topic Moved to a new town and really alone in Welcome and orientation

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 02:05:09 GMT

Hi, I'm in my early 60s and not well off, I recently made a big move to an inland town from the coast and am finding it cliquey and really hard to get to know anyone. I live alone with my dog who has separation anxiety so it is hard to leave him alone at home for long, which limits what I can do. I am really homesick for the easy-going lifestyle near the sea but thought a cooler climate would suit me better as I don't cope with heat well, but it's been really hot here and bad drought. I didn't expect such heat but everyone tells me it's got worse in the last couple of years and I don't have aircon, so am stuck inside the house alone a lot. I am in public housing so it's an old fibro place with no insulation.

I have friends who live a long way away but as soon as I mention to them I am feeling lonely they don't want to talk and I feel very let down, as one of them had a lot of family problems and I always let her talk a long time and tried to give her some support, now I need it there is none back. I've tried joining things like a choir and a book club but only met once before they finished for the Christmas/New Year and don't go back until February. Due to the dog's anxiety I try not to leave him alone during the day, we walk in the park a lot but you don't run into the same people often - this town is quite big, where I lived before was very small and you had a lot of acquaintances as you kept running into the same people.

Anyway I feel like I've made a huge mistake, I thought there would be more for me to do here than where I lived before but in fact it's worse, I have no family, and no friends to talk to. Hoping there is some support here as I feel lonely enough to curl up on the floor - I don't have the money to move back and anyway the wait for Housing would be years. Feel like I've made a huge mess of my life and my poor little dog seems depressed and lonely too. Thanks for any support.

Moved to a new town and really alone

Birdy77 — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 04:55:40 GMT

Dear Hanna3,

You have come to the right place - there are many kind people here who understand the depths of loneliness, and i hope you find this a friendly and supportive place.

I can inderstand that feeling of "oh no, i think I've made a huge mistake". I've thought that myself more than ince since i made a move to a new area. I do have my partner with me, so it's a bit different to being on your own completely like you are, but i do understand, believe me.

I actually curled up on the floor yesterday for a few minutes, and it was quite comforting. Especially when my two dogs came and curled up against me. It's ok to curl up when you need to. Allow yourself.

It's really good to hear that you've gone and joined the book club and the choir - bad time of year though to start with things closing for the holidays.

Are you interested in doing some voluntary work or something like that? Over the Christmas break there might be elderly folk who have nobody to visit them ... if there is a Neighbourhood Centre in your town, they often have groups that regularaly gather, and also volunteering opportunities.

I just wanted to say hello and welcome you.

You can join in on any discussions that take your interest.

Thanks for being here.

🌻birdy

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 22:11:58 GMT

Thanks Birdy my trouble is the extreme heat we are experiencing here and my elderly dog who isn't coping and also has severe separation anxiety - I don't have air conditioning and my fibro home gets like an oven - we are getting temperatures around 40 degrees for days on end and I don't dare leave him alone as he gets very sick from the heat and I have to keep spraying him down. He's happy in the car but in these temperatures I can't take him with me. I would go to the neighbourhood centre about volunteering but I can't go there during the day and leave my dog - and with volunteering I'd have to take my little dog too, or leave him alone at home which I can't do.

It's ironic that my beloved dog is my only companion but also means it's very difficult for me to get to things other than things on at night when it's cooled down.

I also feel like I'm not in a good space for volunteering at the moment I am so down myself I don't feel like I'd be much use. Also I'd need a police check which would take time and I think money and it's almost Christmas. So almost everything in this town is closing down for the Christmas and school holidays.

Moved to a new town and really alone

Birdy77 — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 22:48:51 GMT

Hello Hanna,

Wowee, that is hot. It must be very trying, having it like that day after day.

I understand about needing to stay home with your beloved doggy. I would be doing the same, spraying him down and trying to keep him a bit comfortable. Do you have a pedastal fan? Last summer i needed to keep one of my hens in the laundry for a while because she was sick, and it was so darn hot. I put a bowl of ice cubes in front of the pedastal fan and it seemed to cool the air down for her, don't know if you've tried that before, your doggy might like it.

This time of year can be very difficult - I hope, though, that you can maybe try to just float through this time of holidays and whatnot, and know that this period will pass in a few weeks, and things will hopefully get easier?

Do you have hobbies or things you like to do that you could do at home during this time (hopefully in front of the fan)? I had a goal to read 50 books this year, and I'm only up to 47, so I'm going to try squeezing in the last 3 before Dec 31. Do you like reading?

