topic Re: Really struggling to hold it together in Welcome and orientation

Really struggling to hold it together

wraith73 — Mon, 13 Apr 2026 14:33:40 GMT

I signed up here about 6 years ago. At the time, I was having trouble coping. I was working at the time so was keeping busy. A couple years later, everything was starting again. I’m used to my back pain so that wasn’t an issue. We started looking after a friend’s 4yo daughter after a crazed neighbour tried to hit her with a baseball bat after he hit the mother. They stayed in our caravan for a while, and at that time, this kid grew on me and her happy, bubbly personality gave me the strength to carry on. She was my angel and she saved my life. She’d hug me when I left for work, and tried to stay up to welcome me home. Kinda like any father would want from his own family (which I never got). They moved back to their house after the guy got put away. One day, I was supposed to take her to the beach, but when I went to pick her up, she looked at me with fear in her eyes. Then locked herself in the toilet crying. I thought I had lost her so on 1st Oct 2022, I couldn’t cope and self harmed, I didn’t do a very good job, so I was going to stop by Emergency to check, on my way to work, but stopped at the mother’s house. Turned out the mother had a massive argument with someone visiting and the girl was just scared to leave her mum, fearing this other person. So I almost killed myself for no reason. 9 stitches and psychologist sessions. My wife isn’t always the most supportive so I never told her of all the reasons I did it. She wouldn’t understand how much (or why) this kid means so much to me. I left my job a few months later due to bullying and harassment by management, so my missus decided to take up FIFO work while I looked after kids and tried getting my head right. We started looking after the girl and her sister for almost a year as their school was just around the corner, a lot closer than her. DCP visited a few times to check all was suitable, but we weren’t official (paid) carers. She didn’t have a real father figure in her life so I filled that role and I loved her like a daughter, and she often called me dad by mistake (I’m sure she meant to and I felt so happy when she did). We had a close bond ever since.
I’ll have to add the rest in replies as the 2500 character counter isn’t working for me and this back story was pretty long.

Re: Really struggling to hold it together

audiology — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 05:19:08 GMT

Eagerly awaiting the rest of this story!

Re: Really struggling to hold it together

Ggrand — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 05:46:22 GMT

Hello Dear wraith,

Take your time, only when you feel strong enough to share what ever else you feel up to sharing….no pressure at all…

We are all here for you when you feel to talk some more….

My kindest thoughts,

Grandy..

Re: Really struggling to hold it together

wraith73 — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 06:06:56 GMT

They won’t let me post the rest.

Re: Really struggling to hold it together

wraith73 — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 06:52:54 GMT

Long story short… if they let me post it… DCP took her from her school almost a month ago, I thought from her mother as she had a lot of issues and history with them. But it turned out, she allegedly said certain things about me, taken out of context, but they assumed the worst. I met with DCP and they said nothing about the more serious allegations, but just asked about what she said that lead to their allegations. I explained the circumstances of things she said, and they seemed to understand (at least they made me think it went ok). I only heard the whole thing from her mother after. She spoke to the girl who confirmed nothing untoward had happened while she was in our care. And she told them that during her supervised visit. At my meeting they told me they are concentrating on family visits only (as we are not technically family), and based on the allegations, it is unlikely we will ever get to see her while she’s in their custody (another 10 years). They will continue to talk to her and if they are convinced there was no real danger (that what she had said really was taken out of context or exaggerated), and if she keeps asking them to let us visit, they might reconsider. But they seem to have made up their minds. Things might be different if her mother gets her act together to provide a stable environment, and fights it in court, but at the moment, she just seems content with just having visits as she knows the foster family and it’s safe. Doesn’t help me, though. Even if she gets her back, I’m sure they’ll still put restrictions on who can see her. I just want things to go back to the way they were. She was happy here. She always got what she wanted. She got away with everything. I couldn’t say no cos she’d do the puppy dog eyes if anyone said no. What I’d give to have her knock on the toilet door and sing “do you want to build a snowman”. I can’t wait 10 years to see her again. Besides, after 10 years, I doubt she would be the same person after bouncing around the system. She saved my life and they took that away, based on seemingly unrelated comments she made at school. I don’t know if they just treat all men as suspicious. I can’t cope with living 10 years without her. 10 years knowing she’s missing us and even she can’t contact us. The only thing I can do is ask her mum to give her a big hug from us to remind her that we still care and would give anything to see her again. But for now, it literally feels like my heart has been ripped out and I’m either crying myself to sleep (when I do get any sleep), or struggling to get up (and walking around all numb when I can get myself our of bed). Plus, I was diagnosed with diabetes about the same time, so that just adds to all my other issues. And, yes, I know she is not my daughter. We were there when she was born. We have looked after her for half her life. She is a daughter to me. And now it almost feels like she has passed away, because of how sudden she was taken from us. I don’t know how to cope. There’s no one in this world that can fill the gap she’s left.

i hope they approve this post this time. I’ve left out a lot because my previous post apparently had too many details about the allegations and other things that were said. I guess if you’re reading this, I managed to censor enough of it.

Re: Really struggling to hold it together

wraith73 — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 11:42:11 GMT

Just to clarify, at the top of the 2nd part, the girl allegedly said certain things about me, not the mother. The things she said to the school chaplain didn’t make sense so that’s why I’m assuming they embellished or misunderstood what she said, but it was still a stretch to assume what they thought it meant. I doubt she even realises the implications of what she said, as she definitely wouldn’t have said stuff like that on purpose. Once again, I can’t post details because the mods will decline the post. It’s hard to express the severity of the allegations but they were enough to destroy my spirit. Nothing gives me joy anymore. We used to sit and watch videos and play games, and talk about her day and how she’s feeling. And occasionally give her hugs when she’s upset, missing her mum. Now I just sit and blankly watch videos but can’t get myself interested enough to watch it all. Nothing is the same without her here. My daughters are both adults now, but with their anxiety issues, and my 12yo son on the ASD spectrum, they are not really emotional people, and I can’t get the same level of emotional support the girl gives, just by being there. Now she’s gone and even my kids are feeling it, all quiet and barely coming out of their rooms. I think I worried my daughters a bit cos I got them to witness my will. Just in case.