topic Anger and Frustration in Welcome and orientation

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 04:04:14 GMT

I've suffered from depression for around 30 years. I've managed to keep it under control with medication and therapy, however since I started my volunteer position about 5 months ago I have felt so much better. I volunteered in an aged care facility. I felt I had a purpose, I was giving back to the community, it kept me occupied 3 days a week and I met some great people. I have now left the position because the family of one of the residents made a complaint about my becoming overly friendly with their loved one. A staff member also reported me for the same thing. I wasn't fired, but I was reprimanded because we are supposed to report to our superiors if and when we think a resident is becoming overly reliant on us. I didn't report it because I was his confidant, and I knew he really needed someone to talk to. Of course it was wrong of me, but the fact that I'm an empath clouded my judgement and I just wanted to help him. I made the decision to leave because I thought it was the best thing for the gentleman concerned. He still asks about me, I know he misses me and I feel guilty that I put him in this position. I miss him too. Anyway, my problem is that besides feeling depressed again, I am beginning to feel a lot of anger. I'm angry with life. I get angry and feel frustrated at things that go wrong. Even if it's just the smallest thing. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and to be honest I don't have the will or energy to organise counselling sessions. Anyone else dealing with anger as part of the depression?

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 04:31:50 GMT

Oh, and I see now I've posted in the wrong section. Couldn't figure it out?!?!?

Anger and Frustration

therising — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 06:47:48 GMT

Hi Flowerchild07

I love beautiful sensitive people like yourself. I find the down side of sensitivity can sometimes involve trying to figure out the reasons behind certain emotions. Such a challenge can go on for weeks or months until we have that 'Aha!' moment where we understand what the challenge is all about.

Empaths are naturals, of course, so the anger and frustration that can come from dealing with unnatural people or situations can be incredibly challenging. Sometimes people don't mean to behave unnaturally, it's just a matter of influenced perspective. You know how it works: You can be a naturally thoughtful deeply feeling kid who's taught to 'toughen up' and then, bamm, you've lost your natural perspective on the world. You're told the world is a hard place and if you don't toughen up, you'll never survive'. Myself, I teach my teenagers 'The world is an amazing and sometimes hard place. If you don't become more sensitive (to your surroundings) reading people and situations clearly, you'll have trouble'.

I've loved working in an aged care facility for about the past year and a half. My goal - to make as many people as possible smile. Whilst all the staff and residents are amazing, I find varying degrees of perspective. Some staff surprise me and some kind of anger me at times. For example, there's a resident I love who has dealt with depression and anxiety for many years. Recently, due to increasing health issues she had lost the will to live. Her family are truly impressive folk who visit her on a regular basis. Once they recognised her depression had got the better of her, they ramped up their visits. Her daughter even spoon fed her - that's how bad things had become. I was angered when several of the staff discussed how pathetic they thought this was. I listened instead of rising to greater anger. As I listened, I acknowledged how truly beautiful it was that that this resident's daughter had returned the gift she had been given as a child, by her mother. Whilst the daughter had once sat in a high chair being fed, the mother now sat on a high being fed in such a devoted way. The staff commented 'You watch, she'll bounce back. She just wants attention'. I thought 'Of course she does. She needs to be raised through love'. You guessed it, she did bounce back.

Many will challenge our sensitivity Flowerchild. Figuring out how to raise our self through the challenge is key.

Sensitivity is a true gift in life. Sometimes, it can feel like a curse.

🙂

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 12:13:13 GMT

Dear therising

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Knowing that people care and understand makes me feel a little better. You're right about sensitivity being like a curse. It has caused me problems many times in the past. Thanks again.

Kind regards

Flowerchild.

Anger and Frustration

smallwolf — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 12:35:51 GMT

Hi,

Just thought I would poke my nose in and say hello and tag you for later on.

Hello!

Wanted to mention there is no real wrong section to write your post. When I started here I moved between various sections of the forum and sometimes after they moved my story it was hard to find. So try not to be concerned about that.

You mentioned sensitivity... I tend to be a people pleaser. My brother is self-centered. All of these have pros and cons. While I might see certain aspects of being a people pleaser as a negative, there are also benefits in that as well.

