Why love is so painful!

Etoile — Mon, 05 Nov 2018 20:07:42 GMT

Hi everyone!

I want to know why loving someone can be so painful. I lived a very traumatic childhood (constant physical, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse) and left home when I was 22 years in a hope that one fine day I will be loved. Within 3 months I got trapped into a same life from which I ran away. The patterns were the same. I loved him and let him control me in the name of love. The same way I loved my mother and let her control me. But this time I got trapped with my free will. I was love bombed on so many occasions: some occasions where i tried to leave him. A love deprived person got trapped in a prison made up of fake love.

After trying many times to leave him in last 16 years, I once again left him 2 months ago and my life is going through the same phase that I have experienced so many times before but this time I am not giving up.

My 16 years of married life has been so complicated that I do not know where to begin and may be thats why I want to escape from the memories altogether but I know body keeps score and I have started seeing my physical and mental health deteriorating.

In brief, my husband of 16 years has bipolar disorder (doesnt seek treatment), is alcoholic and abuses cannabis. But he thinks its me who is abnormal and has some mental issues. May be he is right! How can I have lived with such a man for 16 years? Sometimes when nobody judges me, i judge myself! He has abused me in all possible ways from physical, verbal, psychological, financial and on few odd occasions sexual. But he made me think that everything that he did to me was my fault as I provoked him, something I always heard from my mother. I always believed in what my mother said and was a product of low self esteem and didn’t feel different when my ex husband said the same or treated me the same. I kept excusing his behaviour either based on his condition, or my visa status, my children, my financial dependence or that as I married him so till death do us apart, in sickness and health. we all are product of our experiences!

I have no family support and couldn’t make friends as my ex husband always either criticised me for keeping friends and sharing my pain or stopped me from meeting them. But my children have given me strength once again to fight back. I know I have long road to recovery but I am not scared anymore!!

Thank you for listening!

Why love is so painful!

quirkywords — Mon, 05 Nov 2018 21:39:50 GMT

Etoile,

What a moving and brave post you have written.

Welcome to the forum . This place is caring, friendly and nonjudgmental.

i am so sorry that you have you have endured so so much abuse first with your mother and then with your husband.

I can understand how confused you must be when you thought you were escaping from one prison only to find another.

it must be difficult for you when someone. Is always saying it is your fault and and wants to control your life so you have no friends.

i am please your children are supportive and am wondering if you have other support. Are you seeing a counsellor . There is a supportive line 1800 respect 1800 737732 you can ring and talk to a train counsellor. They are experienced in helping people from relationships where they has been abuse.

Thanks for sharing your story. your last line will give hope to many others.

” I know I have a longe road to recovery but I am not scared anymore”.

Feel free to,post here as much as you like.

You are not alone and we are here to support you.

Quirky

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Why love is so painful!

Why love is so painful!