topic Re: What is wrong with me in Welcome and orientation

What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Wed, 18 Jan 2023 06:27:41 GMT

Hi, I just feel since I hit 51 everything has gone wrong, menopause hit, lost a group of really good friends, work gets me down, I'm on my own so don't tend to do much on my days off, haven't had a break from work for 2 years, struggle financially as I'm only casual, it's just all getting on top of me as well as try ing to be there for my 80 year old dad, it's come to th ee point where I feel like nothing I do is right or good enough 😔

Re: What is wrong with me

Mark Z. — Thu, 19 Jan 2023 18:46:19 GMT

Hi DJL-3,

Welcome to the forum.

It must be very hard for you, but I can tell you are making a lot of efforts, and you have good self-awareness. We all have our ups and downs, hope 2023 will be a smoother year for you.

Close friends a really important, especially when you have stress or anxiety. When you say you lost a group of really good friends, do you want to share what happened? Is there still someone you can feel free to talk to?

Mark

Re: What is wrong with me

Beaser — Thu, 19 Jan 2023 21:46:42 GMT

Hi DJL-3.

I just want to say that from what i read it seems like you are actually doing a great job. Working so hard and being there for your Father, what a commendable thing your doing. I read that you say you have lost a group of friends i can understand thats hard, i was just wondering why you feel this has happened. Brett.

Re: What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 05:33:07 GMT

The group of friends I lost I'd known some for years as I worked with them. We lost one of them 3 years ago, so as a group We were supporting his wife & kids by doing things with them. One of them had split up with his wife also so we started doing things together & was forming a bond, but he didn't want the group to know we were seeing each other which made it difficult & then I suspected he was seeing somebody else in the group who is married with children, complicated I know. Anyway we argued & I left the group saying they'd known him longer & I didn't want to be the reason they didn't catch up. So then it just caused a big division in the group & i was heartbroken. I needed to distance myself from it all, plus they had all been catching up without me so I assumed they had taken his side & couldn't even be honest with me.

I finally got over I, learnt to live without them & was in a good head space, then out of the blue 3 months ago he messages me, wanting to catch up & talk. It's just been a roller coaster ride not knowing what he wants. I know it not commitment & it's all about him. I suppose I just want some body to love me, but i also know I deserve better. It's just doing my head in & I'm just so sad & angry, or I'm crying over the smallest things. Sorry bit of a story but it feels good to tell somebody I don't really know because they just don't understand 😔

Re: What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 08:59:09 GMT

The loss of all my friends was complicated. It involved losing one to cancer 3 years ago, me seeing another one which ended 2 years ago & the rest just lied to me & took his side, so I was heartbroken & had to live with it, which I finally did, then 3 months ago I hear from the guy I was seeing, it's just brought back feelings & I'm not sure where I stand, it's always been about him & I know in my heart I deserve better.

I just don't want to feel sad all the time or get angry all the time, it's not me but of late that's how I feel. Just can't get out of this dismal feeling & just wonder why I'm such a disappointment to everybody & why im so unloveable 🤷‍♀️

Re: What is wrong with me

Beaser — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 21:36:34 GMT

Hey DJL.3

Im very sorry to hear you lost a friend to cancer that must have been heartbreaking.

I think its good that you can see the reason this guy from the past has contacted you. As you say in your heart you deserve better and im sure you do deserve better.

I know that when things get bad for us we do question why about the things you mention being loveable etc . Im sure you are not the person you describe at the moment . Especially from what you say in your early post.

Please dont forget all the great things youve done in your life and the happines you bring to people, even strangers by simple things like smiling and acts of kindness. Hope to hear more Brett.

Re: What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Sun, 22 Jan 2023 01:59:43 GMT

Thanks

It's just my work is suffering because of it too.

I'm getting angry with my work colleagues & my customers & that's not normally me.

I'm also getting angry with my dad, just need a break I think. Having a holiday in March for 2 weeks, so hopefully that will bring me some happiness, which I know it will as I'm going to stay with my beautiful cousin & we always have the best time & get on really well & I don't have to think about work & its just the break I need away from my dad as well 😊

Re: What is wrong with me

smallwolf — Tue, 24 Jan 2023 12:03:04 GMT

Hey there. I have come to your story a little late... It seems to me that you have been giving to everyone for so long and never had any time for just for yourself. And it gets more complicated with financial issues as well. And there comes a point in time when the bucket overflows (with stress) .... 😞

Hopefully you will get to recharge a little with the upcoming break.

I just wonder what sort of things might help you find enjoyment?

Listening...

Re: What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Wed, 25 Jan 2023 09:29:33 GMT

Thankyou, yes I can't wait for my break & I'm not sure what else will bring me some enjoyment. I do a lot of walking/jogging which clears my head but apart from that & my work that's all I do.

It's just hard finding somebody that can dovrhings with you when you have days off they are working & I'm a bit of a loner & don't like doing things by myself.

Thanks for listening though

Re: What is wrong with me

smallwolf — Wed, 25 Jan 2023 11:38:09 GMT

one of things my psychologist gave me was a list of 300 fun activities to do. If you are interested I can paste a link here - it is on a mental health site in WA.

even if you are a "bit of a loner" are there any walking group in your area you might be able to join? Is that something you are interested in?

the last thing about enjoyment is whether you could try something like mindful eating? Or giving yourself a reward after completing a task? With mindful eating, you can do that with any food or lollies etc. It's a way of allowing yourself to be in the moment.

And I an not going anywhere 🙂

Re: What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 22:45:13 GMT

Thank you that would be great if you could give me some info on these things.

I know there are some walking groups but not a lot here in Tassie & most are at times that don't suit because I'm at work.

Thanks for the support, it's easier to talk to people I don't really know I seem to open up more 😊

Re: What is wrong with me

smallwolf — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 11:55:58 GMT

here is the link for the 300 fun activities....

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Depression/Depression---Information-Sheets/Depression-Information-Sheet---06---Fun-Activities-Catalogue.pdf

what about meeting people within an online space? there are many groups that do things over platforms like Zoom etc.

Re: What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Fri, 03 Feb 2023 09:49:10 GMT

Thanks for the link, I'll check it out. As for online, I get very wary about who to trust & who is genuine, takes me a long time get to know people & then trust them having been hurt so much in my life by people.

Re: What is wrong with me

DJL-3 — Fri, 03 Feb 2023 09:56:38 GMT

I have joined a ladies group where somebody suggests or organises things for us to go to, but most of the time it's costly & I feel I can never afford to go to most things, we've caught up for a meal, which was good & a movie night, but the rest have been a bit out of my budget, it's a shame that the cost of living is so hard these days & I suppose that's just another worry for me. Paying rent, then all the other costs of living & trying to also treat myself occasionally with regular massages e.t.c there's not much left for anything else