I will come back later and write some more. For the moment, please know the people are the supportive, non-judgemental and help each other. I hope that you find this a good space in which to tell your story. I am listening.

Tim

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 22:33:52 GMT

Thanks Tim. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Anger and Frustration

smallwolf — Thu, 13 Feb 2020 12:07:51 GMT

How did you day go today?

I had a psych session today. A nearly 50 year old who sees the negative in everything and when with other people feels like a 12 year old - that is where it feels I am trapped. I will blame myself when things go wrong. I can accept mistakes by others, but not from myself. Things happened those many years ago that caught up with me? I am super self critical.

Anyway, you wanted someone to talk to... here I am!

I find that when I write things down on paper I can see myself from other perspectives and over time work my way around or through the problem. What would you like to talk about in relation to your anger, or depression or ??? I am listening.

Tim

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Thu, 13 Feb 2020 12:26:51 GMT

Hi Tim. Thanks for getting back to me. I wish you well with your psych sessions and working through your own personal struggles.

I think I'm at the point where I can't even put into words how I'm feeling. I've been on antidepressants for around 30 years now, I'm 61. I've always struggled with depression and anxiety. It gets a little better at times, when things are going okay, but it doesn't take much to tip me over the edge again when the going gets tough. Even though I'm on antidepressants I'm still feeling extremely depressed because of what happened recently.

Anger and frustration are just par for the course when I'm depressed. I know these are common symptoms. I don't even know what else to say really. I guess I'm angry because I'm unhappy. Now that I thing of it, maybe one of the reasons is because I feel my family don't understand. I've mentioned my depression to my sister a couple of times in the past week and she has just replied "hmmm"....hasn't made any effort to try and talk to me about it or anything. I know people don't understand, they rarely do. I'm not saying my family don't care....they do, they just don't know what to do to help. They're busy doing their own thing, with their families etc., and to be fair, they're not professionals, they don't know how to fix it.

I'm probably not even making sense, because I'm just confused. Just chatting with people and getting things off my chest helps. Thank you so much for caring.

I truly hope things get better for you soon too.

Kind regards

Sue

Anger and Frustration

smallwolf — Sat, 15 Feb 2020 04:23:41 GMT

I hope you don't mind my asking...

Has anyone told you or suggested to you ways of reframing your thoughts? Or identifying the triggers that make you angry or frustrated?

Or perhaps you could provide an example of something that makes you angry?

Perhap I could use an example here... a programmer is fixing a bug in a software and in doing so creates another bug as a side-effect and they tell me it is working. They should me what they have done and I notice the other problem.

Here is where I might frustrated and think/say "DID YOU NOT SEE THE ERROR YOU CREATED!" What I say would be a bit more polite, and what I think is worse.

By reframing that thought I could think "they are not as experienced as me and..." or I could say "I wish the other error had not appeared and we just have to fix this new issue before ...".

It wont be automatic initially though with practice (I have to do this also!) becomes a little easier.

Tim

PS. Thanks for your kind word also.

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Sun, 16 Feb 2020 09:23:30 GMT

Hi Tim,

Yes, I'm all about reframing my thoughts, changing my perspective etc. I'm very 'Eckhart Tolle' inspired (if you're familiar with his teachings). As well as many other schools of thought about changing one's thinking. I understand the concept perfectly. It's just that it's not an easy thing to do. It may work for a while, but I find it such hard work and extremely draining (because I'm so depressed), that I just give up.

I'm pretty sure my anger and frustration come from the fact that I have no control over my current situation....which I spoke about in my original post. I've lost a dear friend, I would go so far as to say a soul-mate because his family complained about our being "too close" and thinking it wasn't "good" for him to rely on me so much. We're not allowed to contact one another. I didn't get to say goodbye and I don't even know if his family has explained to him why I'm not there any more. I'm worried about him, I miss him. I know he misses me, because he keeps asking staff members about me and asking for my phone number. I have so much I need to say to him, so that he understands and can move on and I'm sure he has things he wants to say to me. But because of his family, our hands are tied. Neither of us is allowed to contact the other. It's the fact of having all control taken away from me in this situation. No control and no say in the matter. Even though I think I was good for him and that his family is wrong.