I understand, you feel too low yourself, to feel like volunteering. I get it. I don't think the police checks will cost you any money. When/if you feel up to it, i know that some nursing homes will allow you to take a gentle dog to visit lonely residents, like pet therapy ... so that could be something you could think about for later maybe?

It must feel frustrating having left the coast because of the heat, and now it's like an oven out there in your new town. I recently made a face pillow out of a scrap of fabric and filled it with rice - i keep it in the freezer and when it's really hot, it's nice to lay down and put the cool, weighted pillow on my eyes or forehead and it cools down your whole body.

I am jabbering on with fluffy content right now, i guess i just hope you feel some friendliness and support here. Even if I have only given you tips for keeping yourself and your doggy (and any passing hens) cool.

Be good to yourself. A pat for your furry friend from me. I hope you can both keep a little bit cool today.

Feel free to join in on any discusions you like, and there is a Social Zone if you feel like just chatting with others.

🌻birdy

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Fri, 13 Dec 2019 04:29:32 GMT

Thanks so much Birdy you are being very kind messaging me. I just met an acquaintance I met at church for a coffee and she seems a friendly lady, although busy with three children (divorced) and younger than me it was nice to chat to someone for a while. Then when I get home alone again I feel lonely! I also have to worry about poor Sam my dog being in the carpark (underground with water and car windows down but still it's not great).

Yes like you I am a great reader and have a pile of books from the local library here which is very good. What sort do you like? Have you read anything really good lately I'm always up for recommendations! I also enjoy really good movies so have borrowed some DVDs to get me through the holiday season!

Yes I realize this will be a quiet couple of months and we have a dreadful heatwave coming this way, by mid next week I think we will be over 40 degrees and this fibro house heats up like an oven, so I will have to stay in and care for my dog as he suffers badly from heat. If I didn't have him I could ride out the heat by spending a couple of hours in the library reading or shopping centre café (aircon both places) but I with heat like we are going to have he is going to need careful watching - he's not young and was very sick just before we moved here and I adore him.

I'm still working out how to navigate this site - what is your situation Birdie? And yes I'd love Sam to be a therapy dog in a retirement home/aged care facility, I think they have to pass some tests for that but again that's off until into next year now.

I joined a local church and went the last week to the small Saturday evening service as I figured a new person is more noticeable in a small group, they were very welcoming but I think all have their own circle of friends, but at least it is at night when I can take Sam in the car safely, and it helps just to be with people for a while. I'm not hugely religious but the peace is nice and it gets me with people for an hour.

I guess it's just a difficult time of year - by end February we should be headed fairly quickly into cooler weather people tell me, so I guess it's just ride it out as best we can until then. Thanks so much for your support!

Moved to a new town and really alone

Forever_Hopeful — Fri, 13 Dec 2019 09:43:49 GMT

Hi Hanna 🙂 Getting online and reaching out for help is a good start. I find talking to people helps me feel less lonely no matter where they are in the world. It's hard starting over in a new place, but sounds like you're giving it a good try! I grew up in a smaller town, I can understand the feeling of being an outsider when everyone else seems to know each other. I work in aged care, you may find that you don't have to have your dog become a therapy dog. If he is well behaved, your local facility may let you bring him in as a volunteer. Old people absolutely love when animals come to visit. The only other thing I would suggest is getting on facebook (if you aren't already) and joining a local community group on there to get a feel of what is going on in your town. You may find more events that offer opportunities to socialise.

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Fri, 13 Dec 2019 11:45:28 GMT

Thanks Hopeful my little dog absolutely loves people and I would love to take him into an aged care home - I thought they had to be especially qualified. Yes he's well behaved and sweet natured so maybe I'll ask around after Christmas and see if I can take him into an aged care facility around here - that would be so satisfying! And Sam is a bit lonely here so seeing people would cheer up my dog and the old folks.

I've had a look for local meetup groups but they don't seem to happen here. But I'll definitely look into taking Sam to visit lonely old folk after Christmas!

Moved to a new town and really alone

Birdy77 — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 01:15:51 GMT

Dear Hanna (and hi ForeverHopeful),

I am so pleased to hear you met up with the woman from church. Who knows, that might turn into a friendship. Nice to get out and chatting with another person for a while anyway.

Did you go back last night to the church service? It sounds like a nice, peaceful thung to do that may lead to a friendship or two - & cooler in the evening for Sam.

Yep, i think this holiday/summer period is just something to ride out as best you can, & know that it will pass. So glad you're stocked up with books and dvds! Our local library is very well stocked with movies and tv series now, i think moreso because the last remaining Civic Video hire shop closed down recently, so they've stocked up, catering for those of us who are old-school dvd users! It's great.

