topic New to beyondblue in Welcome and orientation

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 02:56:31 GMT

Hi all i am new to beyond blue and yes i suffer depression i am slowly finding my space at home getting smaller, would love to connect with people before i wind up in the wardrobe hiding from the world . I am a social person by nature and would hate to lose myself any further 😞 can anyone suggest a good way to connect with others here.

Cheers Chip 🙂

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Jos — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 04:08:00 GMT

Hi Chip,

I'm relatively new also, I have recovered from depression and don't quite know why I am still drawn to reading posts and sometimes interacting, perhaps it's my way of connecting to people who have gone through similar situations, as when I was suffering I was very much a 'closed book'.

On BB you will find some truly inspirational people who have all experienced depression, along with additional direct support of the BB team if needed.

I have noticed that the posts can sometimes take time to be read and responded to, so hang in there, I'm sure others will also respond.

Is it ok to ask Chip what is making you feel depressed and if perhaps you are also seeking other forms of help?

Jos 🙂

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 05:35:30 GMT

Im not sure atm though i do know i am scared of life confused sad every day and wanting myself back ... i have constant thoughts of not wanting to be here ... was diagnosed with depression about 7 yrs ago though am sure have suffered much longer .... was recently re diagnosed with severe post traumatic ... i feel like im losing my sanity and am on a daily spiral deeper into my home ... it has effected my relationship to the point of guilt and dis pare that i am not a strong man any more when i used to be 😞 ... i have been on meds but they dont seem to help the pain just level the peaks and troughs ... and as im sure you know from experience no one can help. i always think ok greg you can get your head around this but i fail to do so the simplest tasks have become mountains. grrrrr i hate where i am jo's ... congratulations by the way for overcoming this terrible curse :))))

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 05:37:27 GMT

and the sadest thing in my life is ... i am pushing all that love me and care away :((( have you ever been there ? its killing me inside out

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Jos — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 06:00:25 GMT

Yes Chip I have been there, a part of depression, in my case was to totally isolate myself, at the same time feeling total sadness and guilt, amongst many other things.

Has there been an event or trigger which has caused your depression, how long have you felt like this?

I hope you don't mind the questions it may just help to explain a little about where you are now.

Jos

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 07:55:05 GMT

Yes jos 3 major events in my life that contributed to where i am mentally today ... child abuse when i was young, a marriage break up after 19yrs due to a breach in my trust (my partner played up) and about 12 months ago i had a so called friend go nuts on me and rammed his car into mine at high speed trying to kill me (still to this day i have no idea why) both cars were rolled and i was lucky to get out of it alive ... so have been through the wringer mate 😞 ... have lost alot of trust am not working grrrr understandably i am depressed.

Just read an article about Narcissists and 'Narcissist Victims ... am starting to see a pattern in my relationship at the moment very similar to the symptoms shown in a Narcissist victims co dependency and the on going emotional symptoms

though im confused because i have alot of anger and have been very cruel with my emotional outbursts.

Guess i'll learn and hopefully change whats going on with me , it is why i joined BB 🙂

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Jo3 — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 08:45:45 GMT

Hi Bouncingback Chip

It's great that you have come on here to seek support and advice. This is an amazing forum full of beautiful people who are suffering, hurting and want to get better and give their time to offer help.

You have been through so much, and you don't need to suffer alone. There is lots of help out there.

Child abuse is the most horrible trauma a child can go through - I know, it happened to me between the ages of 9-12 by 3 different guys. I blocked it out for 30 yrs and 3 yrs ago it all came out. This has caused me to now suffer from post traumatic stress, depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder.

I sometimes push people away as well and I hide a lot of my depression and BPD to my husband and children.

I think it would be good if you could see your GP and ask for a referral for a mental health plan where you can see a psych to help you. Not sure if you are seeing anyone at the moment. But that would be a great start.

I hope you can get some help from us on here, glad to talk anytime

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Jos — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 09:32:53 GMT

Hi BB Chip,

i like your new tag....you have gone through a lot, trust issues are, I feel tied up with our emotions, you've had your share of issues there. Hopefully they are behind you now and from what I gather you have important people in your life, I hope they are supportive of where you are presently.

Do you have a good counsellor that can help guide you, your anger and outbursts maybe a reflection of your own frustration of this affliction, I was the opposite, totally passive, so I can't offer much support there, maybe other BB members can help.

Keep seeking out your 'old self', it's still there, I never believed I would find myself again, but I did, if I did, you can and will to.

All the best - Jos :-))

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 10:56:38 GMT

Hi again jos and thank you for sharing with me your time 🙂 , much appreciated. Yes i will not give in i know deep within the cor of me and hidden beneath the depression i still exist , my inner self will not give in , I am far to switched on and valuable to throw myself away 🙂 but hell its hard sometimes . I am looking forward to getting to know a few on here and by example i know we learn from others and in the numbers we see we are not alone , nor the only one on earth that has issues .

Thanks again hey mate and safe travels , may life treat you kindly 🙂

cheers

chip

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eljaycee — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 04:15:14 GMT

Hi there Bouncingback Chip 🙂

Reading your story makes my heart hurt for you.....

My boyfriend has complex PTSD....it's his story, but in a nutshell it started with child abuse (inc. sexual), army time, emergency services work and complicated family issues.

He is in the midst of a shutdown at the moment, when he isolates himself, especially from me. He says it's to prevent him from lashing out at me, vocally, never physically.

