topic STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START in Welcome and orientation

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Strugglingtocope81 — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 02:26:03 GMT

Hi all,

I am scared, I have a wife and a 6yr old and I have been struggling with happiness and love for a while now and all I have tried to do is what's best for them. I have forgotten about me clearly.

Have I failed them??

My wife wants to leave and take the little one with her as she believes I need help and she is not happy as my attitude, snipy comments and frustration has taken its toll.

Never been violent but clearly I've messed up along the way and about to lose it all.

Struggling to sleep, anxious and past week even thought about the worst.... how can I expect them to be happy with me when I can't see the light.

Tooday I reached out to GPnas I know I need help and a plan but cant see me Saturday!! I feel the constant pain and sadness over me 24/7.

I even looked today for support groups or meet ups for males in Perth but I can't even find that!

It's just this overwhelming feeling of uselessness and even self petty right now and I have NO idea how to even start to understand or start this process of loss!

The family are still here but different rooms and all I want is to show my family how good a dad and husband I can be...

Or am I just destined to fail like everything else I do!

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Sophie_M — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 03:35:11 GMT

Hey Strugglingtocope81,

This sounds like a really difficult and isolating time. We can hear you have a lot of love and care for your family and just want to do the best by them, but to support others we need to make sure we're ok ourselves. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.

We are concerned about you, so we're reaching out to you privately to offer some support.

Do you have any friends that you feel able to talk to about this? It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here (11am-midnight AEDT). There’s also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.

You mentioned you'd love to find a support group but don't know where to start. This is an anonymous forum, so we can't provide recommendations for services in specific areas, but our friends over at Black Dog have a directory of support groups for mental health by state, here.

It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to do so. We hope our warm and kind community will spot your post and offer their support soon.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Strugglingtocope81 — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 03:53:52 GMT

Thanks Sophie,

It means alot to at least feel someone is there to help.

Right now it's like a lost feeling and not one I'm enjoying.

Im sure there are many more people out there with worse than me and they need the help more as they are all so very important too.

I'll keep plodding along and get there I know that I'm sure.

Tim

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

white knight — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 04:04:29 GMT

Hi, welcome

In addition to what Sophie has mentioned ther eis the organisation DADS dads in distress on HELPLINE - 1300 853 437.

It was in Perth in 2002 that I met a DIDS representative in a park sitting handing out leaflets.

I've been where you are at and eventually I left my very narcissistic wife and she kept our 2 daughters. That was in 1996. One week prior there was my attempt, I wont mention more.

I survived and now my girls are 33 and 29yo. They needed me and they needed me to remain mentally ok and provide for them. My eldest daughter 4 years ago, prior to walking her down the aisle to marriage said "Thanks for making it dad". I knew it meant more than being present.

So I left one night after smoke rings were blown in my face. Kissed my girls on the forehead as they slept and drove off with few possessions. It took a few weeks in a 11ft caravan in a caravan park to gather myself. I had the usual fortnightly weekend visits of my kids. Then I spotted a block of land. This was significant because I had a new direction. I also get a second job. Now I planned my new kit home and my inspiration was to one day tuck my girls in their beds in their new bedroom. That came 11 months later.

I eventually found love again from someone that accepted me for who I am and has never abused me.

You can make it a good life story Strugglingtocope. We are here for you.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-best-praise-you'll-ever-get

TonyWK

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Petal22 — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 06:05:21 GMT

Hi Strugglingtocope81,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Have you made an appointment with your gp?

I understand that feeling this way is difficult but with the correct help you can get better.

Im glad you have reached out to us on the forums we are a very caring community and we are here for you.

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Banksy92 — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 06:17:29 GMT

Hi Strugglingtocope81,

I'm so sorry to hear everything you're dealing with right now.

It's great to hear that you have showed interest in getting some professional support, I think that is an important step for you while you get through this. Have you heard anything back yet about an appointment?

In the short term, you may also want to utilize MensLine? It's a free counselling line for men available 24/7. The number is 1300 78 99 78.

Let us know how you're getting on.

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Banksy92 — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 06:25:56 GMT

Hi strugglingtocope81,

I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this right now, separation or relationship issues are such a difficult journey.

I think it's positive that you recognised that getting some professional support would help - I agree this is an important step to help you through this. Have you had an appointment yet?

In the mean time, you may also want to consider using MensLine. It's a free phone counselling service for men which you can access 24/7 in Australia - 1300 78 99 78.

Let us know how you're getting on.

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Strugglingtocope81 — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 08:39:43 GMT

Hi Banksy92

I can only get into my doctor to see them for a Mental Health Plan (which scares the day lights outnof me) to be part of. They can't see me till Saturday AM.

At the moment I'm just taking it hour by hour as im battling these thoughts and feelings and trying to hide it from the little one and still show strongness to my wife

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Petal22 — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 12:52:35 GMT

Hi strugglingtocope81,

Please don’t fear the mental health plan it’s the start of your recovery by doing this.

I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD I have now recovered from this condition after the professional help I received.

I understand it’s really hard when the thoughts are thick and fast ……… it’s hard…..

Maybe try some meditation and some deep breathing.

You could try to put one hand across your forehead and one hand across your lower abdomen………at the same time…. Just breathe

(This is very grounding)..

Please don’t feel you have to do this alone we are here…….

I understand your trying to be strong for your wife and son but have you been able to express to your wife how you are feeling inside?

