topic New here, hello! in Welcome and orientation

New here, hello!

Mr_Walker — Sat, 27 May 2017 09:58:03 GMT

Hi everyone, I've posted a couple of times but I thought I'd introduce myself officially! I'm 41 and have suffered from anxiety since I was a child but most extremely since my teens. I didn't realize what it was until around 8 years ago and didn't really get in control of it until after four years of medication, CBT and some EMDR.

I had around a year with ZERO anxiety, then some very stressful life experiences brought it back a little - nowhere near as bad as it was before but it still comes and goes. Most recently I've had some extremely stressful events happen (outside of my control) and my anxiety has taken another step for the worse - and also I've started to get depressed every now and then which is (I think) a fairly new thing for me - I've learnt a lot about my anxiety and how to deal with it but I don't really know how to deal with the depression... Going back to the psychologist next month.

I don't really have anyone in real life to talk about these things so it's great to find this supportive community!

Thanks, J.

New here, hello!

blondguy — Sat, 27 May 2017 11:16:26 GMT

Hi Mr Walker

A big welcome to you and thanks for posting too!

You have helped some people already with some great help as well...Nice1

Thanks for the nice compliment re the Beyond Blue Community

I wish I was 41 again....oh well...I am 57 and understand where you are coming from with the anxiety followed by depression...It just keeps going sometimes.

You are a smart and proactive guy to have had the anxiety treated (despite it poking its head back up temporarily)

Ive been on meds (and working in corporate) on and off from 1983 to 1996 and was still in denial thinking I could self heal. Since 1996 I have been on a small dosage of an AD every day and still have an anti anxiety (benzo) when I need one to keep the anxiety at bay.

I was reading the posts you have made and you do have a good understanding of mental health Mr Walker

Depression has different levels of intensity as you would know. Mine was chronic in '96 thus my GP kicking me to get on them.....(Thank goodness) I used to sit outside on the stairs and everything was 'dark' and had zero motivation for anything. (After being in the Family Court for 5 years on and off...ugh!)

If you scroll down the page under 'The Facts' you will see the Anxiety & Depression Checklist which can be a help

If the depression is effecting your quality of life on a day to day basis then there may cause for concern

I am happy that you are on the forums Mr Walker. I posted about my background for your info and so you know who you are talking to 🙂

You are not alone here.....The forums are a judgement free zone. You will never be judged here. Its a very friendly and safe place for you to post

Great to have you here Mr Walker

my kind thoughts

Paul

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Mr_Walker — Sat, 27 May 2017 13:04:41 GMT

Hi Paul, thank you for the welcome! I'll definitely talk to my psychologist about the depression. I feel like I've got a reasonable handle on the anxiety over the years but I've never dealt with depression before.

I went through a long Family Court drama as well! I think part of my problem is, over the years I've accepted a certain amount of anxiety and depression as being "normal" or expected, considering the circumstances. So it took me a long time to realise I needed help.

I had an violent and scary dad, distant mum, bad marriage, a violent home-invasion, custody battle, lost my job due to anxiety, self medicated with alcohol (involving losing my license and crashing the car) - I couldn't go out, answer the phone, eat, sleep, concentrate on anything, missed appointments, (repeatedly got cut off from Centerlink for missing appointments) and then finally got help!

Most recently my daughter has been struggling with HER mental health and we've become quite estranged and early this year my grandchild was placed in our care so these events have brought the anxiety back a bit and brought on the depression.

Thankfully on my WORST days it's not half as bad as it was years ago - and I can still enjoy most of aspects of life. I just struggle to stay happy some days and I'm not answering the phone at the moment! (another aspect of my anxiety I haven't mastered yet is I find it very hard to say "no" and have consequently ended up very much in debt due to charities ringing up! And of course the debt is another source of stress!)

I've really felt the need to talk to someone about all these things lately but it took me a long time to make the appointment with the psychologist! It's only a few weeks away but I've found just communicating here has been helpful to sort through things... Many thanks again, J.

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geoff — Sat, 27 May 2017 19:27:53 GMT

hello Mr Walker, great reply by Paul.
If you are able to control your anxiety then the second phase can begin, the onslaught of depression just waiting in the background will then take over, however there will be days when anxiety is more of the problem than depression, while other days it's the reverse.
If you are able to control either of these doesn't mean that you should let up and believe they won't return, because there's every chance they could, so medication should continue and when you need to, you have to contact your therapist again.
Understanding any trigger points is most important, places where you might go that will bring on your anxiety/depression should not forgotten, because if you enter back into them, then it will bring on either of these straight away and take you back to square one, and nobody would ever want that to happen.
Please never forget that either of these two illness's can strike you from another angle, one that you may not have encountered before, and which you don't know how to cope with them, it could involve another part of your new life.
Great to have you back with us. Geoff.

