topic Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.? in Welcome and orientation

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

quirkywords — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 07:11:31 GMT

Something happened to me recently which inspired this thread.

I was preparing an event with a group of people I had known for a little time when I accidentally broke a full length mirror.

My first reaction was to be startled and then cry as it triggered me and it was so unexpected. Instead of people seeing if I was ok, they commented that I was weak because I was crying, they whispered that they were amazed that an adult would cry over such a small thing. Someone told me they thought I was stronger and disappointed I cried.

After a few minutes I was fine but sad my crying was seen as a sign of immaturity and not being strong.

So I want to know if you have experienced people reacting when you cry..?

I am someone who didn’t cry much as a child but now in my senior years I can get teary quite easily which I accept.

I am surprised at what happened to me and now wonder if those people will see me differently.

Do you think most people see tears as weakness. .?

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

sbella02 — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 08:31:21 GMT

Quirkywords,

I think your post will spark an interesting discussion.

I relate to that so much. I considered myself strong as a child, in the sense that I wouldn't cry in situations where I'd graze my knee or fall over. But now that I've entered adulthood, I find that the smallest things will cause me to well up, and I have no idea why. I'll see a touching video or a news story, and I find that I get teary very easily.

I don't think that tears are a sign of weakness at all. Tears are the body's way of processing overwhelming emotions. Totally natural. We may cry when we're happy, like at a wedding, for example. I don't see it as a sign of immaturity and not being strong, I see tears as strength. It shows that you're comfortable expressing your emotions and it means that you're choosing to feel them instead of repress them, which takes inner strength. You also feel good afterwards - it's healthy to cry.

As a woman especially, I've often had my emotions played off by others as me being "near my time of the month", or just emotional. PSA, it's totally normal to cry, and very okay to do so. I just wish it was more socially acceptable.

The people who said that they were disappointed or shocked by your reaction may be finding other and more unhealthy ways of expressing or even repressing their emotions. The reality is that we all experience emotions differently, and nobody should be judging each other for the way that they express emotions. The human emotional spectrum is beautiful and should be celebrated and expressed as we experience it.

Do you think it's a sign of strength, or do you see it as a sign of weakness?

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

quirkywords — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 08:40:32 GMT

Thanks sbella,

I get frustrated that as I age I cry more.

I don’t think I am weak or strong but how can you judge that through my tears. My tears are spontaneous so I can’t plan when they come . I could not cry at my mums funeral but 6 months later I was crying in the frozen section of the supermarket.

Weak or strong, I am emotional and creative.

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

Petal22 — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 10:04:17 GMT

Hi quirkywords,

Im sorry that the people you were with didn’t ask you if you were ok but instead chose to comment on your crying.

I believe crying is healing and it’s a strength not a weakness, I believe your reaction was to cry and you did. You released that emotion in the moment.

If we don’t release our emotions I believe they can cause energy blocks in our bodies.

We want to have a free flowing river in our bodies, energy blocks are like stones and cause the river not to flow freely.

If we have a free flowing river we are more grounded, calm people who have clarity. ❤️🙏

Please don’t worry if these people see you differently, if they do that’s their choice and that’s were they are on their journey and you can’t control that.

Wishing you all the best beautiful soul ❤️🙏

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

On The Road — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 10:47:31 GMT

I think crying is couldn't be a more normal emotional response. Some people do cry more or less than others do, it's natural. Individuals' emotions are varied. I don't see it as a weakness or a strength, instead, I see it as neutral. When I saw someone's crying, I usually don't comfort them by stopping them cry or encouraging them to cry, they manage their emotion and I am just to be present if they need some company. And I would like them to do the same when I'm feeling low.

I admit I'm biased too. Some people are not expected to "cry out loud" in this society due to social stigmas, like the ones who are tough, who look laid-back or confident toward many things, or the ones who are always optimistic and funny. We think of them "even they are crying, things must be very hard for them". But to think crying over "something trivial" is immature for adults deepens this stigma.

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

quirkywords — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 20:40:45 GMT

Petal thanks for your reassuring words, they make sense. I think I was so shocked that people would unintentionally make me feel bad about being and adult and crying.

on the road thanks for explaining how you see crying. I agree with how it can be seen differently by different people.

I also feel needing to justify the reasons you are crying tend to deepen the stigma too.

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

geoff — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 21:32:24 GMT

Hi All, don't forget that some people will cry out of joy, when they are happy, excited or overly enthused and may be referred as a strength, but crying for other reasons should not be considered as being a weakness.

If any of us cry because our mental illness has caused this, and this certainly includes me, then to be criticised as a weakness by others is that these people are unable to not only realise or respect what we are suffering from, but should try and understand the struggles we are trying to cope with and need to leave us alone, unless they want to help us.

Crying when you're in a session with a counsellor is not what anybody should be ashamed of, it identifies the emotions of exactly how you feel.

There is no harm in doing so.

