topic Really Battling. in Welcome and orientation

Really Battling.

Beaser — Tue, 23 Mar 2021 22:22:44 GMT

Hi this is my first post . I find myself really in a bad way . I have had a relationship breakdown because of my anxiety and depression and that makes me so sad and lost.Im struggling at work and have had so much time off and worry ill lose my job.I find myself just scraping trough each day and collapsing at night into bed to give my brain a break.Im 55 and have lived with my condition for so .Im exhausted by it all.Depression gives me such bad feelings of guilt that i shouldnt carry. Ruminating about everything is constant. I wonder if anyone has similar experiences and how they get through. I wish every one a healthy and happy day. Brett

Really Battling.

Sophie_M — Tue, 23 Mar 2021 22:35:22 GMT

Hi Beaser,

Welcome to the forums, it is an amazing and brave thing to share your story and how you are feeling - thank you. I can hear that you are feeling exhausted and that you are struggling and I am sorry that you are feeling that way. Speaking up about how you feel is always a great first step.

I would highly reccomend having a look through the forums as I think you will find some other experiences like yours. Your experience is unique and your own, however the effects of depression and anxiety occur across the commnuity. You are not alone.

It might be worthwhile having a chat to one of our counsellors on 1300 22 4636 or you could check out the online chat service if you would prefer, just remember the online chat is availble from 11am -
https://online.beyondblue.org.au

Thank you again for sharing your story and how you are feeling. Welcome to the forums 🙂

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Really Battling.

Croix — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 06:46:44 GMT

Dear Beaser~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here, it's a good move to get other people's experiences, even though I'd imagine it is a hard thing for you to do, I found saying how I was to a bunch of strangers was surprisingly difficult and it took me three years of reading here to do so.

Sophie has given some good advice with those links, and talking to professionals can make a big difference.

I suppose I could give you general advice about depression and anxiety (plus personal experience which sounds very like yours) however your post describes how you feel,but says little about you and your life. I'd sooner be able to talk more about your circumstances if you were willing, you deserve the best one has to offer.

I understand your relationship ended, and wonder if you have anyone in your life now to give you support, family or a friend perhaps? Someone to speak frankly with and not be given silly reactions, but just care and an ear. When I eventually opened up I found just the sharing was a help.

Relationships do end when one partner becomes ill, it is a sad thing. If you were to improve would there be any chance of a reconciliation?

Talking of support may I ask if you have a doctor or therapist to help wiht your anxiety and depression. I found both made it more difficult for me to seek medical help but just kept on going - and getting worse.

When I finally did get the right doctor and then a psych I started to improve, and now I'm not recognizable. I was not that much younger than you when I started to get treatment

If you do have a doctor or psych, I guess the thing to do would be to tell them your treatment needs a lot of revision - you are leading no sort of life at all, just like I was.

Of course if you don't have a doctor now would be an excellent time to start. Just make sure you book enough time and can list the things in your life and how you feel like you did above.

I'd like it if you came back and talked some more, you will always be welcome

Croix

Really Battling.

Guest_206 — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 07:01:35 GMT

Hi there Beaser,
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I'm also struggling to make it through each day at the moment and feel completely over it that I've had this depression for over 20 years and nothing really seems to change. I've had a couple of periods of time where medication has worked for a few months but then it dissipates. I just keep trying new meds in the hope that I will find something that works. I tell myself to just take baby steps every day so I don't get overwhelmed. But yes, it's a huge struggle.

Really Battling.

quirkywords — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 22:14:13 GMT

Beaser

i too welcome you. Sophie and Croix have given you supportive suggestions.

Ruminating and guilt over my decisions are 2 things I tend to do. Relstionship breakdown at any age is so hard.
I think seeing a doctor as Croix mentioned would be helpful,.

guest206

I am so sorry you are struggling pleased you reached out to someone else despite your own problems.

Yes small steps and an hour at a time can help . When look at the big picture I too get overwhelmed.

I am glad you reached out here as you can see you are not alone.

Really Battling.

Beaser — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 23:02:17 GMT

Hi Croix. Im grateful that you took time to read my post and reply in such a thoughtful way.

A bit more about myself. I Live by myself and a couple of little dogs,i do have a lot of friends mainly through my lifelong involvement with my local football club.I also found it hard to balance that with a new relationship as the club is more like my family as i have little contact with them i feel i cant drop that. My partner said she was ok with it but i just couldnt see it working.

I understand that my health has ruined my relationship,it was a relatively new one and i guess i got too clingy early.Shes a lovely girl but has mental health issues herself and has been treated poorly by previous guys.I found her talking about ex partners pretty hard and it played on my mind and even some jealousy crept in.I think the relationship has taken its toll on me.I do miss her and wish things were different,weve had a couple of tries again but my health gets in the way always.Iand i know ive upset her.Im really gutted to heve lost her i wanted to help her and be there for her i also know ive upset her and that hurts.

I do have a regular Doctor and i see him today,some people tell me to see someone different but he knows my history and does help me . I guess my only issue is maybe its become a bit easy and repetitive with him.I also see a phsycologist regularly again sometimes i feel good about him but others not so good. Its not easy to change to another as Covid has made them all so busy.

