topic Newbie - Lost and Wondering in Welcome and orientation

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 13:05:39 GMT

I'm a Forum First Timer looking for Answers to Many Questions, Most of which just seem Impossible to be Answered.

Most of my life I'm just a Stuff-Up to My Family, Friends, Anyone I have Met; I've just Pushed them Away. So far away that I don't Communicate with anyone anymore. I've sought Professional help when I've been at my lowest so many times I've lost count, I've just can't keep up anymore. I've resorted to many levels including drugs, alcohol, violence when I've felt there was no other way than walking or running away to try and forget my past, but it just keeps bighting me back. I've done Rehab to fix those I could but there was Always A Single Card Shown to me, That My Problem was with me, inside me, and so was the Answers, Being That I have Emotional Problems more than anything. Not many people know how to help me with these because it was always hard to find someone who was Qualified enough to Help.

I've also had to resort to living on the streets at my lowest, and on top of this along, Medical Problems, both Physically and Mentally. Some of the Physical setbacks are treated by Meds, and some are Incurable, but it's My Mental Health I see that taking a flogging, which in turn affects my weight gain, lack of confidence and even though GP's, Psych's, and Specialists can only do so much, I feel I've already run out of options, but one thing I've never let go is my ability to keep searching. Who knows, I may never find the answers, but I'd like to know I've come here to share My Ventures. I Hope You don't Mind?

Living on the Public System is Not a Benefit, It's a Nightmare, as well as Lack of Public Health Disappearing too, that has made it so much harder. I think I did have a life once but I was drowned out by the Extreme Lack of Support from my Family since Childhood and Medical Help. I want to share more and hopefully, maybe in time here, I can? I putting myself out into this Internet World for everyone to see. Thank You!

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

blondguy — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 13:35:45 GMT

Hi Hard Liner

Welcome to you!

You have a huge amount of strength to reach out like you have..You have been through the crapper and then some

There are many kind people on the forums that can be here for you.....no worries. I have had acute anxiety from 1983 and then depression from 1996......(whose counting?) Using a AD every day for over 20 years and a anti-anxiety med prior to sleep...also for 20 years....

You are so very welcome to share your ventures here. I'm Paul and just one of the volunteers on the forums. Really nice to meet a special person like yourself.

I know you have been told the 'answer' is inside you. That can be cold comfort when you are striving to heal

you are not alone here Hard Liner in any shape or form....

it would be great to hear back from you 🙂

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 16:11:27 GMT

Hi Paul and Thanks for replying. I'm Mark

My main Symptoms I'm aware of:

Bulging Discs in my lower spine, causing chronic pain and not sure what other effects it has. Known since 1999
Epilepsy & Seizures, They've been known since 1980, and the last bout had approx. 10-25 in 3 weeks January last Year, taking my memory away which I've slowly built up again with meds and over time. They're extremely difficult for Medicals to anything with because they're not sure where they come from. I've heard about the Miracle Cure Cannabis Oil has for this but it's still Illegal in parts of Australia 😞
I take Meds for Anxiety and Depression but they only do so much. Most meds I have taken don't do much or are addictive, which the GP has a Problem with.
I'm overweight too which has been a progressive slide, I think mainly due to the Depression. I used to be an activity maniac (Nice) and always watched what I ate and exercised regularly.

I'm half way through my life now and I feel like I can't find anything else to do because I cannot Physically walk properly which mentally gets me down, and turning 50 next year, well I know it's only a number but geez, I sure do feel it and older at times.

Communicating with my GP, Specialists, and even the local hospital is an extremely hard thing to do ever since public health care got cut along with the services too, and being on the Disability Pension doesn't allow me to cover all these costs, so now, most of the medical profession I seek attention off treat me like a No-Body, (This is Extremely Upsetting!).

I've turned to a lot of Online Sites like BB to get help, even chat online, but they can only give so much advice, mostly like visit my GP. So you see, I feel like I'm going around in circles 😞

I try not blaming people like the Australian Government and the Australian Medical Association over the Privatisation of Health Funds but there's a lot of people out there that Can't Afford It 😞

Any type of Relationships for me have failed, exactly why, I don't know why? Be it Family, Friends, or any other types it just too hard to cope with. I lock myself inside my place trying to find peace, knowing I should be getting out and about (Psych's and Counsellors Advice), but Fear seems to be my biggest issue. This is part of why I'm here. Maybe I can link up with other Forums from here? Time will tell?

