topic Re: i never planned for 60 in Welcome and orientation

i never planned for 60

JoeyRamone — Mon, 04 Nov 2024 05:23:18 GMT

hey hey
Wow where to start 😞
Iam usually the one solving others problems and giving advice all my life.
I know what to do, but cant clear my head...cant seem to make any new friends.
meanwhile wife and step sons have wiped me for no reason and dont speak?
Now iam 60 and dont feel needed..no one has time for me, iam sick of "just get over it"

Re: i never planned for 60

Croix — Mon, 04 Nov 2024 11:52:55 GMT

Dear JoeyRamone~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, it's a place where if you look around you may find others who are in similar situations and how they coped.

While you do mention being 60 I'm not sure that has all that much to do with how you feel. As someone who has spent a lifetime solving problems and giving advice I'd not think you would change your basic nature. Maybe it is circumstances.

Just to be on the safe side as you said you cannot clear your head I'd suggest a physical and metal checkup wiht your GP. If there is something then the sooner attended to the better.

It can be very disheartening if your family has drawn away from you - particularly as you know of no reason. May I ask if your have talked to your wife about this?

It is also disheartening not to feel needed, has something changed in recent times, have you for instance retired? Have your stepsons perhaps now got families of their own? (Yes I know I'm just guessing)

One of my pet hates is to be told "just get over it" or equally bad "why don't you just move on". These bits of advice do more harm than good, not only are they unrealistic but tend to make me aware of the distance between me and the one giving the 'advice', and their ignorance and lack of expereince.

I've just been talking generally and you deserve better. if you would like to come back and talk some more perhaps we can assist

Croix

Re: i never planned for 60

JoeyRamone — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 00:20:40 GMT

Thank you Croix 🙂
I did go to my GP and mentioned my situation, he said "go to beyond blue"
The wife and step sons have wiped me, no communication/no going to counselling/ no take a break...nothing
Breaks my heart and mind...
I stood beside the wife and her boys for 15 years...now that part of my life is just memories, no one to laugh about great adventures or compare stories.
The boys are like many young people...easy to wipe people and not speak...
Anyway...i change anyone else i know...but still sad, didnt think id be alone at 60 with an empty house (used to 6 of us)
Luckily i still have 1 son...but he has his own issues, so i try and act happy around him 🙂

Re: i never planned for 60

ABC01 — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 10:34:42 GMT

Dear JoeyRamone,

First, I would like to say I am sorry for the situation you are in.

This may or may not be helpful, but searching for support groups for myself, I have found many in your age bracket. Neighborhood houses have opportunities to meet up for socialisation. And Men's Shed type gatherings. If you feel brave enough, you maybe able to explore them more. It would be a good opportunity to share your story and their experiences with you too. But no pressure. You need to feel comfortable.

I also agree with Croix, I too hate it when people tell you to "just get over it." It would be more helpful if they offered a way to "get over it".

Wishing you well,

ABC01

Re: i never planned for 60

Croix — Wed, 06 Nov 2024 12:03:44 GMT

Dear JoeyRamone~

ABC01 has some good idea to get you out of the house and thinking of new things. As you would agree the more you think about what has happened the worse things seem.

There is no justice in your situation, and by the sound of it no affection on their part either, though I've found as kids pass the initial stage of breaking away it does not always end at that. As one matures sometimes the more important tihngs in life are recognized.

I would imagine you could well become a good memory due to your giving nature, and would be more attractive to visit as a result.

Although it might not seem like it - and one may have little motivation to do anything at the moment - there are a lot of possibilities, which is why I liked ABC01's reply.

May I ask what your interests are, and what in the past you have enjoyed that does not directly involve family? Having an activity, job or pastime can be something to look forward to and brighten each day.

If you felt like it if you came back here you would be welcome

Croix

Re: i never planned for 60

JoeyRamone — Fri, 08 Nov 2024 04:51:39 GMT

thank you..yes iam trying to get a room mate to share the house...
And iam looking at theatre groups and learning spanish.. 🙂
I love to help others, so might do a councillors course