Geoiff. x

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

mmMekitty — Sat, 05 Feb 2022 03:09:08 GMT

Hi Quirkywords,

It seems to me those people criticising your crying when you accidently broke the mirror, were unable to see beyond the superficial incident. They had no idea about how the sudden sound & being so startled had triggered other emotions in you. It might be nice if more people paused & wondered what else might be going on.

As I walled myself up, blocking my emotions (at least to the extent I thought I had), I imagined I didn't respond anymore to anything. I thought I was strong. I hated all feelings on sight! I rejected every emotion to do with anything.

Then that 'defense' came tumbling down. & I hated emotions even more, now I felt them all rushing in, welling up, overwhelming me, & at first, unidentifiable.I felt weak, defenceless, & extremely vulnerable.

I cried evry emotion, as if I had no other way to release them, (unless I turned to unhealthy & unsafe ways).

I had to learn to view these emotions from a different perspective.

I had it explained to me, feelings & emotions are part of being human (I didn't like that either), & feelings are feelings; emotions are emotions. Nothing more. No good or bad, right or wrong - indeed, weak or stron. All emotions & feelings are what they are.

Pain is pain

Fear is fear

& so crying is crying too. As is shaking with fright, srinking from pain. (examples only)

Our reaction to our feeling something, or experiencing an emotion, can also be viewed without judgement.

In this way, I accept a lot more than I used to. I would still like to have a broader range of reactions to my feelings & emotions than I do. Crying is still my default, since being unable to block & deny.

Now mostly I think, it's messy & makes my breathing difficult & my nose clogged, & it's very hard to speak through it.

mmMekitty

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

quirkywords — Sat, 05 Feb 2022 05:31:09 GMT

Thanks Geoff

You make a lot of sense. I think being and adult and crying in front of relative strangers can be awkward.

mmmekitty, thanks for your post.Your words are reassuring.
crying for me is spontaneous, embarrassing and frustrating at times.

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

white knight — Sat, 05 Feb 2022 07:03:21 GMT

Hi Quirky,

I wrote the following a few years ago now.

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/seeking-support/helping-yourself-and-others/online-forums/staying-well/crying-let-it-all-out

Regards

TonyWK

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

Summer Rose — Sat, 05 Feb 2022 08:55:15 GMT

Hi Quirky

I can really relate to your experience of crying more as you move through the later stages of life, as this has also been my experience.

This may sound strange but allowing myself time to actually feel things and cry is a new luxury as I head towards sixty.

I feel like the last thirty five years of my life have been a blur between career, marriage and motherhood responsibilities, and I’ve been too busy to feel or grieve anything properly.

So much has been hidden away. Buried deep. Because there was always a deadline to meet, a meal to cook or a child to attend to.

When I became a carer for a young teen with OCD everything intensified. I was on a never ending roller coaster with no way to get off. And I was expected to be the strong one, for my girl and to get our family through it.

So, I didn’t cry. Too busy and too afraid of what would happen if I started. Not sure that makes me strong but it was how I survived.

These days I have more time to reflect and experience feelings. I give myself permission to cry. Just looking at an old photo of a departed loved one can reduce me to tears. And you know what? It feels good.

Kind thoughts to you

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

Quercus — Sun, 06 Feb 2022 01:51:08 GMT

Hi Quirky,

Wow! The the only people I see as worth being disappointed in are the group of people who judged you so harshly!! That shocked me completely.

I'm not surprised the mirror set off tears or that you feel teary more often. In the last few years especially you've had so many emotional experiences.

The fire, fear and loss, births to rejoice in, deaths to grieve, lockdown and upheaval and anxiety galore... it is a huge amount of emotion to contain. Why should you feel ashamed?!

Even if none of those events had happened there are always feelings we have inside that no-one knows about. Sometimes the strangest things trigger a meltdown in me too.

The other day I was a mess just because I couldn't figure out something on the computer. It had nothing to do with the computer. I felt embarrassed too though. Why should we though?

Just wanted to say I know that you're strong. I find unfortunately people judge as they will until it happens to them. All we can do is pity their lack of empathy and keep our heads up.

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

quirkywords — Sun, 06 Feb 2022 09:54:52 GMT

meMekitty

Thanks for your post.

Fear is fear pain is pain

Crying is my go to not my default, I would like it to be my default but it happens spontaneously.

Tony I read that helpful post and was nodding as I read it. Thanks.

Thanks Summer Rose for you your thoughtful reply.
I like you give yourself permission to cry.

Quercus

yiu are such a wonderful person.
Yes I will not judge myself because others do but I will feel sorry for people who have no empathy.
Deep down I know I have come through a lot in past 2 years and I am proud. I know have a long way to go.

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

quirkywords — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 11:12:05 GMT

A question

Do you think the gender difference between expecting males not to cry even when boys and seeing females as people who cry a lot, is changing?

Or do you think that really as a country we are encouraged to keep our feelings under control especially at work and in relationships?

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

Petal22 — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 15:01:46 GMT

Hi quirkywords,

I can only speak for myself, 😊 I believe that it’s ok to see boys and grown men cry…… I wellcome it and accept it……. We are all the same no matter our gender…..

