topic Re: Owed to Solitude in Welcome and orientation

Owed to Solitude

amd1953 — Mon, 08 May 2023 03:05:18 GMT

I owe a lot to my current situation in life. In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get. I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks. It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour. I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage". And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage. Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are. Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are. Not good actors at all. That's where I make my entrance. But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort. Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be. It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience. Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity. This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch. When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to. I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover. I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change. Or is that asking too much? I'm not really sure myself. Maybe I am expecting too much. Shame on me eh? But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it. The curtain comes down on another production. I only hope it doesn't come too soon. If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish. I have nothing left to give. It's all gone. The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception. Sorry, production.

Re: Owed to Solitude

mmMekitty — Mon, 08 May 2023 13:32:08 GMT

Hello amd1953, & well stated/written. I am learning, too, that at some point in life when I am considering what's in store for me, as I grow older. What are the most important things which I want in my life?

While we are capable ofmaking reasonably good decisions about how we live our lives, I think we owe it to ourselves to try.

There's a high chance I won't get most of what I want, no matter how I think it's not a lot to ask, & what I want would help me to live a fuller & healthier life. I am trying awfully hard to achieve something better than I have now.

Given the life you've had, I don't see you throwing in the towel, if only to raise a finger to convention.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Owed to Solitude

Mark Z. — Mon, 08 May 2023 18:47:36 GMT

Hi amd 1952,

I'm sorry for your challenge in the past, but I'm happy that you're in a place where you can be true to yourself and focus on your own happiness, finally.

It's time to think about what truly matters to you and what you want to prioritize in this phase of your life, such as personal hobbies, relationships, or new experiences.

It's time to stay with people you love, connect with like-minded people who share your values and interests. such as joining clubs or community groups, attending workshops or classes, or simply engaging in conversations with friends and family.

And it's also time to take good care of yourself, prioritize your physical and mental well-being.

Enjoy the journey, you have the power to shape your own narrative.

Mark

Re: Owed to Solitude

Doolhof — Tue, 09 May 2023 01:38:29 GMT

hi amd1953,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us all. I enjoyed the way your wrote and expressed yourself.

Life can feel like we are being dragged along by other people's expectations and maybe by our own misconceptions of how life should be, how we interpret the needs others have on us and when considering the way we were raised compared to a changing world.

We do have choices and options. There may be occasions and reason that will hinder us from advancing, to using the abilities we have been given to enhance our own lives the way we desire.

I am trying to make the most of each day. If I am unable to do that for what ever reason, I have the opportunity to accept that, to move on and maybe try something different.

I wish you well on your journey of self discovery.

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Mon, 15 May 2023 02:56:53 GMT

Hello amd1953

I am new and written so much to several already.

Yes I have lost most of it and forgotten where it is.

I found your piece of art by chance like I find everything on here.

I love it.

I love your analogy. I feel a similar sense for me always wearing a mask when working and living generally within the worlds of my family and extended family.

I love depth in people.

Can I be brave and say to you that it is never too late to be true to ourselves.

Some never get there.

Even if for one day for me that is magical.

You have left the productions behind that have served you until now.

Now the world is an open stage - an outdoor theatre - an ampitheatre

No more curtains.

Your choices will always be endless as they are yours.

Can I come and sit and enjoy some of your discussions - hear more of what is a very interesting mind?

I too know how it feels "having nothing left to give"

That is what has brought me to BB

Now I have found you and your piece of art

No more deceptions - interesting faux pas there - productions

I do not mean to come across as pretentious; all knowing or pushy.

Only reply if you feel comfortable.

I wanted to let you know that you have so much to offer in your writing. You no longer need to give.

Write away and others can share your gift.

Thank you

Re: Owed to Solitude

amd1953 — Mon, 15 May 2023 04:25:59 GMT

Hello and thank you for taking the time to comment on my post. I appreciate it. It is very rewarding to receive such high praise. Very humbling. Someone once told me that I was too soft and sensitive. I think it was meant as a criticism more than anything else. However, that kind of negativity has never been able to prevent me from trying to be who I am. Sometimes, that is not obvious even to me. Books often get judged by their covers and people often suffer the same fate. I usually get written off before I start so I tend to keep busy in the shadows of the wilderness. It's safer out there.

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:13:44 GMT

Hello amd1953

I found your reply earlier then lost it again

I have been looking for your post but could not remember the title or your username I believe they are called.

I have also been told for the better part of my life that I am too sensitive; feel too deeply; think too much; dwell on things and even that I am the deepest person that they have ever met.

I felt as though I had somehow landed on the wrong planet.

I grew up being told that I was different and to stop asking so many questions.

My thinking in response was “different to whom or what?”

I have never been a group person preferring one to one conversations with some people.

I am more a listener than a talker but will spend more time finding out about another than talking about myself.
I hope that you do come out of the wilderness every now and again and say hello.

