topic New after circling for some time now....! in Welcome and orientation

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 20:56:18 GMT

....and decided it's time to land!

Hello BB, I'm new to the forum. In fact, new to any forum, this is a big deal for me to join up, let alone post but I now know I'm not alone here after reading the many posts, and replies and I finally feel safe. It's okay to be here in this place, with understanding people. Thank you everyone.

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, and suffered periods of depression around some negative and major life events, resulting in PTSD also. Unfortunately, my constant worry and perfectionism as a child was put down to my personality becsuse I'm a Gemini! Hmmmm!? Not that I knew what that was or supposedly meant at 4 yoa but it must be right if Mother said so?! I'm better at managing my conditions (now that I know the true meaning as to my behaviours) than I ever have but it takes work, and sometimes more work than I'd like to give it but I'm worth it. We're all worth it. In my earlier days, denial and running away from myself (hard to do I know) seemed the easier option. Exhausting! I got tired of running about 10 years ago! I'm 47 yoa now, and do what's needed to keep me balanced, for my sake but also those around me. I feel like a bit of fine tuning is required at this time hence my visit to BB and I'm so pleased I have. 😊

New after circling for some time now....!

Kazzl — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 21:15:25 GMT

I'm so pleased you have too Petra! Welcome! Yes, it's a bit scary posting for the first time. Sometimes it's even scary just putting what we feel and experience in words - makes it more real somehow. But you are absolutely right, this is a safe, supportive place. Each of us is different, with different experiences, but in many ways we're all the same, like you.

I'm really glad to read that you're managing your conditions well and, yes, it is exhausting. We all need a bit of fine tuning (love that description) from time to time and often those who truly understand from experience are best placed to help with that. As you have probably seen, there are many others here who have experienced anxiety and PTSD and depression.

I hope you'll post again and tell us a bit more about yourself (only what you want to of course). How are you feeling today?

Lovely to meet you

Kaz

New after circling for some time now....!

blondguy — Thu, 16 Jun 2016 08:16:42 GMT

Hi Petra

A very warm welcome and its always really nice to have a new person post. I felt hesitant and strange when I first joined as well especially when talking about our own health issues. Thankyou so much for your kind words about the forums too. The mean a great deal to us.

You are pro-active where self healing is concerned and good on you! It can be very taxing but in the long haul its a great benefit to our health for sure. I have had depression and anxiety for years and I can relate to where you are coming from Petra.

Well done for having the strength to post. Look forward to seeing you around:-)

My Kind Thoughts

Paul

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Thu, 16 Jun 2016 22:37:59 GMT

Hi Kaz and Paul

Thank you so very much for the warm welcome. Brought a smile to my face seeing your posts were for me, up until now having only read your posts to others. Really appreciate the contact and support.

I'm feeling quite good at the moment, ta. However, I know when it's time to fine-tune and pull out the mental health tool box.....when I begin waking up at 2 am in the morning with heart pounding, sweat pouring, body blazing, and the lounge room carpet showing wear and tear from constant pacing back and forth while praying to the Universe to protect me (from what I don't clearly know at the time) and finally falling to the floor with exhaustion, where my logical brain slowly starts to kick in with my old faithful CBT mantra "keep it real"!

Hmmmm?! A visit to the GP for meds is in order, a few visits to a psych and polish up on my conditions. Hence my visit to BB, new to me. Read what BB has to say in it's website for an update on my conditions and what's new in coping mechanisms. I soon discovered it was more than an informative read. A place I can read others' stories and share my own, a safe place to mingle with people who share similar conditions to me. When I've been in bad places (mentally) I've always felt alone, and I do my absolute best to hide how I'm feeling to others which doesn't give me an opportunity to 'talk it out'. I'm good at hiding and riding it out and then coming out to play when the sun is shining.

I plan to stick around a while in BB land. Maybe even share a story or two. See if I can be of some help to others also.

Thanks again.

Pet. 😊

New after circling for some time now....!

blondguy — Thu, 16 Jun 2016 23:43:52 GMT

Hi Petra

I think you will be a great help to others on the forums Pet 🙂

I hear you on waking up at silly o'clock with the bad feelings. Having an oversensitized system will make these annoying wake ups happen unfortunately. When my anxiety was chronic I used to wake up several times a night in a cold sweat...ugh!

I was a dill though, I thought I could 'soldier on' which was denial at its finest. I wasted over 10 years of my life thinking positive thoughts but in the end my crackerjack GP checked my symptoms and then put me on AD's. Having the meds (which arent a total fix) let me use the CBT and coping techniques with greater success. They provided me with a platform on which I could heal and find some peace:-)

Just a couple of little tips that may help if thats okay, 1/mobile phone screens, PC's, laptops etc can over stimulate our thought processes if used before bed..when I can I wont use them for at least 30-60 minutes before sleep. Just helps slow down the mind..a lot. The other one that helped was ditching coffee...

