topic first post in Welcome and orientation

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Guest_9462 — Tue, 14 May 2019 12:40:23 GMT

hi folks. im Max. feeling bit out of sorts lately. cause everytime i say exactly how i feel, people cant handle it and usualy try and have me committed. so i never say how i feel... not any more... any way.. was very disappointed in. my mother wanting to be with her friends instead of me on mothers day. and for a mother who abandoned her kids many times i guess i should have expected it..

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Croix — Tue, 14 May 2019 13:12:53 GMT

Dear Max

Welcome here to the Forum, I hope you find it a friendly place where you can say how you feel. There is a lot of experience here and nobody is going to be anything except understanding.

So would you like to say how you do feel? While we would like to try to help, even if only by saying what has happened to us it does help if you said more, that way we can do more than just talk in general.

Having a mother who has abandoned her kids in the past is a horrible thing to try to deal with. Do you have any brothers and sisters? Sometimes kids can support each other in hard times. Is there anyone in your family or friends to talk with who will not panic if you are frank?

I hope to hear from you

Croix

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geoff — Tue, 14 May 2019 20:24:02 GMT

Hi Max, thanks for coming to the forums.

Your mother who has abandoned her kids is disgraceful and you deserve to be upset, I would feel exactly the same as you.

That's why she has no regard to what you want to say or how much you need her help and it's not a pleasant situation, that's why we feel your pain and we are so sorry for you.

Here is a great place to talk to so many people who have had to struggle through their own type of depression, we can feel your sorrow and want to help you, as Croix has said.

There is no disrespect on what you want to say when you talk with us, so please come back and say what you want to, we will do our very best to assist you through this as much as we can.

Take Care.

Geoff.

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Guest_9462 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 05:53:20 GMT

Hi Croix, sorry about late reply..I've been put of control lately...I have severe depression and anxiety..with my ptsd And recent cotards syndrome .yes, I convinced myself I died when I suffered two life threatening illnesses..and I had zero support..no one..

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Guest_9462 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 05:54:57 GMT

Hi Geoff, sorry for late reply..havnt bee well all..been battling my cotards syndrome alone

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Croix — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 10:43:22 GMT

Dear Max~

I am pleased to hear from you anytime, even if things are bad. I must admit I had to look up cotards syndrome, it sounded most frightening and provably disorienting to.

Having these illnesses you really do need lots of support, and it is a great shame you do not have it.

May I ask if you have a good medical team? GP, psychiatrist etc? I've found it makes an awful lot of difference to find competent people that understand and are able to deal with things.

I don't know if you are the same but I've actually found being in hospital has helped - but then again maybe I have been lucky. Do you mind if I ask if you have been hospitalized, and if so how you found it?

One of the things I became able to do sitting on the ward was read, to bury myself in different happier worlds that make me forget the real world for a little while. For me it made a huge difference.

Do you have any pastimes you can look forward to and enjoy?

Croix

Distraction and enjoyment

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Desedrata — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 12:00:43 GMT

Hello, I'm sorry your mum did not want to spend mother's day with you. Being rejected by family really sucks but in your disappointment please don't be to angry with her. Some people just aren't warm and fuzzy. Not everyone is capable of empathy.

Sometimes I feel like I am in pergatory because I attempted suicide so, I was punished to live the life I tried to leave behind. I am an athiest and know this is not so, but it niggles at me, you know, that what if?.

Anyway, I don't really know much about your ailment other then what I saw on the sitcom Scrubs and some how I don't see that being a reliable source.

I have PTSD and as a result see, hear and smell things that aren't there. For the most part I can tell the real from the unreal but sometimes I start to struggle and lose grip with reality and have to medicate myself. So, whilst we are not going through the same thing I am sure there are bits and pieces from each others experiences we can relate to. You are not alone, you are unique and amazing and we except you as you are. Welcome.

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Guest_9462 — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 07:50:37 GMT

Hi Croix....yes, I have hobbies..I write songs and play guitar..self taught...I have don't art..but it's too time consuming and expensive ...I write poetry..I wrote a short fantasy story.but destroyed it..son es one tried to copy it...no i don't want a permanent doctor..because Drs get too lazy...and no..I don't see a specialist..not any more ..

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Croix — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 11:42:23 GMT

Dear Max~

it sounds like you might have had a bad run with doctors, some indeed just go though the motions. I've been pretty lucky, my psychiatrists have kept on plugging away trying different meds and therapies until now I'm pretty good. Little in the way of side effects and the ups and downs are manageable and smaller.

It did take a while. GPs I just use for referrals and for physical matters, and even there, by and large, I've done OK.

Having an outlet such as music can make world of difference, it's probably a more positive thing than me, I just absorb what others have written. Would you like to say what sort of music you write or like?

Do you just play for yourself or in front of others at times?

Croix

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Croix — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 12:00:56 GMT

Dear Desedrata~

I'd like to talk more with you, as someone who has PTSD, reacts to smells etc and used to find waht was real was hard to make out I would like it if we could compare experiences or just chat about it -do you have your own thread?

Thanks

Croix

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Desedrata — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 15:01:33 GMT

I'm new here so, I have only replied to others so far. I'm still figuring out how to use the forum. I am happy to answer any questions you might have though.

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Guest_9462 — Wed, 09 Oct 2019 02:31:44 GMT

Hi croix, thanks again for replying..by the way, i restarted my anti depresants myself a couple of months ago..and i will ask a doctor to up the dose very soon ,as it's still not quite doing the job...and i write about lots of things..a bit of a visionary...have written for the environment..and about people..about tragic stories...and places...some about surfing , etc..my style keeps changing,as I like experimenting with music..I find my moods also take on different styles of music genre...soul,blues,folk, rock, psychedelia...but always with lyrics that push people's imagination....max

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Croix — Thu, 10 Oct 2019 08:37:14 GMT

The internet ate my reply -sigh so if the other version turns up you know why.

Dear Max~

It's impossible due to Forum rules, otherwise I'd like to hear some of you music, you must have a pretty wide range to do so many genres. I tend to go wiht Vietnam era stuff, Paint it Black, We gotta get out ... etc, though a some psychedelic: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Windmills of your Mind and so on.

You may not think that much of doctors, though finding a good one does happen, but taking about upping your ADs would be a good thing. I did not find 'more is better' and have had to switch umpteen times to get to the right one -which I have now.

If you do not think it too intrusive do you mind if I ask who it was thought you had to be hospitalized? You mentioned them in your first post.

Croix

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Guest_9462 — Thu, 10 Oct 2019 09:06:46 GMT

Hi Croix.. I'm just starting my home cooked SPAGHETTI Bolognese...yum...I might start doing open mich somewhere again..not sure...as I've been told my songs are good...I can't remember about my 1st post..but my old psych past away long ago.

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MarLou — Thu, 10 Oct 2019 10:23:26 GMT

I dont know if im on the right page. Im returning home to the Uk on holiday. Im feeling disappointed because my sister is coming to see me. She missed my birthday. Spends most of her life posting on Facebook. She avoids my calls and doesnt want to talk to me. Im teary about it. I try to be friends with but she doesnt wanto know.

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Guest_9462 — Thu, 10 Oct 2019 10:33:46 GMT

Hi MaryLou, your welcome here..don't worry ,you'll get the hang of this site...I've always wanted to go to Europe.