topic This could be my new forever in Welcome and orientation

This could be my new forever

Consider8 — Sun, 20 Jan 2019 22:17:00 GMT

Hi there, so hard to put my thoughts together, so this a bit about me anyways.

There are questions about misdiagnosis ,I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and was unsuccessfully medicated for 12 years and have been managing another 12 years with occasional years of psychology

I'm not sure yet what I have, bipolar has been suggested but dosent quite fit either.

I'm thinking maybe cyclothmia, because I do have such a broad range of symptoms, including being fine sometimes.

Nausea, excessive hunger, exhaustion, then not needing sleep, teary sometimes, panicky sometimes, super vague and no concentration, sometimes I lose big chunks of time, others my mind buzzes, yesterday I was sad and mad all day,

The idea that this is forever freaks the living heck out of me, I am exsisting within levels of exhaustion, my symptoms are constantly changing Ii am trying to see patterns and am trying to know what I need to do, I feel so helpless,it's super distressing to know that this is going nowhere fast. This is where I exist right now, it doesn't really feel like living.

In November my husband wrote off our car, had to find another, that was interesting because my husband was made redundant in December so no income for now , alot of unknown that hasn't sorted yet, my father in law was diagnosed terminal and needs an amputation, but did a runner from the hospital instead, there's alot of pressure there (he said things like I need you I'm scared)

I also have had some ankle tendinitis problems so no exercise for me.

It felt like there was a hurricane going on around me, like I was in the eye and just a spectator.

I couldn't understand why I wasn't worried ,I knew I didn't feel how I should have felt.

Then, my sister came out of rehab, had a meltdown, had an argument with my mum and brother, broke a sliding glass door, and threw glass at them.

I cut off contact but....

She had to attend court and I could not let her stand alone, I don't think anyone should have to stand alone.

As much for my mum who could not stand beside her I went to court with her.

she was convicted ,and then I crashed spectacularly and here I am.

Trying to figure out what the hell is going on.....

And how the hell do I even start to pick myself up.

This could be my new forever

JessF — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 01:01:10 GMT

Hello Consider8, what struck me about your post was the second half of it. In the first half, there's a lot of talk of symptoms and diagnosis and worry over what label to put on what you're experiencing.

In the second half, you describe recent events in your family that sound incredibly stressful, draining and upsetting. Let's just try and list a few:

- No family income
- Father in law with terminal illness, requiring life-changing surgery and avoiding being helped
- Physical health issues for you
- Sister in violent altercations with your mother and brother and in trouble with the law

Anyone would feel exhausted, hyper-alert and emotional under this kind of pressure.

It sounds like you're in a position where you are expected to be the rock for others, and your resources are understandably strained to the limits. How might you go about drawing some lines in the sand, and carving out some self care time for yourself to recharge?

This could be my new forever

Doolhof — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 02:13:43 GMT

Hi Consider8,

Welcome to the community here. I like the response you have received from JessF. Is it possible for you to write down each of the issues you have then elaborate on each and try to work out ways of dealing with each issue. Have you heard of Cognitive Therapy?

I find that writing things down helps me. Gets a lot of thoughts and feelings out of my head.

Cyclothymia is something I have not heard of before. If you consider you may be suffering from this, can you Google the symptoms and then take the information to your Dr for a diagnosis?

Hope you find some answers and also hope you manage to find some support for yourself in all you are dealing with.

From Dools

This could be my new forever

Consider8 — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 09:37:03 GMT

Thanks dools, I appreciate the input, I spend my insomnia nights, trying to educate myself, my symptoms seem to be a mild but chronic form of bipolar, I don't seem to get quite the extremes, I go between depression on the low side and super anxious and panic attack on the up side.

I know getting any physical activity helps, routine and structure help too.

This could be my new forever

Consider8 — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 09:38:53 GMT

It is nice to be reminded I do have alot going on ,thanks for your suggestions.

This could be my new forever

Doolhof — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 23:23:24 GMT

Hi Consider8,

Thanks for the reply. Do you have ways to cope with your insomnia? I don't sleep very well and it can be some tiresome. It makes me cranky as well! Not a good way to start the day!

Hope you feel welcome here on the forum.

Cheers to you from Dools