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

geoff — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 14:59:33 GMT

Hello Tim, it's great you have reached out because many of us have been in exactly the same position as you and actually know how difficult this can be.

Being in this situation, we know that we love our wife and children but to say this and behave like we do, is not easy to display, let alone say it, like we did when there was nothing wrong.

At the moment and until Saturday, if possible, you have some homework to do, all in your time and without pushing yourself, try to write down on some paper, point form, how you are feeling, possible reasons and what triggers any of these emotions.

This will give them an indication straight away and it's much easier than trying to talk to them because normally we leave out a point we needed to say.

You can try and show your strength to your wife but it's not all there, you make statements to her but she knows that it's not the real Tim she has been used to and may wonder whether or not you mean what you are saying, this is by no means your fault, so don't blame yourself, you certainly didn't ask to be like this.

On this site you are talking to many people who have struggled themselves and totally understand everything you're saying, so talk with us, and have no fear, this happened to me when I had two sons and my wife was sleeping in another room.

I felt the same as you, and unfortunately, this site hadn't been created back then, now it's available to correspond with other like people.

Please take care.

Geoff.

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Strugglingtocope81 — Sat, 05 Mar 2022 04:17:58 GMT

Many thanks to you all for your kind & supportive words.

I went to see the GP and the first steps in putting my mental health plan. It was daunting and even looked for an excuse not to go this morning but I did.

Home life is not great either, the wife and I are struggling, last night I even tried to show affection to show my love and spontaneous behaviour only to be totally shot down which was really hard as sort of showed me we were at that stage for the 1st time.

I will be reaching out today / tomorrow to the recommended people that the Dr gave me as he decided against medication right now and wants me to open up and talk

Struggling to switch off the bad thoughts and worrying thoughts and anxiety is really hitting harder still.

I guess one road at a time ans hope it won't be long to see someone. I've even struggled to even talk to anyone this week except on here...I just don't know how to start a chat with beyond Blue if they call or anyone. Shame / embarrassed are to words that ring load for me right now

Tim

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Petal22 — Sat, 05 Mar 2022 10:29:00 GMT

Hi Tim,

That’s ok happy to support you 😊

Well done for doing your mental health plan it’s a great step in the right direction.

I’m sorry yourself and your wife are struggling… just give it time……. Time heals all wounds.

Im sorry that your thoughts and anxiety are hitting hard I understand this is difficult to deal with.

Where you able to open up to your gp and tell your gp the type of thoughts you are experiencing?

Please don’t feel embarrassed Tim mental health conditions really can affect anyone and it’s not your fault.

Keep pushing forward on the road ahead. I know it may seem hard now but once you travel it the view at the end of it will be amazing 💪

Here to chat

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Banksy92 — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 09:55:58 GMT

Sounds like you're moving in the right direction Tim, and while I know right now things are different and hard, know that it does get better and you become stronger when you take the steps you are taking. Opening up and talking about what you're going through with a professional will help tremendously, just give it time.

Don't feel as though you need to rush the process either, if you aren't sure what to say they can help to guide you at a pace you are comfortable with.

Im glad you feel able to express how you're feeling on this thread -would it also be help to write down a few notes to use in your first session or if you want to call a help line? Journaling can be a construction way to process thoughts and feelings. But if that's not your jam, simple bullet points can still help.

Let us know how you go.

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Strugglingtocope81 — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 14:44:58 GMT

Hi Banksy92,

Tough tough week ive been waiting to hear from the 3 psychologists that I got referred too and I thought to myself "I'll be ok till I hear form them"

It's now closed myself off further and it's clear to see that I've lost my wife and no coming back from that. I'm really struggling to actually talk to someone as I don't know how I can face all the craziness. I've not spoken to BB at all as it's a real mental struggle to accept the help..

I've just tried to see if I can get into my doctor (doesn't really matter as its a 13 day wait to book to see him for next appointment, so to be not having him to see me is a kick in the face as he said i can see him again and talk if needed) so just another person I opened up too in the start of this process but I'm left to deal with it alone again! As im not really sleeping probably 2 or 3hrs a night and he decided no medications at all just taking first but this is a daily / nightly nightmare at the moment. My thoughts and deep deep feeling of pointlessness is kicking in.

Im struggling to actually get stuff done and to get out of bed but I guess thats ok.

I just wonder if this is the new normal and I just gave to such it up and push it to the side!!

Sorry for the lack of posts and now this but I had to get it out of my head and out

STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

Banksy92 — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 08:04:53 GMT

Hi strugglingtocope81

It's good to hear from you, though I'm sorry to hear it's been such a difficult battle recently. Waiting for availability of doctors is one of the most frustrating experiences. I can really empathize with your struggle here. It feels as though for years our healthcare system has been overloaded and often when we need it most we cannot access basic support. Hang in there.

I understand it's difficult to open up and accept help, but I do encourage you to pick up the phone and try speaking with BB helpline if you're feeling as though you need some support in the meantime. You don't have to explain your whole story if you don't want to, maybe you just work through one aspect of how you're feeling?

We are always here on the threads too, it can sometimes help to just put all of your thoughts and ideas into writing, just to get it out of your head.

The lack of sleep would definitely be catching up on you as well. Have you ever tried guided meditation or deep breathing techniques? Slow deep breathing can really help to calm the nervous system, reduce stress and improve sleep. Maybe try something like this track next time you head to bed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZFGiDHLGGo

I find these types of techniques really helpful when I'm anxious or upset.

Let us know how you're going when you can, thinking of you.