I would be interested in learning a little more about, who you now choose to be.

Ironically I started a thread somewhere called Being me yesterday. I am a new member. Quite obvious I imagine.

Look forward to hearing from you should you feel like having a discussion.

Emotional26

Re: Owed to Solitude

amd1953 — Tue, 16 May 2023 04:31:31 GMT

Hello Emotions26,

A lot of what you wrote sounds very familiar to me. Especially the aversion to groups of people. I have always felt alienated from society which makes life extremely difficult when you have to attend school or hold down a job. If you could imagine a wild animal in a cage being constantly poked and provoked, you would come close to what my life has been like. I dare say there are others with identical or similar experiences, but I have no knowledge of them. As I think I have a tendency to annoy everyone I meet, I try to stay out of their way and mind my own business. Besides, it allows me to think and write without having to make excuses for being alive. I used to be a talker and a listener but the two are not always mutually exclusive. I have a tendency to say what I think and that usually gets me into trouble. Well, I don't claim to be perfect. My grandmother once told my fiancée that I wasn't very exciting so that might allow an insight into the integrity of my family. They made the Addams family seem quite normal. Well, I've waffled on for too long and I hope nothing I have said offends you or anyone if it comes to that. I try to be an open book but some of my pages are missing and I don't have an index. I allow others to decide whether I am worth reading or not.

Regards.

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Tue, 16 May 2023 08:49:53 GMT

Sorry amd1953

I wrote a lengthy reply and then in trying to edit lost it

There was a message auto saved and I pressed load

nothing

I will have to come back tomorrow as have not started cooking dinner yet

Speak soon

look after yourself

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Tue, 16 May 2023 08:55:05 GMT

Do not think the worse

I look forward to writing to you.

You do not need to have excuses f or being alive.

You have an interested audience in what you have to say.

Re: Owed to Solitude

amd1953 — Tue, 16 May 2023 09:28:33 GMT

Not a problem and thank you

Re: Owed to Solitude

amd1953 — Tue, 16 May 2023 09:30:41 GMT

Don't worry, I only think the worse when it is absolutely necessary. 🙂

Re: Owed to Solitude

white knight — Tue, 16 May 2023 11:08:16 GMT

Hi, welcome

I embraced my sensitivity when 1. I read that up to 20% of humans has HSP Highly Srnsitive People and 2. That without my sensitivity I couldn't write my poetry and 3. That I might not be able to "feel" peoples internal turmoil to help them.

With respect, I think you are stuck on the same stage, same audience that are still there but empty souls. Time to move and visit the wardrobe.

"The rich man gave the beggar a dollar

But the penny didn't drop"

Meaning, the obvious could be in front of our eyes. That fuzzy feeling when something extraordinary happens.

That moment came 25 years ago. I took advice from Prem Rawat Maharaji (please google him on youtube) to climb a hill, sit on a rock and watch the sun set. A sun to set takes two hours. I sat still basking and just before I was about to leave a bird landed on my shoulder.

From then on I read more of his teachings and gradually weaned myself from humans to now, when I select very carefully.

And as I closed my marriage door

I took her words with me

The only spin I thought had value

It's what my future be.

PROBLEM FLOWER

Her words rang in my mind

So I picked a daisy flower

Picked a petal for each of my woes

And counted them by the hour

And when that flower was just a stem

My problems as big as a city tower

I thought my problems were numerous

But not as many as that flower...

TonyWK

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Wed, 17 May 2023 14:23:11 GMT

Hello amd1953

my replies are not showing

will try tomorrow

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Thu, 18 May 2023 08:03:39 GMT

Hello amd1953

How are you?

I have bee reading this afternoon - fiction

the back cover provides the following insight:

A tender. Funny and hopeful look at love, grief and life..

A somewhat broad statement of life

The author as an easy to read style and there are some surprising twists thankfully

I love reading if I like the writing style.

Are you a reader?

Only need respond if you are interested as there is nothing worse than forced conversation is there

Hard to know what to talk about on here

Emotions 26

ps have just realised that my username states that I have 26 emotions

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Thu, 18 May 2023 08:12:08 GMT

Hello Whight Knight

Nice that you are in touch with your sensitivity levels.
I am sensitive not sure how high

I tend to stay away from giving myself labels.

I do appreciate that it helps some which is great.

Poetry is beautiful and yours Carrie’s strong emotions

Great that you can express yourself that way

I like writing but can’t write poetry.

