topic New in Welcome and orientation

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Rainforest — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 01:56:36 GMT

Hello I am new & don’t really know where to start. I am not used to talking about myself. I am mature aged person & have depression that has gone undiagnosed for most of my life. I just thought it was normal ‘that’s life’, now I look back there wasn’t anything normal. I handled situations ok, but now I am not. I feel like I’m in a bucket of oil I can’t get out of. I feel useless, helpless and frustrated to say the least. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone by talking about my feelings as I know there’s people worse off than me. It’s just getting harder to cope. Thankyou for listening .

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quirkywords — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 02:33:42 GMT

Welcome Rainforest to the forum.

Thanks for taking time to write your post and share your story with us. This is a caring , supportive and nonjudgmental community.

A bucket of oil is a very graphic and apt description of the feeling of trying to get out but always slipping back.

This is the place to talk about feelings as people here can relate to what you are feeling.

Have you seen your doctor or a counsellor? You mention that your depression has gone undiagnosed for most of your life, does that mean you have been recently diagnosed.

There are many threads here and information on depression , that you may want to browse.

You are not alone, depression makes us see things differently.

Your feeling are as valid as anyone else so feel free to post here as often as you like and tell us about how you are feeling.

Thanks again and welcome.

Quirky

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Ggrand — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 04:22:50 GMT

Hello Rainforest,

I would also like to welcome you to the forums aloud with Quirky..

Im sorry your struggling with depression and have been for a long time..Your description of being in a bucket of oil, yes very hard to get out, you just keep slipping back into depression..

Rainforest, Quirky has asked if you have seen a Dr.. I feel that without the help of professionals it's really hard to fix ourselves..would this be something you would consider at all?

When your finding it hard to cope with your feeling/ thoughts, could you try and find something that you like doing, sewing, reading, games, music. by concerntrating on doing these your minds of your unhealthy thoughts..

Their are a lot of threads on the forums as Quirky has mentioned, there good information as well as discussions going on, feel free to join in the conversations if you feel to..

Your feelings are just as important as anyone else's, I'm pleased you found the forums and posted here..Please keep in touch and let us know how your doing..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

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Rainforest — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 05:44:48 GMT

Thankyou Quirky & Ggrand for your kindness. Yes I have seen a GP & many years ago put me on AD’s which increased in dosage over the years. I made bad decisions, they covered up all emotion & I lived in no mans land. A few years ago I felt I was totally broken & went & lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere, reclusive almost. I got off the AD’s, & started to focus again. I thought I could just confront my issues, I could see more clearly but have problems with the bouts of depression. I wake up everyday with negative thoughts on the past, & how I should have done this or that better. Guilt that I am not as strong as I once was, & that my children think I’m nuts. It just won’t go away. I have recently moved back to society, I do have a casual job but have to force myself to go everyday. My GP sent me to psychologist, unfortunately I did not connect with him, he seemed disinterested, & said I just needed to get a job.

I use the CALM app on my phone which is good. But still not right. Is this how it will always be? I feel I have no purpose.

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quirkywords — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 23:11:32 GMT

Rainforest,

I like your name. Thanks for replying and giving us more information that is vey helpful.

My adult children think I am nuts too. Sometimes a move away to a simpler life can help but if you are taking all your issues with you, it may not work.

Somtimes it takes a few people

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quirkywords — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 23:22:26 GMT

Rainforest,

Sorry , my chubby fingers pressed something and post sent too early.!!

I was trying to say that you may need to see a few psychologists or counsellors till you find one you get on with. Also you may need to see someone a few times before you feel a connection.

I am glad you find the CALM app helps and that you have a casual job.

Finding a purpose is something some people seem to find easily and others find it more difficult.

By writing your post her you will be helping others who read it and can identify with yiu and realise they are not alone.

Also if you want you can browse the threads and find topics and people that you can relate to.

Feel free to post here as much as you like.

