topic Hi , I’m Ray in Welcome and orientation

Hi , I’m Ray

Ray_B — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 01:16:23 GMT

Hello , this is my first time ever writing in any kind of forum sorry in advance if I don’t make much sense, I’ve found it hard to ask for help or even acknowledge I have a problem, I’ve been seeing a pchycologist for a few months but it hasn’t seemed to help me at all,maybe that is more my fault as I find it hard to express my feelings and I’m embarrassed, I can’t sleep at night all I do is worry about what is going to happen to me and in the day I feel as all I want to do is lock myself away and hide. I suffered a workplace injury and had surgery but it hasn’t seemed to fix the problem as I still am not able to do what I used to , I go to work and hide the fact I can’t cope and when I get home I try to stay away from my partner and kids to avoid them seeing how frustrated I am, I’m in a constant battle of wether they are better of with me or without me and the frustration and anxious feeling I constantly feel is eating away at me

Hi , I’m Ray

kanga_brumby — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 01:56:05 GMT

Welcome Ray some years ago I had a work place accident in which I lost the majority of the sight in one eye. It took months to get used to moving around with one eye mot functioning properly. Because of the damage to the eye it became sensitive to light, the cold, plus the slightest breeze was a new experience in pain. So When out and about I would walk around with one eye closed. Some times I would see people not far from me look in my general direction and giggle. I would think they were laughing at me. But I would away later I started wearing an eye patch the eye became a little stronger but in thirty years the sight has not returned. And wont either because of the damage. I have learnt to live with it. Sometimes I use it as a teaching aid. By showing young workers what can happen if they do not wear safety gear provided. Now I have children I have shown them as well.

Kanga

Hi , I’m Ray

White_Rose — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 02:25:23 GMT

Dear Ray

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am pleased that you managed to write in here. It is so hard for many first timers to write in. Give yourself a pat on the back. May I ask what your problem is? I gather from your post you have a big anxiety difficulty. Is this correct?

Do you have specific worries or general thoughts about what is happening? Being constantly anxious is so debilitating. Lying awake in bed is annoying. How much sleep do you think you are getting every night? Has your injury got anything to do with your anxiety? Clearly it is a factor as it would be for everyone. I wonder if this is what keeps you anxious or is there another reason.

I take it you have not discussed anything with your partner. That's a shame as I am sure she would want to help you. Has she noticed your avoiding behaviour? You may be worrying your partner and she is waiting for you to tell her.

When people feel overwhelmed by anxiety they can easily move on to thoughts such as yours. Who referred you to the psychologist? Did your GP draw up a mental health plan for you or are you seeing someone without a referral? There is a cost difference. Can you go back to your GP and ask for a referral to someone else. Getting to know a psychologist can take a few weeks but if you feel there is no progress then it's time to change. Ask your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist and please be open with her/him. Please discuss these thoughts of yours. It is important.

Would you like to talk to someone? Perhaps when you get home and feel it's all starting again you would phone the number I will give you. Look around this web site. www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au it is an excellent site and has lots of information. They have a 24/7 phone helpline staffed by knowledgable professionals. The phone number is 1300 659 467 Please don't be put off by the name. It's a good place to talk.

Have a look around this site. Lots to read and you can send for the info or download it to your computer.

Please believe no one is better off without you. I know because I have been there. I know how desperate you can feel about life and how good it would be leaving it. Someone gave this quote at a presentation. "Isn't it great to know that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet." Took me a few seconds to work that out but how true. It's the same for you. Get a referral to a psychiatrist and phone the suicide call back service when you feel bad. Please write in here again.

Mary

Hi , I’m Ray

Ray_B — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 03:05:09 GMT

Thanks Mary for your reply, I was not too bad when I first suffered the back injury as I thought after surgery all would be good, after surgery I did all the rehab and have tried so hard to get back to how I was I’ve just tried to cope with the pain at work because I’m too ashamed or don’t want to sound like a whinger but over the last 18 months I’ve become tired of pretending everything is ok I’ve lost control of what jobs I can do i feel more fulfilled when I’m doing manual labor and I struggle to interact and help with my two kids who I love so much, I feel guilty with seeing my partner having to get up at 4.30 to go to work and then having to organise the kids and look after the house we have no family support as my partners family all live in Italy, she thinks that because I haven’t been affectionate I must be cheating on her which couldn’t be further from the truth, I don’t know how to open up and tell her how scared I am of not being able to provide for my family and keeping a roof over our head so I keep working despite the pain and frustration to not worry her even more, I’m always avoiding gatherings with friends and get angry when she insists that I go, I avoid listening to any problems especially financial because it makes me even more anxious and they continually play in my head and I get the pounding feeling in my stomach and throat, I always have the thought in my head that I have no where to escape and I have always been to proud (embarrassed) to ask for help . What prompted me to seek help from here was yesterday I took my 10 yr old to the beach my partner messaged me constantly to see how I was I called her because I was getting annoyed and she started crying and said because she’s seen how depressed I’ve been particularly over last few weeks that she was worried I was going to do something to harm myself and my daughter. That hurt because I’ve never realised how much I’m affecting her and especially for her to have something like that running through her mind knowing I’d never lay a hand on my kids no matter how bad things got

