topic Re: Being me in Welcome and orientation

Being me

Emotions26 — Mon, 15 May 2023 02:38:56 GMT

I cannot work out how to see all of the discussions

How can I read all responses?

Confused and lost before coming here

Who do I ask and how for help?

The above was written last night - day 2 of joining BB

I have responded to several posters and received some lovely replies.

I have also responded to a post written by a member a while back expressing confusion about new set up here.

Now I feel that I might have intruded upon that person's personal space.

So I went searching.

Somewhere found the suggestion start with introduce yourself - have no idea now where that is - no matter - I am here now

Then I thought.

I will start a thread or post or page myself.

Possibly nobody will reply and it will sit and collect dust.

If I don't try, I will never know.

So I have come to this place BB to extend my practising being me which I have commenced in real life.

Not an easy exercise and most people who know me are not particularly enthralled with the emerging of the new me - no surprise really as I have spent far too long listening to everyone else's egotistical chatter.

I found by chance, yes, a thread or passage by someone writing about an analogy of their life being a performance on stage.

I wanted to reply as the words intrigued me and I would love to be able to converse with that person.

I too am extremely deep.

Well, I could not work out how the page seemed different again!

So being me is proving to be as difficult an exercise in the virtual world as it is in the real world.

Any thoughts.

Should anyone find this; read this and want to continue the conversation.

It would be nice to hear from members who are replying because they want to as much as support from champions and other titles is appreciated.

Thank you if you have read this far.

Re: Being me

smallwolf — Mon, 15 May 2023 10:22:37 GMT

I guess it can be a little confusing when you start here. And I would also say that what you wrote also makes a good introduction for yourself. And if you want to, and when you feel ready, you can talk a little about yourself and what you might be going through. And if you feel comfortable replying (or conversing here, it will make it easier if you go into the other parts of the forum.

A good place to start might also be in the social area

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/bd-p/c1-sc1-b2

where you will find a few "games" you can take part in.

Lastly, I want to commend you for giving the forums a go and replying to the posts of others. I have also been in the position where I wonder how my post went for the person I was replying to. But I want you also to know that replying from a place of caring is a good thing.

Take your time and enjoy the experience? Listening ...

Re: Being me

mmMekitty — Mon, 15 May 2023 11:11:35 GMT

Hello again, Emotions26

Good to see you again.

For myself, I've been 'lost' for many years not really knowing who I was, trying to avoid feeling anything, just existing.

It's taking me a long time to figure out who I am, what are the ings I like about myself, & to in general, feel good about myself.

I don't think it's easy to be ourselves while we are unsure about who we are. It takes some confidence in ourselves & then some courage to face the possibility people won't like us when we show them who we are, wehen we voice our opinions & feelings.

I sometimes have thought I've made mistakes in how I responded to someone, whether here in BB forums, or in my dealings with people I talk to in 'real life'. When I do, I want to apologise & let them know I understand the mistake I made.

As Wolfie says, this would be a good thread to talk about yourself, in general where you are at, things going on for you,

I enjoy some of the games we have in the BB Social Zone, along with the BB Cafe.

Maybe I'll see you there?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Tue, 16 May 2023 03:02:55 GMT

Hello mmMekitty

Thank you for your reply

Some of your thinking is similar to mine. I might have moved on and away from people and be further down the road that I am now travelling on so to speak.

Still as interesting as we never know where every new road takes us or how long it is laugh. It could be a cul de sac.

I have managed to confuse myself which is no small wonder.

I have two places or threads

This one,

Being me

and

Don't feed the monster under the banner of depression.

I have also replied to other posters.

So people can reply if they would like to on either one.

I have probably spoken about bits and pieces of myself on both.

Describes me perfectly really

All over the place.

I also do not want to talk about too much of myself either.

I have shared something somewhere with someone feeling in a similar way. I don't remember where though.

Trust is a major factor for me as has been trodden all over too many times.

I do set boundaries.

Unfortunately some family members think that they are not there for them.

Enough said

Thank you for reply

I appreciate your time. You are probably already replying to several people if you have been on the forums for a while.

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Tue, 16 May 2023 03:20:24 GMT

Well I think that I have worked out why it is so quiet.

I found that I had 99 kudos listed under my profile when I went investigating.

I am trying to find out about this hidden site.

I did not get as far as kudos. Still don't know what they are and where I see 99.

