topic New and anxious about privacy in Welcome and orientation

New and anxious about privacy

TheLonelyGuy — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 01:50:18 GMT

Hey guys, just created my account. I’ve been reading these forums for months now, and I’ve always wanted to start “venting”about my depression and social anxiety but my psychologist is discouraging me from doing so because she reckons I’m going to keep my negative thoughts “in front of my face” if I read and post on these forums. The other thing is I’m really scared about privacy. What if I get identified by either the authorities or anyone? It would ruin my reputation. I’m even scared of signing off with my first name at the end of my post ;/

New and anxious about privacy

white knight — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 02:33:23 GMT

Hi, welcome

There is no need to sign off with any name at all. It's a choice some of us make.

Thelonelyguy is a totally anonymous name that could be anyone.

This forum is very positive and supportive. If you read anything negative on this forum it is likely from a member that is experiencing such challenges in life which is understandable. Simply take this into account when reading and move onto the next thread is my advice.

I've been here 9 years and I can say that this forum is extremely successful in assisting people get on with life.

I hope this helps. If you have any specific questions you can start new topics and see how you go.

We also have a extensive library of topics, simply use the search bar. eg

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation

As you'll realise the above topic was written in a positive manner to improve peoples knowledge on depression and when to activate motivation.

TonyWK

New and anxious about privacy

smallwolf — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 11:16:44 GMT

Hello and welcome to the beyond blue forums. I agree with everything that Tony said.

I will tell you why I joined here... A place to meet other people like myself. And others responded to me with kindness.

Your psychologist have their reasons for the not being here but here is where I think this forum is helpful. By posting here I can get thoughts out of my head. Others here reading my post can then respond from a different perspective. It is, for me, like support between sessions.

I hope you are able to get something out of being here.

Fwiw... There is no way from your handle that I can find out who you are and vice versa.

New and anxious about privacy

Petal22 — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 13:23:19 GMT

Hi TheLonelyGuy,

Wellcome to our forums!

The forums are usually a very positive and helpful place for people who are experiencing mental health conditions.

Its useful for some members who are suffering with a mental health condition and another member has a lived experience of the condition and can provide hope, understanding, compassion and things that have worked for them.

You are anonymous and you don’t have to sign off with your first name.

Hope to see you around the forums.

New and anxious about privacy

geoff — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 16:00:28 GMT

Hello TheLonelyGuy, I agree with those above me and I'm sorry I lost my typed reply as my PC turned off.

The psychologist may not want you to post on an open site for the simple reason that people who have been through this themselves may offer other ideas, suggestions or advice that hasn't been discussed in therapy.

To over our negative thoughts is not to push them aside but face them head on, find any trigger points that may aggravate them and then be able to know how to solve them or be able to cope with them, because if we don't then we may be faced with situations we are unable to know how to handle them.

I'm sorry the first reply was longer but hope to see you continue on this site.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

New and anxious about privacy

TheLonelyGuy — Sat, 22 Jan 2022 02:59:28 GMT

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that many replies! Thanks all for answering. I’ll start posting soon. There’s millions of negative thoughts that go through my head, and the worst thing is that some or most of these are facts. For example, I’m 21 and still virgin?! That’s not normal. I’ve never kissed a girl, never been on a date etc…

New and anxious about privacy

white knight — Sat, 22 Jan 2022 03:23:52 GMT

Hi LG

I can assure you nothing will surprise us veterans here. As long as the community rules are followed go ahead.

On the topic of not feeling "normal" with development or sexual relations you might like to know that society has deteriorated over the last few decades in respect to opportunities for young adults to connect. Our grandparents (parents in my case) had ballroom dancing and due to lack of cars they met up locally, married and ad kids often at your age. Then my generation came along (baby boomer) and it was discos but not a great way to find a suitable partner.

All is not lost, we can talk about it including computer dating if and when you like.

TonyWK

New and anxious about privacy

mmMekitty — Sat, 22 Jan 2022 09:48:36 GMT

Hello TheLonelyGuy,

Just wanted to welcome you, too.

I used to write all my thoughts & feelings, especially when they semed on an endless loop. I never showed anyone what I'd written. I wrote to break the repeating thoughts & get to sleep.

Now I still write, but I enjoy the feedback from others , to show me other ways of thinking, of how to respond differently, to help me reflect on where my mind is at.

I would encourage you to continue to have discussions with your Psychologist, about posting here, what you post, & what you feel about it when you do.

As for concerns about privacy, I think others have said what I would have anyway.

If you feel you want to sign off, you could use your username, or any pseudonym or perhaps one of the emojis?

I'm not going to get into your virginity, whatever the age or whatever the 'normal' age is...I only wish I had been!

mmMekitty😺

New and anxious about privacy

Guest_1643 — Sat, 22 Jan 2022 10:09:04 GMT

Hi the lonely guy...Re the authorities identifying u, can u give any more info on this? this forum is completely anonymous. U need an emil address to join, but uncouod create a fake one just for this purpose....that would be fine. And u are more than welcome to maintain any boundary u need here...eg if u don't want to share Ur name, etc we would support that and understand!