Do you use the GoodReads app? I like it to keep track of what I've read, & also to get recommendations. My taste in books is pretty eclectic i would say, I'm not sure how to describe my taste. I recently enjoyed Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman (a very quick and easy read), and another one i can think of that i liked was We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler; Heroes of the Frontier by Dave Eggers; i liked Cedar Valley by Holly Throsby and i am reading Grapes of Wrath at the moment and am going to re-read The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society which i remember enjoying years ago.

What sorts of books do you like?

I watched a pretty good movie the other night called Instant Family, based on a true story about a foster family. I can watch the movie What We Did On Our Holiday over & over, so sweet. Do you have any goodies in your dvd pile? I have the new Lion King to watch.

Yes it can take a bit of time to get used to navigating the forums, but you're doing well, i see you supporting others already, you're fitting right in.

I've been here a couple of years, i find it very supportive with many gentle and compassionate people here. I joined when i was in a pretty low ebb. I seem to go up and down with anxiety & depression. Like you, i moved to a new area not that long ago, & i kind of fell in a bit of a heap once we got here - building myself back up i guess, with hiccups along the way.

I hope you and Sam are keeping cool today, give him a squirt from the spray bottle from me.

🌻birdy

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 03:08:10 GMT

Thanks Birdy nice to hear from you! I'm just back from sitting in the park with Sam (shady trees and a bit of a breeze) but now it's heating up. I'm dreading this week we're getting into the 40s with no aircon! I went to a new writing group yesterday at the library (left sam alone for an hour!) - they meet once a month but not sure if it's my thing or not... by the time I got home poor Sam was frantic, I got ready for church and took him to the park, realised it was way too hot to leave him in the car even in shade, and I felt tired so we just strolled around the park and went home - I honestly didn't feel great by then and didn't feel I could cope with an hour in church. I think days of heat and smoke are making us both a bit weary.

Yes the lady I met up with and I got on really well and she recommended a couple of books to me. On called The Erratics (I forget the author a French name) was astonishing, an autobiography about her crazy mother in Canada (the author lives in Sydney) - it won a couple of major awards and I could hardly put it down. I loved the Guernsy book you mentioned. Another lovely writer is Mary Lawson if you can get hold of The Other Side of the Bridge if you like family sagas.

Last night I watched Bohemian Rhapsody (saw it at the movies) just for the music! I like all different types of movies - for light entertainment Chocolat is good, A Few Good Men, Three Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri was amazing but not for the faint-hearted. Anything with Judy Dench and Maggie Smith is always good!

Taking a rest break now in front of the fan I feel quite nauseated after being in heat even though there was a breeze - I think I need to drink more maybe.

I've run into several people who have holidayed where I moved from and they all say how beautiful it is and how they'd love to live there and I'm feeling so homesick I wish they wouldn't say it, it makes me feel worse!

Another fun movie I liked - just light entertainment - was Victoria and Abdul but recommended it to a friend who didn't like it - I enjoyed it.

Sundays are very quiet here everything closes down at 3pm - it's another thing I have to get used to. In a coastal town they catered for the tourists and things stayed open longer this time of year. Interesting that you had some difficulty after moving too.

Hope it's cooler where you are! Cheers!

Moved to a new town and really alone

Moonstruck — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 03:36:20 GMT

Nice to meet you Hanna3....wish it was under more pleasant circumstances than the dreadful heat and lead up to Xmas.

I can well sympathise with you wanting to go back to the coastal town. Each year the heat has gotten worse and worse (and I do live by the coast)...this is the first year I decided to "treat" myself with some kind of air conditioning...

our hottest months now seem to be Jan, Feb and even well into March (it's in mid 30s these days, usually doesn't make it to the 40s though, thank God)....it's unbearable and I feel quite ill....just terrible. Not a dry heat....our humidity becomes severe, being close to the coast.

Could you afford perhaps a portable type of air conditioning? I don't know if you have any larger stores where you are....but air con is becoming a necessity for me now...not a luxury as it once seemed.

You seem so low I really feel for you...is there absolutely no possibility of your moving back to your coastal place? I am glad you are taking good care of Sam too....his adjustment to the excessive heat must be worrying for you. He is lucky to have such a loving owner.

Perhaps it will take some time to form some connections with people at church, but do keep going along. I would be lost without my collection of movies to "escape" to sometimes when life seems so hard.....I love Chocolat and Billboards Ebbing Missouri and the two Dames too...there are some brilliant ones around. (don't get me started , I'll never stop.) What kind of movies do you like?