I have seen support section acknowledged several times - not 99

Then I found the feedback thread out of the blue it was at the top of the page.

Wrote on there about my surprise not only at date but that it was on it's lonesome

Then I noticed in the left hand column faqs

Went investigating

Did not get very far down the list at all.

It appears that I have breached the guidelines several times within three days.

I now think that perhaps I am not the right fit for these forums.

No different to the real world.

I have not noticed any deletions or stern messages.

I have not checked my emails though.

So will wait to hear from the guardians before writing any further.

I am not here to upset anybody.

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Thu, 25 May 2023 05:13:05 GMT

Hello BB world

I found this post again that I started when I was wandering around aimlessly over the first few days of landing in BB world.

I have another thread already mentioned several posts prior.

This one is a different subject though and being me is something that is very important to me.

I will even go as far as saying that I now know that I have been working towards being me for my whole life.

I have achieved this.

Persistence is an attribute that has been my friend.

Determination also has been with me on my journey.

I would describe myself as more optimistic than positive when not falling down the rabbit hole of the dreaded "d".

I remind myself that people without "mental illness" have emotional swings, rides.

I think that I am getting better at not being so very hard on myself which is a strong pattern of a lifetime.

I have had strong compassion for others my whole life and easily recognised when to support and encourage others. I have not applied this same reasoning to myself.

Now I am learning that life is more about balance than success.

I would be very interested in hearing the thoughts and strategies of others if anyone is interested in discussing the topic of "being me".

Look forward to hearing from someone.

Emotional26

ps I am not a cafe person. No offence.

I also tried following the word games and at this stage I will gain more from writing and hopefully receiving some responses.

I also write on another post or thread.

Re: Being me

smallwolf — Sat, 27 May 2023 03:12:03 GMT

I will write on "being me" later... hard one.

Right now the easy bit to reply to is about the bb cafe comments you made. I had a small chuckle at your comment. I understand those types of games are not for everyone. Though I am curious what things do interest you? Painting? Games? Gardening? Cars? ????

Re: Being me

mmMekitty — Sun, 28 May 2023 07:49:38 GMT

Hi Em 26

I'm not sure what 'kudos given' refers to, how & why the number is what it is. (in the statistics on your profile page), just that 'kudos' are good things, like acknowledgements of something good a person has doe, which others want recognised, so they award 'kudos' to them.

Does that make help?

I have apparently been given some too. Without explanation they don't mean much to me.

If you like, you can email your question to:

modsupport@beyondblue.org.au

I'm not here as often as I used to be.

It's getting quite difficult for me to do this sort of thing.

I'm going out more, for exercise in the gym or with a group, & now have physiotherapy in a pool.

Sometimes I need to do some shopping.

In June I have a few appointments to get to.

When I've been out, I return feeling tired.

In the evenings I have problems with my legs & can't sit at my PC as much as I'd like.

I need to sort out a new sort of routine so I can be on my PC in the mornings instead, except I tend to lose track of time when I am using my PC.

Try not to fret over mistakes you might make. I've misread some posts myself, & then I apologise & try to correct what I've said.

Communicating like this is not the same as face-to-face, no body language, no tone of voice.

Even trying to infer it into what we write, it can be easily misunderstood.

It's important to read:

View the guidelines

Yes, we can talk about a lot here, provided we keep in mind the people who may be reading.

It's like anyone we meet in life, it's not usually a good idea to blurt out anything & everything before we know someone well.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Mon, 29 May 2023 03:12:52 GMT

will be back when mind is not playing up

small wolf, smiled at phrase being me..later..hard one..

not easy being ourselves in this world is it

another subject for later

mmmmmmmm

hope to catch you when I am back if you are still about if not wish you all the best in your recovery and wherever your journey next takes you

Em26

Re: Being me

mmMekitty — Mon, 29 May 2023 12:37:48 GMT

Hi En26

I'm going to still be around, just I realise I can't be here so often or stay for hours trying to keep up with people I have been talking to, which, sadly means you won't hear from me very often.

I'd like to say, just being myself within myself is all that really matters to me.

I have no answers for the world or society as it currently is.

Take care. Your self is well worth caring for.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Fri, 02 Jun 2023 02:16:44 GMT

Hello mmmm lover of cats

I found your reply again and realised that I had not supported your response.