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Mr_Walker — Sun, 28 May 2017 02:41:49 GMT

Thanks Geoff, yes I'm starting to realize the depression was always there underneath the anxiety. I'll just have to learn how to deal with that now. I had a year (about 4 years ago) where I thought I was "cured" of anxiety! But of course it came back at various times since then and I've got used to the idea that it's something to manage and work at, rather than something that will just disappear one day!

New here, hello!

blondguy — Mon, 29 May 2017 20:56:11 GMT

Hey J

We really have a lot in common...I see that your dad also was violent and scary....Ive given that one a lot of thought.

It can be a huge catalyst for future mental health problems. Our self worth/esteem and general confidence levels can be drastically impacted by a controlling dad.

My daughter is also struggling with her mental health issues in her mid twenties which hurts me to the core.

Really good of you to mention that being on the forums has been a help with sorting things through 🙂

I hope your day is good to you

My Best

Paul

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Mr_Walker — Tue, 30 May 2017 12:13:41 GMT

Thanks Paul, yes I've realized all my and my siblings mental health problems began with my dad's anger issues and violence - I realize now he was dealing with his own issues back then but they were of a generation that doesn't believe in mental health!

And yes it's so hard watching your adult children struggle isn't it? - you can't drag them to the doctors or force them to talk to you - very helpless feeling.

Best wishes to you and your daughter,

New here, hello!

blondguy — Tue, 30 May 2017 15:23:12 GMT

Thanks J

I hear you. It feels like we are Tom Hanks on Castaway.....as in helpless. You are so right on that generation not believing or even acknowledging mental health. Unfortunately they were a generation that firmly believed in 'control' not nurturing.

I feel your pain more than you know J. You have been through a lot and I wish there was a way to get my daughter to see even a GP/Counselor to 'vent' to.

My daughter is in her mid 20's and is struggling. There is nothing I can do unless she lets me help her help herself. Its painful to watch our loved one struggle J.

Thankyou for your heartfelt wishes for my daughter. If I can also wish your daughter the best too J.

Thanks for being on the forums J.

I hope you have some peace soon

Paul

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Mr_Walker — Wed, 31 May 2017 14:29:08 GMT

Thanks so much Paul, the only good thing about my daughter's situation at the moment is, by having her son taken from her care, she's really been forced to take her mental health REALLY seriously - in order to get him back. She seems to be doing well but it's so hard to tell and she's had VERY many steps forward and back before...

In the meantime we have a baby we weren't planning on having! But hopefully she stays on the right track this time...

Thanks again, J.

New here, hello!

blondguy — Wed, 31 May 2017 23:22:42 GMT

Hey J

I like what you said about your daughter having to take her mental health seriously as a result of her son being taken from her....unpleasant...yes but will help her health not hinder.

All we can do is be there I suppose J.

Good on you too for being a great dad 🙂

Have a good one J

My Best

Paul

New here, hello!

Mr_Walker — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 02:11:10 GMT

I guess this is a question for the moderators and champions? But I didn't know where to put it so I'll comment here - my anxiety has gone up a little bit so I'm pretty sure I'm worrying about nothing - but I'm a bit anxious today that I've been posting too much! (28 posts in 3-4 days...) That people will think "oh no, not him again!" Also whether I'm "over-sharing" - i.e. was my PTSD post "too much information"...?

I think these will seem like silly questions when my anxiety goes down again, but there it is...

In my "defense" though, I have found it really helpful to talk through things (usually I talk more with my wife but our lives are very full and exhausting with the baby at the moment - we both get tired and cranky) - and, as I've never joined any forums before there's an element of euphoria of being able to talk - so I'm maybe overdoing it...

It's also a long term symptom of my anxiety to apologize all the time which is what I'm doing here! Thanks everyone, J.

New here, hello!

Sophie_M — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 04:18:44 GMT

Hi Mr Walker, thanks for your post. It's great that you've been finding the forums helpful!

It's also quite common to feel anxious on the forums, a lot of members tell us this and it comes through in our research. It's understandable that feelings about being judged by others in daily life won't vanish overnight when you start posting here, but we try to make this as supportive an environment as possible to help keep those nerves down.

We move all posts discussing aspects of trauma to the PTSD section if they haven't been posted there already, and sometimes we add a trigger warning to the title if we feel the title doesn't give an adequate idea of what the reader might encounter if they click inside. We do sometimes edit posts in this area too if they go into too much explicit detail - it's a fine line in working out how much detail is needed to allow readers to understand your story, without unwittingly triggering traumatic experiences for others.

If you do find your posts get edited at any point, we will let you know in an email. Please don't see this as a personal 'black mark' against you, or a judgment, it's just our team keeping the wider wellbeing of the community here in mind.

In terms of how much is too much when posting, the engagement here varies from person to person. We don't set limits for how many times a person can post, but we do have forced character limits on individual posts, to keep the threads conversational. We discourage people from "flooding" the forum by starting up multiple threads at the same time on similar topics, but joining in others' conversations and providing support and wisdom is what the forums are all about.