Happy Friday to you Petra

Paulx

New after circling for some time now....!

geoff — Thu, 16 Jun 2016 23:59:02 GMT

dear Petra, it is lovely for you join the forum, where Kazz and Paul have opened their arms for you already and given you also a lovely greeting.
Horocopes aren't my idea of reading what's going to happen, but there's no trouble in reading them and brlieving what they have to say.
I do have a mate who believes in them and have a cousin who reads Tarot cards, so what I'm trying to say is there are so many different people on this site and that makes it so interesting.
Can I continue with your post later on as I would love to continue with you as well as the others. Geoff. x

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Fri, 17 Jun 2016 00:06:51 GMT

RIP coffee!? 😳 Thanks for the tips Paul. I do have a few cups a day, and usually read the news on my phone before bedtime which can be like reading horror stories. Scary! More tips for my MH tool box. Priceless help already. You're a champ.

Pet.😊

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Petra — Fri, 17 Jun 2016 00:20:18 GMT

Hi Geoff

thank you for replying. Like you, I have family and some friends who believe in esoteric matters. I'm happy to converse with you and others in the forum.

Pet. 😀

New after circling for some time now....!

Guest_5218 — Mon, 20 Jun 2016 00:05:21 GMT

Hi Petra. I recently met you in the BB Cafe, but wanted to extend a more formal welcome to you through your own thread.

What a lovely positive introductory post you have given us. And lucky us for having you on board here and for you being willing to correspond with others who can benefit from your experience and positive attitude.

You and I have a few things in common - I also suffer from anxiety and PTSD (for the past 20 yrs), I too am a Gemini and can be somewhat of a perfectionist. I'm a little older than you though - I recently turned 57. (-:

It seems that you have your conditions generally well managed now, only needing the occasional tune-up as you say. I gather from your post that you must have had CBT at some point? I was wondering if you had any other therapy. I only sought treatment for my ptsd last year and since then I have had CBT and Exposure Therapy. This helped somewhat, but was still getting nightmares, flashbacks, pounding heart, etc; as you described. I think the 20 year anniversary of my trauma was a major trigger this year. So my psych has me doing EMDR therapy currently, and I am in the midst of that. It's a little different, but is helping, I think.

Living with a mental illness can be very isolating, and I find that to be the case also. So these forums have been very beneficial to me personally. I hope that the wonderful support and understanding offered by other members here will help you also. And that will then allow you to help others in the process.

I am wondering - are you currently on any medication? You mentioned a possible review there. I have recently commenced meds which have been found to be helpful for ptsd-related nightmares and sleep disturbances. They do seem to be helping me somewhat, and I wondered if you have been on anything similar. They also reduce the amount of adrenalin produced by the body, so they help with anxiety and fast beating heart (tachycardia). Although I am not keen to depend on meds for any length of time, just at the moment I feel I need the extra support. Hopefully once my current therapy concludes, I will see enough improvement to go off them.

Its lovely to have you amongst us Petra, and I look forward to seeing you around some of the other threads.

Sherie xx

New after circling for some time now....!

blondguy — Mon, 20 Jun 2016 08:21:27 GMT

Hey Petra

Thankyou for the nice compliment and your help with my other thread too:-) I hope your sleep is reasonably okay

Please be gentle to yourselfx

Paul .....Carpricorn..:-)

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Mon, 20 Jun 2016 20:55:24 GMT

Hi Sherie

thanky you for seeking me out on my intro thread. I've much to say to you, and will write soon. I have to get ready for that silly thing I do (there are many) .....oh yeah, that work thing! They like me there on time! Spoil sports. 😁

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Tue, 21 Jun 2016 20:38:38 GMT

Hello Sherie

Thank you again. Yes I too think we have similarities. I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. Here goes....I haven't been on meds for 20 years. The CBT I underwent in the past is due to the fabulous GP I had at the time (long time retired). I did see a psych on his suggestion but stopped. I wasn't comfortable sharing after she 'cringed'. This reinforced my original belief that talking about these events I find embarrassing, shameful, sickening, horrific, disgusting etc etc etc are best left 'in the can' rather than shared with someone I know nothing about, and don't trust. My GP counselled me best he could but I didn't share the horror stories with him either, just the symptoms. Meds, his counselling, CBT, yoga, and self-help books was my choice of therapy. Why don't I like talking about the events that have me feeling so wrong? I believe I'll invite 'bad luck' ...will be sucked back in the vacuum to those points in time and I'd rather be here, in the now. Made a major shift in my life 12 years ago, and between then and now, thrashed my toolbox, read and re-read my favourite CBT guide (I now have it as an iBook - love this technology) and doing reasonably well. Recently added BB which I believe to be safe. Unfortunately, my current GP reminds me of Doogie Howser. He's okay with colds and scratches but I'm not confident sharing things outside of these. I have a referral to see a psych. I cancelled the appointment after learning she was younger than me as that immediately said 'not as much life experience' and not 'cringe-story' worthy. There are some 8 psychs in this clinic apparently. I will eventually sift my way through the list which will no doubt annoy the receptionist! I know I need to make the appointment and stick to it. Current symptoms are the catalyst for sourcing a bit more extra help to assist with the fine-tuning! Think I've gone on a bit! Sorry moderators!!💤

New after circling for some time now....!

