topic Need assurance in Welcome and orientation

Need assurance

Rin777 — Fri, 12 Oct 2018 11:41:07 GMT

I just joined today because i thought i want to let few things out while seeking assurance about my issue.

I have a male acquaintance who has a wife and 1 year old daughter. In the beginning he was fine. He frequently sent me random articles and most of them are pretty general and harmless.

One day he sent me link about plastic surgery and said "u r single, why don't u try?" And he wanted to set me up with his friend who is also single. But this guy is not my type and definitely not a kind of guy you will introduce to your friends (I'm being very polite here). So I made a joke that I'd rather find a toyboy and work harder for my future. I blocked his fb message but still friend him on fb.

The next day he sent me a link to a make up artist with before after picture on my instagram

I reached out to my friend and she said stop being judgemental and overreacting. Hence, i unblocked his fb message. But things got worse, he sent me articles with inappropriate sexual content. I did not reply to any of these and kept a screenshot. Then i sent them to all my friends. I blocked him from fb message again.

After few weeks, he went to my whatsapp and sent me porn video. I politely said i did not appreciate his posts and told him to stop sending me things like this. He said "lol"

I have distributed the screenshots to all my friends, talked to my colleagues and boss. I also had reported this to fb, blocked him on every social media.

Everyone said i did the right thing but this one friend who i knew for 10 years refused to listen to me. She said that i should not bitch about her bff's husband and told me i am the most judgemental and overreacting person she knows. Well this guy never send her those posts and my friend has a business together with this man's wife. She only knew this couple for less than 2 years but defended them even without listening to my story. She claimed she is a neutral person. I thought being neutral means you listen to both sides of the stories.

I just feel like i don't know whether I'm judgemental or those posts are inappropriate. I want to do the right thing.

I feel helpless and annoyed because some people think those posts are funny even though i feel like I'm being bullied. I want to slap some conscience to both of him and my friend but i don't know how.

Thank you for listening though, much appreciated

Need assurance

PamelaR — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 03:06:09 GMT

Hi Rin and welcome to our community forums

It sounds like you are having a very hard time of it. Receiving posts that you find offensive - is offensive. No matter how much someone else says that it's not. That is the issue with bullying and harassment - it's how the receiver perceives the interaction, not how others perceive it or the person who is doing the harassing perceives it. From my perspective you are completely right about blocking the person and reporting it to FB. Good one you. It takes courage to do that especially when you have a friend who doesn't agree with you. They're not the one receiving it.

There is a lot information around these days about bullying and harassment. If you feel like it, do a search in the Beyond Blue website for - bullying and/or pornography to have a look at what others are saying. You can find the search field at the top of the webpage.

Alternatively you could do a google search for bullying and harassment in Australia. You can see some of the different states pieces of legislation for the workplace. Some of this gives you a good guide to how bullying and harassment are interpretted.

Good on you for reaching out here. I'm sorry that you've had to do that though. Hope this gives you some strength in your convictions.

Kind regards

PamelaR

Need assurance

baet123 — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 03:08:41 GMT

Hi Rin,

Welcome and thank you for posting and sharing your story with us. Extremely brave and courageous of you and I am sorry to hear that you have been subjected what you have been through and it is wrong for your friends to dismiss your concerns.

What the male acquaintance is doing to you is wrong. It is bullying and harassment and that is not right. I believe that it is effecting your emotional well-being and that it has to stop. It may seem drastic but I would consider telling the Police and asking them to have a word with the man who is sending you the inappropriate content. You have taken screen shots of his messages which is amazing and that is excellent that you were aware to do so but he has crossed the line a few times now and you or anyone else doesn't deserve to be continually harassed and made to felt so uncomfortable.

You are not being judgmental and your actions are absolutely reasonable. I would also consider distancing yourself from that friend who is defending him. The posts are NOT funny at all and you should escalate this matter so that it stops otherwise the offender may just continue.

You are extremely brave and resilient for putting up with this non-sense for quite a while now but I feel that it is impacting your well-being and this is when intervention (notifying relevant authorities) may be an option you should consider.

Please keep us posted.

All the best

Nick.

Need assurance

Rin777 — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 06:25:01 GMT

Thank you, Pamela. It took me few months being very confused and helpless. Only recently i feel like i have to change my situation so i no longer feel like a victim anymore 🙂

Need assurance

Rin777 — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 06:30:23 GMT

Thank you, Nick.

