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lonely_lady — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 12:05:08 GMT

Hi I am a mature 60+ lady struggling to balance work and some newly diagnosed chronic health issues. This past few months I have also developed mild depression, anxiety and ptsd but feel that these are increasing in intensity. My GP is now recommending a mental health care plan and I have no idea what I need. I have no family or friends for support and my partner doesn't really 'get' what I need. Am reaching out to this group to make some connections and hopefully find some friends. I am the type of person who always appears positive, strong and capable and always there for others but am finding now when I need support, there is no one there for me. Reach out and say hello

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quirkywords — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 12:23:23 GMT

Welcome lonely lady to the forum and thanks for reaching out to make this post.
Hello I am in the same age group and I can relate to appearing positive amd helping others but it can be frustrating when you want some support and people say you are so string.

We are a friendly group here.

Is something you like doing or that gives you pleasure or makes you smile.
I like books , writing and walking.

Pleased to meet you.

New here

lonely_lady — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 12:27:15 GMT

Hi quirkywords, I do love to write, walk on the beach and just sit in nature. I can never find the time to just chill out as there is always so much that needs to be done just to exist. Think I've forgotten how to live and sooo tired it's hard to find the energy

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smallwolf — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 12:52:14 GMT

hi and welcome.

just a quick post here so please excuse me for this...

a mental health plan will allow you access to psychologists at a cheaper rate via medicare
between sessions I found post and chatting on the forums here helpful
depending on your IT/phone skills, you could also look at apps on your phone
otherwise reading about other persons stories can help normalise what you are feeling

As for your partner not getting it.... Is that because they don't believe in it? or don't know how to respond? If the latter then it is a case of listening to you and allowing to you to talk. Being able to talk to someone about what you are going through is much better than to suffer in silence.

I hope some of this helps. Listening to you.

Tim

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geoff — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 17:13:37 GMT

Hello Lonely lady, and a warm welcome to the forums.

Sometimes when our partner/spouse don't 'really 'get' what I need', maybe because we're too afraid to begin a conversation only because of their reaction, or believe they won't understand what you're talking about or are not interested in, but chronic health can be the gateway to depression as we become older in life and can affect the friendships we once had.

It doesn't mean you should feel alone, as many of us are in your age group and understand how you feel because once we begin to feel tired and unable to do what we used to love to do, then there is a problem that needs to be talked about.

A pleasure for you to join us and hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

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Eilidh_Girl — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 18:54:01 GMT

Hello lonely lady,

I'm brand new here too and can relate to a great deal of what you’re saying. In particular, there being so much that needs to be done just to exist!

I certainly don’t have the answers but just wanted to say hello. I think you’ve fine something tremendously positive just by reaching out here.

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lonely_lady — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 21:36:13 GMT

Thank you smallwolf, my local hospital has given me sessions with a psychologist to help and it has made a difference already. However my GP says it is not enough (sessions are monthly) so wants to add a health plan so it will be interesting to have some different perspectives. Thanks for the other tips, what apps do you recommend?

As for my partner, he simply does not know how to listen. He is so used to me handling everything and because the change is 'internal' he forgets to consider what I am feeling if that makes sense. He also has some health issues of his own and has become a bit self absorbed in that so my attempts to communicate fall on deaf ears and is causing us some tension. It won't destroy our relationship but we are having more downs than ups at present which adds to my stress. Thank you for listening

New here

lonely_lady — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 21:50:43 GMT

Thank you Geoff

It's great to hear there are people in my age group here and very comforting. My husband is not a great listener or communicator so he simply does not know how to listen, hence the reason I say he simply doesn't get what I need. He is so used to me handling everything and because the change is 'internal' he forgets to consider what I am feeling if that makes sense. More downs than ups at present in our relationship.

As for friends, I have very few good ones and none close to me physically. I am blessed to know at least 3 who would take me in if I turned up on their doorstep, no questions asked but they are all so busy with their own lives I don't want to burden them with my troubles. I feel I need some 'friends' who are neutral and not connected to the 'old happy reliable me' but can relate to my current situation. Thank you for listening

New here

lonely_lady — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 21:57:48 GMT

Thank you Eilidh Girl,

I already feel better and grateful that people like yourself have responded. I am finding it hard to keep working but don't have the finances to cut back on more hours and on top of that ususally have 2 or 3 appointments of some kind every week just to manage and monitor my health issues. It's all very overwhelming and complex and then of course there's a home to look after, shopping bills etc. Very hard to make or put aside some time to just relax and look after me. Am I being too responsible? probably but doing my best to let go of as much as possible

Thank you for listening

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Eilidh_Girl — Wed, 25 Aug 2021 07:28:20 GMT

I can completely relate to that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing where to begin to trim things back. I, too, am trying to learn how to look after myself. Hang in there.

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smallwolf — Wed, 25 Aug 2021 12:29:52 GMT

apps are a bit like phones, computer, cars, etc.

what color, features, sounds, etc. do you like.

for example, I use and like virtual hope box. When I suggested apps to my dad, he did not like it. the audio was a little quiet, and mid pacific female voices. When it comes to selecting an app... does it have ads? is it easy to use? what is the cost? does it have the tools I want?

I think he ended up using the headspace tools.

There was a thread on the forums about apps.... the good ones are headspace, smiling mind, calm ... there are the most well known. The one I use was recommended by my psychologist. You can also do a google search for

mental health apps backed by science

hope that helps.