It's pretty hard to identify ppl from their posts here, it's Australia wide and all ages. Good to be cautious though.

Re being a Virgin at 21, I've seen endless posts on this and feel it's so common. I agree with Tony, meeting ppl is hard these days. It's a shame more parents don't help their kids and guide them a bit in dating. Us younger generations millennial and gen z are really struggling.

New and anxious about privacy

smallwolf — Sat, 22 Jan 2022 10:31:21 GMT

Hello.

If you search on the forums here (via Google)

Beyond blue virgin

You will find similar stories to your post. I guess you would not be in this group but there are also people who choose to be like that.

I don't mind saying I was a virgin at that age. I guess the question is how or if you let it define you. There were also people on mafs (?) last season. When you walk down the street there are likely to be others the same - there is no mark on you to indicate this.

I also understand how frustrating this can be given what friends might say or what you see on tv or on social media where you would think anything different was out of the norm.

I am also sure you have many skills and talents that other people like.

Listening to you

New and anxious about privacy

Guest_1643 — Sat, 22 Jan 2022 10:56:43 GMT

hi, yes there was the 29 year old on MAFs who had never had an intimate partner, and you've reminded me of Melissa in (?) the same season who hadn't been with someone for a very long time. Maybe ten years? She was 38.

New and anxious about privacy

geoff — Sat, 22 Jan 2022 16:58:10 GMT

Hello TheLonelyGuy, the problem with negative thoughts and intrusive thoughts is that our mind distorts the real facts and develops thoughts that for some reason keep reoccurring in our mind that are disturbing and distressing.

There is no rule book stating that a person should have kissed another person and broken their virginity by the time they reach 21, it only happens when the opportunity arises and because you haven't, does it actually mean anything, no, not if you don't tell your mates, and who knows whether or not they are not in the same position and haven't told anyone.

It will happen when you love someone and in these times of uncertainty with this COVID doesn't make it any easier for you.

Geoff.

New and anxious about privacy

TheLonelyGuy — Sun, 30 Jan 2022 10:09:48 GMT

Thanks everyone for your insightful opinions! I won’t reply to everyone, but I’ve read everything!
The reason why my username is what it is, is because I’m literally the loneliest person in the planet. I feel like Tom Hanks in cast away. I lack friendships, and since I left school I’ve made next to no friends.
My daily routine is literally waking up (unfortunately), taking my SSRIs, eat, play my music instrument all day, go on Instagram all day, cry about being stuck in this routine, cry about not knowing how to flirt with a girl, cry about knowing I’m such an outcast while everyone else is working, partying, having sex, hanging out with their partner………..and - I’m always day dreaming about my psychologist. I miss her so much between our sessions due to transference.

I’m also so underexposed to social interactions that I usually say things really awkwardly. I sometimes really struggle to say my thoughts out loud.

New and anxious about privacy

smallwolf — Mon, 31 Jan 2022 12:26:33 GMT

What instrument do you play?

Care to tell me more about that?

New and anxious about privacy

TheLonelyGuy — Wed, 02 Feb 2022 01:10:37 GMT

I’ve been playing the piano for like 14 years 🙂

Since I left school I’m not involved in any music group like I used to be due to my social anxiety.

New and anxious about privacy

smallwolf — Wed, 02 Feb 2022 11:19:11 GMT

You must be quite good then? What style of music do you play?

Do you write your own?

New and anxious about privacy

TheLonelyGuy — Wed, 02 Feb 2022 21:41:54 GMT

I’m really into Jazz and improvisation at the moment, although I play a bit of classical too 🙂

New and anxious about privacy

smallwolf — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 11:52:09 GMT

Oh. That sounds sooo COOL!

I know you said you have social anxiety. Some people adopt a persona when performing. Is that something you have thought about? Even performers that have been playing in front of people their whole life get nervous before a show. Please do not think I am trying to push you to do anything. You sound like you have a of talent there!

New and anxious about privacy

mmMekitty — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 04:47:27 GMT

Piano, Jazz, classic, improvisation - all sounds great to me! 😺Mix these all up & it'd be perfect,

I'm, unfortunately, am not well-coordinated, so didn't manage to learn much. Now, even if I thought I was brilliant, I would be extremely anxious going out in front of an audience.

mmMekitty

New and anxious about privacy

TheLonelyGuy — Sat, 05 Feb 2022 23:29:56 GMT

Ooooh noooo no hahahahahaha. My social anxiety has nothing to do with playing in front of people. I LOVE playing in front of people because it’s the ONLY time where I feel superior to others (as in, I can play like this and some of you can’t), (not to the point where I’m toxic about it though, lol).

The anxiety for me is anticipating getting in touch with people looking for band members, entering the rehearsal room for the first time, meeting the band members etc… a bit like starting a new job, or being in a new classroom in a new school with a new teacher. (Maybe nobody would understand that comparison because I’m the only who feels that way when these new situations happen), so don’t say you know what I mean if you don’t lol