Wishing you both all good things that you so deserve....your friends on Forum will always be "not far away"......much love...Moonstruck x

Moved to a new town and really alone

Birdy77 — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 04:00:41 GMT

Hi again Hanna,

Your sit at the park today sounds nice and maybe a bit refreshing. I can understand giving church a miss last night after being out a bit during the day and it being too hot for little Sam in the car.

Look at you go, joining in with the writing group at the library! Good for you! See how you go next month, and by then a few other things will start up again soon anyway.

Ok, i've added The Erratics to my list on GoodReads and i checked it's at my local library so will borrow that this week. Also found Road Ends by Mary Lawson, that is the only book of hers at my library. Thanks for the recommendations! You might like Plainsong by Kent Haruf.

I haven't seen Bohemian Rhapsody yet, i am looking forward to seeing that though. I watched Rocketman a couple of weeks ago, it was different to what i was expecting but i enjoyed it, these musicians have genius inside them. 3 Billboards outside Ebbing was so incredible and intense, amazingly talented cast! I will look out for Victoria and Abdul, i haven't heard of that.

I can understand hearing people gush about the wonderful place you've just moved from - triggering extra homesickness in a big way. It's ok Hanna, nothing has to be forever. You made the decision to move for valid reasons, and although it dr doesn't feel like it's all rainbows and lollipops just at the moment, trust that you will start to settle in, given a little bit of time. I know you said you don't have the funds etc to move again, but see how you go down the track, nothing has to be absolutely permanent, things can change.

Sounds like it's going to be a hot week for you. It's not as hot as that where i am, I'm on the coast, it's warm, but not stifling. It's been smokey here too, there's this eerie haze, and the sunsets have been really weird lately, the sun has looked like the moon, but red.

Enjoy that fan!

🌻birdy

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 04:28:42 GMT

Hi Birdy, I love Kent Haruf's books! I've read them all. Victoria and Abdul is very light easy watching. Have you tried A Room with a View or Howard's End? - they are terrific old movies - get the original versions by Merchant and Ivory, not any new remakes. I'll try and look up some other movies/books I like I am a bit blank this time of day - just having a cuppa before taking Sam out for his afternoon stroll. Tomorrow I have to drive to another town to get him clipped but he'll be cooler before the worst of the heat sets in!

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 04:39:49 GMT

Hi Moonstruck, I'm in public housing due to a neurological condition that stopped me working, so waiting for a transfer can take years - the transfer here took 12 months. I wish I wish I had enough to purchase a little place! I moved largely to get away from the severe humidity - it would be around 95-98% for about seven months of the year and I had no aircon there either. Housing doesn't provide aircon and I don't have the money for even a portable for the bedroom. I had no idea the summers here were so bad - I lived here for a couple of years maybe 15 years ago and the summers hit maybe about 32 degrees and were short - but people tell me the last couple of years they've been getting temps in the mid-40s and the drought is terrible. It was snowing when I viewed the cottage so I had no idea it was now so hot here in summer!

The other reason was I developed a condition where I am going to lose sight in one eye and I felt in case I couldn't drive in future I should be somewhere where facilities were closer - but now I think I sacrificed a lot of nice things in return for being terribly practical... I thought here everything like eye specialists, shops etc are close by - in the little town I lived in you had to drive a long way to the nearest major centre for things like that.

Yes I've stocked up on movies and good TV series - the Danish thriller The Killing is great as is Borgen. Luckily the local library is excellent.

I think I am missing a more outdoors lifestyle and there were more places to walk Sam - and I am missing the sea more than I thought... I don't have the money to move again even if I could, I tell myself give it six months and if I am still miserable well then I'll talk to Housing about another transfer but on a pension it's hard to save to move...

At least I've made one friend here and have another I used to know years ago, although she's busy and we don't catch up very often. Aircon as you say is becoming a necessity, someone here told me all the new houses have aircon it's now compulsory. Wish I'd known! This old fibro house gets like an oven.

It's still a short summer should start getting cool by end March I hope!

Thanks for chatting, I have to take Sam for a stroll in the park it's become a bit overcast so not as bad as the days ahead so I'll take the chance to give him another roll on the only green grass left in town - the town park!

Moved to a new town and really alone

Birdy77 — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 06:02:49 GMT

Hi Hanna, (hi Moon!),

Oh i love A Room With a View and Howard's End! I have watched them, the Merchant Ivory ones, more times than i can count although i haven't seen them for years. You inspired me to fish out A Room with a View from my bookshelf, i am going to read it again. I just read the first chapter and it's hilarious! The palaver about Mr Emerson offering Lucy and Charlotte their rooms and i can totally hear Maggie Smith's voice about how improper it would be fir them to accept! And Mr Beebe explaining that Mr Emerson is such a peculiar man because he says exactly what he means and "it is so difficult ... to understand people who speak the truth". Love it.