I don't feel safe to contact the police. Especially knowing this person has money and resources. I also feel sorry to the wife and the 1 y.o daughter. Imagining that the daughter will hear in the future about her dad's behaviour sorta breaks my heart even though i don't have a kid. Thank you for your reply, really appreciate it.

Need assurance

PamelaR — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 06:35:44 GMT

Good on you Rin. It does take courage and it seems like you have it in spades. Wonderfully inspiring you are Rin.

Need assurance

baet123 — Sun, 14 Oct 2018 01:09:13 GMT

Hi Rin,

Sorry that you don't trust the police however I still believe you should consider contacting them even if its not your local police station, but another station or another line. I know the Cyberbullying unit have great security and confidentiality so this may be an option to consider.

All the best Rin and let us know how the situation unfolds. We will be here for you!

Nick.

Need assurance

Rin777 — Sun, 14 Oct 2018 04:39:31 GMT

Thank you, Nick.

I have submitted a report to ACORN today. It might not be processed immediately and the severity of the case might be very small. But let's wait and hope.

I have also let my friends know that I have submitted a report so they are aware about what will happen to me.

to be honest, i just want him to get warned. I don't want him to go to jail or anything so he won't do this to other women.

Need assurance

baet123 — Sun, 14 Oct 2018 07:47:25 GMT

Hi Rin,

Good decision. No one should have to endure what you are going through and lets hope this puts a stop to it so that other people are not affected either. If it does continue however, please contact the police to stop/prevent it from escalated further.

You are such a kind person and have a great outlook on things.

All the best,

Nick.

Need assurance

geoff — Sun, 14 Oct 2018 16:04:30 GMT

Hello Rin, there's not much more I can say from what PamelaR and Nick have said and if you don't want to contact the police, then have a look at doing it on this site 'https://www.esafety.gov.au/'

The worry is not only with you, but his wife if she ever found out and his 1 year old daughter, as you have mentioned, because secrets like this can never be hidden and will eventually come to light.

It's not only you, he maybe doing this too but other people as well, he needs to be stopped.

I'm sure he will be warned but also fined and FB should not have allowed this to go through.

Look after yourself

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Need assurance

Rin777 — Sun, 14 Oct 2018 23:00:08 GMT

Thank you, Nick.

At the moment, I hope for the best. I am trying to have a chat with my former friend as she apologised for being overreacting when i told her the truth.

All I want is for her to tell the wife something like "your husband should be more careful, not everyone think his jokes are funny," to soften the blow.

However my friend and her husband labeled me as a judgemental and overreacting person when everything i want to do is to protect them and the wife from future consequences.

It is a bitter truth but i hope one day they will understand

Need assurance

Rin777 — Sun, 14 Oct 2018 23:05:57 GMT

Thank you, Geoff

I have submitted a report to e-safety.gov.au but i did not put the guy's detail (should have done it i guess).

I have also reported this incident to facebook and facebook let me know that this person has been warned.

I heard from my mutual friend that this man used to treat women as commodity, that is why everything i want to do is only to raise an awareness for my friend and this man's wife that he might have done this to other women. It's just none of these women ever reported to authority.

Need assurance

baet123 — Mon, 15 Oct 2018 00:05:36 GMT

Hey Rin,

That is good to hear that your friend apologised. It is always hard to apologise when we are wrong so the fact that your friend has done that is great and should provide you with some reassurance about your friendship.

Unfortunately, sometimes in life we must say things that people do not wish to hear. Life isn't easy unfortunately.

Keep us updated and have a great week.

All the best.

Nick.

Need assurance

Rin777 — Mon, 15 Oct 2018 01:40:27 GMT

Thank you, Nick

Tbh, I was a bit upset because what she apologised about is "saying those hurtful things" not about what I went through and how her friend treated me. I thought what people with common sense does is saying sorry that i went through a hard time.

To me she sounds like she only like to cover helself .

However, i will still go to see her and bring my good friend with me for moral support. I'm very afraid that i might get too overwhelming or angry when i see her.

The past few months had been uneasy, everytime i thought about my friend and this guy, i feel like throwing up.

Need assurance

baet123 — Mon, 15 Oct 2018 03:33:53 GMT

Hey Rin,

It will get better. Your rationale and outlook is exceptional considering everything you have been through.

Stay as positive as you can and keep us updated.

Have a great week Rin.

Nick.

Need assurance

Rin777 — Mon, 15 Oct 2018 04:38:01 GMT

Thank you, Nick

Have a good week!! Really appreciate your posts 😊😊