( we are all one)…..

I think it starts with everyone single one of us to change perceptions of things in the world and be ok with certain things and show this acceptance to others.

We can only hope to lead by example and hopefully we will awaken others that they too can change perceptions and be accepting.

This is how we all grow 😊

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

blondguy — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 15:04:24 GMT

Hey Quirky!

You have written an excellent thread topic here...with heartfelt responses from many members

I understand that there are some people who are petrified of seeing a counsellor/GP etc which is their choice

Just for me I find that crying is a sign of strength and healing old 'wounds'....I feel sad for people that have avoided counselling for so long that they find their emotions overwhelming which only exacerbates their own mental health issues in later life

my kind thoughts

Paul

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

therising — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 19:52:23 GMT

Hi quirkywords

I believe crying can be seen as evidence of emotional maturity. I think we gradually mature into becoming more sensitive, which can help explain becoming more emotional as we age. With every questionable emotion I have, I question it. Can take seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years to get an answer but eventually an answer tends to come when it comes to what a particular feeling is all about. I think as long as we open our mind to the reasons as to why we feel the way we do, as opposed to suppressing our feelings, answers typically do come. I believe most of us started off as 'feelers', even voicing our feelings quite easily. We could feel injustice ('That's so unfair'), we could feel meanness ('You're so mean'), we could feel a need for adventure ('I'm so bored'), we could feel the need for questioning until we were told often enough 'Don't question me, just do as you're told'. We felt a lot back then. I think part of life's challenge is to return/re-turn to being a feeler while refusing to be shut down, this time around.

To anyone who says 'I had no idea how weak you are', regarding your feelings, to them I would respond with 'Oh, no, you don't understand. I'm a feeler. It's how I tick. I feel situations and people's nature'. I smile when I suggest also adding 'By the way, I can feel you being judgemental and depressing. You see how spot on I am as a feeler'. Hope I got a smile out of you 🙂

One of my favourite quotes of all times is so heartfelt and inspiring. I'll share, while I imagine you'll be able to feel the impact and beauty of it:

'There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of
unspeakable love.' - Washington Irving

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

mmMekitty — Sat, 19 Feb 2022 03:24:47 GMT

Hello Quirky & all. I like your question, Quirky, about the social regard for emotions, especially with regards to crying.

I am sure there still is a strong peer pressure in whatever environment, be it work or school, or around public places, to not be openly sad or tearful for reasons relating to sadness or upset, except in those socially permitted areas, such as funerals, memorials, & to a limitted extent, during natural disasters, but somehow people are expected to suddenly perk up & show a huge amount of resillience, even stoicism. The people who do that are held up as heros & examples for us all.

Doing that, I wonder if people who cannot live up to these ideals, then percieve themselvs as being 'weaker', 'failing' to respond 'appropriately', as having a 'problem'?

Another thing I was thinking is about how, along with a greater acceptance of gender fluidity, society as a whole, may be gradually more accepting of displays of emotions. ?

How many people would still insist that 'sticks & stones may break your bones, but names will never harm you'? I, for one, have thought for many years, the saying absolutely disregards the impacts & intensity of emotional/psychological threats & attacks. But how many would still say this to a child, or words like 'buck up', or 'pull yourself together', or 'get yourself together' when a child is upset, likely crying, following some taunt or explicit bullying? I would really like to think this is no longer a common response, but have strong doubts.

When undergoing physiotherapy, I am praised if I don't show how much it hurts, told how well I coped with it.

Dentist, too.

How many more more such messages do we hear, which reinforce the notion that it is better to not show tears or any upset or distress of any kind?

😸Thanks again, Quirky. You got me thinking.

mmMekitty

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

sbella02 — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 12:20:55 GMT

Petal22, what a beautiful way of putting it, your analogy of a free flowing river in our bodies.

Quirkywords, in my opinion, I do believe it's changing - the difference in how emotionality is perceived with respect to gender.

In general, I think that phrases like "fragile masculinity" have encouraged awareness of the disproportionate way that our perceptions of emotionality may affect men's mental health in particular. But I do still think that there's stigma that needs to be broken, which discourages people (particularly adult men) from expressing their emotions, where they are shamed for not being masculine. Even women can be shamed for being "too emotional", or our emotions are often trivialised with phrases like "it's just that time of the month". I think this is a societal weakness that needs more awareness around it.

What are your thoughts?

Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?

sbella02 — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 12:32:04 GMT

mmMekitty,

I really resonate with your point about the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". It's almost demeaning, as it ignores the psychological implications of things like bullying, manipulation, or emotional abuse.

I also think that in general, the way I've seen a lot of parents react to their children expressing emotions is reinforcing harmful stereotypes about emotionality. Natural reactions like crying are hushed or suppressed, which can be detrimental for that child's self-esteem and psychological wellbeing.

I also think it's interesting that you mention health professionals praising patients for their strength after something like a procedure. I never even considered this, but it's true - it seems almost like an institutionalised belief that emotional suppression is a sign of strength.