gone by, however, the silly season between Christmas and New Year, has seen a week-long gathering of his mates. And while the music hasn't been as loud as it sometimes has, there has been much noise, yelling, dogs fighting, etc... My anxiety has been through the roof. And, still raw from the two dog neighbours, I am stressing! Metcom3, I don't mean to burden you with all my problems, but I guess my symptoms seem to similar to yours I thought I'd strike up a conversation. Have you had any success with your issues? I'm currently trying headphones and white noise apps, but don't want to put up a barrier between my wife and kids and I. Have seen a couple of psychologists, but with little helpfulness. Cheers, and hope you're in a better place!