topic Just feeling blue in Welcome and orientation

Just feeling blue

Scott_C — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 01:25:10 GMT

Hello,

im new here. Found this on beyond blue website. I’m 41 this year and have had episodes with anxiety and depression, mostly depression most of my life. I’m feeling so down and blue over the past 2 weeks, nothing and no one can cheer me up, my research seems to point at SAD as my condition tends to get worse during the colder months. I feel so drained of energy and emotions, I don’t feel like talking to or interacting with anyone, I keep having thoughts of regretting parent hood and find myself distancing from wife and 2 boys. All I do is just work long days and come home. I’m so sick of it. I have nothing left to give anymore, all I want to do is get under the blanket and hide all the time. I feel like I’m going nuts.. can anyone relate to this?

Just feeling blue

Sophie_M — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 01:34:44 GMT

Hi Scott,

Thank you for showing such bravery in sharing this with us here today. We know it's not easy, especially when you're experiencing a period of very low mood.

We want you to know you've found a safe and non-judgmental space where users give and receive support based on their own personal experiences with mental health, many of whose will be similar to yours. We're here to provide as much peer support, advice and conversation as you need.

Please know that our support service staffed by qualified mental health professionals is also available to you anytime on 1300 22 4636 or via webchat 3pm-midnight AEST daily via https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support.

Just feeling blue

therising — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 05:07:28 GMT

Hi Scott

When every day feels like groundhog day, on top of exhaustion and depression, the question that can easily come to mind is 'What's the point?'

I'm wondering if you've ever considered walking into your home and announcing to your wife and kids 'Okay, I'm going to set you all a massive challenge. I'm going to challenge you to raise me. I want you to raise my consciousness, my hope, my expectations, my energy levels etc. Basically everyone, I challenge you to bring me to life!' Believe it or not, I actually tried this on my husband. He came home from work, asked me how I was and then I challenged him. I said something like 'Actually, I'm feeling a bit low and I need you to raise my spirits, like how I do for you when you feel this way'. He smiled and walked off leaving me thinking 'What the heck?!'

Scott, I'm a mind/body/spirit sort of gal so, in this case, I was left thinking 'Okay fella, thanks for raising my consciousness and sense of feeling truly loved. Thanks for raising my chemistry (serotonin levels for example) and thanks for really raising my spirits.'

I'm left wondering Scott, who raises you? As far as mind, body and spirit go, who raises your consciousness when it comes to how to best deal with the challenges you face on a personal level. Who helps raise the function and energy of your body, such as through getting you to consider a vitamin D supp in the less sunnier months, inspiring you to drink more water (hydro power), eat more nutritional energy based foods, releasing tension through a body or scalp massage and so on? Who raises your spirits by helping you investigate new ways to possibly come to life?

I've found it pays to identify the folk that raise us, in a number of ways. They can often become our 'go to' people, when we're low in inspiration within our challenges, when we're low in energy and mood and when we're just not naturally feeling a connection to life. I know all this probably sounds all lovely and nice and neat but it actually took me years to master not falling back into the kind of depression that took me a long time to get out of.

I figured basically we can't forever tolerate what feels intolerable and it doesn't work becoming numb to it either. Personally, I found the only positive way forward is to address what is intolerable, occasionally with some help from those who are prepared to raise us. Are you able to talk to your wife about how you're feeling and take time off work?

🙂

Just feeling blue

sisu100 — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 03:23:40 GMT

Hi Scott C,

Welcome to the forums! It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and I’m so glad that you have reached out here.

I can see that therising has offered some wise words of advice. I just wanted to say that I can empathise with your situation. While you’ve been managing both anxiety and depression throughout your life, it seems like these past two weeks have been particularly tough for you. From your post, it sounds like you’re really exhausted both physically and mentally, which is starting to change the way you do things, like isolating yourself from your family. On top of that, nothing and no-one seems to be able to cheer you up or get you out of this headspace at the moment. I imagine this must feel so defeating, and I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time.

It isn't easy to manage depression and anxiety, and I think you should be so proud for taking the step to reach out here on the forums. I really appreciate your post and I can imagine that it must have be so hard to write in times like these. Know that you don’t have to do this alone, we’re here to support you. Please feel free to let us know how we can best support you during this time. Do check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

Just feeling blue

Aphador — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 06:13:28 GMT

Hi Scott!

Welcome to the forums 🙂 Thank you for having the courage to share.

I can empathise with your situation. I had pretty bad anxiety most of my life. It is difficult, but know that- now that you have been able to identify and communicate your complications- you have started the road to healing.

