topic Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life in Welcome and orientation

I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

Tizzy — Wed, 09 Oct 2024 23:01:28 GMT

Hi everyone...I'm Liz, 65 years old, mother and grandmother. My family all live in different cities and i am left here alone with my husband of 42 years (who i really don't want around anymore). In the past I have suffered many many episodes of Depression & Anxiety and I am spiralilng down again right now. I have had many things happen to me in the last year which have finally explained alot and I've realised I have taken Medication in the past hoping of changing some of this (umm no)...I just can't go down this path anymore. Medication (I'm on none yet) will just subdue me and make it easier to accept my lot. I am sick of being so passive, sad, hopeless, no confidence, trapped and unable to make decisions regarding my future (possibly on my own). During COVID I abused alcohol and relationships with my family suffered. I no longer drink now. My husnamd during this time spoke BEHIND my back to my kids about me and my behaviour and because of this they think he is wonderful and I am not. He is a covert narcissist and I never knew. I just don't know what to do next. I have not gone to the Doctor for a Mental Health Plan again. I don't think anyone can help me. I've seen a Psychiatrist and many Psychologists over the years but now I think I need someone who can help me to take the steps forward to free myself. I do not work as I can't be around people. I am not yet of Pension Age. Financial reasons is the main reason I am still with my Husband. I think of suicide (briefly mostly) nearly every day. This stage of my life I am not enjoying in the least...there is no joy except when I visit family or they visit here. Thank you for any guidance or similar experiences please.

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

quirkywords — Thu, 10 Oct 2024 10:23:23 GMT

Tizzy

I am same age as you and am a grandmother and mother children in different states,

I would have been married 42 years too if we hadn’t separated after 22 years.
My partner of 11 years is controlling but I have not energy to separate as he is 14 years older.

I don’t have any magic words but I think things can change. Besides your family do you have a passion or hobby. Is there something that gives you joy

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

therising — Fri, 11 Oct 2024 16:31:43 GMT

Hi Tizzy

While I've only been married for 22 years and my 19yo son and 21yo daughter still live at home, I can relate to some of the challenges you mention. My heart goes out to you so much as you face such an incredibly stressful and depressing time in your life.

Over the years, I've come to realise that with any major mind altering and life changing quest in life there are gong to be a heck of a lot of questions. Such quests naturally come with a lot of questions. While that sounds like somewhat of a romantic take on life, it can be far from being all zen-like and positively liberating. Actually, it can prove to be incredibly stressful and depressing at times. If we're sensitive enough to be able to sense or feel the nature of certain parts of our quest/s, I think we have to be fair on our self and say 'It's not my fault I can sense or feel what's depressing, it relates to my ability to feel the nature of what I face'. There are plenty of people out there who are inclined to think or say 'A person with mental health issues is 'broken' in some way'. On the contrary, they can be feeling what no one else may be able to feel. In other words, your ability is not your fault. As a gal who used to drink, to turn down the volume dial on my sensitivity, I can relate to this way of managing as presenting far more problems than solutions.

I've found it's the truly mind altering revelations that make a difference. One of the biggies for me involved waking up to the constructive nature of disappointment, especially in my marriage. In the beginning of our marriage, I think most of us appoint a certain number of roles to our partner, for them to fill. The more obvious ones are appointed through traditional wedding vows. With a slight variation on those vows, 'I appoint you to be the person who will be there for me during the best of times and the worst of challenges (including deeply soulful or soul destroying challenges). I appoint you the role of he/she who is there for me for richer or for poorer (including when I cannot feel the richness of life on my own). I appoint you the role of he/she who is there in sickness and in health (including times of great soulful and/or mental health challenges). I appoint you the role of he/she who will raise me through the worst, through various forms of poverty and through sickening (anxiety inducing and depressing) challenges'. A depressing form of disappointment comes when instead of our partner raising us, they let us down, bring us down or leave us to feel down on our own. We can definitely sense of feel the downs. The constructive side of disappointment involves us doing the dis-appointing...

I officially dis-appoint you from the role of 'raiser' in certain situations and appoint you the role of 'downer'
I officially dis-appoint you from the role of 'He/she who will often be open minded (in search of relatable solutions and visions of the way forward)' and instead appoint you the role of 'He/she who is closed minded, while lacking positively mind altering solutions and visions'
I dis-appoint you from the role of 'He/she who has a soulful sense of life' and appoint you as 'He/she who's largely materialistic, egotistical and self serving'

and the list goes on but that's only half of it. The other half involves finding the people in our life who are going to be raisers, open minded visionaries, deeply feeling soulful people etc. Who are the people who are going to accept the appointments? They will be the people who we may struggle to live without, those who can raise our consciousness, our spirits and our sense of greater self understanding (which includes understanding why we struggle in the ways we do).

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

Tizzy — Sat, 12 Oct 2024 09:42:54 GMT

Thank you for posting...there is little that brings me joy...i crochet when i have the motivation but have lost pleasure for most things. I have my little dog that keeps me company and i force myself to take for a walk each day. It's hard and I am running out of trying to find things to keep me going.

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

Tizzy — Sat, 12 Oct 2024 09:45:19 GMT

Thankyou for your post. This is too hard for me to understand sorry, I am lost.

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

therising — Sat, 12 Oct 2024 17:08:38 GMT

Hi Tizzy

I suppose it's about what your husband can do to help you move forward in certain ways. If he can provide you with financial opportunities and that's pretty much it, could you take advantage of those financial opportunities, especially in the ways of self development of some kind? Can you think of any ways in which you'd like to develop yourself or certain parts of yourself? For example, is there something you'd like to casually study, to serve the student in you? Could even involve studying meditation within a group of like minded people who are trying to manage anxiety and/or depression. Btw, I know a new group can be incredibly challenging to join, especially when social anxiety is a major issue. Is there somewhere you'd like to go, to serve the adventurer in you? Is there something you'd like to do to the house (the environment you're in) so as to serve the interior decorator in you? This could even involve outdoor areas, so as to serve the gardener in you. Are there any parts of you that you'd like to bring to life, including some that might have seemingly gone to sleep or have been put to sleep in the relationship over the years?

When it comes to the path you want to take, would you say you're interested in more of a soulful path of self development, rather than a psychological path? Instead of visiting another psychiatrist or psychologist, do you feel the need to take a different path at this time in your life?

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

Happylife — Mon, 14 Oct 2024 00:36:34 GMT

Hello Tizzy,

Thanks for reaching out.

Crochet is such a great hobby. It's very good for your brain, makes you learn new skills and reduces stress.

Walking is also great for physical and mental health.

Keep up the good work and hope you feel better...

Take care

Happylife

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

quirkywords — Mon, 14 Oct 2024 08:26:19 GMT

Tizzy

I understand the lack of motivation and not experiencing joy in what you used to do. When you feel turned and down it is hard to try new things.

I feel by reaching out here answering posts y is have made a start in helping yourself. I see you want things to change but feel too tired to do so.

Do you like writing? I find your posts very honest annd insightful.

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

Guest_28894222 — Mon, 03 Nov 2025 19:49:24 GMT

Really sorry that I can not help, hopefully you will eventually find a reason to smile everyday. But I know it is hard.

Re: I am 66 yrs old and feeling absolutely hopeless with life

Guest_05051301 — Wed, 05 Nov 2025 05:39:54 GMT

Have no fear your words are a carbon copy of my existence, I too have no idea what to do and I am crippled by the exact same things that affect you.