Mark

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

blondguy — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 16:33:28 GMT

Hi Mark, thanks for posting back...its always nice to get a response

Just so I can digest your whole post properly......there are 2 points that may help now...(re anxiety & depression)...please bear with me if you can. I have had acute anxiety from '83 and then depression from '96...till present..

weekly counseling is gift against anxiety/and/ or depression....(i used a free community health worker)
the meds are there to provide a platform on which we can build our recovery.....I have been on low level AD's and a anti-anxiety every night for over 20 years....combined with all the coping mechanisms...the meds as you know are not a total fix.

You are not alone here Mark. Nice to meet you too, there are many kind and non judgemental people on the forums that can be here for you.

If we can get back to you that would be great.....You are not alone where relationships are concerned....they can be difficult and sometimes a stressor to a tired mind...I hear you loud and clear there Mark....as I have a tired mind

my kind thoughts for you Mark

Paul

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

geoff — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 20:52:32 GMT

hi Mark, I am very concerned from what you have said as it's been such a long journey for you, but not with much satisfaction so this then causes many problems for you, feeling as though no one really can help you.
It's great that you have come to the site.
I have grand mal epilepsy and know what the effects it has on me after an attack, not knowing where I am, not knowing what year it is and not even knowing who is Prime Minister, so the after effects are horrendous, plus it makes me incredibly tired and have to learn once again all my facilities, which confuses other people who don't know what a seizure actually means.
I have been well medicated for this, however the dosage is way beyond what the normal level should be, in fact three times the normal level which does make me tired but that's much better than having a seizure, so I put up with it, it has changed my social life, to the extent where I go to bed early and get up early, and this also suits my OCD.
Your spine has to be in pain all of the time, but you need money for this to be corrected, so it's always catch-22, because you have to wait in the public health system then who knows when it can be corrected.
Continuous pain relief injections tend to wear off after a period of time so their affect is not as good to when they first started.
No medication will help you if are suffering from all of these, in other words they don't connect in sync, where your pain relief for your back could be working so then your medication for depression/anxiety will start to work only until the pain disappears which makes the other medication seem worthless.
You have to realise that putting on weight is a secondary factor here, because these other illness's take far more priority, although I would expect your doctors would have told you to lose weight which will help your back, but that is only meaningless to you.
I have just touched on these issues but would really like to continue this chat with you. Geoff.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Kazzl — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 21:02:07 GMT

Hi Mark, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you've reached out to us and like Geoff, I'm concerned for you as you seem to have tried many options and the system's not working for you.

May I ask whether in your dealings with doctors and the hospital etc anyone has suggested having a support worker? There are a number of not-for-profit organisations that can provide these, not just the public health system. I expect you've been down that route, but if not maybe give it some thought.

Another thought mate - you could call our helpline on 1300 22 4636. It's staffed by professionals who know the various services better than we do. They might be able to help point you in a new direction to get the help you need.

And of course, keep posting here. Sometimes just the company of fellow travellers can make a difference and you are among friends here.

Very best wishes to you Mark.

Kaz

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 02:52:24 GMT

Hi Geoff, My effects of Epilepsy and Seizures is very similar to yours, so much so I lose my memories of events and have to relearn too. It is incredibly frustrating and feels like I've lost my life in the process. My Neurologist keeps prescribing different meds to suit both the chronic pain and epilepsy to find a balance but my body becomes immune to them in a short time. I don't have a social life and have tried many alternatives like social workers as well with Government funded organisations.
Unfortunately, my Neurologist and GP have told me for the last 4-5 years I've exhausted all avenues, and surgery is too much of a risk which could do more harm than good.
Yes. I realise my weight gain is a Major Benefactor to me suffering, and I should exercise regularly, unfortunately this fine line between pain and exercising has been broken and I'm down to dieting, even gone through a Pain Management Program with No Help.
It's not often I try to reach out to others to find answers or moreso deal with them but I am trying. Acceptance is a Major Deal in my life and one to let go of or control, either way I'm always finding a little laneway and not a highway.
Mark.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 03:12:27 GMT

Hi Kaz, thanks for welcoming me.

