topic I'm so overwhelmed (first post) in Welcome and orientation

I'm so overwhelmed (first post)

Momi — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 08:34:29 GMT

Hi,

I suppose I decided to post on this forum as quite honestly, I'm not even sure what to do anymore. A month ago I was in a mental hospital (I have never been diagnosed with anything, and still haven't been) in which I was assaulted in the—intimate way, which I found to be rather ironic considering I was supposed to be getting help... And yet again, the past repeats itself. I try to do the right thing, I do what I'm told, see therapists, psychologists, whatever I'm asked... Still, nothing. I wonder why I bother. I've been having a lot of physical health problems too, I pass out about 3-5 times a week now, just last week I had to have CPR on a train as I stopped breathing, and still... Four months it's been, and only now does a doctor find a heart murmur... I wasn't been taken seriously, even after needing to be resuscitated and taken hospital (this was my 5th hospital visit in 3 months), I was sent back home.

I can't manage University around this. I can't get anything out of my head. I've had to dump one of my now 3 court cases just to get by, this one being a restraining order against my father... He terrifies me. After so many years as his plaything... This recent mess with the mental ward has just made it worse, and they aren't helping me at all now, since they know they've wronged me. -sigh- I'm just exhausted. I find it amusing that still, I'm not technically diagnosed with anything at all, mentally I mean. Yet, I think I'm on the brink of just falling apart, though I always seem to feel like that lately. I'm really not sure what to do anymore, all the doors I enter are filled with snakes.

Thank you.

I'm so overwhelmed (first post)

Peppermintbach — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 19:42:14 GMT

Hi Momi,

I would like to extend a gentle welcome to the forum if that’s okay with you. What a heart wrenching post. I must admit it left me feeling a little speechless and inadequate to reply but I figured that I would give it a go anyway...

You sound as though you’re feeling (understandably) betrayed, hurt and absolutely overwhelmed. The assault in the hospital must have really shaken you especially, as you said, that was meant to be a place of help yet that happened...

It must be so disheartening and frustrating that you have clearly been so committed to trying improve your mental health but to no avail. I must say, power to you for your effort and commitment. I feel that’s such a demonstration of your resilience and character. Good on you...

I know you’re feeling discouraged by professional help but if the current help you’re receiving isn’t really offering much, perhaps it’s time to consider a whole new mental health team? I realise it’s such a cliche and you’re clearly highly intelligent (so I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t already know) but sometimes we have to unfortunately go through multiple health professionals before we find one that we really connect with. One who “gets us” and can really facilitate our healing...sadly it means a lot of trial and error sometimes.

And of course, you’re always most welcome to use this forum space to connect, vent and talk. I feel there are many caring people on the forums here. It would be great to hear from you again (only if you want to write me).

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

I'm so overwhelmed (first post)

Peppermintbach — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 19:43:54 GMT

Hi again,

Sorry, I meant to say “write more” (not “write me.”)

- Pepper