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Sun, 16 Feb 2020 09:51:10 GMT

Hi again Tim.

I didn't answer your question about providing an example of something that makes me angry. It can be, and usually is something very small.....like dropping something on the floor, or banging in to something and only slightly hurting myself. I feel really angry and immediately start swearing. It's the anger and frustration are bubbling away just under the surface, and the minute the slightest thing goes wrong, I lose my shit and start swearing and cursing. Anger is a common symptom of depression, so I guess it's no big surprise.

Thanks again for your advice and concern, it is truly appreciated.

Anger and Frustration

smallwolf — Mon, 17 Feb 2020 10:01:49 GMT

Sorry about the delay in responding...

firstly, while I find reframing my thoughts somewhat easy, believing in the alternative is difficult for me. And for that I have homework to do - and I have been to my psychologist for a couple of years. So I can sort of understand what you mean when you describe the difficulties you have with it.

I am unsure where the boundaries start and end in your line of work. It sounds as though the family thought you might have overstepped the boundary. While you probably did not, perceptions .....

Given that you have lived with depression for 30 years, are you able to use whatever coping tools and strategies you have picked up when you think/know you will be triggered? There there threads on the forums here on grounding you could look at also.

How was your weekend?

Tim

Anger and Frustration

Guest_4643 — Mon, 17 Feb 2020 12:16:52 GMT

Hi Flowerchild07, welcome to the forums. Love your username and awesome that you're a Blue Voices Member so congrats on that.

I'm sorry to hear about all of that, wow, sounds tough especially when you seemed to be enjoying your time there. I don't see how you were overly friendly with that person you mentioned though - as you said, you're just empathetic and that's just your caring nature? I think it's sweet that you were there for him and other residents because they needed someone to talk to, I don't see any problem with that so I'm so sorry that you've been treated like that.

I've also volunteered in aged care for 2 years when i was in high school, I enjoyed it but certain stuff made me sad and heartbroken. I often remincinse and think about the staff and patients there and that I'm thankful to have had the opportunities to do that.

I think you're a lovely, caring person and like me, you're sensitive and empathetic, and I think that's a good thing, because it means you have a good heart and there's nothing wrong with that at all. But unfortunately as I know myself, people with good hearts and empaths can get hurt easily, but I think it was brave of you to join the forums and share your story, so good on you.

I hope you're doing alright, I'm here if you need me, I'll do my best to support you. I think it was still lovely of you to volunteer either way although I'm sad for you to hear about your struggles from it, but like I said, you were courageous enough to join the forums and post, and to volunteer, so well done, those are two huge achievements.

Love and hugs, take care and be safe.

Tayla xx

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 04:24:48 GMT

Hi Tim.

I had a pretty good weekend, made sure I kept myself busy. Took my niece and nephew to the movies, did a bit of babysitting and went to see my niece's dance performance at the Yarraville Festival on Sunday.

How was your weekend?

Yes, I overstepped the boundaries by not adhering to the rules and regulations, but I don't feel it was the wrong thing to bring a bit of sunshine into the life of someone who really needed a friend who they could trust and who was there for them when they needed support.

Thanks so much for your understanding and support. I truly appreciate it. Keep me updated on how things are going for you. How have you been feeling lately?

Anger and Frustration

Flowerchild07 — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 04:46:00 GMT

Thank you for your kind words Tayla. I'm really touched by your offer to support me. I would love to keep in touch. Tell me a little bit about yourself and what's been going on with you.

Hugs

Sue xx

Anger and Frustration

Guest_4643 — Mon, 02 Mar 2020 00:48:02 GMT

Hi Flowerchild07. You're welcome for the kind words and thanks for the nice words back.

Sorry for taking so long to reply, I had a break from the forums but I'm back now.

Well I have some of my own threads around if you'd like to check them out if you're still around, up to you though. I'm 20 for one thing, and don't have much support, just my Psychiatrist but I just changed GPs.

Hugs back, and apologies for taking ages to reply xx

Tayla