Yes, I've tried Not-for-Profit Organisations, I was with each for over 6 months, and some for over 2 years to get help, and even though I received lots of help and advice they were very specific on how they help different people in different situations. They have their benefits, but when I try including medical problems they tend to opt out as they are not qualified enough to advise which way I should handle my case.
The Psychologists helped to a degree from here on although I still found myself lost and wondering what to do. My GP then suggested going back to rehab but I'd noted the Emotional Values were having more Significance on Problems in Relationships and that even though these were deteriorating and support was slowly disappearing I couldn't help but wonder Why, (or so I was told to ask 'How' & 'What') and where I could find help.
Being online has helped a bit, and trying to find a suitable site is Tedious, Tiring, and even difficult at times, but the search continues.
I hope somehow I can connect with people and maybe make new friends in the future.

Thank You, Mark.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Kazzl — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 20:50:43 GMT

Hello Mark, thanks for replying mate. I'm sorry the NFPs haven't been able to help. Is it possible to try them again if some time has passed since your last experiences with them? Just a suggestion, I'm sure you've probably already explored that.

Have you had a read around the boards on this forum? There are others here with chronic pain and physical issues that contribute to their depression. Perhaps you might find some helpful posts.

I wonder too whether you have tried meditation or mindfulness? Some people find when they're out of options for external help these practices can help them help themselves. Admittedly they're not for everyone, but perhaps worth a try?

Connecting with others, as you're doing here, can also help. I have found talking to fellow travellers, offering support and friendship has helped me. This might sound a bit hippy (and I'm not a hippy, I'm a rock chick😄) but it's about being part of a healing community. We help each other and share our good times and bad.

We have a Social Zone on the forum that you might like to check out - it includes a virtual cafe and lots of threads for just chatting about everyday stuff. If you feel like it, join in. Again, the company of fellow travellers can be soothing and healing. It won't fix your problems mate, but it might help ease the isolation, help you get your mind in a better place so you are better able to help yourself.

Very best to you Mark I hope to keep chatting with you here.

Cheers

Kaz

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

geoff — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 22:35:56 GMT

hi Mark, thanks for replying back, so firstly I want to say that my first neurologist had only given me 1 tablet to take for my condition, however he was not right as it turned out to be, because that's why I had these grand mal seizures, but I have to say he was such a lovely chap who has now passed on.
Then I started seeing my psychologist who was also my GP and needed to know why I was having these seizures so I had a blood test with the results showing that I was well under what I should be taking to control them, and after awhile the balance between one tablet with another one for my epilepsy settled in between the range it should be, but it did take awhile to get this balance, so now it is controlled, but still need regular blood tests.
I wouldn't worry about your social life now, you have to get this balance in medication right even before you would even start to begin any socialising.
If this was me then I would be getting another opinion, everyone has their own ideas where some may suit you or whether they don't and remember my GP was the one that helped me the most, not a neurologist.
I don't care that the dosage is triple the normal amount because I know that's what I need to take to stabilise me.
With your blood levels they should be between a certain range, and just for example let's say 0- 60 which to many doesn't mean anything, but to your doctor it means the world becausse then he/she will know whether the dosage has to be increased or lowered.
Let me give you a rather trivial example, one person knows how to cook the perfect steak, compared to someone else who will cook it their way, completely different, so in other words you need to seek treatment from other doctors, who's decision on what to do for you is completely different, and if they are no help then try someone else, you have to do this to finally get some pleasure out of life.
If my psych/doctor didn't have the foresight to investigate why I was having grand mal seizures then I could still be having them, and as you know it's not pleasant in any stretch of imagination. Geoff.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

blondguy — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 13:47:42 GMT

Hey Mark

Excuse my temporary profile pic.....its just a Bathurst thing for this weekend...

I hope your weekend was reasonably okay to you.....Cool skull pic by the way....always great to have something individual on here for a change....Kazzl and Geoff are old 'Rockers' ....I am just stuck in the '80's....I am younger:-)

My 23 year old daughter loves thrash....even though it gives me a huge headache...lol....what do you listen to?