I have suddenly discovered a whole list of responses that I have not responded to.

Sigh

Three weeks and some of you have been here for over a year and still confused.

Confusion is part of our mindset when not feeling our best.

Confusion is also a natural response to a healthy mind.

You definitely need to look after you first kittyme.

I agree with "being myself within myself is all that really matters to me" that you quoted. Sounds like this is where you need to be now for you.

I do hope that the increase in movement and activity helps improve your days in a more stimulating way also.

I would not expect anyone to have answers for the world or society as it currently is as the problem is that there are too many people with input not listening to each other as usual.

Thank you for "your self is worth caring for."

I love that expression and will make an effort to hang onto that one. Better write it down. Better not lose it. Just need to remember where I put it.

Most likely with all of the other efforts of writing something down.

Sigh

Still feeding the mind. It is in a safe place in there somewhere. We all know about those safe places where we put things don't we.

Take care of you.

I am sure that our paths will cross again somehow at some time.

Thank you for all of your responses in the first weeks of my landing here on this massive space.

Meow

Re: Being me

mmMekitty — Sat, 03 Jun 2023 09:18:22 GMT

Hi Em26

Take the really good things to your heart. Keep them warm & they will grow.

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 08:13:29 GMT

Thank you mmmmmmmmmmmmm

A tad short on words at the moment

I wish life would start behaving again

I might have a little chat with life

Stay warm

Re: Being me

mmMekitty — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 11:19:35 GMT

Hi Em26,

There is no rush. Giv yourself a little time, maybe just jot whatever comes to mind & let the thoughts flow. You don't need to write them here - only if you want or feel it would help to think of writing/talking to a real person.

Or you might like to talk to my picture, like talking to a very patient, calm cat there in your room. Mekitty, as in the picture, has ears - very pretty ears, too. She might look like she is sleeping, but no, she is listening.

Of-course, if you are not thinking words, then maybe something else like drawing or painting? I painted for a while. I got too caught up in how to paint particular effects, to try to replicate as much as I could of the visual image that was in my head.

Writing came more easily for me. I'd begin with a single thought, which ever one it was when I opened my writing book. At first I wrote with the idea no-one would see, so I could write everything.

Through this beginning, I became more able to talk, especially to the Psychiatrist I'd begun seeing all those years ago.

I didn't keep those writing books either. Well, I didn't even want to try to read what I'd wrote. Often, I think it was illegible, anyway. Those pages were my 'dumping ground'.

I've been thinking, I want to 'dump' the paintings too. I don't know what else to do with them anymore.

Life? What if I could order it to be what I want? How far back would I go? Maybe I go back & make something right, then now, be facing effects I could not have predicted?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 00:29:46 GMT

Hello smallwolf,

This reply is way overdue.

Possibly sitting on the arrears needing imminent attention report.

I am so very very sorry that I did not write back to you to thank you.

I have gone over every post and realise that I only pressed the support button.

This is not like me at all. This is also not an excuse. I am not into that either.

The only thing that springs to mind is a classic example of overcrowded mind.

I wrote about my confused state and feeling totally lost.

I possibly only at the time was able to focus on the last post written.

I had also responded to Mmme on another thread Do not feed the monster in the depression section.

I always like to write back to people who have taken the time to write to me as I think that is an honour to receive a reply.

I am old fashioned in this way as I much prefer letter writing or even having conversations with "some" people.

You also wrote again and chuckled at my not keen on the cafe scene comment which is true in reality.

I am not at my best in groups.

You asked about my interests.

6 months later I will answer.

Gardening, walking, reading, nature in every shape form existence. It is my calming place. The outer world of nature connecting within my inner world.

I have strong memories of loving nature as a child and fortunately my father loved visiting different places of interest which always fascinated me. My mother did too, except she did not really talk about them in the same way as my father. He was teaching us which I adored. He was such a great wealth of knowledge and the little times that I shared with him I treasured.

Wow didn't expect that to open up.

He is always with me and now my mother also when I am in the garden. I share the garden with them as they both loved gardens in their own individual ways.

I used to do ballroom dancing which I loved and I have always loved the theatre and classical music concerts as well as concerts with musical artists whom I love.

I don't do much of that as I moved away from the city and in the last few years since life has changed, health deteriorated I do not drive very far.

I feel a little more adept at using the forums than when I first landed in a crash.

It still seems overwhelming and huge.