Quirky

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Rainforest — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 02:16:58 GMT

Hi Quirky

Thanks for your reply, it is better feeling that others feel these horrible feelings as well, not that I want anyone to feel them ever. It can be a lonely place, so glad I found this forum. I have read some of the posts & they have been helpful.

I am currently looking around for another psychologist. I sincerely hate being this way & keep looking for anything that will help.

Some people say “just be yourself”, well I don’t know who that is. And “stand up for yourself”, well when I do that’s not acceptable. I guess that comes from a lifetime of being what I thought others wanted.

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Ggrand — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 03:57:18 GMT

Hello Rainforest,

Im pleased that you are trying to find another psychologist I hope you can find one that you feel comfortable with..

I also use the calm app and also find insight timer a good one as well.

Finding a purpose in life, is different for each individual, and some do find it early in their lives, others find it later on.. I hope you find what your looking for..

I hope you have a good weekend..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

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me-n-u — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 05:01:40 GMT

Hi, I am new to this forum and in fact have never been on any other forum so I am completely new. I am realising just how much I have relied on my dogs and horses over the years for my emotional wellbeing. I am wondering if other people have suffered the loss of a pet and have had difficulty coming to terms with their loss.

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Ggrand — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 05:11:50 GMT

Hello me-n-u,

welcome to the forums,

Im so really sorry for your loss, words sometimes just doesn't seem enough to portray the sadness I feel for you loosing your beloved pet..Yes I have lost a pet and I felt so sad for a long time...

Me-n-u, Unfortunately you have landed onto another's support thread, it's okay, so don't worry. Staying on this thread it will be hard for people who relate to your problem to help you..I was wondering if you could go back to the home page, then click on all treads...then..on the orientation button, then click new thread..then you can start a thread of your own, to get the support that you so much need and deserve..

I will keep a look out for your thread so I can support you as well as many others.. good luck..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

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Rainforest — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 18:23:16 GMT

Well it’s 4 am and once again I wake up in despair & tears. I feel such a loser for feeling sorry for myself. I should be stronger. I hate this.

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Ggrand — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 22:22:50 GMT

Hello Rainforest,

Your not a looser at all, I live on my own and where I am is pretty much isolated. I used to wake up after only a few hours sleep in tears and anxious..

I now have my radio on all night and even though I don't watch tv sometimes I'll leave that on. When I wake there is noise around me for some reason I don't feel so alone or anxious.. then if I can't get back to sleep I'll read some here on the forums..

There are a few good threads to read here that might help you to manage your depression and anxiety until you can get an appointment with your gp...There's a thread on grounding that helps with managing your anxiety by making a little grounding box that will help ease your depression and anxiety by grounding you..lThere another thread that has a lot of coping strategies to help with depression and anxiety...thread titles..."grounding,what is it and how do we do it"..also. "Coping Strategies"..also another good thread is.."Understanding depression to beat it".

Maybe these thread might be able to help you, we also have a Sleep thread which gives tips on getting to sleep and staying asleep.

You are a strong Rainforest, you just don't know it yet. It takes strength to write in these forums and reach out..

I hope you ended up going back to sleep for a little while this morning, and I hope today will be better then yesterday..

Kind thoughts and warm hugs, 🤗,

Grandy..xx

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quirkywords — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 22:42:39 GMT

Rainforest,

I am sorry you woke in the early hours in tears and despair, I know that feeling too. I often wake and can't get back to sleep as I start overthinking about mistakes I have made.

I try to concentrate on counting and breathing and sometimes that is enough to stop the negative thoughts. Some people find mediatation tapes elf them as well, and noise like the radio.

Grandy has written a very helpful reply that may help.

I am glad you could post and explain how you felt because there would be others reading feeling the same as you. You are not alone.

I hope you managed some sleep and are feeling better today.

Keep posting and reading if you want to.

Quirky

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Rainforest — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 22:47:47 GMT

Thankyou so much Grandy you are a gem.

Somehow the feeling passed once I had written it. I did feel really strange writing it on here though, and it took some effort.