Paul

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 16:45:12 GMT

Hi Kaz, The NFP's said to call if ever I felt like I needed their assistance again next time, I'm just trying to look for other services meanwhile.
I do intend to get to the other boards, there's just so many. I'm sure when I get a chance I will venture a little more as time goes by.
I have tried mindfulness exercises in the past without much success, for which I'm dubious about, also Meditation and Breathing exercises I practise daily.
The Connections with others I have seen and felt here are mostly good, though I haven't seen where folks look to release, or maybe I'm on a wrong site? My understanding is that one should be able to express themselves freely, for without doing so brings more harm than good? I understand that most are bound by rules on this site, which I find difficult to adhere to, as I'm sure others do to, but there's a concept through rehab I was taught to express freely, say through meetings as such. Just my opinion.
The Social Zone Really freaks me out, I'm not one to hide my fears and talk about happy thoughts as I don't have any. I did venture into a few Groups or Sub Headings (I'm not so sure what to call them) to see what was there, but I felt my anxiety took over all of a sudden. Maybe it's something to watch, I don't know for sure?
I guess Isolation is something that has grown on me, and somehow I like it very much, but there's also the reverse that causes loneliness for which has been an enormous part of my life, so the two do work to some degree, but there's a space inside where I feel nothing, and I'm not sure what to do about it?
Thanks again Kaz,
Mark.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:10:17 GMT

Hi Geoff,
It is quite frustrating trying to find a suitable med as you have pointed out. Personally, at least for the last 13 years since my Seizures became a Real Problem, my Neuro has had me on all sorts of meds, oddly enough to find a balance within my life. I have had my Drivers License suspend so many times I stopped counting. In fact, I cant remember 😉
It's difficult knowing we have to up the dosages just to keep the seizures under control. I don't know what type of seizures I have, but I do know one thing, they caused me a lot of damage, and still do. There is a fine line to tread, accepting that I've endured this condition, which I still deny today because of no visual recorded evidence. I've even thought so far to install video cameras in my residence to see what happens, because everyone that has declared to see me having seizures has a different version of events, and it's difficult to accept.
I visit my GP and Neuro regularly. I've thought about 2nd opinions and still unsure of this as time becomes a negative to me in the process; ie testing, new meds, new specialists, etc. You're lucky to have a Psychologist and Doctor in one, I'm sure that would be comforting, I guess I would find an All-in-One 1 day, that would be good. I'd guess it could help with my Patience too.
Thanks for replying Geoff and hope to hear from you again,
Mark.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:34:24 GMT

Hi Paul,
Your Profile Pic looks like the V8's coming off Skyline down to the Dipper, or maybe from McPhillamy Park to Skyline, or maybe even to Forest Elbow. Yeah, I love the Bathurst V8's too Paul, I have since I was a kid. I'm a Holden Fan, always have been and always will be. I used to live 2 doors away from the ARDC when it was housed in Leichhardt in the 70's, always seeing Moffats car, Brocks car, the Saturday Meetings used to pack Norton Street and Surrounding Streets. Somehow, I've always had Greatness around me, and I was either too young or too blind to see it?
Personally, I'm an ACDC fan through and through. Parts of my family has either helped them, connected with them, and/or went to school with them, like Angus Young at Ashfield Boys High.
My two sons whom I don't see anymore were into hip-hop, or some other fast paced word songs that I know nothing about, they're about 25 and 23 now.
Bon and Angus and the Crew were my favourites, or good ol' Aussie Rock pub bands, like Rose Tattoo, Black Label, The Angels, some international bands but I Love and Support home grown mostly.

Mark.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

geoff — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:37:16 GMT

hi Mark, I never knew when I would have a seizure, but I know that if I drank too much alcohol then I was sure of having one, and if the electricity in your brain has hay-wire, then one seizure leads onto another, unless medication can control it.
I would feel the same if anyone told me that I had a fit, and being a rather large man there would be no way they could do anything but wait until it's over and in the meantime call for an ambulance.
I have seen someone on the street having a fit and it is very scary, plus I have watched a seizure on youtube, again it's frightening.
My doctor/psychologist has left the practice awhile ago and moved somewhere else, but I had been seeing her for about 20 years and was shocked when she told me.
Do you want to put cameras up especially people have told you that it's happened, but when it's over and then don't know where you are, or what year it is, then it's obvious you have had a seizure. Geoff.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 18:50:17 GMT

