topic New to group in Welcome and orientation

New to group

Little_Miss_P — Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:10:35 GMT

Hi. Im Carolyn and new to this group. I’m feeling very isolated and my partner is cruel to me and my dogs and is a compulsive lier. He keeps bending conversations to make himself look good. He leans over me and out speaks me. I’ve learnt not to say much as he as every excuse in the world to blame things on me. I don’t know where to go to help our relationship.

New to group

Croix — Sun, 19 Sep 2021 13:45:22 GMT

Dear Carolyn ~

Welcome here to the Support Forum. When you are stuck it is a good place to come. The people here have been though hard times -some like yours I'm sure - and that makes them care and want to help.

A partner really has to care for you, want the best for you and try to look after you. Sadly that is not the case here, with cruelty to you and your dogs, lies, overbearing and blaming. I'm afraid such a person will always try to make you believe you are responsible for everything they say is wrong.

Forgive me for being direct, however when you say "I've learned not to say much" it shows he has started down the road of controlling you , and that can simply keep on getting worse.

I doubt very much if it is a case of improving the relationship.

So may I suggest - if you have not already done so - you speak to the people who are very used to these situations. They are professional, compassionate and realistic. I think you would find their perspective and advice assists you greatly.

1800Respect - 1800 737 732 (open 24/7)

If you tell them what you life is like now they will respond wiht understanding and lay out the options you have

If you cannot face talking to someone you can use their web-chat (also open 24/7)

https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome

May I ask if you have any family or freinds who you can talk to about this, not necessarily so they can fix anything, but so you feel listened to, believed and cared for?

I hope we get the chance to keep talking with you

Croix

New to group

geoff — Sun, 19 Sep 2021 17:54:06 GMT

Hello Carolyn, can we offer you a warm welcome and thank you so much for getting in touch with us because the situation you are in at the present is not one that you feel secure in at all and that's a deep concern not only for you but also for us.

With the domination he has over you, plus his constant lying, then you don't know what is actually the truth because as you have learnt that lying isn't giving you the best option, false stories may only be trying to cover up his mistakes and this isn't a relationship where love and trust naturally happen when you are with another person.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest some different options that will keep you and your dogs safe because this scenario for you certainly isn't pleasant.

Before I begin can I please ask you a question and please only answer if you want to, the house/flat you live in, is it that you're living together or apart, and if so who has their name is on the lease, if it's his name then maybe you need to move out, and that can be discussed when you reply back to us.

If it's your name, then legally you can tell him to leave, this may not be as easy but please can you get back as we really want to help you in this awful position and are just so very sorry for you.

Hope to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.

New to group

mmMekitty — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 14:14:58 GMT

Hello Carolyn,
I am glad you have found BB
Let me be clear, your safety is paramount. Are you physically safe? Does he physically harm you? If the answer is ‘yes’, then, if you are in immediate danger, call police 000 ASAP. Don’t hesitate.
I would suggest you also contact:

1800Respect - 1800 737 732 (open 24/7)

https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome

before doing anything else. They can give you more practical help.
I do not know just how dangerous your partner is, but I don’t want us to find out. I disagree with Geoff’s suggestion, unless your safety is assured.
Sadly, and I am so sorry, a partner so abusive and controlling is not likely to accept any suggestion that your relationship could do with any help. I am concerned you say your partner is ‘cruel’ to you and your dogs. That does sound like he does get physical with you.
& you said you are isolated? Does he keep you from family and/or friends?
That’s of concern as well.
Whatever choices you make, please make talking here, on BB one of them.

mmMekitty

Thanks Crois for the info I copied above.

New to group

mmMekitty — Sat, 25 Sep 2021 04:29:05 GMT

Hi, Carolyn,

Thinking of you.

New to group

yggdrasil — Sat, 25 Sep 2021 07:22:15 GMT

Hi Carolyn,

Thank you for posting here. I agree with everyone else above - I really hope you are getting the support you need. Take care,

yggdrasil