topic Hi. Struggling here in Welcome and orientation

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 03:08:12 GMT

I'm 44, Divorced, Mum to one. I suffer from Anxiety, Depression (at times) and alcoholism (when not taking medication). I stopped talking med over the past few weeks and ended up on a downward spiral over Xmas that has ended a one year relationship with a great man. My anxiety is through the roof! Thanks for listening

Hi. Struggling here

Birdy77 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 03:21:38 GMT

Dear Sasha,

This time of year can be incredibly difficult, so I am really glad that you have reached out here for some support.

I am really sorry to hear about the relationship with your man ending. Do you think there could be hope for reconciliation?

I want you to know that you are not alone. Although replies here are not instant, you have come to a place filled with caring people who understand and will listen to you.

Please feel free to join in any discussions and you are welcome to write here and lay down some of your burdens and worries.

I hope you feel better for having reached out, and hopefully feel a bit less alone.

🌻birdy

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 03:24:53 GMT

I was hospitalised a few years ago (mental breakdown) after my marriage ended. I really think I should be back in there right now but unfortunately I no longer have private health so am trying very hard to deal with this at home.

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 03:29:22 GMT

Thank you for replying. I’m not suicidal, I’m just extremely sad and can’t stop crying and my anxiety is at a high.

We are still texting but I feel he’s backing out as he isn’t wanting to spend NYE with me and that disappoints and hurts me deeply.

Hi. Struggling here

Birdy77 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 04:14:43 GMT

Dear Sasha,

I'm just wondering if you stopped taking your meds with supervision from your Dr? I know it's not a good idea to do it off your own bat.

It sounds like you might need to talk to your Dr pretty quickly because you sound quite distressed, and if going off your meds has contributed this might need fixing asap.

If you need to go to hospital, you can present at emergency.

Do you have someone you can talk to or get some support right now?

You can call the helpline here any time if you need to.

You do not have to do this alone.

In the meantime, do you have some strategies that work for you to help to calm you and help you to feel more grounded that you can think of?

We can brainstorm some together if you can't think of any, ok?

🌻birdy

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 04:26:38 GMT

Hi Birdy,

thank you for your replies. No, I didn’t do it with Drs knowledge. I have been on (and off) med since I was 17, and normally can manage myself. I am back on the medication now and I text my brother and his wife a short while ago not to alarm them but just to let them know where I am sitting, mentally. I just want to stop crying.

Hi. Struggling here

Birdy77 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 04:39:05 GMT

Dear Sasha,

I am glad you have texted your brother and sister-in-law. Are they able to come and be with you if you need it?

I know what that feels like, just wanting the crying to stop ... but it sounds like those tears really need to come out right now. Sometimes just allowing it can be helpful, rather than resisting it. Tears can be a river to lift you off the rocks to someplace better in your heart.

Is your child young or grown up?

I can give you some ideas that help me to feel grounded when I feel out of control if you like. Can you think of anything that helps you?

I am sitting with you, you are not alone.

🌻birdy

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 05:11:55 GMT

Dear Birdy,

thank you. Just reading that you’re sitting here with me is very comforting.

My son is 16. He’s out for lunch with his dad (who I get on very well with) I fact I nearly called him but decided against it knowing our son was with him.

Ive taken 1/2 of a sedative that I only ever take in emergencies. My last 30 day script lasted close to 3 years. so I’m feeling a bit better.

What do you do to keep sane when overwhelmed?

Hi. Struggling here

Birdy77 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 05:41:41 GMT

Dear Sasha,

I am so pleased to hear that you get along well with your ex-husband and if you thought of ringing him he sounds as if he is supportive to you, that's really great. Good to know that your son has somewhere to go as well if you did need to go to hospital at all.

I am glad you had that medicine handy and that you took half. I hope that is helping. Sometimes just the act of taking it can help.

I am glad being here and knowing someone is here with you is a comfort as well.

Do you feel that your intense anxiety and tears are to do with the ending of your relationship or just everything spiralling down? You don't have to answer. Maybe you're not even sure. I know when I'm feeling out of control I sometimes don't totally know what it is.

Something that has helped me many times to bring myself back a little bit of calm is to stand barefoot on grass. Just the cool, solid feeling of the earth beneath me can help, and I sometimes visualise myself drawing up cool, calm energy from the earth through my feet and imagine it gently seeping into my body and mind. Laying down on the grass and breathing slowly, looking up at the sky has helped me too.

Other things that help me are getting into the garden and doing things, chopping, digging, planting, whatever. It's probably the connection to the earth again for me, I just find it calming and healing.

Going for walks, long walks.

Playing with my dogs.

Sometimes I go sit on a bench in my chook pen and watch the girls scratching around, not a care in the world. Admittedly this occasionally, when things have been really grim, has made me wish I was one of those chooks. Sad but true.

Sometimes a shower can help.

I don't know if any of these ideas might sound ok for you.

How are you feeling now Sasha?

🌻birdy

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 06:31:42 GMT

Thank you. You are so lovely and calming. I’m feeling much calmer and napping on and off. I too like gardening but not right now, no energy.

The anxiety is probably at a high due to the impending breakup but I’m not 100%. Just dreadfully lonely, bored and scared.