I just want to say thanks again for replying it means a lot to me to know someone is listening

Hi , I’m Ray

Ray_B — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 03:11:52 GMT

Thanks Kanga , I’m hoping that I will be able to adjust as you have and to be able to feel useful again thanks again for offering me some hope

Hi , I’m Ray

Josh_K_B — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 03:14:24 GMT

Hi Ray,

Firstly I want to say thank you for your post.

I'm sorry to hear that you are currently experiencing difficulty in controlling your depression and anxiety.

For me, one of the hardest parts in feeling depressed/anxious is to reach out and seek outside help, whether that be to friends and family or an online community such as this.

But you've done that, which can be very daunting, so well done!

Feeling embarrassed in talking to anyone about your mental health is a completely natural response. I get that A LOT, and liken it to the feeling of having contagious negative thoughts that I don't want to INFECT my closest friends and family with.

From your post above, I can see that you have reservations in seeking help. Yet you have still persevered and sought professional help in a psychologist.

I completely understand the feeling you have about not seeing any progress with your psychologist.

When I first saw a psychologist in 2014, I was in the midst of a major depressive episode. As a result, I found it difficult in trying to understand what my psychologist was trying convey to me, which I now realise was the very early beginnings of my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) .

What I mean is that the advice that my psychologist gave me didn't really register until later on when I began to gain a better understanding of my mental illness and how my emotions manifest into my behaviours.

That's the thing I have found about seeking help for my mental health. You never really forget the advice that you are given and you continue to learn along the way.. it will accumulate in your memory bank and can be used when you feel your depression/anxiety surface again.

I'm sorry that you are finding it difficult to deal with you mental health around your partner and kids. I struggle as well with being open around my wife when I am depressed or hypomanic. My love for her seems to override logic sometimes, in that I am not open with her about my current mental health concerns.

I don't know your partner, but for me a lot of the anxiety I get when hiding my depressive episodes from my wife seems to disappear when I open up to her about what I am experiencing.

That is not to say that I offload everything on her, I just let her know about that I am feeling depressed/anxious and that I need some time for respite. She seems to appreciate the honesty..

I apologise for the essay Ray, thank you again for your post.

Take care and don't be too hard on yourself.

Josh 🙂

Hi , I’m Ray

Ray_B — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 03:43:32 GMT

Thanks so much Josh , it did take me a lot of time to seek help it was only when my physiotherapist intervened and sent a letter to my doctor that I opened up and acknowledged that I couldn’t do it on my own as I had been too embarrassed to bring it up I still find it hard to open up as I’m generally a quiet type of guy, it does help to know that people like yourself who have been through the same are prepared to take time out of their day to offer support. Thank you

Hi , I’m Ray

Josh_K_B — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 04:25:51 GMT

You are so very welcome Ray.

Thank YOU for having the courage to make a thread seeking help.

I have looked through several posts on the BB orientation forums and can relate to many of the issues that everyday people are experiencing on here.

It is a weird subconscious feeling, but taking the time time to read and respond feels very rewarding and can't be anything but good in helping us in deal with our demons.

If I met your physiotherapist, I would give him a big high five! His intervention was a big thing to do, but it sounds like you are very grateful that he did intervene.

It is bloody hard thing to admit you need help, I am the first one to agree about that!

That is why forums like these are fantastic for quiet/reserved people like you and I. The embarrassment for me quickly disappears once you find yourself relating to other peoples mental issues.

I'm still learning new things everyday about my mental health as I'm sure you are too!

That's why it's so nice and refreshing to be able to come here and share those experiences so we can learn together. Two or more brains will always be better than one, especially in providing perspectives other than our own!

Josh 🙂

Hi , I’m Ray

White_Rose — Tue, 30 Jan 2018 03:03:22 GMT

Hello Josh

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

Your post to Ray was great and I found myself nodding in agreement with your words. Thanks for writing in.

Please fee free to start your thread (if you haven't already done so) and talk about your experiences .

Mary

Hi , I’m Ray

Josh_K_B — Tue, 30 Jan 2018 08:21:09 GMT

White Rose said:
Hello Josh

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

Your post to Ray was great and I found myself nodding in agreement with your words. Thanks for writing in.

Please fee free to start your thread (if you haven't already done so) and talk about your experiences .

Mary

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your kind words.

I always find it comforting when people such as Ray and yourself can relate to the situations and thoughts I experience.

It reminds me that I'm not alone, but also that all my major problems are only relative to my situation.

Cheers!

Josh 🙂