I hope you enjoyed your stroll.

🌻birdy

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 10:06:16 GMT

Hi Birdy (and Moon!) I'm not sure why it is when I hit "reply"I lose sight of the post I was replying to! I'm still trying to work out navigating this place! So glad you were motivated to get out your copy of Room with a View I agree it was georgeous - the outrage at the two women taking the men's hotel room I remember well! Have you watched the movie Heat and Dust which was also Merchant & Ivory, it's old now but it was stunning - I got a used copy off eBay. Now you've motivated me to watch it again!

Have you read The Jewel in the Crown - that was a superb TV series! Now I'm showing my age I think...

We had a quick walk as I had to ring an elderly friend in another city to chat for a while - she is 91 and pretty much housebound so we try to talk once a week for a while. I'm watching the old detective series "Cracker" at the moment and am about to try the last DVD of it the library has. What would I do without libraries?

Sam's off to be washed and clipped tomorrow before the worst of the heat sets in I'm dreading the rest of summer!

Did you see the movie of The Guernsy Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society? The critics didn't like it but when I saw it at the cinema I enjoyed it and so did anyone else I asked.

Moved to a new town and really alone

Birdy77 — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 05:11:03 GMT

Dear Hanna,

How gorgeous does Sam look now after his clip yesterday? Does he feel nice and cool?

Do you like driving to that town or is it a chore?

I haven't seen Heat and Dust (dies that sound like your new town?), nor The Jewel in the Crown. I looked for both at my library, but they have neither. Worth looking for on dvd second hand?

No i didn't see the Guernsey movie, i should look for that. Who cares what the critics say, sometimes we just need a nice movie to watch!

How has your day been and how are you feeling? I bought a turntable stand from aldi, it was a complete wretched pain to put together, but it looks pretty cool now it's done. Ot's kinda 60s style and I've put my vinyls on it and my turntable. It looks a little bit groovy baby.

🌻birdy

Moved to a new town and really alone

Moonstruck — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 05:28:01 GMT

Hi Hanna...Jewel in the Crown is one of my all time very very favourite TV series.....brilliant in every way. I used to borrow it from Video Libraries (in the old days)...in VHS format...there were 5 different tapes...when they had a huge sale, I couldn't lose this wonderful series...so searched the huge piles of unwanted tapes until I had all five!

Now I have the set in DVD format........A Passage To India captivated me too...I wonder if my love of both films...has something to do with the magical time I spent in India when a very young girl....fascinating place.

Now the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel movies are great favourites of mine too.... ( Hi Birdy)

Moved to a new town and really alone

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 05:36:31 GMT

Hi birdy and moonstruck 🙂

Hanna - I simple love scandi noir ❤️ The Borgen and The Killing are amazing. Have you seen The Bridge?

I saw your post in the other section about having talked on the phone to an old friend and it maybe didn't feel very positive. I think sometimes we misinterpret things or we catch people when they're not at their best (she was either still drunk or hungover, right?) so I would try not to read too much into it. Easier said than done perhaps? If you've been friends a long time, your friendship can survive a few bumps along the way though. Stick with it, I say 🙂

Hope you and Sam have a nice day today and he's feeling a bit cooler after being clipped. It's another warm one here today and my staffy, Storm, is in front the fan. I hope to take her for a swim later.

Kind thoughts, Katy

Moved to a new town and really alone

quirkywords — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 05:36:38 GMT

Hana, and waves to everyone reading,

I absolutely loved this movie The Guernsy Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society.

Have you seen The good Karma hospital?

I love the photograph of your dog.

Quirky

Moved to a new town and really alone

Hanna3 — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 11:55:18 GMT

Hi Birdy, I drove to a neighbouring small town for a good groomer, she's lovely but moving to Queensland to live but at least Sam's fur is now nice and short and he seems to feel cooler just in time for this awful heatwave. It's a depressing drive through the drought, everything is dead everywhere you live - including much of the town, shops boarded up etc - people I asked said the last year of drought has been the last straw, farmers have no money to spend etc.

Do look for Heat and Dust on Ebay I got it second hand that way, Greta Scacchi in her first ever starring role (? did I get the spelling of her name correct) and it's such a lovely movie. The Jewel in the Crown was a huge hit T series years ago and it took me years to find a used copy of it so it's very hard to find now, at least to play in region 4 (Australia).

A friend going to Sydney has offered me her house with aircon for two of the worst days of the heatwave thank goodness I didn't know how we were going to get through it. Tonight is stiflingly hot.

Thanks for posting to me!