Emotions 26

I hope that it is in the rules for me to reply to a Community Champion as I know that you were addressing amd1953

Re: Owed to Solitude

amd1953 — Thu, 18 May 2023 09:14:41 GMT

Hello Emotions26,

I am fine thank you. I wish you good health too. Somebody probably needs to view those things through a cracked lens rather than a rosy one. I can't really comment on love and romance but I do know too much about grief and life. I used to be a romantic but I lost that when I got married the first and then the second time. Love remains a mystery to me and I don't think I will ever understand it. It's a way of life that is way above my head and therefore I have absolutely nothing positive to say about human relationships at all that might prove amusing or interesting. It obviously works for some but if I had my time again, I would prefer to remain single at any cost. For someone like me, it just isn't worth the emotional price that you have to pay. I've had enough grief to last fifty lifetimes and my life has improved a thousandfold since I escaped from the rat race. Please forgive me if I sound a little cynical but that is just the way it is. I used to love reading as a child but I lost the interest as other things came along and demanded my attention. Now that I am older, my eyes are not as good as they used to be and even though I wear reading glasses, I find it hard to concentrate so I don't bother any more. I write a lot of stuff though because the print is bigger on the word processor, and I already know what I want to say. I know I have a lot to say. Some would say far too much. But I do it anyway. As I don't go out of the house much I have a few hobbies that I concentrate on to keep me busy so I'm happy what I'm doing and as long as people leave me alone, there is never a problem. As you can see, I do belong in the wilderness. It is the safest place to be.

Re: Owed to Solitude

Emotions26 — Thu, 18 May 2023 10:25:52 GMT

Hello amd1953

I was wondering whether or not you would reply after my mess ups with responses.

I am using the mobile that has an unfriendly keyboard and the little white boxes that I respond in make it difficult also. I am not able to see your post either which makes it hard to respond to parts of what you have written.

I shall try though.

I know about unpleasant marriage also. It has left it’s scars and somehow I manoeuvre past the memories of that and an awful 2nd near marriage. The latter a very nasty person. I work very hard at not thinking about “that”

I have been told that people with sensitive natures who have compassion and empathy for others attract these people.
Grief and trauma are outcomes and I am so very sorry to learn that you were treated so abominably twice. That is not love. That is cruelty. It does not mean that you did not possess love. You still have that within you that you can love yourself with.

Love your writing. Perhaps love your wilderness.
Let me know if I start to sound annoying. I too seem to put people off with my truth.

You sound as though you are fairly established in your hobbies which is a credit to you.

We might carry hurt but I know that I am resilient. I sense that in you.

I am trying to get out more again as I love walking and nature. . A great way to learn about where I live and ponder about the history.

I love old structures and history.

You mentioned that you are happier if people leave you alone.

Please let me know if I start to resemble an irritating mosquito or such.

I also didn’t receive a notification.
Do I have to click on follow post every time?

If you don’t go out perhaps you need a new prescription for your reading glasses.

Libraries will deliver books if you can’t get out. You probably know this already.

Emotions26

Re: Owed to Solitude

amd1953 — Thu, 18 May 2023 11:29:10 GMT

Hi Emotions26,

I can assure you that I will answer your posts. These little bumps in the road are unfortunate but probably not avoidable and they must happen from time to time. We tend to shut out a lot of unpleasant memories don't we? That is why I am so keen to remember the good ones that lift us up or bring a smile to our face. It is rare to find someone with an even temperament and willing to converse and be friendly. Sometimes it seems too much to expect because a lot of people don't have much spare time for anyone else. Either that or they are suspicious of strangers. I'm not sure that I would refer to myself as resilient, but I am much stronger in spirit than I was a few decades ago. Some would call it "realistic". There are probably many other terms I could use but it is a strength of mind forger through fire and brimstone. Sounds a little dramatic but you would be surprised how true that is. Truth is also a rare commodity, I hope you never lose it. I no longer get annoyed with people. It seems to me to be a waste of time and energy. I like to have something to do to keep my mind active and that is where my passion for words and writing come into play. I like to go out for walks during the warmer months but I have back problems which has taken the enjoyment out of it. All I can do now is think healthy and of course follow a reasonably healthy lifestyle. The only people I would prefer to leave me alone are the ones that always judge and criticise. Enough people have tried to bend me to their will over the years. I'll have none of it. I couldn't advise you on what you have to click on this forum. I haven't been here long enough myself to know much of what goes on. All of my messages appear to be collected under my username and if I click on that they all appear as if by magic. I probably do need new reading glasses but even though I have a car, I hate driving on the roads these days which is one of the reasons I am content to stay at home. We have a local library but I have enough books to read that I have collected over the years. Besides, there is always plenty to read on the internet. I hope this forum becomes more familiar to you as you navigate the posts.

Regards amd

Re: Owed to Solitude

white knight — Thu, 18 May 2023 23:55:13 GMT

Hi and

I've been enjoying this discussion.

This forum has a huge library. Just use the search feature.

I can, and others also, relate to your choice of solitude yet we need company, as you do by being here.

That compromise is ideal to pursue.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/want-to-be-a-hermit/td-p/273204

TonyWK