Similar to being one earthling on this planet.

Well you probably won't even see this as I think that only happens if you subscribe.

I feel better that I have now replied.

Emotions 26

I call myself Ems for short

Re: Being me

mmMekitty — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 06:32:42 GMT

Hi Ems.

I've noticed this thread of yours again! I forgot what it was called, but I was happy to meet & chat wherever I find you.

I thought I'd post here with the hope Wolfie will see 'activity' on your thread & come looking, or maybe, see in their 'Notifications' that I have 'supported' your latest post, & that I have posted here as well. That's why I try to always 'support the posts on the threads I go to, although, sometimes I forget to do that.

Do you know where to find this thread again?

If not, go to (near) the top of the page, click/tap 'Your discussions'.

Ems, I am sure you are carving out a niche for yourself here on BB.

[LRC purrs & does figure 8's around your legs] LRC says, "So you like ballroom dancing, eh?"

Hello Wolfie!

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Sat, 25 Nov 2023 07:00:43 GMT

Hello mmme

That was a very nice gesture, thank you.

LRC loves tripping people up as well? My cat will often be where I need to walk if I move forward, turn sideways or step back and I end up knocking him. Then I have to follow him to apologise as I need to reassure him that I did not mean to. Interesting animals.

Yes I love ballroom dancing. I love dancing fullstop.

I forgot to mention swimming. I love swimming as well. In particular under water when I was younger.

It has been a while.

Have you ever done any ballroom dancing?

Ems

Re: Being me

mmMekitty — Sat, 25 Nov 2023 10:56:59 GMT

Hello Ems

No, I have never learned any ballroom dancing. I didn't learn the dances others were doing, because of my sight. & then I also never had a partner to dance with, too. I felt very awkward & ungraceful when I tried to dance on my own. I haven't bothered to try for decades.

It was amazing to me how my darling Mekitty would suddenly be right there, right in front of me, just in time to ensure I'd run into her.... like she wanted me to. Only, I feared I'd hurt her so would have to make sure she was okay, every time. I suspect she was playing a practical joke on me, & having a quiet laugh at me when I hopped & sort of danced to keep my balance & not actually fall onto the floor. Scared me every time.

I like being in the water, especially the heated swimming pool where I do the hydrotherapy. somehow, I don't like putting my head into the water like I did when I was a child.

I still feel very unfit, & I struggle doing the few laps of swimming I have during the hydrotherapy sessions. I feel sure I won't make it to the other end of the pool. I can't say I enjoy that part of the hydrotherapy.

I'd like to find a closer heated pool & someone who does hydrotherapy there, & then, go more often, (NDIS funding permitting).

Maybe it's about time you went swimming, again?

Hugzies

mmMekitty (with LRC)

Re: Being me

Emotions26 — Mon, 27 Nov 2023 02:00:01 GMT

Hello mmMe

I am unsure of your story about your sight. I do not ask as I believe that you should be the one to tell your own story if and when you choose.

I wonder if the vision impaired organisations have any music sessions for people to attend and listen perhaps moving safely where they are seated. Timing and access to such an event would be a factor of course as well.

You are doing very well going to hydrotherapy again. The heated pool is wonderful isn't it as you just wade into the depth that is comfortable. Then I find my shoulders feel cold so I go deeper to stay warm. This is during the exercising. Swimming is separate and I love floating on my back at the end letting everything go.

I can understand you not feeling comfortable putting your head under water as your other sensory perception would be heightened and you might automatically feel a stronger need to hear everything.

It takes time to build up strength in the water. Our bodies work twice as hard in water as they are weightless.

Your strength will gradually increase and whoever is guiding you can reassure you. Most important is your safety in the water as people can slip. As your strength builds your confidence will. You can't slip when you are swimming. A closer pool would be good. Can you go to a closer pool where a physiotherapist could support you?

Swimming on the list along with a zillion other things. I am getting there slowly slowly also.

Our puddytats like to be as close as they can sometimes. Occasionally for affection, mostly for food with my cat now.

Hugs to you

Ems

Re: Being me

smallwolf — Mon, 27 Nov 2023 12:13:22 GMT

hi Ems,

life for me is a little crazy at the moment - parents problems that I won't go into here. But guess what ... I did see your reply 🙂 (Just now) Hope you are going OK? What have you been up to lately?

Listening...