Nice to meet you 🙂
Aphador 🙂

Just feeling blue

Scott_C — Mon, 03 Aug 2020 11:12:14 GMT

Hello the rising,

wow I did not really think anyone would reply and thanks for the detailed sharing. You’ve nailed a 2 things which is “what’s the point?” and yes I’ve become numb and unfeeling. I can’t feel joy, and have not in a long long while. My wife too has mental health issues so my contribution to the family is bearing this myself and not bothering her with my issues. I’m an introvert so being alone and surrounded by nature raises my sprits but my job does not end after work, coming home I start my full time job of being a father. Honestly I see no light at the end of this tunnel of endless toil. Work is not great either with constant fear looming round every corner of company downsizing and job losses. I know I should be grateful that I still have a job.

but I must say I’m very touched that you and a few others have actually replied. I will take your suggestion on the vitamin D and hydro power. Thank you and I wish you health and happiness

Just feeling blue

Scott_C — Mon, 03 Aug 2020 11:20:29 GMT

Hello Sisu100,

thank you for reply, it’s been ups and downs, mostly downs. There have been a few moments the black dog left but soon comes back. I really find no joy in being a father. To many I might sound ungrateful that I have a wife and kids but it is just how I feel.

I can’t feel joy and yes I’m very exhausted. I’m not suicidal don’t worry but I do wish I can walk away from all off this but at the same time i know I will regret it.

thank you for making the time for a complete stranger. I’m really grateful.

Just feeling blue

Scott_C — Mon, 03 Aug 2020 11:24:00 GMT

Nice to meet you too Aphador. I don’t mean this in a wrong way but it’s nice knowing someone out there knows how anxiety and depression feels like. It feels like I’m in a prison within my own head.

Just feeling blue

Sophie_M — Mon, 03 Aug 2020 12:00:15 GMT

Hi Scott,

It's good to have you back on forums. We're sorry to hear that you're struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We understand that this might leave you feeling quite depleted or exhausted. Can we ask, are there any activities that you enjoy or find relaxing, or activities that you have previously found joy in?

It might be useful to take a look at some of the Beyond Blue resources to find some inspiration:

"Personal stories" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/personal-stories
"Journey to wellness" -
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/journey-to-wellness

We recognise that you've been coping with a lot. We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14). Lifeline counsellors are also available via webchat 7pm-4am https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat

We hope that you find it helpful to reach out here to the community. Please feel free to do so whenever you feel up to it.

Just feeling blue

Aphador — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 23:01:00 GMT

No worries Scott!

Always here if you want to talk to somebody about it 🙂

Just feeling blue

sisu100 — Thu, 06 Aug 2020 04:10:12 GMT

Hi Scott,

It's so lovely to hear back from you and I'm glad to hear that you've found some comfort in reading some of the replies. Just thought I'd check in and see how you're going this week?

It's completely understandable that you're feeling so exhausted and discontented. Not only are you having to work long hours but you also have the added stress of job stability at the moment. I can relate with the uncertainty with my job with the whole covid situation right now. But unlike you, I don't have the added responsibility of being a husband and father, I'm sure that's a lot to shoulder. I don't think you're being ungrateful- I think you're just being honest with how you feel and you have every right to be feeling how you are with everything going on. I'm hearing that you don't want to bother your wife with your issues as she's also got a lot on, so please know that we're always here to be a listening ear if you need.

You mentioned that although you've been having a lot more of those down days, there were times you had some up days. How were those days like for you? What was different?

I hope you're keeping safe and well. Please do let us know how you're tracking along if you're up for it 🙂

Just feeling blue

Marinela — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 03:34:29 GMT

Hello everyone.I am new on this forum.Recently I got off my medication and its been 3 months without them,had a lots of reasons why I decide to try an alternative medicine.I have Pmdd and wanna have a baby next year.I also been feeling a bit sad for the past 3 weeks,it happens to me every winter.My vitamin D is low and I wanna sleep a lot.I try to exercise every day,do a meditation and stay busy.I do have good days,but some day I feel unsettled,empty and a bit anxious.I feel a bit isolated and lonely and I used all of my 10 sessions with my psychologist. I would like to hear your opinions and advice.I hope this the appropriate topic.Thank you!

Just feeling blue

Ggrand — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 06:21:50 GMT

Hello Marinela,

I would like to give you a warm welcome to the Beyond Blue Forums....

I’m sorry to hear that you struggle with PMDD...and low vitamin D ..

Is it possible for you to sit in a sunny spot for around 12 minutes a day,,that’s the amount of time you need dailybto boost your D vitamin?

Im wondering if you would like to start your own thread, that way you will receive more support for your struggles..

Its okay. Marinela, you’ve just landed on another thread and might not get seen properly for the support you so much deserve..

If you go to the home page, then press join discussion..you’ll see a red button that says..Forum FAQ..There are easy to follow instructions on how to start you own thread...

I will keep an eye out for you and your new thread and pop in and chat to you..more people will also pop into your thread as it will be more visible for the community members.,

Kind and caring thoughts.

Grandy..