Thanks again Croix i hope my reply has described my situation a bit better.I would love to hear back from you and be more than happy to open up about anything else ive missed. Or hear more about yourself.

Brett

Really Battling.

Croix — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 12:47:26 GMT

Dear Brett

I can't talk tonight, but I will.

Croix

Really Battling.

Beaser — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 21:51:55 GMT

Thanks Croix be nice to hear from you again. Brett

Really Battling.

Croix — Fri, 26 Mar 2021 08:56:03 GMT

Dear Brett~

Thanks for coming back and talking more. I guess there are things that have to to change for you to be confident and not just blame yourself, or think things won't work.

If I look at myself I can see that anxiety can skew my thoughts to feeling things are much worse than they are, things are my fault, and I can relive scenarios a lot. That has lessened remarkably with good treatment. It has also helped to have someone who can see when my thoughts are getting carried away and tell me that I'm going overboard.

I can understand your being clingy, again an aspect or anxiety, though some peole do like to feel needed a lot, maybe it was unfortunate your girl reacted the wrong way. The fact you have both wanted to try again more than once leads me to believe there is or was something there. A change in your thinking can make a lot of difference, if not with her then another.

An example would be your thinking your association with the football club could preclude a successful relationship. This sounds like the sort of pessimism anxiety brings. The is no real reason why each of a couple cannot have their own interests and friends. My partner and I certainly do.

I know you have a comfortable relationship with your GP and also your attending the psychologist sometimes seems helpful, however it seem to me their combined efforts are ineffective, your life is not good at all.

Do you think setting out in a friendly manner that their treatment is not working could bear fruit? Comfort in the consultation room is no substitute for a better life. Any reasonable medical professional would be prepared to hear their efforts were not working and cooperate in trying to find better alternatives.

Amongst your friends from the club is there anyone you can talk things over with who will give you friendship and also serve as a sounding board for your fears and worries? This is one of the really great things my partner does for me, and I've come to trust her judgment when I'm over anxious. It does make a huge difference.

I'm glad you have a couple of dogs -what sort are they? Pets turn a building into a home and are a constant distraction and source of love. We have one dog (Foxy Dog) and one cat (Sumo Cat) at the moment and they pretty well rule the roost.

Do you take them out for walks? I find that activity allows one to meet fresh faces with something in common.

You asked about me, as usual I'm out of space, so will mention that next time

Croix

Really Battling.

Guest_4643 — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 12:00:27 GMT

Hey there Beaser, welcome.

I'm so sorry, I really hope you don't lose your job, fingers crossed. I'm thinking of you.

Really Battling.

geoff — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 23:15:23 GMT

Hello Brett, I'm pleased you have had great support, pand it's understandable that if your girlfriend has been talking about previous partners certainly doesn't make your love or connection feel very solid, I would be exactly the same as you, I'm very sorry.

When you collapse into bed at night, it's not easy to give your brain time to relax, simply because your mind goes over all the details you don't want to think about, making you feel trapped, that's what depression of any type does to us and makes us feel blocked in.

How about you write down on some paper all the issues that are constantly troubling you, then when you se your doctor and psychologist give them this list, there will be important issues that may not have been discussed, this will prevent talking about the same problem again.

Two dogs is wonderful but at times they don't fill that hole you're trying to fill, and the same with your football mates where it might be difficult to express how you actually feel.

Ask your doctor about a certificate which will you a reason to take time off work because you can't have this concern to worry about, it only complicates your situation.

Take care.

Geoff.

Really Battling.

Beaser — Mon, 29 Mar 2021 01:40:24 GMT

Hi again Croix.

And thanks for reaching out again. My dogs are a couple of maltese shitzus i love them but they are starting to mess up inside which is causing me more grief and distress. Im really battling today and been back t o my doctor. I have taken more time off and that stresses me; My depression and anxiety are jusT so debilitating at times . Im 55 but sometimes i feel like im 15 and just need someone to tell me it will be alright. You know im so sick of this i just feel so alone in the battle. Thanks again i will stay safe. Hopefully chat soon. Brett.

Really Battling.

Croix — Mon, 29 Mar 2021 10:13:17 GMT

Dear Brett~

It sounds like you have another job in front of you , but not unpleasant a one. If your furry companions are learning that making a mess inside is OK then I guess you need to coax them into other habits. When I'm still half asleep of a morning Sumo Cat comes and reminds me it is time to open the door so he can go out. If I ignored him I suspect I'd be cleaning up a mess after a while.

I was luck with him, he learned his habits from the previous cat (Nasty Cat by name).

Foxy Dog on the other hand needed training and would have to be taken out after a meal until she had done her business. Then praise and a dog-treat as a reward. Now I don't have to worry. I think it took about 6 weeks from memory before there were no more "accidents" inside.

Standing waiting by a dog can be boring, though I'm lucky to live where there a lot of birds to watch, also I mostly use my phone to listen to podcasts while I wait.

It is one thing you can control.

Not everything in your life will be so easily overcome but you will get there. I only have myself to go by, but if I can turn from a suicidal mess with PTSD, depression and anxiety and no prospects of ever working again into someone who is reliable and happy with his life I'd think you can too.