It is very difficult to be on the outside of PTSD, no where near as difficult as what the sufferer goes through, but it is very hard to feel so helpless and shut out.

It is so important that you have reached out here.....I believe people need people who understand....

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Jos — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 05:46:33 GMT

Hi BB Chip, how are things for you today?

It's nice to be able to put a face to a name....

Do you like to read? The was another post on here on Jan 22, his tag was Smallbear, he mentioned a book called 'The Mindful Way Through Depression'. You can search back to his post by going up to the 'search' are next to 'Register or Login' on the screen above.

Travelling in the lifeboat with you - Jos :-))

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 08:12:31 GMT

g'day jos ... im ok thanks , just coping as we do 🙂 i dont mind reading but tend to not last very long as i tend to get preoccupied or distracted very easily ... How ever i will take note as I'm sure at some stage through this mending process i'll need to read.

I guess short stories at the moments would be my maximum attention span lol

life boat ... reminds me of a saying an author once said ... I cant think of his name i think perhaps Ralph Emerson or maybe Ernest Hemmingway but its meaning is something like this ..... when a boat has lost its oars and you have given up all hope, don't fear let go for the current knows the way

pretty true to what we have to do when down ... just flow so at the moment that is where i am at 🙂

thank you for asking Jos

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Jos — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 08:51:14 GMT

Hi BB Chip,

I like your saying, all that inspirational food is good for our souls, I love the Cherokee fable of the two wolves, will you look it up if you don't know it?

I remember trying acupuncture, one of many self seeking therapies prior to succumbing to the black dog, the acupuncturist described my feelings at that point perfectly, I was alone in the night in a dark ocean trying to find that glimmer which was the lighthouse.

Do you have someone that you feel comfortable talking to, a counsellor perhaps?

Jos 🙂

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 09:04:32 GMT

Awesome truth to this .. 🙂 its a simple plan really

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:A fight is going on inside me, he said to the boy. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too.The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,Which wolf will win?The old Cherokee simply replied, The one you feed.

Thanks m8

and yes was seeing a psychologist

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josephine — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 09:55:17 GMT

Hi BB Chip,

Just another thought, have you had all your hormone levels checked? I ran into a previous friend (who I had spent time in hospital with) who had suffered with depression and he said his recovery came about as his levels were low, unsure what test and what levels in his case, but think you fall into the age category that this may be an issue, just a thought... there is a website that I just looked at for you, 'live.com' which may help.

How have things been for you over the last couple of days?

Jos 🙂

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 11:20:25 GMT

Hi Jos,

interesting that you mention that re; hormones.

I was only talking to my sister yesterday about the guy next door that had manic for years and on real high med levels ... his wife found out for him about that , he saw a specialist up here in Brisbane and now is on a hormone cream . He is 100% better and no meds 🙂 i should look into it ... My moods are horrific at the moment all over the place sadly 😞

Its been quiet here around my home the last few days am trying to sort a few things out so i can get my own transport rolling again so have been busy doing that.Thank you for asking Jos

Ill definitely have a look at that site , very kind of you to think of me

Hope all is good for you as well 🙂

cheers

Greg (chip)

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josephine — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 11:39:58 GMT

Thanks Greg, all is well with me....having your own transport is going to be a big plus, can't imagine being without a car.

Sounds like that might be an omen, I only thought of it yesterday but didn't get around to posting. It's a good idea to eliminate all the physical possibilities, you never know it could very well be contributing to how you are feeling.

Try not to be too hard with yourself, your moods hopefully will pass soon, tomorrow is a new day...

Well best be off for now - Jos 🙂

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 11:44:05 GMT

Hi eljay, yes it is difficult and i know from my experience that it is very hard for my partner as well ... we constantly battle with my lows which in turn does obviously effect her as well.

As it goes for me I tend to really push all that love me , that i love aside when i'm down because i feel i'm hurting them with my lows.

I am starting to see this pattern for allot of people suffering a PTSD tend to do this ... (as we see ourselves as victims) its something we dont want the people we love to feel our pain ...

Unfortunately its a 2 edged sword ... and regardless of how hard i push i too have to realize that it hurts to reach out and feel helpless or rejected so i also from my own experience feel your pain ..I have to stop , do a reality check and realize my partner is in this also 🙂 Just something I am learning to pay attention to (this might help your man to try to focus on, if he can .

EASIER SAID THAN DONE .. IN THE MIDDLE OF A LOW , EVEN THOUGH I THINK OF MY LOVED ONES AND KNOW THEY ARE THERE SOMETIME NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I STILL HIDE AWAY FROM THEM AND THE WORLD 😞

Gentle as the wind ... for the wind can move sand dunes :))) we still love those around us

There is a common ground though but your partner if he loves you must try to allow you to be there.

Thank you for your reply eljay , very kind of you indeed 🙂

All the best eljay hope life treats you guys kindly ,am here to share if either of you guys need a chat ... i'm on my own as my partner lives away so the chat is good for me

cheers m8!

Greg (chip)

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BOUNCINGBACKCHIP — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 11:52:42 GMT

Thank You Jos .. have a great night

Yeah i need to get to the beach and do some fishing , take the dog for a run 🙂

He needs to get out more also ... hahaha poor little bugger , having to listen to me all day and without a voice all he can do is look and tilt his head .. Hahaha

and i am learning ty .. to realize i count , so day by day step by step my self worth is returning

tgc

chip