topic Hey in Welcome and orientation

Hey

Kay91 — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 00:24:53 GMT

Hi everyone

I going through a really hard time i just leave and abusive relationship of 8yr yet even tho i left he still has controll.

I have 3 amazing kids that have been through so much and doing my best to stay strong and in control of my emotions but im struggling i have no family in this state and no real friend to turn.

I know my oldest see me breaking down. It getting to rhw point where i lock myself in the toliet jusy to cry so they dont see me, we that on good days on days where i cant control my emotions i cant stop crying and i hate it i hate feeling so broke and alone.

Hey

geoff — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 02:02:41 GMT

Hello Kay, and can I give you a warm welcome.

You have been strong to leave this abusive r/ship and I'm so sorry for what you and your kids have had to go through.

It's so hard to hide your feelings and then release them when you are in the toilet, the kids will pick up what's happening so all of you need help.

If your ex is controlling your finances then this has to be stopped, that's the only way you and the kids can free yourself from him and there are ways to do this.

I just want to reply to you as I'm about to log off, I start very early in the morning, but I do hope others will join this conversation.

I will check your post tomorrow morning, but I want all of you to take care.

Geoff.

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quirkywords — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 02:24:51 GMT

Welcome Kay,

You have been through a lot to leave an abusive relationship.

Do you have a social worker or community worker who is helping you.?

Geoff has given you a helpful reply so I won't repeat what he wrote.

You and your children need support .

You are strong and well done for reaching out here.

Quirky

Hey

Kay91 — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 06:27:21 GMT

Unfortunately no really support

My works got me someone to talk to about it but have to wait till next week for my first session. Unfortunately he controls when i can and cant work as i have no family in the state there live in wa. Only him and his mum here.

Really luck i still have my job i had to call up a number of time and say im not able to work.

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White_Rose — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 06:59:49 GMT

Dear Kay

Hello and a very warm welcome. Leaving an abusive marriage is very hard. I am impressed that you had the strength and still manage to keep your family safe.

Are you saying you can only work if your ex cares for the children? That is a bad situation to be in and you are correct, he does still have control of your life. Is there any child care available? I imagine this could be expensive but I know there is a day care program where moms look after several children other than their own. Is there one near you? They would be much cheaper than a formal child care place but still need to meet standards. Have a look at this web site. https://www.familydaycare.com.au/fdc

One of the advantages of home based child care is meeting other moms. While it may take a little time to make friends with people you may find it helpful. After all you have common interests in your children.

Great your employer has an EAP service for counselling. These counsellors can be very helpful. Next week is not too long to wait and keep going , so please hang on.

Do you have any legal advice? Is there a Legal Aid office you can access? A lawyer can tell you your rights and perhaps help to make caring for your children and working possible. It's certainly worth a try.

You may also like to go to the Kids Helpline and talk about your children. The phone number is 1800 55 1800 and is available 24/7. https://kidshelpline.com.au/ They are there for children and people who care for children. Look at their web site and have a chat. They may have some ideas on how to help you. They can certainly help out if your children are affected by the break up.

Please get back to us.

Mary

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Kay91 — Fri, 27 Apr 2018 22:36:51 GMT

I call legal aid advice it really wasnt much help.

He accusing me of sleeping with my boss because I took my children to work and ask If i could take 2 days off because far from coping.

I wish I had my family closer or friends for support but unfortunately I dont. I keep think i should move back to my home state my family all still there and have said they would be there for me and the children. All that is here is tr here dad and his mum and his mum went ur without seeing us.

I was told that I would have to pay the cost of this that legal aid doesnt help with relocation orders. I dont know what choice to make.

Last night I coped heap of abusive messages. Just dont know how to take it try not to let it get to but it's a lot hard said then done.

Money struggle and stress. I tired and far from coping with it all.

Hey

Sue62 — Sat, 28 Apr 2018 01:31:31 GMT

Hi Kay, To leave a relationship like yours shows you and everyone just how strong and capable you are. Never doubt that. Your children, once everything has settled will see that you did the best for them and yourself. Your kids will love you regardless, but remember, your kids will have their own lives (I don't know how old they are now) but in time us Mums just need to be in the background ready at anytime when they call. Mine are 35 and 29, they don't 'need' me as much these days, they have their own partners and children, but I'm always available when they do. But that means I (and you) need a different focus in life to concentrate on. Your health is the one thing in your control right now. Find a 'good' doctor, one who listens not just writes scripts. This may take some time.....Don't make the mistake of falling back into the relationship because it's the 'easy' thing to do. In the long run it wont be. Keep strong, you can do it....and you have loads of people on here to talk to at any time. x