i don't know what other choice i have

abluejay — Sat, 21 Sep 2013 14:56:07 GMT

my life is a mess. it's over. there is no way out for me anymore. i have severe agoraphobia and can barely leave the house and i've been like this for years. i have zero support and spend 90 percent of the time completely on my own locked in the house staring at four walls and listening to my own thoughts. i have nobody that loves me or cares or checks in. i had so many dreams and they are all without reach. i can barely look after myself and i am 37!!!!!! and i have the capacity of a toddler for self care right now. There is something so terribly wrong with my brain, i can feel it and i feel like i am dying all the time. I want to be strong enough to put myself out of my misery. but i am scared.

i don't know what other choice i have

Chris_B — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 01:48:09 GMT

Hi abluejay,

Welcome to the forums, and I’d like to think you can take that feeling of “zero support” and add a few numbers to it now that you’re here.

I am close to your age (35) and have been through long periods where I can’t take care of myself properly either. Those have also been the times when I’ve confined myself to the house, afraid to go outside.

You’re stuck in a landslide of negative thoughts about yourself right now. I say landslide because when we’re feeling like this, one thing just leads to another and they just get bigger: I can’t take of myself > my dreams are shattered > I can’t go outside > no one cares about me etc.

Don’t know whether you have tried CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) before, but the main idea behind it is to pick up negative thought patterns and help us to confront them and ask, how real is this?

There are tell-tale signs in your post of a number of these thinking styles, and all of us have been through these at some stage. Have a look at this page and see if you recognise any: http://www.get.gg/unhelpful.htm

The fact that you are panicked to the point of thinking about self-harm is very concerning. Not sure what treatment you may have been receiving up until now for your agoraphobia, but please go and see your GP, or as a first point of reassurance at least give our support line a call on 1300 22 4636.

In the meantime, try to refocus your thoughts away from the past and the future and concentrate on tasks in the moment. That might be as simple as having a shower or making a cup of tea. That might be the only thing you can do in a whole day right now, but that doesn’t matter. It’s all about taking the first step. You can do it.

Take care, and please keep checking in.

best
CB

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i don't know what other choice i have

i don't know what other choice i have