topic Looking for help in Welcome and orientation

Looking for help

Jonathon_Seagull — Sat, 25 Apr 2020 23:09:42 GMT

Hello all.

I have been struggling most of my life but things are getting really tough now. I'm out of a job, have lost all interest in my previous career and have no confidence that I'll be able to survive doing anything else. That's not really the issue though, I'm fortunate enough to have some savings so I can be without a job for a while. What I need is help with long term deeper issues.

I have a number of difficulties I deal with every day.
I am strongly introverted and a bit of a recluse.
I got into a bad rut/state of mind as a teenager which left me socially isolated and I was never able to develop social skills. So I've spent the last 40 years never having what I think most people would call a close friend. Whenever I do try to build a friendship, it goes badly and I just end up hurting more and being even more reclusive. I don't try any more.

I have no family that I can talk to.
I am married to a lovely supportive person but she comes from a culture and background where talking about this stuff doesn't happen. She is the only source of support I have but I need something more.

I don't trust counsellors, psychologists and the like. Apart from having quite a few failed attempts to get some help from them, I have family who've worked in that field and I've learned that they are often in more need of help themselves.

I'm sorry, this is turning into a bit of a dump. I'm in a pretty dark place.

Looking for help

Heartcentred — Sun, 26 Apr 2020 04:19:16 GMT

Hello Jonathon,

I feel like you are a courageous person as you have openly shared your story.

The way I see it, strongly introverted people are highly empathetic and highly intuitive. They can feel exactly what the other person is feeling and can sense deceit very well. They know the intentions behind a person’s action which is why it so much easier to feel hurt. Being able to foresee a situation before it happens is a great ability. I have taken the time in myself to discover my natural abilities and have decided to alter my career. Perhaps this is the opportunity to discover and use your natural skills and abilities in a career which you will find fulfilment?

I feel like friendship is a two-way street, it takes compromise and trust to build a healthy friendship. When I have been in toxic friendships, I actively choose to remove myself because I know that it impacts my own well-being. I say “actively choose to” because I always have a choice; fear is also a choice. By removing oneself from toxic friendships and environments, you are protecting your well-being and making room for healthy nurturing friendships.

I find in every interaction or communication; a person always has a choice of how much and what they are willing to share; the power is always within yourself.

I am always open to quality friendships and it is nice to hear that you have a supportive partner. It also sounds to me like you can positively influence your relationships. 😊

Looking for help

AlwaysForgotten — Sun, 26 Apr 2020 04:26:13 GMT

Hi Jonathon,

I have to say that while reading your post I found myself saying "me too" for a lot of those things. While I wouldn't say that I am introverted (I can "pretend" to be more outgoing than I am when I need to), I have often felt like I am just "different" to everyone else. I say this as an only adopted child of much older parents (I am 48 now and both of them have passed), so most of my life has been spent "observing" how people interact with each other. I do get on well with people in general, but when it comes to actual close friends, pretty much all of my friendships have ended up blowing up at some point, so I definitely dont have anyone who you would consider a close friend.

I am also married, but my wife is going through a lot of issues of her own at the moment & we are not living together which means this isolation has had an emphasized effect on me and I cannot seem to get her to understand that having more contact with her would be appreciated (In her mind its "he will survive").

One thing that struck a chord with me was the "I don't try any more". For me it was a case of always having that feeling I would end up alone and while I made so many mistakes trying to avoid that outcome, I think I have finally accepted that is going to be the way things end up so may as well enjoy the scenery along the way.

Looking for help

CalmCat — Sun, 26 Apr 2020 05:57:14 GMT

HI Jonathon_Seagull's,

I read your post with such hope.

Firstly I want to thank you for being so brave and open with your post.

Secondly, reading your post reminded me of being out of a job 7 years ago and mental health problems that followed.

Just remember that you're taking the correct first steps, and that you're not alone.

The Beyondblue hotline and or your local GP are great places to have a chat.

Keep safe.

Regards,

Doran

Looking for help

Jonathon_Seagull — Mon, 27 Apr 2020 08:29:59 GMT

Hello. I'm afraid you've missed the mark there. I'm one of these "high IQ, low emotional IQ" types. Good with computers, crap with people. I have pretty poor intuition and usually fail to understand people or how to work with them and build friendships. I typically have so much anxiety with people now that I'll actively avoid social situations or get myself out of them as quickly as I can. To be honest, I'm generally pretty comfortable on my own and am not looking to build friendships any more but I do need to talk to someone to work through some issues and get some guidance.

Looking for help

hob2 — Sun, 05 Jul 2020 14:00:45 GMT

married to a lovely supportive person..."

concentrate on that [even if it doesnt answer all yur needs, still..]

& nothin wrong with online sociolising! is there?