topic Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated? in Welcome and orientation

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

insertaname — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 09:07:01 GMT

Hi this is my question, while I love that this website caters for all those who are in need of support... I feel somewhat more lonelier than before I asked this question. I cannot explain it, maybe it is because I have to wait for responses or because this similar to reddit where things need to be checked over before posting.

Trutthfully I feel lonelier using this website and lonelier, I usually call a hotline when I cry. When I ring a hotline, all I hear is music and as my mood flutuates i feel even more lonelier. It's not all the time that i feel this - I feel this when i feel i am at my most vulnerable moment. The music depresses me or the voice over depresses me... The music is not comforting and the advertisement or did you know facts aren't helping ... it's like i become desperate to hear a human voice after all that waiting.

This is a good resource and it sort of helps but not as much as I have desire for it to be.

Let me know your thoughts

Kind Regards

Jennifer

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

white knight — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 10:47:02 GMT

Hi Jennifer

The hotline to my knowledge has zero connection to this forum. If you have a concern with the hotline please write an email to them.

This forum, while not providing professional medical services, does fill in a much needed gap of need. We are here 24/7/365 yes, every moment of every day. You do have to wait for your posts to be moderated but that is due to a proven record of inappropriate behaviour that puts other members at risk and I dont think you'd like mentally unwell members to suffer further from such treatment. Beyondblue has a duty of care.

I'm sorry you feel lonely. This forum is here to support all members including community champions like myself that have mental issues. But to fill the need to remedy lonliness is a tall order. Lonliness has to be approached from lifestyle choices and changes like sports, hobbies and gatherings. Lonliness has been tackled as a topic many times but it has never been addressed whereby this forum can be the sole remedy only, a means to point you in the direction of possible answers.

I've been here for over 5 years and had many grateful members thank me and other champs and members like yourself for offering support. Therefore I know there is value here that can never be measured. Invaluable priceless hand of support.

That's why I love it here. To help others is a good feeling.

Google

Beyondblue topic the good Samaritan

I hope you stay with us. Your honesty isnt unwelcome and I understand your frustration. Your contribution has been noticed.

TonyWK

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

smallwolf — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 11:14:14 GMT

Hi Jennifer,

I come from an IT background and I can sort of understand your viewpoint when it comes to interacting with others on the forum. It depends what sort of interaction you might be seeking and how long you are prepared to wait for a response? I have been around forums for too many years (mid 90s) and in the early days whether it was email or writing a post on a forum you could wait a day easily for a response. Fast forward to today, and some in the area I work would look for a reply about the 5 min after posting or sending. I am not saying this is you, but when it comes to loneliness, a forum can only do so much. In the social area you might want to see it as writing to a pen-pal?

Underneath though there is something in your post I think you might be looking for - connection? I don't much much about your story, and perhaps you could direct to the thread that contains your story. And if I read your story there may be ways for you to make those connections. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Tim

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

blondguy — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 11:18:31 GMT

Hi Jennifer

TonyWK is spot on above with his post re the forums.

To answer your question.... I dont feel alienated here as there are so many gentle people that have been here for me since I joined in 2016 when my depression was interfering with my ability to function effectively on a day to day basis

I guess it depends on how much input we provide to others as well. I know we dont have an immediate chat function yet that is only to protect members privacy and provide a safe place to post

Placing a call to a helpline is sign of inner strength and good on you for doing so

The forums have a wealth of members own life experience that you may benefit from too

Great to have you on the forums Jennifer, and thankyou 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

Summer Rose — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 12:27:00 GMT

Hi Jennifer

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling lonlier using this forum than you felt before. And I hear you when you say the wait for a response on the forum or for someone to answer your call on a help line is agonising.

I think that when we're feeling mentally unwell and in need of support or treatment that any wait often seems intolerable. The pain can feel so bad, the need for help and relief so palatable.

Sadly, provision of the right help, at the right time, seems to be a universal challenge in the mental health sector.

I do, however, believe bb has designed the forum based on the best evidence available, with only the best intetests of potential users in mind.

It's a balancing act, between timeliness of response and editorial freedom and the protection of vulnerable people from potential harmful responses. I have felt frustrated at times too, but for me the benefits of being a part of this community outweigh any concerns.

I have benefited from some very beautiful moments, where I do feel a genuine connection with another human being. I've also enjoyed some very thought provoking discussions of issues I find to be of great importance. Best of all, I have had the opportunity to hopefully help others. And these outcomes are more than I ever expected (this is my first and only forum).

Perhaps a lot depends on who you happen to meet and what you're expectations are of the forum. What do you think?