Hi Geoff, controlling the seizures I understand can be a taunting subject. I have tried staying away from it which has taken a part of me away too, as in socialising. It's not that I had much of a social life whilst drinking, it's that abuse would get in the way from my family, which unfortunately has been going on forever. I can't control them or their alcohol and they cannot control I get abused by them. I was stuck in a corner for most of my life, and if they said that I had a seizure, I found it extremely difficult to believe them, this is why I brought up the video camera to be evidence, but also to counteract any abuse that might have been taking place. I was led to believe I was having seizures, but it felt like something else had happened, it was tormentingly hard to believe.
I'm aware that I would of had a seizure by the lack of memory, and now being in my own place, there is justifying evidence through cuts and abrasions I receive from the fits. The amount of memory lose I reach varies each time, depending on what shows up around my unit, ie blood trails, broken furniture and apparatus, etc.
Also, the video cameras were for me to try and understand better what was happening during, what took place before and after. I had also thought towards the future as I'm not getting any younger what would happen when it gets worse and no one is here, this question haunts me!
I know what fits has done to people and friends, and how it's taken their lives away. I'm trying my best to understand what best to do, and also More Importantly to my family that NO abuse is taking place! I've lost my life with them because of what has happened to me, whether it be through them or from me, I want them to understand that I'm taking Responsibility's for my Actions. I'm not being belittled anymore. If only the Department of Health could Help now, maybe I could get through this better and faster?
Who knows, we cannot predict the future, but we can help to change it!
Cheers, Mark.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

geoff — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 22:44:07 GMT

hi Mark, thanks for continuing this conversation.
I know what you mean by broken furniture etc, I once woke up with my head that had fallen into the coffee table and my head was stuck in the middle of the table breaking the glass, which could have killed me, then over times the glass windows had been broken, then replaced only to wake up with another window broken, and all my family, friends could say that I was drunk and fell into them, this was when I was living byself as the wife had left me, abut we were still married, back then I didn't even think about having a seizure, until someone mention that this could be the cause as it was happening far too often, costing me lots of money and visits to have stitches wshere the doctor kept asking me if I have had a seizure, well how could I tell the doctor, because I had no idea.
It was the last fit where I had a boarder living with me who called for the ambulance, but while I was in hospital he went through all my personal files so he knew everything.
I do accept why you want to put cameras up, just as long as they aren't mishandled or deleted by your family.
You raise a very good point about what if you are alone, as my epilepsy was caused by an assault at work in the bottle shop it is a workcover claim, and they have agreed to pay for an alarm around my neck so if I have a fit the head base is notified and then they try and ring a couple of people, but if they can't get hold of any, then an ambulance is called with the police who are then able to legally break into my flat.
There is no way I could afford this myself as it costs $350 a month to monitor, but there are other alarms which you can get, and the best way is to google them, 'safety alarms around neck', or your telephone company can ring you everyday, but again that costs money and it maybe too late.
Getting The Department of Health to help is like wishing there is water on the Sahara desert. Geoff.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 01:07:55 GMT

Hi Geoff, thank you for understanding as I'm still trying to come to grips with this still myself. My family and Ex treated me the same way, blaming it all on alcoholism and drugs, both of them had travelled the same road, so it was hard for me to believe the stories which were being told. To this day, neither my family, my Ex, or myself has been able to provide substantial evidence that I've had seizures, I still question today the findings like the varieties of memory lose, which a lot Does make sense.
My last one was Nov last where I lost a significant amount of memory and came to with some scratches, I think it lasted about 2-3 days. But its the Major one that hit me Jan-Feb last year over 3 weeks, I Think about 15-25, but that's only guessing, and came too with cuts everywhere and major memory loss. Both these times I had not been drinking. I haven't touched a drop in about 4 years because the thoughts still scare me too.
I don't communicate with family anymore because of the abuse and live alone. I can't claim these seizures because of anything, although I've tried because of family abuse but the courts won't allow that! About the only thing I could do was wear an amulet stating I had Epilepsy. Wearing a monitor or having my phone company call me daily is an expensive exercise I cannot afford. I try not to look at the negative side but its more that there aren't too many positive things in todays world.
And Yes, you are right Geoff about the Department of Health 🙂 There was a time when I saw much more help from them and their services, but even getting them to believe my stories too is like waiting for a gold to drop in my hand, and then I'm sure I would gain many friends then too.
Cheers, Mark.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Kaspa — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 01:13:36 GMT

Hard Liner said:
I'm a Forum First Timer looking for Answers to Many Questions, Most of which just seem Impossible to be Answered.

