A black hole

Katbee007 — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 15:07:04 GMT

I'm new to this so I hope I don't sound like an idiot. I sometimes struggle with my self worth. I seem to base my wortgon what people think ofme and I'm often crushed. I come across confident but on the inside I really just want to be shown unconditional love. I realise that sounds corny but I get so lonely. My husband is driven by success at work and there is so much going on, my head is spinning. I can't even go to sleep. I'm just so lost and tired.

A black hole

geoff — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 20:14:43 GMT

Hello Katbee, and a warm welcome.

I'm sorry that you're struggling because if and when this happens we are only looking for appreciation in one way or another, not that I'm qualified to say, but know from what's happened with myself.

To pretend to be well to other people but deep down on the inside there's an enormous hole can complex the way on how you feel, makes your situation difficult to understand.

Have you seen your doctor yet because you can't cope with this by yourself, and would like to know?

Best wishes.

Geoff.

A black hole

therising — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 21:33:45 GMT

Hi Katbee007

Straight away, I know you are brilliant because you're looking for inspiration and answers. This is the sign of a naturally brilliant person.

On all significant quests there are questions and challenges. On my own quest to come to find my most natural self there has been the challenge of gaining greater self-esteem. Yes, definitely a tough challenge, indeed.

To truly know our self, we must be prepared to read others. What motivates others to say what they say or do what they do? What motivates them to stick to certain belief systems, no matter how damaging, and express themselves through those belief systems? You become the observer of others:

Someone says 'You're hopeless, you can't do that!' This is questionable, with the questions 'Why are you leading me to hope for less? Why are you putting me down and not raising me to the belief that I can do that?' Does this person lack the ability to inspire others or do they have something to gain by you not undertaking this challenge?
You can be standing amongst a group of people. The person speaking looks at everyone in the group except you. This is questionable behaviour. Instead of thinking 'What's wrong with me' you can be left to wonder 'What leads them to not look at me?' Perhaps you're the person in the group they're most attracted to and they don't wish to make eye contact because this would distract them from what they're saying. Maybe you're the only female in the group and they don't see the value in including you. I've had this happen before, the 2nd reason. Their loss, as I'm a ripper conversationalist, generally. This kind of person is thankfully rare
Someone says 'I love you' quite often. You don't feel loved by them, no matter how many times they say it. If you're a sensitive person, you might only feel an active kind of love, not one that is all about verbal expression. To be actively excited to life by one who loves you is an incredible love. So, in this case, the question is 'Why can't this person actively love me, what is their deal?'

So, you see, there is no question about your worth in regard to whether you're hopeless, valuable within a group conversation or whether you are lovable. The questions are directed towards the questionable behaviour of others. Of course, sometimes we have to question our own behaviour on our quest.

Questioning others can lead to intolerance, of a good kind, where we decide what we will no longer tolerate because we have found our value.

🙂

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A black hole

A black hole

A black hole