Guest_5218 — Wed, 22 Jun 2016 03:15:43 GMT

Hi Petra. Thanks for your very informative post this morning.

It sounds like you have been fortunate in your GP back at the time of your initial trauma/s. Thats very important, and it certainly sounds like he was a huge help to you at the time. From what you've said, you were on meds at some point. But not having been on them for 20 years now, is a good sign that you have been handling things pretty well with CBT, yoga and other self help methods, to date.

I understand your reluctance to talk to anybody about your own personal trauma/s. I never told anybody what happened to me for 19 years, and I never reported it to the police nor sought medical assistance.

And it probably would have stayed that way. However, I had been seeing a psychologist for about 3 years off and on for pain management issues (I have a long term injury which happened 17 yrs ago) so I had developed a good understanding and trust of her in that time.

And then a little over a year ago she got me at a particularly vulnerable time, when my defences were very low, and a little of what happened came out as a result of her strategic questioning. As a result of that disclosure, we have gone on to have the therapies as I described before. It was soooo hard, and things got a lot worse before they started to improve, especially with the Exposure therapy.

But the CBT has definitely been of benefit, as it makes you see things differently, to accept things in a more realistic light. Many of the negative feelings are challenged - all those that you spoke of - shame, horror, guilt, the what if's. Unfortunately some of the negative feelings do still gnaw at you, but I know now they are wrong.

I understand your reasoning behind never talking about past horrors. It does make it seem more real. But I do think that, for me at least, being able to finally face the reality of what happened has enabled me to accept it and try to move on. I have still only ever told my psych any of the details of that night, nobody else knows. My GP has only recently been advised very generally of the cause of my ptsd through a regular report from my psych. I had previously told her that I did not want him to know. I must say however that things are so much easier now that he is aware.

It is very important that you find a psych you are comfortable with and have faith in. Keep looking until you find the right one. Then keep your appointments. (-:

Your story is very inspiring Petra, so thanks.

Sherie xx

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 21:42:49 GMT

Thank you Sherie.

You are right. I know it too. Talking about the unspeakable may just be the thing I need to do to get me over this bump in the road before it turns in to a mountain!

I'm working on it.

Again, thank you for responding. You shared a great deal.

I powered down a little as I felt I had said too much in my last post. I work hard on keeping balanced and I'm annoyed at myself for being 'wobbly' at the moment.

I'll make the appointment.....and see it through.

Appreciate your words of encouragement and support.

Pet. 😊

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 18:52:00 GMT

Hi Sherie,

I made an appointment! The receptionist suggested I make two! I think they're on to me!!!!!! All good!

Pet 😊

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blondguy — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 18:57:59 GMT

Hey Pet

Nice1 getting the double appt. You legend!

Paul x

Have a great day Pet....lol..they are on to you 🙂

New after circling for some time now....!

Guest_5218 — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 21:56:23 GMT

Great news Pet. Proud of you. Hopefully it will be the start of further improvement for you. That 'tune-up' you felt you need right now. (-:

Cheers,

Sherie xx

New after circling for some time now....!

Gruffudd — Thu, 30 Jun 2016 11:36:05 GMT

Yōkoso

I am most happy you chose to join us here Pet. I look forward to seeing you on many a forum.

Rob.

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Thu, 30 Jun 2016 21:01:00 GMT

Omedetō gozaimasu Rob San, thank you so very much for visiting me. I'm so very pleased you did. Very kind. You're a sweetie.

I'm not Japanese but have studied the language and culture for some decades now. The catalyst to do so, when I started hosting Japanese students as part of my children's school's programme, I'm a proud host mummy to a some adorable Japanese (young adults now)! I have visited Japan a handful of times. It's a special place for me. Studying the language and cultural was a welcome redirection! Filling my head with all things that come with learning a foreign language left little room for negative thinking and destructive, negative self talk!

I've been meaning to chat with you re your thread on heterosexual privilidge (I'm having trouble finding it again, can you tell me where it is please). Still new at navigating around BB. Thank you for bringing these points to my attention. I thought we as a society had moved on considerably. I work for an institution where acceptance is a given. Have been there for nearly 30 years! Not so outside of my work walls it appears. I'm a little too naive. There's still a ways to go for me and others. 😕

Now, about your prop hike pics! I enjoyed your rodeo chook. Clever photography. Maybe I can photo shop myself on my favourite chook Cocoa (hand raised). Aptly named because I looooooove chocolate and I looooooove her, and she's the colour of chocolate (you guessed that already right)? I really like your new pic also (desert boots)? Purple is my favourite colour followed by pink!

Anyhow my tomodachi. Thank you for again for visiting me. Next time I'll make you green tea, together with a Japanese sweet to offset any bitterness. A match made in heaven! xx

Ja Ne!

Pet 😊

New after circling for some time now....!

Petra — Thu, 30 Jun 2016 21:04:17 GMT

Gomen Rob. Predictive text has won again! ....now for your post pics....😁