Kind thoughts to you

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

insertaname — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 19:52:06 GMT

Hi everyone,

Thank you to all who have replied. I'm glad this website is of help to to you. I just feel it alienating, we sit behind a screen and provide assistance or vent our frustrations in life.

I understand how this website works and for what reasons - but it still feels sterile for me when I am on this website. A lot of you who have found this website helpful are perhaps older than me and already know what they want from this forum.

I prefer to have face to face discussions about these issues is what i am learning. To type here can result in things being misinterpretted and misread. I just feel that this forum isn't enough for me - that's it.

I do, however, like being able to post questions on here. Curiosity killed the cat.

Jenn

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

blondguy — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 20:36:49 GMT

Hi Jenn

Im sorry that you find the forums sterile. There are many young people on our young people's section that find kind support on the forums.

Face to face is always an excellent method when finding some peace is concerned

You have made some interesting assumptions about why some of us are here Jenn. I had no expectations of the forums like yourself when I joined, yet you are welcome to have your say

You mentioned.... "To type here can result in things being misinterpretted and misread" That would be a very rare occurrence Jenn as we take great care not only to 'listen' yet to provide the best possible support in the interests of your well being. You thoughts are always welcome

The forums are always a safe and non judgemental place for you to post too 🙂

I hope today treats you well

Paul

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

smallwolf — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 20:52:16 GMT

@Paul - I understand what Jenn means by being misinterpreted - the lack of a comma or word can potentially change the meaning of a sentence. Might be something which Jenn is very concerned about. I know I have been. And combine that with the lack of an edit function. In short, been there.

@Jenn - There are a few ways to tackle this matter. The first way would be to read others stories. And if they speak to you in some way you might reply. And when you come back later on, some will likely have replies. Which leads onto the next idea. There is a permanency in posts on the forum. Someone in week or month might see a post from you and read your story and find a connection - that's me in that story. They may start their own story or respond to yours. They find out they are not alone, in the sense of having to deal with some condition. And that was how I started here, and from there worked out a way forward and there were other people like me.

Unless you like to insert some words like *smiling* or *crying* it is impossible to reads the other persons face. I will also censor myself here for obvious reasons which can hide some of the pain a poster might be going through.

If I did have on suggestion, if you have not already, wander over to cafe and say hello.

Tim

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

Matchy69 — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 21:42:38 GMT

I understand what you mean Jennifer about these forums.I just like to post but not just for advice but someone to listen,it is easier for doing it for me through these forums but getting a response can take time and sometimes no response at all or people just stop responding,which puts me deeper into depression making me feel more lonely then ever.I am a 50 y.o man with not many friends who would listen.

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

Summer Rose — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 22:34:55 GMT

Hi Jen

I understand what you're saying about the potential for miscommunication and it has happened to me.

This type of communication is very blunt and lacks the nuance of face-to-face interaction. And the absence of tone is definitely an inhibitor to clear conversation.

As careful as I am responding, I sometimes wonder if I don't get a response if it's because of something I said. Did I make false assumption? Did I misinterpret? Did I read the original post too fast and misread something? Or did the other person simply move on?

The good thing about you trying the forum is that you learned something about yourself. You are learning about what supports work for you. If this forum isn't for you, that's okay. Everyone's journey is different.

Nothing but light and kindness to you

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

quirkywords — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 23:13:42 GMT

Jennifer,

I enjoy your questions and I too like asking questions.

I am sorry you feel lonely but I appreciate your honesty.

You have had some very helpful replies so I wont repeat them.

wonder if like me your mood affects how you feel about the forum. Is I am feeling low I know I feel a bit left out when a poster replies to other people but not me. Rationally I know it is easy to miss a post and it is nothing personal.

Some people like me feel more comfortable writing than talking so this forum suits us.

Talking to someone helps others but I can see music can be annoying.

It is good to get your honest feedback and I am glad you are part of the forum and you keep participating.

Take care

Quirky

Let's be honest: Does this forum help you or do you at times feel alienated?

Sophie_M — Wed, 25 Sep 2019 01:18:41 GMT

Hi Jennifer,

We appreciate your feedback about your experience on the forums and understand that it must be frustrating to have to wait for a response from the community. It sounds like you have made some brave efforts to reach out for support during your most vulnerable moments and we are sorry that you feel like you haven’t received the right support at these difficult times. As our community has touched on here, since the forums engage members to share their experiences related to various mental health issues, in order to ensure the safety of our members it is a moderated space and it may take time for your post to reach the community. We encourage you to continue to reach out and if you would like to talk things through further, feel free to get in touch with the modsupport team at modsupport@beyondblue.org.au. For any future insights about the forums we’d appreciate it if you can please post on our FAQ thread which can be found here:https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/the-forum-faq-thread-/page/6 . In the meantime, we will be closing off this thread. Again we thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us.