I'm new on here too. I felt my issues were impossible to answer as well. Never feel like you're alone, a great deal of people with mental health issues, feel EXACTLY as you do. Coming here shows you're willing to make the changes and look within for the answers you seek.

Hard Liner said:
Not many people know how to help me with these because it was always hard to find someone who was Qualified enough to Help.

Long after I stopped using, I started working in the D&A sector, specifically pharmacotherapy treatments like methadone. I found it hard to help anyone older than me. It felt disrespectful for me to assume I could help. I learnt how wrong I was when one of my more mature clients said "Sarah, it don't matter if you're a youngin' What matters is you've been where all of us are and came out the other side willing to help'. She was right. Having what I call my "PhD in life" is why I CAN help anyone that's in a similar position. Ask if there's a Consumer Representative within your community. If there isn't one, inbox me and I'll see what I can do to help get one at your local health service. I'm proud to say I helped bring consumer representation into NSW Health's D&A sector. Mental health have had similar advocates for over 30 years! It was way overdue in this sector.

Hard Liner said: I've also had to resort to living on the streets at my lowest...

I lived rough during 15-18yrs of age. It felt like I'd never get out of it until I fell pregnant with my first baby. Obviously that can't happen with you but with the help of Beyond Blue and the skill set you possess but don't seem to realise you've ALWAYS HAD WITHIN YOU, will help you to come out the other side, better for your experiences. I personally offer you my help if you want it....just let me know... You're courage and sense of self is incredible! I find it hard to fathom that you don't feel you have what it takes to find the answers within you. If you had the right support, you will get to the point where you'll look back and think.."I can't believe I didn't se this in me earlier!" YOU CAN DO THIS. OWNING YOUR ISSUES IS THE FIRST STEP. THE REST COMES NATURALLY AS YOU LEARN TO TRUST URSELF AND GROW WITH YOUR MISTAKES BY TURNING THEM INTO LESSONS.

Newbie - Lost and Wondering

Hard Liner — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 07:02:48 GMT

Hi Sarah and Welcome,

I'm willing and able to look within myself, although the amounts of pain that arise still linger about and still cause unneeded pains. I realise from past experiences by sharing my story I may be able to lessen the burdens. As to be willing to make changes is an Awkward and Slow process for which I've been harmed from before. I've been in this position many times before, obviously feeling quite Vulnerable, and so to speak - Crows were diving from everywhere to have their picking. I was warned of this and these kind of people, however, there have been uncontrollable instances where I couldn't make decisions, and even now, I've had to resort to pushing away all the bad people and stuff to find the Good in me. I know there's some still left in me, it's just the where and the amount that counts right now. My experiences have also taught me to ask questions about the help I receive as some have wasted my time, and moreso money which I have little of, and be upfront. In most situations that arise today, getting the right help I try asking about ones qualifications and which road I may venture to, otherwise it's a waste of our time. I guard myself because of my past and look for goodness and richness!

As far as Consumer Representation, I cannot remember if I ever had one, I don't really know the answer to that question Sarah. I'm interested and would like more information about the Consumer Representation and what I Can Do, but I'm unsure how to inbox you?

As I may have said earlier, I have spent many times on the street living rough too, I've lost count the amount of times it's happened but I do remember the hard times as I'm sure we do. My mind went into Survival mode many times, I guess being a part of the Army brought that out in me. I've only shared a small part of me Sarah, hoping to start afresh. My kids grew up and went their own ways, more than likely just like I did. I've had family relationship problems I Never want to venture again, I'd like to move ahead but there's a fine line between helping and getting help.... Maybe we could talk again Soon, I'm not sure how.

Thank You for Listening and Understanding Sarah. May Peace be in Your World,
Mark.