Traumatised from work

Avocadolady — Fri, 27 Oct 2023 11:05:05 GMT

Hi guys, I’m 27 years old and been working in hospitality industry for 7 years now.

I have had some terrible experiences with work, co workers and employers.

I used to be very self motivated, hard working and dedicated with work.

I burnt myself out because I was a people pleaser and tried to help everybody when I could, I realised I had to change and set boundaries if I want to be healthy with my life outside of work. I started to speak up and said no, but people werent happy with the change I made.

I used to get bullied, personally attacked and told i was not good enough. Gaslight and manipulation were part of my day at work. I was so traumatised, I was in my early 20s and was dealing with social phobia (social anxiety), I was worried whether my co-worker and the regular customers would like me or not, what they would think about me, and whether they would judge me or not. I always tried to control what they think, I worried so much that I lost myself in my head, I felt dizzy and felt sick in my stomach.

I lost my job because of my anxiety, my overthinking pattern. It affected me until today. I still struggle with getting back to work, because I’m always scared about something bad would happen, people wouldnt like the way I work.

But lately, I’ve been trying to find a new job that suits me and I try to speak my mind if something doesnt align with me, is that bad? Trying to speak up and set boundary from the beginning, rather than being a yes-man and burning myself out in the end.

I still think we are still in work culture where we always have to say yes to be able accepted in a company. We can’t speak our mind and let people see our perspective.

I’m still so traumatised, Im scared that I wont be able to find a job that I can stay for a long period of time. What am i gonna do if i dont work? Im really scared right now i cant even eat even though im hungry, my head is spinning because of stress. What should I do???

Re: Traumatised from work

white knight — Sat, 28 Oct 2023 01:59:07 GMT

Hi welcome

I think many people fall into the mindset of not getting workplace approach the best in order to survive.

Due to mania, bipolar I had around 90 jobs and 15 professions. During most of my working life I had zero idea why I didnt last in jobs and a reflection of my inability to get along with many workplace colleagues is when I retired early at 57yo (now 67) and had ended up with only 2-3 friends and even that was due to searching for them on Facebook.

So, why is this so? It is a combination of- workplace attitudes and my mental health issues.

So the common workplace might see you go to the next job and find the same issue you found with this one. The better approach could be-

Less communication with staff
More "I'm here to satisfy my boss not other workers"
No social talk, thats for friends after hours
Seek a more ideal occupation
Dont speak your mind if it means making someone angry. Free speech can be taken too far

So eventually for the last 18 years of my working period I finally found the one occupation that was ideal and I worked alone driving around the countryside. As I had all those jobs over a short period, I appreciated the solidarity and I also ran my own business doing it. So you might want to utilise your license for example to carry out deliveries or similar work.

I have some threads below that you might find helpful. You only need to read the first page

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/fortress-of-survival-part-3-workplace/td-p/454587

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/fortress-of-survival/td-p/216226

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/bullying/td-p/110101

TonyWK

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Traumatised from work

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