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me. You have helped immensely.

Have you had a nice holiday season so far?

Hi. Struggling here

Birdy77 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 07:26:58 GMT

Dear Sasha,

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling more calm, that's wonderful news.

I wonder if you feel that there may be hope to rebuild your relationship.

I am really pleased I have been able to help you feel a bit better.

Thank you, I'm having a calm few days after a bit of a stressful Christmas time fulfilling obligations that I didn't want to fulfil. Xmas day was an example of when I wished I was one of my chooks. I'm glad it's over.

I am really glad you are here and I hope we can talk more when you feel like it.

Wishing you an evening of calm Sasha.

🌻birdy

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 07:50:51 GMT

I’m pleased you got through Christmas even though it sounded like a challenging time.

I’m not sure about my relationship. I’d love for it to continue but I don’t feel he feels the same. It’s a shame, I could see a future with him and that hurts.

I have to go to work tomorrow so that will fill a few hours of Monday.

My son is now cross with me because I’m not allowing him to go to a party tomorrow night with his friends. He has started drinking this year and it terrifies me that he is drinking too much so I’ve said no to tomorrow night.

Will you celebrate NY?

Hi. Struggling here

Birdy77 — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 22:26:41 GMT

Dear Sasha,

I hope today is a better day for you. Sometimes going to work can be a blessing as it takes our minds away from our worries for a few hours and gives our hearts a bit of a break from the intensity.

I know it hurts so much if you would like the relationship to continue but he feels differently. It's a shame because you could picture a future with him. But it sounds like there is still a glimmer of hope, you never know. Either way, you will eventually be ok. Be very gentle with yourself and take much care during this tumultuous time for your heart.

I don't blame you not wanting your son to go to the party if there's drinking. I do not envy you being a parent of a teenager! What a time. I don't know if you'd want this, but maybe he could have some mates over to yours, then you can monitor the situation but he can still have some fun? I dunno.

I'm lucky all I have to think about is what dinner I will make for my partner and me and making sure we have wine and music for sitting on the deck tonight. That is how we will see in the new year. True, that's pretty much what we do every night, but oh well!

How are you feeling today?

Wishing you peace and calm.

🌻birdy

Hi. Struggling here

Sasha74 — Tue, 01 Jan 2019 00:34:07 GMT

Hi Birdy,

Monday was busy at work so the day went relatively quick despite my uncertainty of what was going on in my relationship. I finally got the answer I didn’t want but at least I now know he doesn’t wish to continue. I’m upset but it’s not life threatening.

My son was a bit cross he couldn’t go to the party but we actually had a really nice night after he accepted he wasn’t going. He is such a good boy. I am very lucky there. Normally I would have suggested a gathering of his friends at our place where I can monitor but someone else had organised a party already. Also, I was not up to supervising 15, 16 and 17 year olds on my own.

All in all we had a good night. Neither of us drank and we watched a couple of movies, he cooked steaks on bbq and we walked up the street to watch the midnight fireworks (which I always find depressing) but didn’t let him know that.

My best friend now knows I’m not well ATM so she’s on top of it too. I feel overwhelmed with love which makes me cry even more. Why do I find it so hard to tell people when I’m struggling and then am overcome with emotion when they care? Even yourself? I don’t know you at all but you telling me you were sitting there with me was SO very comforting and that too made me cry.

I hope you and your partner had a lovely night.

Hi. Struggling here

Birdy77 — Wed, 02 Jan 2019 08:48:49 GMT

Dear Sasha,

I am so glad you and your son ended up having a pretty good night, watching movies and walking up the street for the fireworks. I know what you mean about them being a bit depressing, but it does feel kind of nice walking up the road in the middle of the night, kinda festive and summery. A nice memory to have, just you and him.

I'm sorry you got the answer you didn't want to hear from your man. It will definitely hurt, and will be a process of grieving what you wanted with him. But you're right, at least now you know, and you can start that process.

Remember to be really gentle with yourself around now. Treat yourself as you would a good friend who is going through a break up.

I am also really happy to hear you have opened up to your best friend about how you are at the moment, and that you feel enveloped in love and care. That feeling of support will help so much.

I don't know what it is that makes it so hard to be open and honest when we're struggling hard, and what makes us feel overcome with emotion when we are met with gentleness and understanding. I experience it as well.

I am not 100% sure, but for me, I feel it may have something to do with self-judgement, this idea that I expect myself to be better, be feeling great, be getting on with everything like a machine. Also judging myself against others, like "what is wrong with me, so-&-so has it so much harder than I do, and they're flying". That kind of self-recrimination.

So when I'm talking to myself in such a judgmental and harsh way, I expect if I open up to someone else about how awful I'm feeling, I guess I think they will react in the same way that my inner mean-girl has been talking to me?

Something like that.

And then when i am met with care, concern and love, I think so many emotions come to the surface, probably including relief, and maybe letting go a lot of the tension and fear that was being held on to while the inner mean-girl was at me.

You might be able to relate to some of that.

Thank you, we did have a nice night on NYE, very quiet, and I was in bed by 10:30. Party animal extraordinaire.

I hope today was a good day for you. If not, hold yourself with gentleness and remember things will get easier, just not for a while yet.

🌻birdy