I will look at those threads you mentioned, thankyou for the information.

I sincerely hope you are going ok.

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Ggrand — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 23:04:37 GMT

Rainforest, , thank you very much for letting me know you are feeling better..🌹..I have found the same, once I write it out I feel better, I think it's like kind of like throwing them away for a while...

I hope your day is good,

Grandy..

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Rainforest — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 23:22:04 GMT

Thankyou Quirky I really am glad I’m not alone. I am reading some of Grandy suggestions now. All this information is so good.

Unfortunately I don’t manage to go back to sleep after 4, it seems to be a bit of a pattern for the last few weeks which I don’t understand. I go to sleep now ok with CALM sleep stories, but wake up too early. The sleep stories don’t put me back to sleep, yet feel too tired to do anything. The despair is exhausting. However I will continue to try to find a solution. Have to don’t we?

Thanks for the replies they mean a lot

💞

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Rainforest — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 10:00:38 GMT

Finally got to see GP she put me on Melatonin to help get slap patterns back on track, so hoping this works. Has anyone tried it?

She has also given me a new psychologist. She said that it’s not uncommon to not click with someone so it’s best to try someone else rather than keep going to someone you’re not comfortable with.

Pleased with even this small progression, & just focussing on that right now.

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Scout28 — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 10:20:50 GMT

Rainforest said:

Finally got to see GP she put me on Melatonin to help get slap patterns back on track, so hoping this works. Has anyone tried it?

She has also given me a new psychologist. She said that it’s not uncommon to not click with someone so it’s best to try someone else rather than keep going to someone you’re not comfortable with.

Pleased with even this small progression, & just focussing on that right now.

Hi there Rainforest

Just wanted to say that you are absolutely not alone. I too wake in the middle of the night and have to really force myself to sleep again or just be contented with lying there. Like Quirky I concentrate on breathing and counting as well, it helps keeps the spiralling negative thoughts at bay. I hadn't heard of the CALM app so I will be looking into that too thanks for mentioning it.

I am also about to start with a new counsellor. I moved interstate 5 years ago and have not found anyone I am really comfortable with here. I am feeling hopeful about this new counsellor and I wish you all the best with yours. Next time you wake up in the middle of the night, remind yourself there are many of us out there doing our best right alongside you.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Scout28

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Rainforest — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 20:36:38 GMT

Hi Scout28

Thankyou for your reply. I am sorry that you too have this fractured sleep pattern as well. It is horrible & the tiredness makes our thoughts go crazy. I also moved towns a few months ago which is always difficult so I know how you feel. It’s easy to feel alone in a new place. Thank goodness for this site, as I am seeing that there are many people out there that struggle yet are so willing to be helpful. It’s so good to be able to write without judgement or feeling like a burden. It’s very honest.

I hope you have a happy weekend.

I really like Calm so I hope it helps you as well.

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Doolhof — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 22:25:04 GMT

Hi Rainforest, Scout28 and Everyone,

This forum is a special place isn't it! A place where we can expr4ess how we are feeling without the fear of judgement or criticism and like mentioned, a place where people want to help and care for each other.

Regarding sleep, I have been told by a psychologist, that when you can't sleep it is best to get up and do something else like read a book, some kind of craft, do a puzzle then return to bed, try some deep breathing and hopefully you will fall back to sleep.

Sometimes this works for me, other times I am still wide awake when the sun comes up.

I told the psychologist I thought it was best to just lie in bed, that way your body was at least resting, but he didn't agree. So I am not really sure what the answer is.

Hopefully the new counsellor goes well too. We all relate differently to certain people. I also find reading self help books can be beneficial and trying to do some CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) work at home helps.

If you have issues going around in your mind when you are trying to sleep, it may be beneficial to get up, write down everything that is buzzing around, then return to bed maybe counting in 3s back from 100 to give your mind something else to think about.

Wishing you all a better night's sleep.

Cheers from Dools