topic Re: Need Advice on What to Do Next in Welcome and orientation

Need Advice on What to Do Next

Guest_10136 — Sat, 15 Mar 2025 20:35:01 GMT

Hi, this is the first time I’ve ever actually reached out for support. I heard online that this might be a good place to start. I’m 19 and somewhat in university, kind of. I don’t really know how to ask for help, but I know I need it.

I’m not sure if I’m dealing with burnout, emotional exhaustion, or something else entirely. The past year has been a lot. In April last year, I lost my dad to cancer. I don’t really know how to grieve, or even if I’m still grieving. I was close to him, but I’ve had so much else going on that I feel like I just pushed my emotions aside.

Last year, I started my first year at university and took four classes. When my dad passed away, I thought throwing myself into study would help, but it didn’t, I failed all four units. I didn’t want my family or friends to worry, so I told them I was doing fine. In semester two, I retook two of those units but still failed one. Now, this semester, I’ve decided to take a break from university to try and fix myself. But I haven’t told anyone. I’ve been pretending I’m still studying.

I’ve been feeling lost and confused. I don’t know what to do. I keep telling my family and friends I’m fine, that I’m doing well, but inside, I feel like I’m falling apart. I smile and laugh, but it hurts. My sleep is a mess, and even though I’ve been trying to get myself together, I’m struggling.

I came to this website for advice or support because I don’t know where else to turn.

Re: Need Advice on What to Do Next

indigo22 — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 01:24:09 GMT

Hi Sam-Silva,

Welcome and I am so glad you found the courage to reach out to us.

I am so sorry for your loss, losing a parent is one of the hardest to come to terms with because of the deep bonds we have.

I think part of the reason you have struggled with your loss is because when we are young, grieving is an experience we have not yet had to deal with and it feels alien to us. I lost my brother when I was 14, we were very close and I had no idea what grieving was all about either. I was in year 10 at the time and I also struggled with school for the remainder of the year and was failed by my English teacher, despite doing the best that I could. I ended up leaving school at the end of that year and it took many years to come to terms with that loss because I did not get any help. Loss can really throw a spanner in the works with our normal brain functioning, makes it difficult to concentrate, interferes with memory, saps our energy, and it's an emotional rollercoaster as you well know. I have been through grief many times since (now in my 60s) and have lost 3 other members of my family to cancer so I can empathise with what you are going through. I have learned what works for me so that the process can unfold and resolve. The process and the time it takes is different for each individual, but there are commonalities that people go through which I will talk about throughout this post.

I think you have made a wise decision taking a break from Uni and focusing on getting well before continuing with your studies.

I would like to help you by giving you some ideas on ways you may be able to work your way through the loss of your dad. One of the things you need to stop doing is pretending, this will only prolong the process. Grieving is not something you need to feel ashamed about, it is a natural process that everyone will go through at some point in their life and most people will need some level of help, regardless of their age.

Do you have one person who you are very close to that you can be honest with about your current situation?

Someone who has been through loss is usually the best choice, but not necessarily your immediate family as they are also grieving, perhaps an extended family member who is not as close to the situation. You would be surprised at the weight that is lifted when you start to confide how you are actually feeling with someone who understands.

You may also want to consider grief counselling to help you get through it. There is a grief helpline that would be a good support for you when you want to speak to someone in real time and they will also be able to let you know what support is available to you in your area. Please put the number in your phone so you can reach out when you need to. Some of the not-for-profit organisations offer group grief counselling which may help you to feel less alone.

Griefline - available 8am-8pm 7 days - 1300 845 745

When grieving it is important to allow the emotions to pass through you and not push them down, this will cause you problems later because you haven't dealt with them. So cry when you feel like crying, also laugh when you feel like laughing (laughter is very healing in itself). Reflect on your relationship with your dad and talk to him whenever you wish. The grieving will come in waves, some days you will feel like you are ok, and other days you will wonder if it will ever end. It will get easier with time but you need to ride the waves as best you can until then. Most people think that after a few weeks or months, they should be getting over it, but it is a longer process than that for most. It took me 2 years with my dad before I could arrange for his ashes to be scattered at sea. I just wasn't ready to face that until then. I am able to think of my relationships with those who have passed and smile now at something that I recall, rather than feel filled with sadness. You will know when the process is coming to an end when you no longer feel the need to cry and you feel stable again, when you can think more clearly.

Please feel free to continue this conversation and ask any questions that you may have.

I will be here to support you whenever you need it, you are not alone.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

Re: Need Advice on What to Do Next

Lonesbah — Fri, 21 Mar 2025 11:53:45 GMT

Hi there

Thats a lot to be dealing with. I’ve also lost my dad who I was close to. It’s very difficult. Grief can go on for a long time. And that’s fine. There’s no timeline and every one differs. I felt that I needed to keep my grief at arms length for fear of it overwhelming me. With time it gets a little easier for me to sit with my grief without being swamped.

I work with young people every day and I’ve done a mental health first day course. I don’t have all the answers. But these are some things that may help.

Reaching out here is a positive thing for you to do so give yourself a lat on the back for that.

Keeping a journal can help you express your thoughts in a safe space. And may help you put your thoughts in order.

Telling trusted people that you have some struggles helps you to create a safety net for yourself. They’ll know to check on you and may have words of support.

Consider talking to a professional. Research says that the sooner you do the more chance there is for a positive change or outcome.

Generally family members want to help but don’t know how and that’s ok. But they can’t help or support if they don’t know. They could be added to your safety net if people.

Make a list of things that you know lift your spirits. Stick it on the fridge. When you are having a tough time, go to the prepared list and do something on it. It could be listen to music, go for a bike ride, go to the beach. Whatever works for you.

Do simple things to bring some order to your life. For example make your bed, keep your room clean, make lists of chores to work through. These simple tasks might give you purpose.

Each day, if you can manage it, think of something you enjoyed, or appreciated, or an act of kindness that you did or witnessed.

Access some sort of sleep therapy type app. I listen to one that just calmly talks about random, simple things in a soothing way. I drift off. Sleep is so important but some of us need to work hard at it.

Smile. Smile at something. It releases positive endorphins.

Move. Activity releases positive endorphins too.

Each week, if you can manage it, write your three highlights on a post it note, date it and put it in a jar. It could be as simple as attending a lecture. Listening to friends laughing. Enjoying a good meal.

You will get better at all of these things. It takes practice.

Good luck with everything. Remember, so far you have survived 100% of your toughest days. You are stronger than you think.