Croix

Really Battling.

Beaser — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 01:59:50 GMT

Thanks Croix.

Just a bit of good news on the dogs. I just realised i had locked the dog door from the outside ,so the dogs couldnt get out that should help a bit with my problem. LOL hope your well and thanks. Brett

Really Battling.

Croix — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 11:45:05 GMT

Dear Brett~

I would expect you thought the dogs were going to be fair bit of trouble when their behavior and 'accidents' inside seemed to have no reason. Well, that is how I would have felt anyway. It would have been a cause of worry, you love the dogs, but they can't really be allowed to keep on as they were.

The answer was simple, and with luck things are back on an even keel now.

The answers to your depression and anxiety are not as simple, and I'd not pretend otherwise, however I reached a state where I cope, and manage to want my life and those in it. It is easy over time to build up an expectation that nothing will work, and that itself hampers everything. I had that, and like you over the years have had many different medications, all problematic.

I seemed to be a sort of guinea pig for every new drug the companies put out, and it was highly discouraging, plus often a lengthy process to switch over. Some did nothing, some made things a lot worse to the extent of being dangerous, and some worked a bit, but with side-effects that were too difficult to live with.

Eventually however I was out on the right one and life changed quickly. surprisingly it even helped with the hypnotherapy I'd tried for a long time in the distant past, the self-exercises started to work - at least a bit.

I've been on hte medication for many years now and have not developed a tolerance.

I'd imagine a better therapy/drug combination is still waiting for you to find it. You are not alone in this battle you know, there is always us here on the Forum

So please keep letting us know how you are getting on

Croix

Really Battling.

Beaser — Wed, 07 Apr 2021 23:15:45 GMT

Thanks Croix. I appreciate your time and effort to write to me. Probably the big thing is motivation at the moment i might try the half an hour at a time thing.Ive been on so many different meds too and frequently query the current ones but am told they are my best option. My phycologist hates me taking any anti depressants and this causes me anxiety itself.Its hard when you get different professsional opinions.. I am not sure if its the medication but guilt and indecisiveness seem to be my biggest weights to carry.

Im glad i got the dog thing sorted so that's a tick i guess.

Thanks again Brett,

Really Battling.

Croix — Thu, 08 Apr 2021 09:42:20 GMT

Dear Brett~

You're welcome, trying to talk to others can be beneficial for me to in lots of ways too.

I guess motivation is something that an awful lot of us find tries to rule our lives. I have to admit same days, fortunately not all that often, I simply waste the day, reading or watching movies or nothing much in particular.

Actually I have sneaking feeling those days are therapeutic, a bit of self reward by doing things I like - implying I deserve to be rewarded. Maybe a boost to self esteem if one can avoid the guilts, and refrain from thinking "I should have been doing ....". Actually if it was something absolutely urgent (like feed the menagerie) I'd have to do it anyway.

I also find I'm more motivated after exercise. For various reasons I'm not able to do that much, but getting out and doing something makes me feel more like doing something else when I come back inside.

Your idea of trying for half an hours worth is good too.

That business of the meds, yes it is frustrating and leaves one feeling at a loss when medical professionals say opposite things about a course of treatment. I tend to find my psychiatrist is the most knowledgeable, and he actually has sent me to psychologists in the past for particular non medication based therapies.

For me it works this way: My GP is not there to debate the desirability of psychiatric drugs, but is reserved for purely physical ailments. That being said if there is a conflict between psychiatrist and psychologist a GP can probably make inquires with the two and see if they are actually at loggerheads or simply need to talk to each other more.

I'd suggest if your disagreement is between your GP and your psychologist get them to discuss the matter together, putting in your views too as part of their agenda.

Give the dogs a pat for me

Croix

Really Battling.

Beaser — Mon, 12 Apr 2021 21:03:45 GMT

Hi and thanks again Croix.

Just regarding the psychologist i have began seeing a new guy. One who i feel a lot more comfortable with i have had two appts with him. The only problem being that he is so heavily booked and my next appt is in July. I have cancelled my previous phycologist it scares me a bit as he was easier to get in to see but i have my doubts about him helping me. I guess its a price i have to pay to see the right person. I feel its no point seeing someone who i have doubts about.

It seems my problems make these decisions so hard to make.

I wonder have yourself or others on this forum been in a similar situation.

Thanks again.

Really Battling.

Croix — Tue, 13 Apr 2021 10:51:47 GMT

Dear Brett~

I think you have made the right decision. I've stopped going to GPs in the past where I had no confidence in their abilities, and they did not seem to be paying attention. A bit like ground-hog day, I'd go in and be asked the same things over, things dealt with in the previos sessions.

Now I'm seeing one who I have faith in, and am paying the same price as you are, not being able to get in easily. I guess word gets around for any that are good and they get booked up. Nevertheless faith is a basic part of the therapeutic relationship, without it I doubt things would work well.

As you have a long wait between sessions have you taken any steps to assist yourself whilst waiting? There may be a Mindspot course for example

https://mindspot.org.au/

that could be helpful. They do work in conjunction wiht your GP and are reputable (and free).

Croix