Just feeling blue

therising — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 11:39:57 GMT

Hi Scott

Definitely challenging to face not being raised by your spouse. When a spouse (someone we like to rely on as our 'go to' person) also has mental health challenges on top of our own, it's a significant issue. You don't mention how severe your wife's challenges are so I could be way off track in suggesting the following. Have you ever contemplated a 'see-saw' kind of scenario? One person raises the other and vice versa. Let's call it 'The see-saw challenge'. Not being terribly inventive here, hey.

It becomes about paying close attention to speech and mannerisms. For example, you might come home announcing 'Gee, I'm stressed'. You rub your neck in the spot where there's tension. Your wife hears you and sees you give a tiny massage to your neck. The cue could be to give you a 10 minute massage.

Your wife says 'I just don't feel important or special anymore'. She looks sad. You hear her express her lack of value in life, as she appears down. You set up a bubble bath, some candles and her favourite chocolates on a little dish by the bath. You sit on the floor beside the bath and have a chat.

I suppose you could say the challenge is to learn to read each other. It also involves a little intuition too, regarding ideas. If you come home to a messy house and a little voice in your head says 'Don't worry, it's not important. You need to go ask your wife if she needs a bit of raising', trust that voice. It'll be hard not to dismiss it if a clean house means a lot to you. Or if you find yourself in a significant low to the point where you just want to scream and that little voice in your head says 'Tell your wife you need her to get off her butt and raise you' trust that voice. Maybe intuition is leading you to give her a purpose. Maybe she would feel more valuable as 'The woman who raises this man'.

Some folk may call me nuts but I find coming to trust that inner voice has shaped me into someone I once only dreamed of being. It's led me to tell my husband I want more excitement in the marriage, instead of just wishing for it. It's led me to question others more and doubt myself less and it's led me to become more my natural self. There's a long list.

Sounds like yours is leading you to question what's wrong, what's not working. Sounds like tolerating exhaustion and keeping things to yourself is becoming intolerable. Perfectly understandable. Maybe what comes to you is 'You deserve better than this'. So the next question may be 'What does better look like?'

🙂

Just feeling blue

Marinela — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 14:31:00 GMT

Thank you Ggrand.I decided to join a yoga class and did actually went there today.I am planning to organize a routine Mon-Fri and spending time outside in the sun its on my list.Also I applied for some voluntary work to keep me busy

Just feeling blue

CorinaM — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 15:52:53 GMT

I can totally relate to how your feeling .. single mum here .. working from home feeling distant from everyone and I just want to stay in bed most days since I have been working from home and Home schooling the children .. no energy no motivation no mojo and I feel I’ve lost my inner spark n get up n go

Just feeling blue

Scott_C — Sun, 09 Aug 2020 09:59:57 GMT

It’s rainy and gloomy today. Today is also my son’s birthday. On the outside I fake enthusiasm and joy but in my head I’m thinking this marks 9 years since my life has been turned upside down by a child. My child has ADHD, accidentally had a sugary drink earlier and is climbing the walls. shoot me.

I’ve had this strong though for a month and half already. Wished everyone in the world could suddenly forget me. Don’t get me wrong I love life and want to live but just wish everyone could leave me alone, I have nothing more of myself to give. I want to just disappear without anyone noticing or being sad. Head to a nice island with no one and fish and sail everyday.

That would be too easy would it not? well in this world I just stay, man up and hope everyday that it is enough.

tomorrow is a work day. Get up, get dressed, get going. Next day, repeat.

Don’t mind my rants please. I just need to let it out.

Just feeling blue

Scott_C — Sun, 09 Aug 2020 10:09:47 GMT

Hello CorinaM,

i happen to be in bed now at 6pm. Just worn out from the day. Kids are watching Telly. Honestly i could not be bothered what they are watching. Only know that they’re safe and I’ve for possibly 30 mins of peace before dad this And dad that.

sorry I’m not much help except to say that we’re in the same boat lol.
I too have lost myself after becoming a parent, no one told me it would be like that. I just hope that in my old age I would still have enough energy to finish all that I’ve deferred to be a parent.

when I was younger I used to wonder why old people liked to sit on a bench in a park and not do much. I found myself doing just that yesterday. Was a relief. You don’t have to do much, try to just get some mental down time.

Just feeling blue

sisu100 — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 02:41:12 GMT

Hi Scott,

Feel free to rant as much as you'd like, the forums are such a great way to release any pent up stress! Plus it seems like a lot of people are relating to your experiences and are going through something very similar.

I hope it didn't take too long to get your son settled down the other day, I can imagine the struggle!

Although it's not as good as an island, sitting at the park does sound lovely. Hope you're keeping well and are able to have some peace and quiet in between work and taking care of your kids.

Just feeling blue

Scott_C — Sun, 16 Aug 2020 11:52:26 GMT

Just wanted to let you know the hydro power tip works. I just drink lots and have had 2 days last week where I felt ok. But eventually it crept up on me again. Been living with this black dog for all my 41 years. Perfectionist Wife is going off the rails, expecting the home to look like a show house. Boys are fighting non stop. Really feel like walking away from this family sometimes.