Hope this answers your questions, and I hope you continue to find posting here helpful in working through things.

New here, hello!

Guest_128 — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 04:57:05 GMT

Hey Mr Walker,

Just saying hi,and I am very proud you have come on board.😎

Thanks also Sophie,that was a great post to read,(easy and made sense.

Later

New here, hello!

Mr_Walker — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 04:59:30 GMT

Thanks Sophie_M that all makes sense! I've just been having a bit of a meltdown today. Talked to someone on the phone, feeling much better. Thanks!

New here, hello!

blondguy — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 14:57:06 GMT

Hi J

That was a great post from Sophie (Community Moderator...BB Forums)

In a nutshell..I am a volunteer here on the forums. I joined here in January 2016 after being made redundant. I never really knew how many people were in such pain & anguish until I became used to the forums and what direction they were aimed at.

I had many people help me back then and we are more than happy to be here (when we are online) for you 🙂

A manager of the forums once wrote 'the forums are a judgement free zone'. You will never be judged here J

This is your thread and you are more than welcome to post to us here.....even just for a chat

Im sorry to hear about your crappy day yesterday though J.

Good idea using the voice on voice to have a good vent J.

I understand that the forums are not a 'immediate chat forum' but we do our best. If you want to talk about your bad day yesterday the forums are a safe and secure place for you to talk about it 🙂

My kind thoughts for you, your daughter and your grandson too!

Paul

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geoff — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 17:39:18 GMT

hi J, I absolutely agree with what has been said, there is no limit on how many times you post a comment or reply to your existing comment because you're only talking about what is concerning yourself, that's the best part that this site allows you to do. Geoff.

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Guest_829 — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 17:52:13 GMT

good to read your post.im 45 and like you i never had an anxiety problem.i've been studying counselling for the past few years and maybe two years ago at a weekend seminar out of nowhere i was a nervous wreck,couldnt drink enough water,couldnt put a sentence together,couldnt keep still,and i was having this overwhelming panic and one of the ladies there told me i was having an anxiety attack.ididnt believe her because this happens to other people,and if i could have one i would've had one by now,surely.

turns out i was,brought on my incredible stress-i was about to counsel someone for the first time and be watched over by the whole class and an instructor..since then i've mentioned this to co-workers and discovered a few of them have anxiety problems triggered by various things,all differant,sometimes for a short time,sometimes for so long its like a hell for them.its been an eye opener.i've also learnt i've had PTSD all my life but didnt know it had a name.the things you learn.it helps me to get in touch and talk about this stuff with other people because i felt gutted and lost for a long time.i know now im not the only one.

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Mr_Walker — Fri, 02 Jun 2017 01:17:21 GMT

Thanks so much Paul and Geoff and everyone - thanks for the welcome 9 names later.

And mykl yes it can seem like it comes from nowhere can't it? In my case, youthful energy and the business of life carried me through to my 30s before the symptoms became unbearable! It felt like it came from nowhere but I was just ignoring it until then...

New here, hello!

Mr_Walker — Fri, 02 Jun 2017 01:43:10 GMT

Talking through the issues on the phone yesterday I realized what the problem was - since the start of the year we've been foster caring for my grandson full-time and the sudden change of lifestyle has interrupted all the habits I had got into to deal with my anxiety.

Before he came along I used to take time out to meditate, work on my hobbies etc. Also my wife and I had more time to talk and maintain OUR relationship - the last 6 months have been all about HIM!

So basically I haven't been doing anything to take care of myself in that time.

We also have money problems and our second car passed away last week! So lot's of stresses.

My wife works full-time and needs the car but I needed the other car for childcare, shopping, access visits, picking up the other kids from school etc.. Fortunately we have a borrowed car at the moment.

Anyway because of the stress my wife and I had an argument (pretty rare for us) on Wednesday night.

So Thursday I was feeling like ALL THAT was too much and I really needed someone to talk to! My family don't help AT ALL and my wife's parents passed away and other relatives are interstate - so we really VERY much on each other.

Anyway - thanks everyone for the opportunity to get that out! My wife and I not only made up last night but had a big talk that dealt with some long-term issues so we made a big step forward which was great.

We only argued because we're both so stressed and we're the only people we have to vent to!

New here, hello!

Mr_Walker — Fri, 02 Jun 2017 01:55:01 GMT

Also with the baby stuff I sometimes forget/don't have time to have breakfast and I've always taken my medication with my breakfast - so if I skip breakfast I end up skipping my antidepressants too..

Plus of course being home alone with a baby 24/7 can be quite isolating too as lot's of parents know! This baby just arrived with no warning at all! No 9 months of getting used to the idea! We had literally 1 hour's notice!

I love him dearly and don't resent him at all - it's just stressful!

Thanks, J.